♠♠♠♠♠

The rest of the trip was awkward as hell. Not even memorable. Sehun couldn’t rub the headache out of his head as much as he massaged his scalp.

Unable to bear all the curious glances from the club members including his own, he stalked to the very back seat. Hayoung sat with him, but he didn’t want to mutter a word. One movement or more like whatever he did sent someone looking his way. Their eyes reading some kind of judgement about him.

The dance club member wanted to come for only one reason: to bang one of the girls.

Even though Namjoo had coolly returned his shirt and thanked him for it, he still felt the guilty party. She talked with him once or twice mainly something to do with if he was enjoying the trip and apologizing for having any beer at all. The rest of the time he was definitely confident Jongin kept her busy and away from him.

Knocking his head into the window he mumbled to himself. He was now the villain among the club members. Some thirsty dude who wanted in on the trip. Now that it was out he had proposed it in the first place, everyone was looking at him funny.

“You ok?” Hayoung asked.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

Nothing was fine. Everything was wrong.

He had just ruined all opportunities for himself.

♠♠♠♠♠

What most of the trip Namjoo remembered was Jongin marveling about this and that to her. Continuously chatting her ear off. Even if he hadn’t directly said, “Don’t go by him.” meaning Sehun, she got the gist. Because no matter how many times her attention lingered in Sehun’s direction he, too, seemed to be keeping his distance.

She wasn’t blind. She noticed the looks the club members were giving her. Their eyes saying things; most of them wondering if she’d really gone and lost her ity to the dance club boy. But Namjoo didn’t think there was anything to clarify as long as she knew the truth herself. Despite explaining herself others would still go on with what they believed, so it didn’t matter. The rumor mill her mother always reminded her. Stay away from it. Watch out for yourself.

But this wasn’t real and she wasn’t even a celebrity yet. Namjoo wouldn’t focus too much on it.

She was really thankful Sehun had given her his shirt to cover up the tear of her own top. Sacrificing himself to protect her was really a kind gesture that spoke heights of his personality. She really appreciated it and she worried how this rumor was affecting him. Disappointedly he didn’t seem to want to be seen around with her. Too many eyes, ears, mouths.

On the way back to campus, Jongin had sat shifted away from her. Quiet the entire drive while Sehun remained unseen somewhere at the back of the bus.

So yes, she felt really guilty he was in this situation.

Classes were back in session now. All the students that had gone on the trip were assimilating back into student life. She had not seen or heard of Sehun thus far. Being quite honest she was curious about him, but her priorities kept her from walking all the way to the dance department.

On the way down the hall after a script class Namjoo caught the various stares from the girls in the drama club. Looking at her still. That glaze in their eyes wondering if she’d really gotten laid; how promiscuous of her, the popular girl who’d played Juliette; did she want that much attention from the guys?

“What?” Namjoo paused midway. “Do you have something to say?”

With a lasting stare the girls turned to walk away snickering among themselves.

“You shouldn’t lash out like that,” Jongin quietly murmured beside her.

“I can’t say something?” Namjoo retaliated.

“It’s pointless arguing.” He tried to state his opinion.

“I’m not arguing. I asked if they had something to say to me.” Namjoo gruffly made her point. “Like maybe the things you want to say, but aren’t.”

His lips tightened but they turned when there was a voice. Hayoung walked toward them with a wave that was dropping midway, the smile on her face becoming uncertain as she neared and sensed the tension between them.

“Hey, is everything ok?” She worried.

“Of course,” Namjoo chirped. “I was just on my way to the library.”

Without casting either a glance she continued down the corridor and out of the drama building. The fresh air blast into her face, a welcoming sensation to her constricting nerves. And she was still kind of angry at Jongin for not explaining himself to her. If he was dating someone, he should say something and try not to keep it a secret.

Annoyed with herself for letting it get to her she walked faster. Passing the tree studs and a student riding his bike down the sidewalk. The library came into view and she sped up the steps into the silent building. Forget Jongin. She’d study by herself and return to the dorm by herself.

Namjoo spent two minutes walking around, finding a table to sit at. Some table that felt right would do, so she kept going. Circling around the six-foot shelves stocked with books of sorts. Around the corner she spotted a tiny rectangular table. A black backpack, textbook, and an open laptop occupied the tabletop. Beside that was a head twisted to the side and resting on folded arms.

Sehun taking a nap.

Slowly walking toward the table Namjoo pulled out the empty chair opposite him and settled down. He didn’t wake. ping her backpack as slowly as possible not to make noise and disturb him, she pulled out her book and notepad. Still, he remained unmoving.

Minutes passed. The clock ticked and she flipped through her book. Sneaking a peek she saw Sehun was still asleep.

Kind of amused she watched him for a few minutes.

♠♠♠♠♠

Jongin stared after Namjoo afflicted. He was still kind of upset with her. Couldn’t forget the image of finding her in the doorway in an overly large t-shirt he later learned belonged to topless Sehun. The imagery still did not fit right with him.

First and foremost, he was not acting like a jealous boyfriend. He worried if her parents found out what was circulating among the drama club, he’d get in trouble, too, Namjoo, of course, even more. But his father would reprimand him even harder.

They were at school together. They were friends. If he didn’t help his father’s friend’s daughter from tainting her reputation, why was he allowed to hang out with said daughter? His father would say with animosity, “I never should have let you be friends with her. Irresponsible brat.” Something along those lines.

They all knew what Namjoo’s future was going to be like. Grooming her to become a celebrity like her parents took work and effort and a lot of precautionary measures. Namjoo’s life was to have to scars before she took the stage.

He should look out for her whereas her parents couldn’t always be with her. So many conflicts of interest cut in many parts of his life. He could not be free from those restraints.

“You have time?” Hayoung poked his attention. He glanced at her. “It’s almost time for lunch. You want something? I’ll treat.”

He didn’t have class till 1:30. There was lots of time. Usually he’d be at the library studying with Namjoo or they’d be at the cafeteria. Friends in their own tiny bubble, no one else included. Basically, being Namjoo’s friend meant he hadn’t had much time of his own for friends of his own. He had accompanied her so much he really only knew her. Others were casual friends before they disappeared into the background, forgotten, faces lost, names not remembered.

Maybe in part it was due to his father’s work and him being dropped off at Namjoo’s ginormous house so often. He’d had very few playmates, so he shared most of his toys and games and whatever he had in possession with Namjoo who never made friends of her own. He’d seen her chaperoned off to this class, that class, come back for practice lessons with her mother. He’d felt kind of sorry for her.

Yet here he was without her. Perhaps making a new friend of his own. In a world that did not revolve around Namjoo.

It was kind of nice. Unusual but nice.

Really nice that he didn’t have to keep quiet about his circumstances or try to hide the fact that his best friend was bigger than everyone else.

“Yea, I have a time.”

♠♠♠♠♠

The soreness in his neck made it hard for him to move when he finally woke up. Sehun wasn’t sure how long he was out. Even his lower back ached. This was what he got for not sleeping properly in the dorm.

he sat up, a hand pressed to his back. Something flittered onto the ground leaving some sort of faint sticky residue on his cheek. Plastering a hand to his face he glanced down to the floor and bent down to pick up a sticky note.

I saw you were asleep and didn’t want to bother you. Don’t forget to eat your meals. I bought you something. ~ Namjoo

Glancing at the table he spotted a small box of crackers and a packaged ham and cheese sandwich. At the side was a bottle of water.

Sehun peered around, leaning so far back in his chair until he was balancing on its back leg searching for the giver. Nowhere.

Disappointed but overjoyed he turned to the menu he’d received. Kind of laughing and grinning. This was out of the world unexpected. He shouldn’t have slept. How long had Namjoo been sitting here with him?

Wiping his mouth, he hoped he hadn’t been drooling. Sehun prayed he hadn’t looked too ugly napping. He hissed scolding himself. He should’ve been more careful.

Eyeing the food, he snatched the sandwich and unwrapped it. Though he was regretful about eating Namjoo’s treats, he should be grateful and show his appreciating by devouring them.

At the first bite he already felt extremely full. Happiness fluttered inside him, giant wings flapping inside his belly. Again, his eyes dove around the corner of the library. Through the gaps of the books on the shelves, hoping to find Namjoo lurking somewhere. Sehun knew better but he still hoped.

Next time when he saw her, he’d thank her personally. Maybe he could invite her out for lunch or an early dinner.

To his luck he didn’t easily find Namjoo on their wide campus. Cooped up with studying for quizzes and another essay and drama club meetups, it was as difficult as digging a needle out of a haystack. Not counting the thousands of students on campus he saw every day. So many faces he did not recognize and none of them were who he was looking for.

Each coming day Sehun continued scouring the walking body every time he left his dorm. At every interval rather he was going to the dance department, the cafeteria, the library he looked, looked, looked. He even debated walking over to the drama department, linger around mindlessly.

Every time he imagined those wary looks he would receive he backed away. The feeling of being judged didn’t sit right with him. It made him feel uncomfortable, like he’d done something criminal. He wasn’t the worst of the worse and he didn’t understand why the drama club members had to feel that way about him. They didn’t even know him and they assumed all these things about him.

Sehun didn’t like it. He wanted to explain himself, but what would the outcome be? What if he made it sound like it was Namjoo’s fault she’d ended up wearing his shirt? Both of them would still be talked about regardless.

It wasn’t fair.

After having lunch one day he passed the bulletin beside the university store. Browsing the ads from various university departments about internships and clubs or posts about someone needed a roommate. It was later in the semester. There was no announcement about a musical. No poster to be seen, but he still looked anyway.

“Hey,” a voice called out. He turned to see Hayoung walking toward him. “What you looking at?”

“Nothing.” He turned to face her. Noting the binder in her arms, he asked, “Where are you coming from?”

“I just printed my essay at the computer lab,” she told.

He thought about Namjoo and her continuous suggesting about getting Jongin to edit his essay while back.

“Now that I think about it,” he started, “I haven’t really seen you around. What have you been up to?”

She smiled skittishly like she was hiding something.

“What?” he inquired.

“Nothing.” She said. “Have a few seconds?”

“Well I’m standing here doing nothing.” He shrugged.

“Go with me to turn my paper in.”

“Where?” He hesitated. “The drama department?”

“Why? You don’t want to?”

“Actually,” he lied nervously, “I forgot I have something to do at the library.”

“But you said…”

Hurrying past he waved, “See you later.” Turning around he flew out of the cafeteria building and down the pavement toward the library.

A way down he stopped and blew out a breath. The library inched into sight on his right. He really had nothing to do in there, but since he’d said he might as well go inside. If he could find a computer, he’d spend a few minutes browsing the internet or something to waste a few minutes. Swerving into the computer lab he peered at the cubicles, most of which were occupied already.

Suddenly glancing around the room for an available table he spotted right there by a window seat Namjoo taking up a table by herself. One look at the chairs around the table and it didn’t seem like her friend was with her.

Adjusting the strap of his backpack over his shoulder he strode over. “Mind if I sit down?”

His heart leapt when she glanced up. In those big eyes the universe always seemed to revolve there. If he could be the world to her one day that would be more than he ever bargained for.

“Yea I mind.”

His lips parted taken aback.

Smiling she said, “I’m just kidding. Of course you can.”

He felt hot neck down for being so gullible. Pulling a seat out he sat down across from her. Through the corner of his eyes he watched the pen in her hand busily scribble notes as he pulled his own books out. When the movement stopped, he raised his head to find her staring at him.

If falling in love was literal Sehun really felt like he was falling that instant.

Disconnected he sat there just looking at her like a goofball. Until she cheerily smiled enamoring him.

Biting his lower lip, he set his books on the table quivering with a kind of excitement deep inside. He yearned to say something, but nothing came to mind. Stop being stupid he kept wanting to tell himself. As always, it was easier said than done.

It was frustrating. No matter his age every time he was around her his brain malfunctioned.

Ask her out he thought, but when he looked up again Namjoo was absorbed in her homework. She looked so pretty and intelligent focused on her work. He wanted to pull his phone out, snap a picture.

He was lucky as heck Namjoo hadn’t him like the drama club people. They didn’t know each other yet, but she hadn’t said anything menacing about him. Shot him a condescending look that really meant she distrusted him.

Sehun sat for an hour reading what he hated most about economic affairs. Despite the minutes that trickled by he was always conscious of Namjoo sitting opposite him. He managed a few quick peeks before he started yawning.

Embarrassed he quickly covered his mouth. It was moments like these he despised himself the most. Why couldn’t he just appear cool around her?

Awkwardly trying a smile, he said, “I should probably go.”

Snapping his book shut he stuffed it back into his backpack. He needed a nap. Today he’d done enough studying and cramming.

“I guess I’m done, too.” She said closing her notebook and putting her pen in her backpack.

He about opened his mouth to say she didn’t need to rush, but she was already packing up. Sehun found himself gulping when she stood and slipped her backpack on.

This was the first time they were actually together after the trip that made everything funny for them. It was kind of strange now. Compared to the yearning of seeing her face to face the past few days, Sehun just felt tongue-tied now.

“Then,” he said as they started down the stairs, “are you going back to the dorm?”

“I think I am. I’m pretty much done with everything.”

“Then,” he prolonged the word, “can I walk you?”

“Sure.”

Easy peasy he thought yet along the walk he didn’t know what to say. While the silence sunk in, he felt ever more the fool. Sehun didn’t think he was a gutless person, but right now was proving just that. He liked her. He should initiate something, but what?

“You know,” Namjoo broke the quiet, “I know we didn’t get much of an opportunity to talk. I should apologize for lying. I’ve never had beer before.”

“Oh…” It hit him hard on the head. It made sense how fast she got drunk. Actually, he had missed that part about that night.

Namjoo smiled embarrassed. “I was a little upset that night. I’m sorry for getting you in trouble.”

“No, not at all.” He assured.

“Be honest,” Namjoo prodded, “you had a hard time, right?”

He glanced at her really quickly before darting his eyes away. “Well…it was…it was really difficult carrying you.”

Namjoo scoffed, but her smile broadened and she kind of laughed. She elbowed him in the ribs surprising him. “I knew it.”

He kind of gasped. “You wanted the truth.”

“You should’ve lied.”

He almost retorted but caught the coy smile lighting her expression and he realized she was just poking fun at him. Meaning she was comfortable with him and that made all the difference, lifting the over-worrying off his shoulders almost instantly.

Happily grinning he playfully shoved her. “But you’re heavy.” He pinched his fingers. “Just a little.”

Namjoo swat his arm lightly. They shared a kind of short laugh as they approached her dorm. He thought it was a regret, because they were just getting started.

“Thanks, for walking me.” Namjoo said holding her hand up to wave as she backtracked.

Standing at the end of the path that opened up to the doors, he waved. Sensing her the doors whooshed open. A sudden urge hammered at his chest.

“Namjoo!” He shouted. She turned around. Her gaze landed directly on him.

He in her world.

He wanted to be there.

“Let’s have dinner tomorrow.”