Holy mothering was running on repeat in Jennie’s head as she felt herself slowly succumbing to a panic attack. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the equally shocked hazelnut brunette who was seated across the room, both of them looking like fish out of water, but thankfully only two people noticed: Jisoo and Lisa.

It was Jennie’s turn to talk, and she’d been suspiciously quiet for a tad too long, but her mind couldn’t stop analyzing the situation and running through the implications of what she’d just found out.

Whether she liked it or not, everything had just changed. The person she loved was suddenly out of reach and it felt as though she was disintegrating into thin air, all the while the walls of the room were closing in on her. Breathing became difficult, and she was one heartbeat away from collapsing onto the floor while gasping for air, when Jisoo placed a reassuring hand at the small of her back, bumping her slightly with her hip as if to encourage her.

The action made her look away from her girlfriend, eye’s locking with Jisoo’s soothing pools of brown that were nothing but encouraging and comforting, and it was just enough to break Jennie out of her haze. Shaking her head slightly, she finally allowed herself to look out across the small sea of students who were all staring at her with the level of hope and enthusiasm you only see on the first day of classes, her eyes quickly moving past the only two people, besides Jisoo, that she already knew.

“Right, as Dr. Kim said, we are looking forwards to spending some time with you in the coming year, I’m sure we’ll get to know each other quite well.” She wasn’t sure why she added that last part, but it made her blush as she thought about just how well she knew Park Chaeyoung. While she knew her very well intimately, she clearly didn’t know her as well as she’d thought she did. “Every Monday from 1 to 2:30 pm you’ll be in this lecture hall with Dr. Kim and me. Here we’ll go through the topic of the week and explain it all to you, so please make sure you’ve done your reading before the lecture so it’s easier to follow each week’s topic.

“On Wednesdays, you’ll see me in B291 from 9 till 11 am for a tutorial where we will have discussions and various activities to further understand the topic of the week, and finally on Thursdays from 11 am till 1 pm you’ll see Dr. Kim in room B394 for a team-based learning session.

“Today we’re going to go through the syllabus and answer any questions you may have, and we’ll start with this week’s topic, however, before we do that, I think we should do a round of introductions.”

They could hear sighs spreading across the room at the thought of having to introduce themselves in front of everyone, which wasn’t unexpected. “I know doing a round of introductions isn’t anyone’s favorite activity at the start of the semester, believe me, I hated it just as much as you all did when I was in your shoes.” Jisoo put on her sympathetic smile, the one that never failed to make students feel as though she was one of them and truly understood how they felt. “However, it is a good way for us as your professors to get to know you a bit better, and as this is a Master’s course, it’s very interesting to see what sort of backgrounds you all have. Please say your name, some info about your undergraduate degrees, and where you’re from.”

“Oh, but before you begin, Dr. Kim and I forgot some papers in our offices, so we’ll be right back. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.” Jennie smiled politely and grabbed Jisoo’s arm, dragging her out of there before the older woman could object.

“We brought everything, Jen.” She finally said once the elevator opened its doors at their floor and their office door was closed safely behind them.

“I can’t do this, Jisoo.” She was seated at the edge of her office chair, head in hands as she tried to control her breathing, to seemingly no avail.

“That was her, wasn’t it? Chaeng?” crouching down in front of her, she placed her hands comfortingly on Jennie’s knees, rubbing back and forth slightly, receiving only a nod in return. “And I’m guessing you didn’t know she was gonna be in this class?”

“I had no idea she was a student.” Her voice was so quiet Jisoo had to focus to hear her. Her best friend had been through a lot, but she couldn’t remember ever hearing her sound this broken and little.

“How…” Jisoo didn’t want Jennie to think that she was being judgmental, because she really wasn’t, she was just trying to wrap her head around all of this, “how is it possible to not know that your girlfriend of 3 months is a student?”

“I never asked. She worked full time, I just figured she’d gone to school here, got a job, liked it, and never left. Chu, what do I do?”

“Right now you need to get yourself together, we need to get through this lecture, and then we’ll figure it out from there. She looked just as shocked as you, just try to keep calm and maybe, like, don’t stare at her?”

Wrapping her arms around Jisoo’s neck, Jennie buried her face in her hair, taking a few deep breaths in order to collect herself. “Thank you, Chu. Let’s get back down there before those kids leave.”

“Uhh, kinda forgetting something, Jen.”

“What? I said thank you.”

“You told them we forgot some papers. Gonna look really bad if we return empty handed.”

“Oh, right, this is why I need you as my co-professor.” With a lopsided smile, Jennie grabbed a pile of random papers from her desk, handing half of it to Jisoo as if to justify why both of them had to leave the lecture hall. As they were exiting their office, she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, pulling it out to find a text from Chaeng.

Best girlfriend<3: babe, are you ok??

Best girlfriend<3: it’ll be ok, we’ll talk about it later, but this doesn’t change how I feel about you, Jen <3

Sighing, she slipped the phone back into her pocket. She felt sick to her stomach. She loved the girl, but her career was important too. She’d worked hard to get where she was, and she didn’t want to risk it when she’d just gotten her dream job. The thought of seeing Chaeyoung always made the butterflies in her stomach multiply, but as she saw the door to the lecture hall getting closer and closer, all she felt was dread and sadness.

***

“Today went great, didn’t it?” Jennie was absentmindedly sipping on her red wine, feet tucked beneath her on Jisoo’s couch when the older woman returned from the kitchen, wine bottle in hand. Receiving nothing but a low hum from Jennie, she took a big swing from her own glass, plucking some invisible lint off her pants. “I thought I was amazing, so smart and articulate. I really captured their attention and gained their admiration. Before long I’ll be the dean and I’ll hand over the university to our alien overlords, and they’ve promised they’ll turn me into their human queen, and I’ll rule over the humans that survive the invasion with an iron fist. I’ll turn you into my court jester, your destiny will be to keep me entertained for eternity. I chose you since you’re so fun and lively. You’re welcome.”

“Thanks.” She had clearly not heard a single word Jisoo had said, with the exception of the very last sentence, eyes still firmly planted on a random patch of carpet, brow furrowed in deep concentration. Her mind was filled with so many thoughts that she didn’t have enough time to process even one thought before another popped up and it was so frustrating. She wanted to cry and scream and beat the living out of a punching bag and drink an endless amount of wine and kiss the living daylights out of Park Chaeyoung to prove to her how much she loves her and god she was such a ing mess, and everything was wrong and why did this happen to her? She was finally happy, she’d had the best three months of her life, and then in one day everything came crashing down.

And Jisoo being Jisoo, she somehow knew how deep into it Jennie was and gently took the wineglass from Jennie’s grip, placing both of their glasses on the coffee table. Shifting further from the younger woman, she gently tugged on Jennie’s hand until the pouty brunette got the message and lay down with her head on Jisoo’s lap. Soothingly running her fingers through long, brown locks, Jisoo gave her best friend a sympathetic smile, “talk to me, Nini.”

“I love her, Chu. I love her so much, but I can’t do this. If anyone in the faculty finds out, I’ll be fired, and it’ll affect my position in acad