The parking lot was still quiet, but it was no wonder because it was still very early in the morning. Only one person was present, sitting on his car, ready to drive off but he didn’t move at all. Instead, he was staring ahead to the empty parking space in front of him, the one that used to be occupied by a small, old car. Taemin’s car.

After a few moments, that person diverted his attention to the phone he had been clutching. Slowly, he opened his chat and searched for a name. One name that always sent so many feelings to him.

“I made some hangover soup. I left it in your kitchen. Be sure to eat it,” he typed and hit send.

“I’m sorry…” he typed again and stopped, not so sure of what to say. He closed his eyes and the memory from last night appeared in his mind. He sighed, rather painfully, before continued typing, “…I must leave first. I have an early meeting today.”

After sending it, his eyes went back to the empty parking space in front of him.

You don’t know when the space in front of your house will turn like this. Empty. With only you being left alone.

He blinked his tears away as typed some more.

“I’m still waiting for your promise to treat me for congratulating my promotion. I want the ramen at that corner restaurant. Text me when you’re done with your class. I’ll pick you up.”

7.40. I have extra class today.

Minho stared at the message Taemin sent earlier that day, as he lent his back on his car seat that was parked in front of Groovlin Dance School, Taemin’s workplace. He had texted back “okay” to Taemin as soon as he received Taemin’s answer. The short texts between them made Minho’s nervousness built up.

What should I say about yesterday night? Should I brought it up? Should I pretend nothing happen?

Should I confess?

Minho shook his head as the thought crept into his mind. No, he shouldn’t, should he? He had no right. If he had a little ounce of shame in him, he should let Taemin to have his happiness. To move on. To forget him. Because loving him only brought pain to Taemin, ten years ago, as well as right now.

What are you doing here, then? You should have leave him alone.

He should have. But Taemin cried, asking him not to avoid him. Then what should he do?

Liar. You’re just being selfish right now. Like what you did for a few past months. You’re afraid of losing him, but you’re too cowardice to confront your feelings.

Minho closed his eyes as he started to keep hitting his head against the steering wheel in front of him.

Right. I’m selfish. I enjoy every second I spend with him and craved for it more and more, without considering his feelings, without considering the possibilities of him falling in love with me.

Falling in love with you? He didn’t want to fall in love with you, you jerk. He mocked himself in his mind. He was so sure that Taemin would never ever harbor feelings for him again. Not after what he had done ten years ago. With that belief, he selfishly forced himself in Taemin’s life again, not realizing what he did also force his existence in Taemin’s heart again.

Genius. Then what should you do? He said he loves you. He said loving you is hurting him. He said loving you is scary for him.

His heart clenched by the thought. By Taemin’s painful sobs last night that kept swimming in his memories.

Should I leave?

It was the best option, wasn’t it? The problem was his existence, wasn’t it? Would Taemin be happier if he disappear? Would it be easier for him to move on? To love someone else, the one who wouldn’t bring tears to him, the one who would only bring warm love to his life.

Or it would be worse.

You know how it felt to be left without any warning.

A loud, impatient knock pulled Minho out of his dark ocean of thoughts that started to suffocate him. He looked up and found Taemin was knocking the window beside him with worried face. He quickly unlocked his car, and in no time, Taemin climbed in.

“What are you doing? Are you okay?” the worry in Taemin’s voice made Minho want to cry. So bad.

“I’m okay,” Minho answered, tried hard to sound normal.

“Are you sure?” Taemin still looked at him, face full of worries, unconvinced by Minho’s answer. “You’ve been hitting your head non-stop on your steering wheel. Hard. Your forehead is very red.”

“Did I?” Minho touched his forehead, slightly surprised. He didn’t realize that he had done that while thinking. Now after Taemin mentioned it, he had just felt the pain on his forehead.

“It’s gonna bruise, Min.”

“It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt much.”

“What were you thinking so hard that you didn’t realize you had been abusing your forehead like that?” Taemin asked, stopping Minho who had started to fasten his seatbelt.

“Nothing. Just…some thought.”

Taemin was silent for a while, before he shot a smile at Minho. “You’re so weird.”

“Sorry,” Minho forced a laugh.

The drive was silent, not cheerful like usual. Minho still couldn’t decide the best step he should take. The one that would bring least pain for Taemin. The one that would help Taemin to stop this hurtful love. Minho kept thinking what he should say, but it was Taemin who finally broke the silence first.

“I’m sorry for last night,” Taemin started.

The grip of Minho’s hand on his steering wheel got tighter.

“I must trouble you a lot, right? I don’t really remember. But Wonshik told me he passed me to you in front of my house. God, you even cooked hangover soup for me. Why do I always end up bothering you like this? I’m sorry.”

“You don’t…remember?” Minho asked hesitantly.

“I did something stupid, did I?” Taemin asked back in horror.

Minho didn’t answer. He lost in his thought. Taemin didn’t remember. He didn’t remember anything. He didn’t remember what he had said last night.

“Minho?” Taemin called him nervously, as if he wasn’t ready to hear whatever Minho’s response was.

“No. You fell asleep when they left. I just tucked you to bed and then left.”

Despite Minho’s answer, Taemin still looked at him with disbelief. Minho quickly gave Taemin his brightest smile to convince him.

“Really,” Minho assured Taemin even when Taemin didn’t voice his skepticism out loud. Only then, Taemin’s face slowly relaxed.

They fell into silence once again until they reached the restaurant. But as soon as Minho’s stopped his car, he turned to Taemin, made the other frowned in confusion.

“Taemin-ah,” Minho called him softly.

“Hmm?”

“Are you…”

Are you hurting right now? Or are you happy? Do you hate it more if I avoid you, or do you hate your feelings to me more? Are you happier us being like this, or are you happier me disappear from your life?

“Are you okay nowadays? We haven’t met for the past week.”

“Not really.”

“Can I know why?” Minho nervously asked. If he said it was because of him…

I would leave. Even if it would left my heart bleeding. As long as you are happy.

The long silence killed Minho inside. He honestly dreaded the words he would hear next. He held his breath when Taemin started to spoke.

“I kind of feeling lonely.”

Minho felt his eyes watered.

“How about now?”

“Now…I think I am fine now.”

He was glad Taemin was looking ahead, so he didn’t see a tear escape from his eyes.

It had been weeks since the drunk incident happened and Taemin didn’t change a bit. He was still a ball of sunshine with bit of shyness here and there. It made Minho felt a little relief, but the heavy feelings were still there. He knew Taemin always hid his pain well, so everytime he met Taemin, he kept wondering if Taemin was really happy or he was actually very hurting inside. It earned him confuse and worried look from Taemin, because the latter noticed how Minho stared at him longer, deeper, with a glint of sadness in his eyes. Despite that, Minho decided that he would always be there for Taemin, to support him, to take care of him, until Taemin told him to leave.

Just like today, when he found out Taemin would stay late at the venue where his dance school’s showcase would be held tomorrow, Minho offered to pick him up. So here he was, waiting Taemin in front of the venue after texting him that he had arrived. But 15 minutes passed and he still got no reply from Taemin, made him grow worried. He decided to look for Taemin inside. After asking here and there, he finally found the hall of the showcase.

Looking around, Minho was a little confused because turned out, he entered from the backstage. He managed to find his way towards the stage. He smiled in relief when he found a man he was looking for on the stage. He was about to call him, but immediately cancel his intention when he realized Taemin was closing his eyes, humming into the familiar melody he always heard ten years ago. The song Taemin loved when he danced.

When Taemin started to move, still closing his eyes, Minho held his breath. The realization how he missed seeing Taemin’s dance so much hit him hard. It was beautiful. It was always beautiful for him. Taemin danced so gracefully, moving his hands and limbs in the most elegant way. He turned and turned, to fall only after the fourth one.

“Min, do you hear me?”

Taemin’s tug on his sleeve pulled Minho back from thought of the scene he witnessed before. He had managed to hide himself when Taemin got up so the latter didn’t realize his presence, because he knew Taemin didn’t want anyone to see him like that. Hopeless and shattered.

“Sorry, I was spacing out.”

“You’re very weird these days, Min. Are you sure you’re okay?” Taemin finally voiced out his worries, walking backwards to keep looking at Minho as they walked towards their units.

“I’m okay, Tae. Really. Just have a lot going on my mind,” Minho said as he grabbed Taemin’s shoulders to turn him around. “You’re going to get hurt if you keep walking like that.”

Taemin smiled at him sheepishly, before excitedly asking, “So, can you come tomorrow?”

.

Taemin smiled fell when he saw Minho’s expression changed.

“I forgot to tell you. My boss just told me this afternoon that I should go to Busan to cover the national swimming competition news. At the time I arrive at Seoul, I think the showcase has ended.”

“So you can’t come?”

“I’m sorry, Tae. I know I promised you. I wasn’t supposed to have work on Sunday, but because one of my staffs got injured…”

“Ah, right. You’re short one person right now. It’s okay. I understand,” Taemin was quick to flash him smile.

Minho’s eyes bored to Taemin’s back who was fumbling entering his passcode. Maybe the stare was so strong that Taemin halted his movement and turned around, welcomed by Minho’s intense gaze on him.

“Min, why—“

Minho didn’t give Taemin a chance to finish his words, as he engulfed Taemin’s small frame into his embrace.

“Minho?” Taemin asked, surprised by Minho’s action.

“Why?” Minho’s voice cracked. “Why do you always say it’s okay when it’s actually not okay?”

Ten years ago, too, when we broke up. That day, too, when you told me you retired. Today, too, when I broke my promise to you.

“Hmm? What do you mean? Minho?”

Are you home?

Minho refreshed his chat again and again after sending the message to Taemin. The showcase had ended and Taemin said they had celebration dinner. So, Minho waited till around 11 p.m. to text Taemin, hoping he had gone home. Luckily, it didn’t take long for Taemin to text him back.

I am. Just finish washing up. You?

Excitedly, Minho quickly send his answer.

Yes. I am on the rooftop. Can you come?

Minho paced back and forth, impatiently waiting for Taemin’s answer. His phone pinged and he opened it in a flash.

Okay. Why though? You’re really weird these days.

Minho could picture Taemin’s frown and pout due to his confusion. It painted a small smile on his face as he texted back.

You'll know when you come.

After that, Minho busily moved around to check everything was ready. He tried the speaker, made sure he had the right song, before tidied up the white cloth that hang prettily. He took a deep breath, feeling slightly nervous as he kept looking towards the door. When it slowly opened, he spread his arms and shouted, “Tada!”

Taemin’s eyes widened by the sight unfolded before him. A small stage, decorated prettily by white cloth and a bunch of small lights was stood on the corner of the rooftop. Minho was standing in front of it, wearing the brightest smile on his face.

“This…” Taemin was speechless and didn’t know what to say. He let Minho led him to the front of the stage.

“A stage for you. A showcase only for the most beautiful ballerina I have ever known.”

“Why?”

“Because, you missed it. Dancing.”

“But,” Taemin swallowed the lump in his throat, “I can’t dance like I used to.”

Taking Taemin’s small hands in his, Minho softly said, “It doesn’t matter. Because it is always breathtakingly beautiful. Because, no one will love dancing more than you, and it is enough. That’s why, whatever, however you dance, it will always be beautiful.”

Taemin teared up by Minho’s words. Minho’s hands quickly moved to cup Taemin’s face, his thumb wiped Taemin’s tears gently. Taemin threw himself into Minho’s arms, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you,” his voice was muffled as he buried his face on Minho’s shoulder.

“Anything for you, Tae.”

They stayed like that for awhile, before they eventually broke their hug. Minho urged Taemin to the stage, and played Taemin’s favorite song, the same one Taemin hummed yesterday. Taemin smile despite his still teary eyes. He started dancing, and once again, Minho’s breath was taken away. Taemin might stumbled a little when he kept turning, his feet might move not like he wanted to, but in Minho’s eyes, it was still the most beautiful dance he had ever seen.

Taemin finished his dance with his signature pose, arms spreading on both of his side, as if he was an angel spreading his wings. His sincere smile brought Minho’s one. Minho clapped earnestly, made Taemin chuckled. Taemin ran towards Minho and grabbed his hand. Minho looked at him confusedly as he dragged Minho to the stage.

“Let’s dance together,” Taemin said.

“Hmm? I can’t dance.”

“I’ll guide you.”

By Taemin’s lead, Minho’s arms found their way around Taemin’s waist, while Taemin wrapped his own around Minho’s neck. They swayed slowly, sometimes giggling, like teenagers.

“This song…” Taemin started. “Isn’t this supposed to be the song of our prom back then?”

“Yes. We missed it, though,” Minho recalled.

“Because someone foolishly played soccer in the rain the day before and caught a cold on the day of the prom,” Taemin said teasingly.

Minho laughed softly. “I’m sorry I made us miss the prom.”

“Well, it’s okay because we do it right now ten years later.”

They kept dancing like that, enjoying the slow music and each other’s warmth. Minho’s heart swell as he saw that Taemin seemed to love this so much. Taemin hummed before slowly singing along.

I don’t wanna miss it

I don’t wanna look back someday and find

Everything that really mattered

Was right in front of me this whole time

Open up my eyes, Lord

Keep me in the moment just like this

Before the beautiful things we love

Become the beautiful things we miss

When Taemin looked up at him, with the breathtaking smile and flushed cheeks, Minho’s heart stopped. He didn’t think, he couldn’t think. He was overwhelmed by the feelings. And in a split of second, Minho leant in to capture Taemin’s lips with his. Another thing he missed. Kissing Taemin like this.

But after awhile, he was pushed. His awareness came back, as he saw Taemin looked at him furiously.

“What are you doing?” Taemin’s voice was low, but full of anger.

“Tae, sorry I—“

“Why did you kiss me?”

“Taemin, I’m sorry,” Minho tried as he took a step forward, but stopped when he saw Taemin instantly stepped backward.

“No, no, no. I am sorry. This is all my fault,” Taemin shook his head furiously, tears already streamed down his cheeks.

“No, Taemin, it’s my fault—“

“No, it’s mine. I am selfish and foolish. I knew. I knew you don’t—will never, love me the way I love you. But I let myself to fall deeper. Because I desperately want to grab onto this happiness, even if it’s temporary. But why did you do this? Why do you confuse me so much, Minho? Why did you kiss me? After the lie you said to me that day!”

“Lie? What, Tae—“

“I am a light drinker, Minho, but I never ever forget what I do when I get drunk. I remember that night.”

Minho’s eyes widened in horror. “You…remember?”

Taemin angrily wiped his tears, which was useless because he couldn’t stop crying. “I do. But I don’t want to burden you by my feelings, so I gave you a chance, a way out, which you grabbed happily by playing along with my act. That day, I knew, I knew clearly that you will never love me back. But I still, still, keep looking for your presence. Because even after ten years, you don’t change a bit. You’re still the same warm-hearted Minho that I love so much.”

“You’re wrong,” Minho began to walk towards him again. This time, Taemin didn’t move. “I change, Taemin. I said before, right? There’s something in me that change. It is my heart. My heart keep leaning towards you. I love you, Taemin.”

Taemin yanked his hand away even before Minho could grab it. “No, it isn’t true.”

“I really love you, Taemin. I swear. Why can’t you believe me?” Minho didn’t know since when he had started crying.

“Then, why did you lie that day?”

“I…” Minho opened his mouth, but he closed it again. He didn’t know what he should say, how to explain. But his move was misunderstood by Taemin.

“See? It’s just guilt, isn’t it? Because you feel guilty towards me, because of what happened ten years ago.”

“Taemin, no. Yes, I feel guilty, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

Taemin still shook his head, not believing everything. “Just leave me alone, Minho,” he cried as he turned around. He ran away, leaving the frozen Minho alone.

Leave me alone.

Those words stabbed Minho’s heart.

He didn’t want you. He wanted you to leave him alone.

Minho fell down on his knees. He covered his eyes with his palms, sobbing hardly. Taemin wanted him to stay away. He left. He left Minho. Just like that time.

He left.

Fear crept into Minho’s heart. He quickly got up and chased Taemin. The elevator was still going down. Taemin was still going down. Minho quickly took the stairs and ran as fast as he could. He didn’t stop even until he reached his unit’s floor. From far away, he saw Taemin’s back in front of his house. Minho forced his legs to move faster, but Taemin had entered his house the moment Minho arrived.

Minho took a deep, painful breath before he knocked the door.

“Tae?” he called. Taemin didn’t answer, but Minho knew he was there. He could hear Taemin’s sobs from behind the door.

“Tae, I’m really, really sorry. Why do I always hurt you?” Minho placed his head against Taemin’s door. “I...I’m sorry I lied to you. I am just so scared I will hurt you, because you said loving me is hurting you. I want to say I love you too, but I can’t. Because I don’t deserve you. Because I only cause heartbreak to you. I’m really sorry, Tae. I don’t know what to do. I am so stupid. I just want you to be happy, but all I can do just make you cry. I’m really sorry, Tae. But I really, really love you. I love you so much.”

With heavy head and swollen eyes, Minho dragged his feet towards his car at the parking lot. He didn’t really remember how long he cried in front of Taemin’s door. He finally left only after hearing Taemin’s sobs died down. After that, the rest of the night was vague for him.

He had knocked Taemin’s door again that morning, but there was no answer. He really considered to just camp out of Taemin’s house, but he realized he should give Taemin’s space. After all, all of these were his fault. If only he didn’t lie, if only he just confessed, if only, ten years ago he just…

Minho’s eyes widened seeing the person he wanted to hold was leaning against his car. He rubbed his eyes, thinking it was just his imagination. But Taemin was still there, looked just as tired as Minho, eyes were as swollen as Minho’s. With hesitant steps, Minho approached him.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Can you drive me to work?”

Minho was taken aback by Taemin’s words. He must be dreaming. He must be. There was no way Taemin casually asked him to drive him to work after all the tears last night. But he nodded anyway.

It was all blurred and dazed for Minho. Minho drove in silence, but he couldn’t stop himself to steal a glance on Taemin, who sat silently.

You need to say something.

But before he did, Taemin started to speak.

“You should give me a ride every day.”

“Okay,” Minho answered, although honestly he couldn’t grasp the situation at all.

“Good. Because it’s something couple do, right? Driving their lovers to work.”

“Right,” Minho answered again, still confused for a second, before the words finally sank in. He stepped the brake, surprising Taemin. It was a red light.

“You scare me,” Taemin protested, but Minho ignored it.

“What did you just say?”

Taemin refused to look at Minho. His eyes wandered to the street. “I said…driving to work together is a couple thing.”

“And?” Minho pressed.

“And we should do it.”

“Why?”

“Because…I want to give us a chance. I thought about it. Loving you might hurt me, because I am still haunted by the past. But…I realized that being with you brings me happiness, much more and bigger than the pain.”

Minho’s didn’t—couldn’t say anything. He was too overwhelmed by the butterflies in his stomach and the swell in his heart.

“It’s green,” Taemin reminded him.

Minho started to drive silently again, this time, with smile on his face. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Taemin was smiling, too. He felt like a teenager in love when his heart jumped the moment Taemin’s hand tugged on his free hand. Their hands automatically linked with each other, and for the rest of the journey, they kept holding hands like that. They missed this so much, the warm feeling of their intertwined hands.

They only let go—reluctantly—when they finally arrived at the dance school. Taemin took off his seat belt and was about to get down, but Minho’s call stop him.

“Tae.”

Taemin turned to Minho. “Hmm?”

“I love you.”

Smile, as well as flush, instantly found its way to Taemin’s face. Taemin leant forward and pecked Minho’s lips. “I love you, too,” he whispered. Embarrassed, Taemin quickly escaped before Minho could say anything.

While trying hard to surpress his smile, Minho’s eyes kept following Taemin’s back. He didn’t know, Taemin was biting back his smile as well. Happiness was radiated from both of them, as they were ready to embrace the things they had missed ten years ago and the things they missed for the past ten years, together.

Woah, just realize I can just end this story here.

But this is NOT the end!

Are you ready for the rollercoaster ride?

Hope you enjoy.

XOXO

P.S. the song when they dance is The Beautiful Things We Miss by the late Matthew West.