Jongin entered the classroom still feeling uneasy, even when Kyungsoo was with him most of the time and he knew Kyungsoo was around there was still something that felt odd for him. He only started to feel some sense of normalcy when his friends walked into the classroom sitting next to him and Kyungsoo.

Minjoon smiled at them, "Jongin! How are you feeling? Kyungsoo said you weren't feeling good yesterday."

Jongin sighed a little relieved that Kyungsoo had covered for him. He nodded giving them both a smile.

"I was feeling sick, but nothing that an old remedy can't fix," Jongin glanced briefly at Kyungsoo who was just looking down at his phone. "Also a few cups of tea."

"I'm glad you're okay... we had fun last night but we wished you were there." Minjoon pulled a few books out of his bag and Jongwoon nodded. Jongin notice Jongwoon was acting a bit weird, not saying much, and actively avoiding looking at Kyungsoo. He would have to ask about it later.

The teacher arrived then driving the scattered conversations into silence as they started the lecture. Once class was over, they moved around the halls trying to reach their next class. Kyungsoo was unusually silent which unsettled Jongin, always on the phone and he couldn't help but wonder if there was any news about the intruder.

"Jongin!" someone called in the distance, making Jongin turn around. It was his project partner, waving a hand as he approached, his blonde hair brushed back. Jongin felt Kyungsoo tensing next to him. "I was about to text you but since I saw you let's coordinate a time to get together and work on that project." There wasn't much expression on Yifan's face. He didn't even look at the people waiting behind Jongin.

Jongin nodded, "I have some time after three. Is that okay?"

"Sure, I'll see you at the library then."

Jongin thought he saw Yifan glancing at Kyungsoo, but it was so brief he couldn't tell if he for sure saw it. He turned around towards his friends, of course, Minjoon asking a million questions about his project partner.

"I only know his name and his phone number," Jongin laughed. "We don't know each other."

"I'll take his phone number." Minjoon smiled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and Jongin just laughed.

"I'll ask him if that's okay."

With moments like this Jongin could almost feel normal again.

Almost.

...

Jongin found Yifan quickly, it was a bit hard to miss a very tall guy with blond hair on the first floor of the library either way. Sehun said he was going to sit close and Kyungsoo had informed him he would be outside. They were both very tense and that didn’t help with Jongin’s anxiety. He was hoping this study session would help take his mind off things and help him get himself back on track with his studies.

Yifan nodded as a greeting when Jongin sat down across from him, awfully aware of Sehun staring at them a few tables away. Jongin and Yifan soon entered a nice working pace, discussing the approach of their project, and doing some research for it.

They were at it for a few hours, Jongin was concentrated on the book he was reading, writing down what they needed for the project.

“Do you usually have bodyguards when you go out?” Yifan suddenly asked, catching Jongin off guard, his eyes widened at the question when he remembered Sehun was a few tables away.

“Oh, not really,” Jongin shook his head. “We’re supposed to be somewhere after this so he’s waiting for me,” he figured lying was the best way to go.

“Hmm,” was all Yifan said, going back to his laptop.

Jongin gazed at Sehun, who was going through his phone, probably not aware of their conversation. Minutes passed when they were about to call it a day for their project, Yifan closed his laptop carefully placing it inside his bag and Jongin did the same with the books.

“Is it urgent?”

“Huh?” Jongin looked up, frowning at the question.

“Wherever it is you’re going… do you have to?” Yifan asked again. “I was thinking maybe we could eat something.”

Was Yifan asking him out? That was… unexpected.

“Oh! Well… I…,” Jongin stuttered not knowing what to say.

“Sadly, he has to,” Sehun interrupted literally out of nowhere, Jongin didn’t even hear him walk towards them. Sehun gave Yifan the fakest smile Jongin had ever seen and Yifan just shrugged, waving at him before leaving. Jongin looked at Sehun with a questioning gaze.

“What?” Sehun asked, shrugging. “In my defense, you do have somewhere to be.” Sehun grabbed Jongin’s bag, walking towards the exit.

“Where?” Jongin asked as he caught up with the other. Sehun gave him a half-smile.

“You’ll see…,” he then stopped walking. “Also, don’t tell Kyungsoo the guy asked you out.”

“Why not?” Jongin frowned.

“Just do as I tell you,” Sehun didn’t say anything else as they exited the library. They spotted Kyungsoo talking to someone, a girl, just outside the door. He was smiling more than Jongin had ever seen him smile. It was obvious he was flirting by the way he reached out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind the girl’s ear. Sehun sighed. “Never mind, just tell him.” 

Jongin was confused, but his brain was going back and forth between Sehun’s words and the weird feeling inside his stomach.

Sehun and Jongin approached them and Sehun cleared his throat. Kyungsoo looked at them before turning to the girl and sending her off with a charming smile, the girl said nothing as she waved goodbye and left. Jongin looked between Sehun and Kyungsoo repeatedly, not understanding this exchange.

“You guys are ready?” Kyungsoo asked, his smile was polite.

Sehun scoffed, “You’re lucky now when he remembers you’re doomed.”

“Sehun…,” Kyungsoo warned, not like Jongin could understand a thing of what they were saying.

“Jongin’s project partner asked him out,” Sehun spit out before dragging Jongin away, with Kyungsoo walking behind them asking questions about this event. Sehun winked at Jongin, putting a finger to his lips advising him to not say anything about it.

“What do you mean he asked him out?” Kyungsoo kept asking as he walked behind them. “Why is this guy asking him out?”

Sehun shrugged. “Well, Jongin is available so why wouldn’t he get dinner invitations?”

“Because…,” Kyungsoo hesitated and then he sighed.

“Keep going,” Sehun said. He was still pulling Jongin out of campus and in direction to his apartment to meet with Baekhyun probably. “I’m listening.”

“Shut up,” was all Kyungsoo said, he was frowning the whole trip back to the apartment. Jongin wanted to ask what was going on because as always, they were talking as if he wasn’t even there, however he had given up on that.

Maybe he would understand someday.                                      

They went up the stairs to Jongin’s apartment. Sehun and Kyungsoo following right behind and now Jongin could understand the bodyguard comment. He opened the door, walking in and turning on the lights on his way in.

“Surprise!”

Jongin took a step back, a hand against his chest and his eyes widened when he heard the voices greet him. He sighed in relief when he saw Baekhyun, Yixing, and the rest of them. Familiar faces, that even when he didn’t know them as well, he knew he was going to be alright.

“What’s all of this?” Jongin asked, going further into the living room. That’s when he noticed decorations and food on the table. They had turned his living room into a party.

“This is your welcome back party…,” Baekhyun explained. “You don’t remember this of course but every time we meet again, we always do this as a celebration of having you back.”

Jongin looked around the room at all the smiling faces, faces he didn’t remember but that at the same time had been there over the last few days. Faces that by the looks of it have been there for him for longer than he could remember. This could’ve felt awkward for him but in a way, he felt warm. Jongin gave them his best smile.

“Thanks for doing this, I think I needed this,” Jongin said and he noticed the relief in their faces.

“We figured you would be stressed because of what happened,” Junmyeon said. “Yixing made all this food, and the rest of us helped with the decorations.”

“Sounds like Yixing is the real MVP here,” Sehun said behind Jongin. He walked over starting to eat almost instantly.

“You seriously have no manners Sehun,” Baekhyun protested, shaking his head. They all finished greeting Jongin and joined Sehun before he disappeared all the food. This had to be the second time Jongin saw them all together and it was an experience. They were all so relaxed, making jokes and laughing, drinking, and the way they seemed to know each other so well made Jongin a bit jealous.

He couldn’t help to think about the memories he didn’t have. What were they like? What moments did they go through together? What kind of friendship he had with each of them?

“What’s wrong Jonginnie,” Baekhyun said, sitting across from him. He had such a warm smile, Jongin had no doubt he was an angel or something like one. “You seem lost.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just…” Jongin took a deep breath, he didn’t know if he could ask. Would it be too much for them? “I was simply curious about the past. My past life with you guys.”

“Which one?” Jongdae chuckled, he wasn’t wearing the chain or his lip ring today, which made him look way less threatening. “We’ve been through several lives with you.”

“Jongdae…” Yixing tried to stop him, but Junmyeon shook his head.

“He has a right to know his past,” by Junmyeon’s tone, Jongin could tell that this was something that they discussed often.

“Why don’t we start with the beginning then?” Baekhyun smiled at him and Jongin returned the gesture. “You were trained to be a leader, since the day of your creation, they made you so you could lead us into battle. However, we always noticed that for some reason angels never wanted to be near you.”

“That didn’t stop you from being our favorite always, you have a lot of charisma and leadership skills. You also always treated us like friends instead of weapons,” Yixing said.

“You were always running around, leaving the base at night and coming back every morning in time for training, we never questioned what you were doing,” Baekhyun sat back into Chanyeol’s arm. “We didn’t know you were watching them. The sins. One day you came back, saying they were also tired of this war and that they were just like us. We were trained to hate them, but you learned to see past that.”

Jongin looked between the two. “So, what happened?”

“Well, you said we had no reason to fight and some of us believed you. We followed you and we saw with our own eyes how the sins were also being used. We joined forces and we were exiled.” Baekhyun said all of this still smiling, there wasn’t a pinch of regret in his voice or his eyes as he said this. He looked up at Chanyeol and kissed his chin.

“But of course, they wouldn’t just let us live, so they hunt us down. A lot of virtues and sins died in the process and we were sentenced.” Yixing sighed, his eyebrows furrowing at the memories of those who didn’t make it.

“This is my curse, to reincarnate and lose my memories…” Jongin didn’t want to even imagine how many times his friends had to go through this story just so he could get a better understanding.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that… since you were their leader you were sentenced to death, over and over. They thought with time you would lose everything, friendship, love, the will to live, and would either beg for your life or definite death. So, they let you reincarnate just so they can kill you and make you pay for what you did.” Chanyeol was the one to speak then. “Years and years of death, of infinite death.”

“Somehow always when you turn seventeen, I’m surprised they missed a whole year this time,” Sehun added. The rest of them seemed to think about it.

“Maybe because they couldn’t find him?” Minseok said, but the frown on his face indicated that he didn’t fully believe that.

“I don’t think that’s it,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

There was silence in the room for a moment.

“That’s why we had to protect you, every single time, so it takes them more time to find you and actually go through with the sentence.” Baekhyun bit on his bottom lip. “We do what we can to protect you.”

“Sadly, it is never enough,” Kyungsoo said and the words were bitter and filled with regret. Jongin avoided looking at him because he didn’t know what he would see in his eyes.

“And, how many times have you guys…?” He didn’t know how to even finish that question. His chest felt heavy for them.

“Seen you die?” Baekhyun finished for him, with a sad smile. “More than there are stars in the sky.”

There was a silence in the room, stares lost and Jongin assumed they were thinking of the times he died, and if what Baekhyun said was true then there was a possibility they each had a different time in their minds.

“Sometimes we manage to get your memory back, sometimes your powers come back, but it’s always the same result.” Baekhyun gave him an apologetic look. A look that said, ‘I’m sorry we couldn’t save you. I’m sorry you will possibly die again.’

Because that’s what it meant.

That once again, just like every other time there was a chance he died.

And then start all over.

Jongin didn’t feel ready for that, but who was ever ready for their death. No matter how much people liked to pretend they were, there’s always that tiny feeling of desperation during those last moments that screamed for life.

Sehun clears his throat with a smirk. “You’re not the only one around here with issues you know, we also have Minseok over there,” Sehun said pointing at him, who frowned instantly. “Minseok was cursed to never feel love towards the one he loved the most.” Sehun then waves at Jongdae who just sighed.

What?

Jongin’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Minseok and Jongdae used to be together, but after we were exiled Minseok stopped feeling any kind of romantic love towards anyone,” Junmyeon explained. He shook his head, but deep down he thanked Sehun for the change of subject.

“So Jongdae had to move on and a few hundred years later his sin counterpart had him falling all over again,” Sehun chuckled when Jongdae glared at him.

“Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t fry you right now,” Jongdae muttered between clenched teeth.

“I’m sure you’ll have more reasons to do it,” Sehun crossed his legs, a satisfied smile hanging off his lips. “But you won’t because who’s going to listen to you whine about Minseok every three centuries.”

A few things happened at once

Jongdae raised a hand in Sehun’s direction, Junmyeon stopped him, Minseok also raised a hand and nobody did anything about it. A few seconds later Sehun was falling to the floor, holding an arm against his chest, half crying in pain, half laughing.

Jongin was the only one to quickly kneel in his rescue, noticing his arm was… frozen. Like there was literal ice around it. He looked around; eyes widened like waiting for anybody to give him any explanation as to what just happened. Chanyeol sighed kneeling next to him.

“Minseok can control ice,” he said, putting his hands over Sehun’s arm, the ice melting quickly. “I control fire, we each have a different ability.” Jongin nods as he watches how Sehun goes from a frozen arm to just a wet shirt. He was still kind of laughing.

“You’re lucky, it was Minseok and not Jongdae. That would take some time to heal.” Junmyeon said, not even gazing at Sehun, who just stood up and went back to his chair as if nothing happened.

“Just keep in mind that I can still be annoyed,” Minseok muttered. Jongin was slightly confused, but he didn’t ask anything as he went back to his seat as well. The rest of the evening went by smoothly, without any other ice incidents or arguments. Jongin started to gradually feel more comfortable around them, even with the ones he hadn’t interacted before. When the food was all gone and so were the beers the guys decided it was time to head back.

Sehun would do a few rounds around the neighborhood and Chanyeol was supposed to be his substitute in a few hours. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo was going to stay with Jongin. He didn’t know how to feel about it and honestly, he wasn’t opposed to it either, being alone inside the apartment wasn’t very appealing to him after what happened.

And he also didn’t mind having time alone with him.

Jongin and Kyungsoo were left to clean up, a comfortable silence setting between them as they did. Jongin kept glancing back at him, he had been noticeably quiet when they were talking about Jongin’s past life, and except for a few muttered words, Jongin didn’t know what he thought or how was their friendship back then.

Jongin didn’t know if it was the beers giving him this sudden courage, whatever it was, he took advantage of it.

“So…” Jongin started, pulling the couch pillows back in their place. “Were we close before? In any of my previous lives?”

At first, he thought Kyungsoo wasn’t going to answer, but when he spoke his voice was low, he chose his words carefully.

“We were close in all of your previous lives,” Kyungsoo said, putting all the dishes in the sink, letting out a sigh.

“Oh, then that makes sense.” Jongin sat down, his eyes were piercing a hole down Kyungsoo’s back.

“What makes sense?”

“That you care a lot,” Jongin said. “You are always here with me; you make decisions about what you think it’s best for me. I thought it seemed like you cared just a bit more than the rest of them,” Jongin shrugs even though Kyungsoo can’t see him with his back turned to him.

When Kyungsoo turned around his eyes carried more pain than Jongin thought anyone could ever feel in a lifetime. There were a lot of other mixed feelings that Jongin couldn’t identify, however, it was obvious that out of everyone, Kyungsoo cared the most.

Jongin wasn’t sure of what took over him, but one second, he was sitting in the living room, and the next he was closing all that space, walking into the kitchen, and wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo. It was an impulse, one that even took Jongin by surprise, but he didn’t care. This man needed comfort and for someone to tell him it was going to be okay. Jongin didn’t know if those words were true but he said them anyway.

“It will be fine,” he ran his hand over Kyungsoo’s back constantly, a lump forming in his own throat. Kyungsoo was frozen for a moment, sort of shocked at the sudden gesture, but a few seconds later he also embraced Jongin, letting out a sigh that he had been holding for years, resting his forehead on Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin thought their height difference was cute.

They didn’t know how long they embraced each other, and they didn’t care. For now, all they needed was this.

And later that night, Jongin had his first dream in a while.

…

Jongin opened his eyes suddenly, he was breathing heavily, and he was sweating, strings of hair sticking to the side of his face. It took him a while to realize he wasn’t alone, Kyungsoo was hovering over him with a frown on his face. He brushed Jongin’s hair back and said something Jongin didn’t understand.

“Huh?” Jongin looked around, he was still in his room, everything was fine. Kyungsoo was in his room too.

“I said that I heard you talking on your sleep and came to see if you were okay,” he said looking concerned. Jongin took a deep breath and nodded, maybe he had a weird dream, one that he couldn’t remember.

“I was dreaming I guess,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo sat on the bed and Jongin did the same.

“I figured out that much,” Kyungsoo sighed, his eyes fixated on Jongin for a moment. They both just sat there, with Jongin trying to get his heart to stop racing and Kyungsoo’s brain working at the speed of light. “Do you want anything to drink? Maybe some warm milk?”

There was no confusing the way Jongin’s eyes lit up at the mere suggestion. Kyungsoo chuckled and shook his head.

“Fine, I’ll be right back,” he stood up, leaving the room and therefore, leaving Jongin alone. He stared at the white walls for a while, his body filling with anxiety. Maybe staying there alone wasn’t the greatest idea so he took his blanket wrapping himself with it and made his way out of the room. Jongin could see Kyungsoo moving around in the kitchen so he sat on the couch, just observing him for a while. He noticed his anxiety levels went down significantly the moment he was almost in the same room with Kyungsoo.

Of course, this could be because he saved him, and was taking care of him, but Jongin had the feeling there was more to it.

Something Kyungsoo didn’t want to tell him.

A while later Kyungsoo walked over, warm milk in hand as he sat next to Jongin, handing him the mug. “Be careful, I think I gave it more heat than I should’ve.”

“It’s okay, thank you,” Jongin replied, smiling at him before giving it the first sip. It was hot, but not unbearable in any way so he sipped on it again. Kyungsoo leaned back on the couch, watching him drink diligently and he smiled. There was so much affection in his eyes that Jongin wondered if he noticed he was looking at him like that.

Jongin couldn’t help but look away, he was grateful the lights were off, so he could hide his sudden blush, except for the bathroom light which he always left on so he could see where he was going in case he woke up in the middle of the night, with the door opened. Their shoulders were touching, and he could still feel the weight of Kyungsoo’s eyes on him. Jongin drank half of his mug, carefully placing it over the coffee table.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asked. “Is it bad?”

“No, it’s just… I don’t want to end it so soon,” Jongin shrugged and his blush intensified under his golden skin. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything and Jongin couldn’t tell what he was thinking either since he wasn’t looking at him. They sat in silence for a while, in the darkness of the living room.

“You should finish it and go back to sleep,” Kyungsoo finally said, and not being able to hold his curiosity longer Jongin turned to see him. What he saw inside Kyungsoo’s eyes was long years of feelings and things he could only begin to understand and Jongin wished he had his memories back just so he could remember anything that had to do with him.

With them.

Because for a moment, Jongin knew. He knew what they were to each other.

“Can’t I stay here for a while?” Jongin’s voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes not able to leave Kyungsoo’s. He didn’t know when they got so close to each other, but he felt Kyungsoo’s breath when he sighed. Jongin could see the other’s sparkly eyes better from this close, his perfect nose, his plump, and pink lips. Kyungsoo was the lust sin, so he was more than likely designed to make people be attracted to him, but there was something under that perfection, something that Jongin couldn’t identify.

Kyungsoo was now staring at his lips and suddenly there was only one thing on Jongin’s head.

Kiss me.

“You should finish that,” Kyungsoo whispered. “Go to bed.”

Jongin nodded, however, he could not move.

“I know what you’re thinking, but we can’t do this,” Kyungsoo said.

“Why not?”

“Because I made a promise, and I’m trying really hard to keep it,” it took Kyungsoo a lot of will power to pull away. Jongin on the other hand felt rejected and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Kyungsoo probably saw it, he saw how hurt Jongin was. Jongin grabbed his mug, quickly standing up and walking to his room without looking at Kyungsoo twice. He heard footsteps behind him, but he had nothing more to say.

Kyungsoo made a promise, he promised something to someone else and Jongin wasn’t ready to face how that made him feel. He had been wrong about them.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo grabbed his arm, not letting him go into his room.

“Let me go,” Jongin whispered. He felt partly ashamed, he should’ve known.

Kyungsoo ignored him. “This promise I made… it was to you,”

“Huh?” Jongin turned around, frowning.

“I promised you something a long time ago,” Kyungsoo sighed. “So, please don’t be upset.”

He made Jongin a promise, not to him specifically but to the Jongin he knew from a long time ago. What kind of promise was it? He wanted to ask so badly.

Did it matter?

Jongin didn’t think it did. He let out the air he didn’t know he was holding; he had been through so many emotions over the past few minutes that he was starting to feel lightheaded. He had to let it go for now. Taking then a step towards Kyungsoo, Jongin pressed his lips lightly against the other’s cheek. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened since he didn’t expect it, a faint gasp leaving his mouth, making Jongin smile.

He wasn’t the Jongin that Kyungsoo knew from all those years ago.

But he would wait until he could be.