♠♠♠♠♠

It took an hour and forty-five minutes to reach the top. Someway up they stopped holding hands. Her hand had started to sweat. Sehun’s, too. It had felt like she was holding a hot damp cloth. She had wiped her palm on her jeans and saw him doing the same. For some reason it amused her. She caught him peeking at her and offered a smile.

“Want to take a break?” Sehun asked.

“We might not make it to the top.” Namjoo said. He was panting from the exertion up and felt kind of sorry. “Then, how about for five minutes?”

Nodding, Sehun stepped off to the side and plopped down onto the ground. Groaning he massaged his legs.

“I told you I’m not athletic.” Sehun sheepishly looked at her when she sat down by him.

“But you dance.” Namjoo pointed out.

“It’s the only thing I like to do.” He kind of laughed.

“But you’re good at it.” Namjoo bluntly said. His cheeks noticeably pinked. She shied wondering if she shouldn’t have said that.

“Everyone says you can’t do anything with dancing though. It’s just a hobby for now.”

Namjoo wasn’t sure how to add to his somber tone. Compared to Sehun, Jongin was always confident and determined, go-happy about his dreams. She’d never had to try to make him think positive.

Eagerly patting his arm, she said, “Let’s go to the top.”

Pushing himself up he followed her. “You seem excited about getting there.”

Namjoo glanced back at him with a broad smile them swiveled around and increased her pace. With the adrenaline pumping through her she was suddenly excited about the climb. This was her first time hiking, embarrassing to say. It was important that she reach the top before they were due back down. The experience was exhilarating, because she knew she wouldn’t be able to freely climb a mountain again.

Her mother always worried she would hurt herself. Whenever she cut herself and bled, her mother freaked. Scars were her worst enemy. It took away beauty, the most important thing that would make her relevant in her career.

“Face value comes above all else,” her mother always lectured.

The outdoors was dangerous, but Namjoo never got to truly enjoy it anyway. Chauffeured from one lesson to the next, she had never normally played in the dirt like other children. She wasn’t like Jongin who could enjoy the playground, ride a swing, go down the sled. At an innocent, naïve age she had always idolized her mother. Believing she was right about everything.

Namjoo never doubted whatever her parents told her.

“Wow!” She gasped when they passed through the thicket of trees into the opening. A full restroom and restaurant occupied the flat land at the top. People were even casually sitting and enjoying a meal at picnic tables overlooking the cityscape.

Excited, Namjoo hurried toward the ridge to peer out at the view.

“It’s beautiful,” she had to say and turned around to look at Sehun. He, too, was browsing below at the magnificent sight of roads winding around stoic thousands of gray and white buildings. The big clouds hovered so near appearing clear and close but smaller and thinner as they floated out to the edge of the city.

“Step back a little,” he said, “it’s dangerous standing so close.”

Namjoo backtracked toward him but her eyes remained glued on the scenery. “It’s probably prettier at night with all the lights on.” She couldn’t help turning to him for an answer. “Right?”

“Oh…I don’t know.” His eyes flittered away. “I suppose it would be.”

Satisfied with his agreement Namjoo returned to admiring the city.

“Namjoo!” She spun around to find Jongin several meters away.

Pointing a thumb behind her she called out, “Have you looked at the view?”

“Let’s go back down,” he yelled out.

“I guess it’s getting late.” Namjoo mumbled looking at Sehun before stalking forward. Approaching Jongin she asked, “What time is it?”

“Half an hour before the bus leaves.” He replied.

“Then we have time to grab a quick snack.” Namjoo said.

Jongin dropped a vanilla filled sweet into her hand and turned to walk off, “Come on.”

She stared after him puzzled, realizing only then that Hayoung was also there standing some feet behind him. Cheerily smiling, she greeted, “Hey, Hayoung.”

Smiling she said nothing. She hurried after Jongin wondering if they were going to hike back down at superior speed, but he went inside an attached building where the cable cars arrived and rotated back down.

“You cheated and rode this up?” Namjoo questioned leaning forward on the ramp to see the car take off.

“Quickest way up.” Jongin said.

Namjoo scoffed. It took three minutes for the next car to arrive. As the door whished open Jongin first entered. A foot in and Namjoo turned around to see Sehun and Hayoung waiting on the ramp behind her.

“Why don’t you guys ride with us?” Namjoo asked.

There seemed to be some hesitance before Sehun stepped forward and glanced back for his friend. In the end they all rode down together in a kind of awkward atmosphere.

“So,” Namjoo perked up, “did you two ride this thing up?”

She glanced at Hayoung. Jongin.

“We did.” Hayoung said after a moment of wavering silence. “I was impatient and wanted to come up faster, so I wondered if he wanted to share a ride.”

Raising her brows, she turned to Jongin highly amused. He avoided her eyes knowing for sure she’d later.

♠♠♠♠♠

Jongin had watched Namjoo come up with Sehun in tow. The two of them more friendly than he remembered. He caught the particular way Namjoo had constantly glanced back to him for affirmation, whatever it was she had been talking about.

He didn’t know. Maybe it was part of the fact Namjoo never really had friends before. None but him. And he wasn’t certain about this no nonsense Oh Sehun dude who knew not a thing about her. Or maybe because Jongin now knew he liked her.

It wouldn’t work out. Namjoo who was supposed to be overly successful in soon time would have to leave everything behind. It wouldn’t benefit her to start a relationship with some guy on campus.

It was stupid. It was naïve. Namjoo was smarter than that. She had never looked elsewhere than towards the dream set in stone for her by her mother. To become a big screen actress well known all over the country. To be like her parents.

That was all Namjoo had ever known, so for her to delve into some type of relationship did not make sense to Jongin. She had never been romantic before. She learned through imagination, through watching films, and listening to tales her mother shared.

He sat in silence as the bus sped the body of students toward the market determining what the best outcome of this new friendship would be. He was looking out for Namjoo he believed, so she wouldn’t have regrets later; so whatever happened in the future would not hang a cloud over him.

“You two were alone the whole time,” Namjoo giggled, elbowing him nonstop. “I knew it all along. Something’s going on. Don’t tell me all you did was stand around.”

“Ow!” he screeched when the sharp of her elbow plunged into his ribs. “Namjoo!”

She shrank away apologetically, but offer no words of consolation. Straightening in her seat, she asked, “So?”

“So what?” he snapped.

Namjoo shrugged. “That’s it? Nothing.”

“Of course!” Jongin spat irritated.

Scowling at him Namjoo turned away. “You’re so grumpy today it’s no fun.”

Peeking at her then out the window he muttered, “Don’t get too close to him.”

“What?” Leaning forward she peered into his face.

Sliding his pinched eyes her way he repeated, “I said don’t get close to him.”

Clicking her tongue, Namjoo slumped into her chair. “What’s with you?”

“As a friend I’m looking after you.” Jongin said.

“Well thanks, but I don’t need it.” Namjoo said. “I think I should be the one looking after you.”

Jongin yelped when she abruptly gave him a headlock. Grabbing her hand to make her leg go, he croaked nearly choking on air, “What the hell? Let go.”

“Not until you tell me exactly what you and Hayoung were doing earlier.” Namjoo threatened. “You were on a date, weren’t you?”

Jongin literally choked patting her arm desperately for her to let go. When she finally did, he gasped for air through coughs.

“Are you crazy?!” He scolded.

“One day,” Namjoo determinedly said, “I’ll make you tell me.”

Jongin sneered at her before shifting his back to her and crossed his arms, ignoring her the rest of the way.

♠♠♠♠♠

“What was that about?” Sehun asked when they found their seats on the bus.

“Nothing.” Hayoung murmured dropping into her seat.

“That was weird back there,” Sehun noted. He waited for her to explain herself, but got nothing. “Fine.”

Giving up he leaned into his seat smiling to himself as he replayed the hike with Namjoo. Right now, nothing else mattered.

The trip to the mart took 45 minutes of shopping. Meat, alcohol, noodles, and snacks were purchased; some in the dozens. Sehun grabbed water, juice, and foods to secretly stow away for himself. Due to the time limit he didn’t manage to find Namjoo before returning to the bus. Back at the hostel everyone knocked out. Even he did. Surprisingly with Jongin in the room. The both of them never minding each other.

Something about the guy giving him a cold shoulder, but Sehun fell asleep thinking more about the trip with Namjoo. His heart fluttered a many times. He was overwhelmingly happy. He was certain he fell asleep with a smile cradling his lips.

It was dark when he woke up groggily. Shifting onto his back he turned his head to discover Jongin’s bed was empty. The door was shut and he heard not a peep from the other side. Getting up he headed out. Halfway down the stairs he heard noise.

In the kitchen some girls were preparing meat for the grill. A bag of plastic plates sat on the table littered with bags of chips, boxes of utensils, and napkins. Some disorganized mess because there was no room for anything they were working on. Their ceaseless banter was a signal he shouldn’t be inside.

Slipping into his shoes he went outside and followed the sound of fire crackling. Around back the guys were working on a bonfire pit. A debate about how to create the perfect fire was currently in the works. Deciding it best not to indulge on it he moved to the left, where a group was pointlessly standing around. He spotted his dance crew spread out among the drama club members, talking, a bottle of cold beer in each of their hands. The drinking party had already begun. For college students it was never too early or too late to start. The hangover trip would follow in the wee morning.

The smell of meat swept his way courteous of the breeze on his right. Sehun went toward the smell. To the side he spotted an iron grill in the works. Oil was sizzling. Someone was pouring heaps of lighter fluid to keep the fire strong. A surge of heat wafted into the air, the orange-red flames angrily retaliating in response. The smell of charcoal burning stung his nostrils and Sehun had to wave at the air in front of him to keep his eyes from watering. A thick cloud of smoke blew his way much thanks to the wind again.

“Want some?” A small circle plate of chips appeared in front of him. It was Namjoo surprisingly. When he didn’t reply she explained, “Fresh from the kitchen.”

“You were inside?” He asked because he hadn’t seen her.

“I was in the back, but I just seem to be in the way.” Namjoo said. “You just woke up?”

“Yea…” Damn he was embarrassed.

Namjoo cheekily grinned. “You have a kind of bed hair.”

Quickly flattening his palm over his head, he flushed. The heat was immense and not just because they were standing by the grill. His heart raced when Namjoo giggled.

“Want some?” She offered again.

“Thanks.” He grabbed a chip and stuffed it into his mouth. He caught her eyeing him. The amusement in her gaze tickled him in a bad way. “Wh…what?”

Namjoo shrugged. “I was just thinking.”

The anxiousness elevated in heaps. What was she going to say?

“Sehun!” Heojin shouted.

He internally complained when he turned to see the dance club president coming his way. The moment was ruined! Namjoo was going to say something and it seemed important. It could have been about him.

“Heojin,” Sehun called out. He half turned to Namjoo, “This is Heojin. He’s the president of our club.”

“Hi.” Namjoo greeted.

The president clucked his tongue and shot him an intriguing look Sehun hated. There would be questions waiting for him later when they were alone. Couldn’t he just go away?

“Want a beer?” Heojin pulled a can out of the 24-pack he was carrying.

“No. I’ll skip.” Sehun said.

“Poor sport,” Heojin name called but a playful glint in his eye said this wasn’t over yet. Turning to Namjoo he offered her one. “One for the pretty lady?”

She hesitated so Heojin eagerly shoved it into her hand. Sehun quickly snatched it out of her hand.

“I’ll drink for her.” He insisted.

Sehun received a smack in the chest from the club president. “What a man.” He winked. To Namjoo, “You two enjoy your night.” Whistling to himself he strut along, his voice fading when he found his next components several yards away.

He was left staring at the ice cold can in his hand. Feeling duped for some reason.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Namjoo said swamping him with yet another round of embarrassment for trying to be heroic. She smiled anyway. “But thanks.”

“O…oh…yea…sure…” He blinked uncertain if he was pulling the wrong moves suddenly. Now what was she going to think of him? That he was nosey and continued to stick his nose where it was unneeded?

What if she thought he was annoying? She was an adult. She could hold her own fort and make her own decisions. What if she wanted the beer? And he idiotically took it from her?

Should he give it back? When and how would he find the chance to?

Now?

He about opened his mouth to apologize, say something, but Namjoo beat him to him. “Want to go sit somewhere?”

Just like that his anxiety came flying back. Sehun became very expectant again.

Was this about him? Did she have something to say about him? To him?

What if he’d been obvious? What if she knew he liked her and was about to turn him down? Dread walloped through him. A holed opened in his stomach and all feelings cruelly shadowed him with the worst to come.

They rounded the bonfire and the crew standing around it smoking and drinking. The guys had successfully started a fire though it wasn’t as big as expected, but it kept a person warm when they stood near it. Suppose that was good enough for college students who really had no experience with the outdoors.

Going around to the front of the building facing the ocean Namjoo sat on the front stoop. He sat beside her. Not surprisingly they were alone here. The sounds of chatter was distant, all the students were at the back near the grill, the bonfire, chilling, or inside. The girls and the boys busying themselves with each other.

“Want to share?” Namjoo started.

“Huh?” Namjoo gestured her chin toward the beer he was still holding. “Oh…” Popping it open he handed it over. She took a long sip and handed it back to him.

“I’m not really a good drinker.” Namjoo wiped her lips with the back of her hand. “But if you share with me, it should be ok.”

Sehun glanced down at the open can. Imagining Namjoo’s lips on it. He swallowed wondering what this meant. Sharing a drink with her.

♠♠♠♠♠

It was an unfamiliar feeling.

It was kind of like being a reject. Failing an audition and getting reprimanded by her mother for not being good enough. Why wasn’t she trying harder? Why wasn’t she focusing? Putting in all the effort mom and dad put into her? To make her the perfect object. The most desirable girl every other kid should envy.

But also, not like that. But also, kind of.

It was confusing. The blurred division that separated one thing from another. Not like right and wrong. But also.

Also, between friend and not. But maybe.

It was unclear. There were many things she had yet to experience and Namjoo believed one day she could and she would. The time would come eventually, but she never really thought about it. She believed events would naturally fall in place, like her parents believed she would perfect herself for them. Like being successful was also proving they were successful.

But Namjoo didn’t picture things falling out of place.

Like being aware Jongin was his own person. He had his own life. But also, not really separate from her.

He was her friend. Her whole life, he was her best friend. They spent so many days together it was kind of strange for him to go off on his own without including her.

Not once or twice Namjoo had walked around. Pretentiously at most. Carrying with her the plate of chips she’d been gnawing mindlessly. Back and forth. Back and forth. While the grill blazed and the guys struggled with the bonfire. Almost covered in the shadows a few yards out behind the bonfire pit, Jongin was sitting on the ground, his hands cradling the neck of a beer bottle he’d been offered a few minutes prior.

Namjoo had spotted him through the gaps of the students standing together working on the fire. No one had minded Jongin. Too occupied with their own self-proclaimed tasks he was the least of their worries.

She would sit with him was what first popped into her head. They could hang out like they always did, relax, chat about whatever. Do exactly what they expected to do on this trip. Free from school duties now was the time just to be themselves. This was their check before reality. Then they’d return to worrying about their future; to working towards it.

But Jongin wasn’t alone.

***ok, maybe the story isn't about a square or love triangle, but I'm saying friends can be jealous of friends

***I mean, if you haven't noticed by now, Namjoo hasn't had a very normal upbringing. Her parents expect much of her, so she has lacked much societal experiences and some of which Sehun had showed and shared with her. She only has one friend: Jongin. So the possibility of losing him scares the bejeesus out of her, but then this is very important to how the future will play out