the evening goes by in a flash and seungwan doesn’t think about texting joohyun till she’s all wrapped up in bed. it’s turned into somewhat of a routine to unwind by telling each other about their days and the nerd wanted to regurgitate some of her dad’s terrible jokes. 

 

but there’s no new messages.

 

when joohyun says that she'll talk to seungwan later, it's always a promise that she'll come back. but for the first time since they've started texting, joohyun hasn't returned. a lapse in their schedule leaves seungwan a little antsy, but then again it's only been a couple of hours. joohyun hasn't texted her in a while and the most logical reason she could think of is that the senior is busy with her family festivities.

 

so seungwan leaves it at that, but when there are no good morning texts the next day? she can't help but feel uneasy, a nagging feeling weighs heavily on her but she tries to push it to the back of her mind.

 

seungwan:

good morning 😊

8:45 am

 

hope everything's going well and you have a fun day!

8:45 am

 

there's no response for a day and seollal festivities took priority over worrying about joohyun, if anything they provided the optimal break from thinking about her. nothing notable really happens at home but seungwan takes the time to unwind and catch up with her family knowing that once she returns to school, it'll be the exam season. seungwan checks her phone periodically throughout the holiday, as she always does. but there are still no new messages from joohyun.

 

she tries not to think too much about it but this is the person she’s going to potentially spend the rest of her life with, how could she not worry?

 

seungwan gives in on the third day and reaches out to the only person who could assuage her worries, yeri.

 

seungwan:

is joohyun-unnie okay?

7:10 pm

 

haven't heard from her since the eve

7:10 pm

 

yeri:

she's been really quiet

7:23 pm

 

i don't know what's up

7:23 pm

 

seungwan:

have you talked to her much?

7:28 pm

 

yeri:

yeah but she's like in a really bad mood

7:30 pm

 

she's not talking to me either

7:30 pm

 

seungwan:

i'm losing my mind over here

7:31 pm

 

yeri:

drop her a text maybe she'll respond now

7:31 pm

 

seungwan:

and if she doesn't?

7:31 pm

 

yeri:

i'll pester her on your behalf

7:31 pm

 

go talk to her she's really killing the mood around here

7:31 pm

 

---

 

seungwan:

are you okay?

7:33 pm

 

i'm worried about you

7:34 pm

 

i'll be here if you need to talk

7:37 pm

 

seungwan stares at her phone for the longest time, waiting for joohyun to come online and respond like she usual. but her screen times out before joohyun replies and she's on the verge of giving up.

 

she's tempted to give joohyun a call, but that would mean revealing herself. though she's become more receptive to the idea of joohyun being kiyub, it doesn't feel right to do it through a call. if she's going to reveal herself to joohyun, she's going to say it to her face. she doesn't want to hide behind a digital barrier even though it's safe and familiar. her soulmate deserves to see her true colors, even if she doesn't like it very much. 

 

the least joohyun deserves is to know her for who she really is.

 

a buzz from her phone interrupts her train of thought and seungwan jumps to look at it.

 

joohyun-unnie

2 messages

 

she doesn't waste a second and opens the messages with anticipation.

 

joohyun-unnie:

sorry for worrying you

7:41 pm

 

haven’t been in the best mood to talk

7:41 pm

 

seungwan:

it's okay

7:41 pm

 

i'm just glad you replied

7:41 pm

 

wanna hear about my day instead?

7:41 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

i could use a laugh

7:42 pm

 

seungwan:

you make me sound like your personal clown 😔

7:42 pm

 

but okay since you're sad, have a laugh on the house

7:42 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

🤨

7:42 pm

 

seungwan:

i lost four times in a row in yutnori

7:43 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

isn't that an easy game?

7:43 pm

 

seungwan:

it's not that easy … 🙄

7:43 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

bet i can kick your with my eyes closed

7:43 pm

 

seungwan:

that's not very nice 😤

7:44 pm

 

i have terrible luck

7:44 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

i don't care~

7:44 pm

 

we should play sometime

7:44 pm

 

seungwan:

after the exams! i can't let my grades slip because you want to bully me in yutnori

7:45 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

i'm not going to bully you!!

7:45 pm

 

anyway, i'm going to be offline for a couple of days

7:45 pm

 

don't be too worried about me, i just need some time alone

7:45 pm

 

seungwan:

did something happen with your family?

7:45 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

i'd rather not talk about it

7:46 pm

 

seungwan:

okay, if there's anything you need i'll be here

7:46 pm

 

i appreciate you telling me ahead of time and i hope you feel better soon

7:46 pm

 

joohyun-unnie:

thank you seungwan~ enjoy the rest of the holidays

7:47 pm

 

let's meet for a meal after our papers?

7:47 pm

 

seungwan:

of course, have a safe trip back!

7:47 pm

 

joohyun goes offline and seungwan is left with a gaping hole in her chest. it to get comfortable with kiyub only to have her dip a week later. but if this is what joohyun needs, then she'd gladly oblige.

 

---

 

coming back from seollal, students are welcomed back with the stress of the end year exams. whoever's idea it was to have important tests right after a holiday was truly evil. on top of that, being overly worried about kiyub was just icing on the cake.

 

seungwan never thought she’d be one of those people who would be so gloomy without their soulmates, but here she is moping over joohyun’s absence in her life. even if it’s missing her texts throughout the day, at least they gave her something to look forward to. they haven’t even been texting that long but maybe it’s the attraction that makes it feel like she’ll never be able to find joy without joohyun in her life. more dramatically, the absence of kiyub is turning into a void that's swallowing up her ability to feel any positive emotions.

 

she spends the first couple of days brooding over joohyun’s reasons for ghosting but then she walks out of her first paper without her usual confidence. seungwan would say she’s a pretty diligent student, she listens to lectures, studies almost daily, so being uncertain about the syllabus is literally impossible. but when she doubts her answers on multiple questions, she knows she has to do something before she flunks the rest of her papers.

 

the only way she knows how to get rid of her feelings is to repress them, every ounce of her mental strength is used to lock away any emotion that's associated with joohyun.  

 

a week passes in a flash when the fear of getting anything but a distinction takes precedence over being a functioning human being. seungwan spends most of it constantly buried in her books. studying always made her forget that there’s more to life than complex mathematical formulas. without her realising, she finished most of her papers without thinking much about joohyun.

 

it's not that seungwan doesn't miss her but thinking about joohyun kind of big time. she doesn't even want to think about her first words even though fantasizing about eloquent verses tend to bring joy to her.

 

it's just easier to not think about her icky little emotions in a situation that she has no control over, joohyun will come back when she’s ready and seungwan can wait.

 

---

 

"i called you like three times," yongsun grumbles from the entrance of joohyun's room, "why is your phone off?"

 

"i didn't want to be distracted when i'm studying." the model responds with a nonchalant shrug.

 

her roommate cusses under her breath, "well, keep it on, i got you dinner since you didn't reply."

 

looking up from her laptop, joohyun forces a small smile of gratitude, "thanks, yong."

 

"how's your revision coming along?" yongsun lingers with worry clouding her eyes, she knows joohyun has been off since she came back from seollal but she chalks it up to stress due to the impending exams.

 

"good."

 

"is your project done?"

 

"yes, we're all set for the final submission. all that's left are the written papers."

 

"okay, great."

 

the conversation dips into an apprehensive silence and joohyun watches yongsun with a piercing gaze, hoping that it’ll be enough for her roommate to get the hint and leave her alone. and thankfully, she does. the brunette nods and takes her leave promptly, shutting the door in the process.

 

joohyun runs a hand through her hair and reclines in her chair. instinctively, she reaches for her phone to text seungwan but puts it back down before even switching it on. her emotions have been all over the place since her rather unpleasant chat with her grandmother a few days ago. she hates that it affects her more than it should but it's her life that's being wagered here, being upset is more than valid.

 

it’s harrowing to feel that you’re running out of time when you’ve barely started living. her grandmother and her silver tongue could convince anyone that there’s no difference in finding your soulmate or not, but not joohyun. she knows the traditions of her family all too well, she listened to her mother lament for hours on end about how miserable she is to be stuck with her father. and she’s afraid that she’ll end up like her, trapped in a life that she has no control over.

 

but even if she has time left, it feels pretty ing hopeless at this point. how is she going to find the one in a year? it’s futile to even try, where is she going to even start? maybe she should just accept her fate has been set in stone. maybe in a year, it won’t feel like her world is crashing down on her.

 

and until she gets a proper hold on her emotions, she’s not going to talk to anyone.

 

her feelings are hers to deal with, she’s not going to put this weight on yongsun or seungwan. it’s not anyone else’s problem but hers. 

 

---

 

the days go by blandly, nothing interesting ever happens during the exam season. everyone's too busy struggling with last-minute revisions to stir up any sort of trouble. seungwan has pretty much settled into a simple pattern consisting of studying and binging anime.

 

“how do you have time to relax?” seulgi whines when she emerges from the shower to find seungwan all snuggled up in bed.

 

the nerd scoffs while hitting pause on her show, “unlike you, i don’t procrastinate during the semester.”

 

“it’s not like i procrastinate that much!” seulgi retorts, “i just prefer to be motivated by the impending doom of a deadline.”

 

“that’s not the energy i’m getting from you ...” seungwan hums nonchalantly, “are you getting breakfast tomorrow?” 

 

she knows seulgi a little too well at this point, her best friend swears to fix her habits after every submission but never actually does. hence, she has to pull all-nighters in the days leading up to the deadline. sometimes, if she's feeling up to it, she gets breakfast for seungwan.

 

seulgi doesn't hold back a loud sigh as she settles into her chair, mentally preparing herself for yet another sleepless night.

 

"why don't you go get breakfast with joohyun-unnie or something?" seulgi grumbles, "byulyi-unnie says the psych seniors are pretty much done with school.

 

seungwan glances at her best friend who probably has the darkest eye bags and frowns. "we haven't been texting lately …" the introvert admits with a pout.

 

"wait, why?"

 

"something happened with her family when she went home and she wanted some time alone." a shrug of her shoulders is enough to let seulgi know that it’s not something she wants to talk about just yet.

 

“have you tried checking up on her?" seulgi mutters while stifling a yawn.

 

"no …  i don't want to pressure her into talking. she probably just needs a little space."

 

"well, if she doesn't text you soon, it's about time you confessed, huh?" seulgi shakes her head as she turns to her laptop.

 

"she asked me out for a meal after the exams and i agreed. i think i might actually do it."

 

"i'm really happy for you but i don't have the energy to show it," the design student sticks her thumb upwards without turning, "remind me when i'm done with this nightmare of a project."

 

"good luck, buddy." with a sympathetic smile, seungwan attempts to continue her show but thoughts of joohyun are slowly resurfacing.

 

maybe she would try to check up on joohyun.

 

---

 

son seungwan:

hello unnie! hope you’re doing okay

9:01 am

 

don’t worry about replying, i just wanted to text you for a bit.

9:01 am

 

good luck for the rest of your exams if you still have any! i’m sure you’ll do great!

9:01 am

 

---

 

there's a week left till the official end of the final exams for the entire university — but being seniors, other than their final year project, all they had was a few papers which they finished the previous week. so they're unofficially done with school for the rest of their lives.

 

"okay, we gotta talk." yongsun declares the moment they return to their dorm, "what's going on with you?"

 

the psychology majors had just handed in their final project of their entire academic lives and joohyun is feeling mentally drained to say the least.

 

"what?" she snaps at her friend who hasn't even taken her shoes off.

 

"you've been quiet and grumpy. it happens to you after every seollal but this year it's much worse." yongsun waves to her entire figure with a frown.

 

joohyun exhales sharply as she trudges into the apartment, feeling the fatigue settling into her bones, "can we not do this now?"

 

"like you're ever going to talk about your feelings without me asking?" yongsun retorts as she follows joohyun inside.

 

"i'm tired from the last two weeks, yong." the model mutters while grinding her teeth, "i don't want to do this now."

 

the brunette sighs in frustration, "you've just been insufferable to be around, you know that?"

 

"then leave me alone."  joohyun raises her voice slightly. 

 

it's taking a lot of effort to hold her temper and she really doesn't want to take it out on yongsun but , the other girl is just getting on her nerves.

 

"i'm trying to be a good friend here, okay? you don't have to be so closed off all the time."

 

"i have my reasons."

 

"and you can't share them?"

 

"you wouldn't understand."

 

"we've been friends for 4 years, i thought you trusted me."

 

"i do, but you wouldn't get it! you have everything i don't! a perfect family, a plan for the future, and you have byulyi for 's sake. how could you ever understand when you get to chase your dreams with your soulmate by your side?" joohyun screams in a fury, unleashing all her pent up anger on her close friend.

 

yongsun gapes in shock at joohyun's sudden outburst and takes an uneasy step back. the realisation at what she's just done causes her to look for an escape. joohyun retreats to her room before the guilt settles in, ending their argument before she ruins their friendship entirely. 

 

she isn't jealous of yongsun, she could never be. but how could yongsun even begin to understand the extent of what she's missing when she has it all? there's no way someone who's never been in her shoes can even begin to empathise with how all of this feels for her.

 

joohyun isn't a perfect person, much to the contrary of her online persona and to everyone's ideals. just because her flaws aren't visible doesn't mean they don't exist. she has plenty and locking people out of her world when she's overwhelmed by her emotions might be the most toxic one of all.

 

her feelings, her problem. simple as that.

 

---

 

son seungwan:

i’m almost done with my papers!

3:38 pm

 

hope you’re doing well too!

3:38 pm

 

looking forward to our yutnori competition soon 😉 

3:38 pm

 

---

 

the guilt eventually attempts to swallow joohyun whole and she hates the tension between her and yongsun. she attempts to apologize with the only way she knows how to — takeout food. yongsun had been hiding out in byulyi's dorm because the atmosphere at their apartment has been downright depressing. the model had ordered a bunch of yongsun's favourites and waited till she got back. apologizing isn't always the easiest thing to do, she's spent many nights thinking of how horrible of a person she is to hurt someone who's merely concerned for her.

 

she loves their friendship too much to let it die like this, so she musters the courage to apologize. knocking on yongsun's door shouldn't feel this difficult but the guilt is almost suffocating when she stands outside the door of yongsun's room. joohyun fiddles with her fingers as she waits, the longer she waits, the more antsy she gets.

 

"yong, are you free?" joohyun calls out as she raps her knuckles against the wooden door again.

 

hearing some shuffling coming from the other side, she takes a step back as yongsun pulls the door open. 

 

with indifference plastered on her face, yongsun looks at her roommate blankly. "do you need something?"

 

"i want to apologize," joohyun mumbles while avoiding eye contact, "i shouldn't have taken out my anger on you. i know you were worried and i wasn’t thinking straight. i'm really sorry and i hope we can still remain friends because i really cherish our friendship."

 

yongsun moves her hand and with joohyun's gaze drawn to the ground, she isn't sure what her roommate is actually doing. that is until she feels a hard flick of a finger against her forehead. pain radiates through the center of her forehead and she flinches in surprise.

 

she looks up at her roommate only to see her with a teary smile, "idiot." yongsun mutters while shaking her head.

 

"i got tteokbokki too if you accept my apology." joohyun smiles weakly as she rubs her sore forehead.

 

"only if you tell me what's bothering you," the brunette says firmly while folding her arms across her chest, "if you really cherish our friendship, having proper conversations is important too."

 

the model nods without much hesitation, arguing with yongsun is never fun and she's glad to have her friend back. after fussing for a little, the seniors finally settle into the comfy couch in the living room.

 

"alright spill, you've apologized and fed me so i'm ready to listen." yongsun demands as she faces her brooding friend.

 

joohyun exhales while glancing at the other girl, "what do you want to know?"

 

with a quiet hum, yongsun ponders for a moment, "what are you willing to tell me?"

 

"i really don't want to talk about this." joohyun mumbles uncomfortably. talking about feelings has never been her forte, she much prefered to keep them to herself. but during the last few years with yongsun, she's been learning to open up and embrace the relief that comes with vulnerability — though she's not very good at it yet.

 

the brunette clicks her teeth and jabs her lightly, "but it's made you so upset, and you rarely show your emotions."

 

they've spoken about their families before but joohyun never revealed too much. with her looks and popularity, coupling it with how she's from a filthy rich family only makes her a perfect target for gossipmongers. yongsun knows a little about her family, merely to the extent of how conservative they could be and nothing more.

 

"fine, it's just some things my grandmother said during seollal." the model flops a hand lazily to extenuate the situation.

 

"bae joohyun. don't downplay it, if it bothers you, it bothers you." yongsun chides seriously with concern laced in her tone, "you don't have to tell me everything, but why does what she said make you so upset?"

 

she's thought about this long and hard. and it all boils down to a simple conclusion.

 

she wants to find her soulmate, no matter how long it takes. no matter what if it's against her family's wishes. she craves love from the one person that's meant for her.

 

and her grandmother is robbing her of the chance to do so.

 

"it feels like i'm just an asset to the family. like i have no worth other than being the oldest grandchild." joohyun admits softly after piecing her thoughts together.

 

yongsun scoots a little closer to her and joohyun can feel an aura of sympathy radiating off her without looking. "you know that’s not true, right?” yongsun whispers gently.

 

“of course i do,” joohyun mumbles with a heavy sigh, “it’s just … my family will only see me for what i can offer and not who i am.”

 

“and that makes you upset.”

 

“and that makes me upset.” the model reaffirms with a nod.

 

“you can’t make them see your value if they don’t want to acknowledge it in the first place,” yongsun slings an arm around joohyun’s shoulder and pulls her into a side hug, “and all you gotta know is everyone around you loves you as you are.”

 

joohyun smiles and leans into her embrace, “thanks, yong. it’s cheesy but i appreciate it.”

 

"and look, whatever happens with your family, you'll always find a safe space with me, okay?" the brunette nudges her lightly.

 

the model nods while looking up at her roommate who's much too kind to someone like her. there's nothing better than someone taking the time to be gentle with you. maybe she'd like that quality in her soulmate as well.

 

yongsun lets out a sigh of relief, "so will you stop being an idiot and actually talk about your feelings in the future?"

 

"maybe. you know i hate being vulnerable."

 

"i know, but what if it's with your soulmate?"

 

her soulmate. it sounds almost comical at this point. it's possible that they don't even exist yet, or they're in a different part of the world entirely. either way, she's not too optimistic about finding them. her family's statistics do not bode well for her, even if she's in a different city now.

 

the smaller girl her lips with furrowed brows, "maybe things will change when i find them but it's not like it'll happen any time soon."

 

"how do you know that for sure? they could be anywhere, maybe they've even spoken to you." yongsun prattles suggestively.

 

"i've had their first words etched in my brain for the longest time," joohyun huffs as she flexes her tattoo, "i'm pretty sure i wouldn't let them go if i ever heard them."

 

yongsun snickers at the words on her roommate's wrist, "i can't even imagine the situation in which they would say that, you gotta promise to let me know how it all goes down."

 

"if it happens at all."

 

"stop raining on your own parade, idiot. be a little more positive, would you?"

 

"fine, fine,” joohyun scoffs, ”how should we celebrate the end of our academic life then?"

 

"i had plans but i was going to cancel them since you were so snappy, but ..." yongsun grins, "byul asked if she could use our apartment for a post-exam celebration birthday party for her friend."

 

"no way." joohyun flat out rejects the idea the moment yongsun finishes her sentence.

 

"look, it'll be fun," the brunette whines, "everyone is either going to be moving home or celebrating, you know how the end semester parties are like, especially with those creative majors."

 

joohyun groans as she leaves yongsun's embrace to face her roommate fully, "how did we go from a serious talk to discussing if we should have a party here?"

 

"is that a yes?" yongsun wiggles her eyebrows with a cocky smirk.

 

with a playful shove and exasperated sigh, joohyun agrees, "you have my permission but i'm not sticking around long. just promise me you'll keep everyone out of my room and i'll sleep in byul's dorm for the night."

 

"done."

 

it's not the first time they've hosted parties, having the biggest dorms on campus meant that they were the most inclined to do so. and they did for a little, when they were younger and dumber. but their days of hosting were shortlived because joohyun got fed up with the amount of cleaning they had to do the next day. it's fun but the hassle just isn't worth it. besides, they'll be moving out in a couple of weeks anyway, she might as well let yong do whatever she wants.

 

"and the place will be clean when i'm back."

 

"if you come back at night, then done."

 

"go nuts."

 

"you are truly the greatest woman of this generation, bae joohyun." yongsun winks as she tackles joohyun into a big hug.

 

---

 

it’s a couple days before seulgi’s birthday and seungwan’s already has a gift prepared for the design major, it’s not much but she figures seulgi could really use an upgrade on her battered graphics tablet. that’s one of her major concerns settled, the whole kiyub feelings thing is being repressed so that’s settled too. all that's left is to ace her final upcoming paper and they'll be having a long awaited break soon enough.

 

a knock on her dorm door breaks her focused silence and seungwan shrugs it off, nobody ever comes looking for her. if sooyoung visits, seulgi usually picks her up so the only possibility is that whoever’s at the door isn’t looking for her. her roommate’s out to meet with her project mates so if they would kindly leave so she can go back to studying, that would be great. 

 

after waiting for a few seconds, silence greets her and she returns back to her books. she manages to finish off another question before there’s a knock yet again. putting down her pen, she hesitates if she should get up and answer the door.

 

but before seungwan could make a proper decision, the door bursts open to reveal sooyoung with irritation plastered all over her face.

 

“didn’t you hear me knock, unnie?” she huffs in annoyance as she makes her way into the room, shutting the door behind her.

 

over the years, as terrifying as sooyoung is, she knows the younger girl can’t get away with bullying her — too much at least. it’s not like she’s afraid of sooyoung but seungwan would prefer to not spend time alone with her, she’s a little nicer when seulgi’s around. nonetheless, despite all this, the introvert still considers her a close friend.

 

“yes … but it’s not like you've ever knocked.” seungwan responds softly with uncertainty lacing her tone. 

 

sooyoung visits sometimes, but today is a wednesday afternoon and seulgi usually has classes till late in the evening — sooyoung should know this well. it didn’t make sense for the younger girl to be here when her soulmate isn’t.

 

the highschooler chucks her bag aside and makes herself comfortable on seulgi's bed as she always does and bobs her head, “fair point.”

 

the younger girl then proceeds to stare at her phone so seungwan assumes it’s safe to return to her books. but before she could even read the next question, sooyoung exhales loudly.

 

“aren’t you going to ask why i’m here?”

 

“you’re only ever here for seulgi.” seungwan deadpans as she skims over the next practice question.

 

“fair point yet again,” sooyoung hums, “i want to do something for her birthday, it’s this weekend, you know that right?” she asks pointedly.

 

seungwan is offended at the statement, the audacity of this girl to question whether she knows her best friend’s birthday, they’ve celebrated every single birthday together since they were 7. 

 

“of course i do!” seungwan replies a little more defensively than she intends to, “we usually do a small celebration the day before."

 

sooyoung raises her eyebrows in amusement,  “oh? i wasn’t aware of this.”

 

“seulgi has told you, you probably just forgot.” seungwan grumbles, feeling her annoyance grow at the sight of her unwanted guest.

 

the younger girl mumbles disinterestedly, “oh, probably.”

 

silence befalls the two yet again and seungwan can’t shake the feeling that sooyoung needs something from her. other than tutoring, she’s never asked for any help, it's just not like her to do so.

 

“so, what do you want?” she eventually gives in to the younger girl, the sooner the demon gets what she wants, the sooner she can go back to her revision.

 

“thought you’d never ask,” the highschooler cracks into a small smile as strolls over and takes a seat next to the introvert, “look, seulgi’s turning 21, shouldn’t we celebrate with a party or something?”

 

hearing the word ‘party’ brings her back to new year’s eve, which leads her to memories of the party and joohyun. she tenses up and forces a quick shake of her head, “you can organize one if you want to but leave me out of this, i’m celebrating with seul a day before and that’s that.”

 

“unnie, please ..?” sooyoung whines with puppy eyes. to anyone who isn’t familiar with the giant’s personality, she could probably melt hearts with ease, but to seungwan, she knows all too well that she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

 

“no.” seungwan denies firmly as she returns to her books.

 

“you owe me one,” the younger girl nudges her roughly, “i totally helped you with joohyun-unnie.”

 

well, to be fair, sooyoung did get them on talking terms. without her, seungwan wouldn’t know how much progress she could’ve made on her own. so she has two choices here, agree and plan a party for seulgi’s birthday or disagree and suffer at the hands of sooyoung until she agrees. so technically, either choice would lead to the same outcome, she might as well bite the bullet and get it over with, at least she’ll have more time to plan.

 

“i will help, but just to be clear, you’re going to be in charge.” seungwan jabs the younger girl sternly.

 

to her surprise and shock, sooyoung wraps her in a quick embrace, “thanks unnie! i've already got the location down so i just need you to help with some logistics, and probably hiding this from my baby."

 

sighing softly, seungwan nods, "just tell me what i have to do and i'll try to get it done, you're not giving me much time so i'll make no promises."

 

"you're son seungwan, i know you'll get it done." sooyoung grins widely. 

 

this is probably the first time that the highschooler has been this nice to her and it’s probably just because she needs something from her. well, the only thing she has planned for the days after her exams is to mope over joohyun’s absence. helping sooyoung with her surprise sounds like a much better use of her time.

 

---

 

son seungwan:

i'm done with my papers!

10:34 pm

 

i miss talking to you throughout the day 😔

10:34 pm

 

remember to drink plenty of water, unnie! i'll be waiting for your grand return!

10:35 pm

 

---

 

a chorus of hellos greets seungwan upon entering a discord call on a friday night. her party had been graciously waiting for her since she'd been busy helping sooyoung with seulgi’s surprise. apparently, logistics meant getting everything from food to drinks to decorations. 

 

running around to help sooyoung after her final paper isn't the relaxation she had in mind and it makes it a lot harder to hide from seulgi. not that the design student would notice anyway, the poor girl has been trying to stay ahead of her submission deadlines which thankfully happens to be a day before her actual birthday.

 

“you’re late, unnie.” yeri's voice fills her headset.

 

"sorry, i was busy with something." seungwan apologizes as she logs into the game, park sooyoung really knows how to work her to the bone. 

 

"texting joohyun-unnie?" yeri teases.

 

seungwan feels her heart wrench at the assumption but tries to hide her disappointment anyway, "we haven’t talked since seollal."

 

"what? i thought everything was okay after you texted her," the younger girl exclaims, “she stopped being all detached and whatnot.”

 

“she said she needed some time alone, we’ll probably talk when she feels better.” seungwan murmurs as she prepares her character for the upcoming boss run. frankly, she didn't feel like talking about joohyun. she just wants to have fun with her friends and not think about the worry that's built up in her chest.

 

“aight, who is this joohyun-unnie?” luna interjects before yeri could continue interrogating her for details.

 

“a friend.” seungwan responds swiftly, she knows the amount of teasing she’d have to endure if yeri got a word in before her.

 

“a friend,” the archer snorts, “no wonder you make for such a good imposter.”

 

"yah yeri, lay off her, we all know it’s a lie," luna comes to her defence easily or so she thought, "as if we don’t know she has like one real-life friend."

 

"that's kinda mean, luna," seungwan grumbles indignantly, "i'll have you know that i have three now!"

 

oobie chimes in with a loud cheer, "ooh, do tell, miss azure."

 

“hey, hey, let me talk! i wanna know what’s up with joohyun-unnie!” yeri speaks over the other party members easily, this little archer is a force of nature compared to the other members.

 

“ma’am, we have a boss run, can we do the therapy session after?” bread sighs loudly as he moves his character around from left to right.

 

“shush, ahjussi,” yeri snaps, “we can do both at the same time.”

 

and so they do. they are veterans when it came to bosses, knowing the mechanics at the back of their hand allows them to slaughter each one without much trouble. thus, between dodging attacks and dealing damage, yeri manages to drill seungwan for more information. and well, seulgi has been too busy to listen to her vent so her online buddies are her next best outlet.

 

“okay, so what did she say?”

 

“she didn’t tell me anything, she asked for space and i’m giving it to her.” the introvert mumbles tiredly for the third time, it hasn’t even been a full half-hour since she’s joined the call.

 

“isn’t that like a girl’s code for ‘please give me more attention’?” luna muses densely. 

 

seungwan couldn’t hold back a sigh at that comment. perhaps to someone like luna it’ll seem like joohyun wants extra attention but in the short time they’ve spent talking, the nerd knows that her soulmate doesn’t exactly enjoy the popularity that comes with her hobby.

 

“she’s not like that, i think whatever happened at home probably affected her mood big time.” seungwan reckons as she moves her character with precision when a full map attack is launched upon them.

 

a screech is heard from one of the members but yeri ignores it and continues talking. “yeah it did, like, she’s always been aloof but this year is different.” the younger girl mumbles, “it’s like she’s angry or something.”

 

“she maldin’?” bread chuckles.

 

seungwan rolls her eyes at the insult, “even if she was bald, she’s still pretty to me.”

 

“azure, it sounds like you’re pretty whipped.” oobie teases in a sing-song tone.

 

a dramatic gasp erupts from someone’s mic but no one’s come close to dying, let alone taking any damage. confusion ensues and is only clarified when yeri speaks.

 

“i might have told our grandmother about her instagram but she already knew about it in the first place,” yeri babbles, the sheer panic in her voice is a rarity, “maybe they talked and it made her upset.”

 

“if it’s really your fault, i’m kicking you out of the party.” seungwan threatens almost instantly. the introvert can’t help but feel protective over joohyun — this is kiyub that they’re talking about, if she could, she would rend whoever hurts her to pieces.

 

yeri whines as she uses a sad emote on her character, “don’t worry, i’ll fix it.”

 

“how–”

 

the nerd is interrupted mid-sentence when bread cries out in a panic when he’s hit for more than half his health. “yo , pause whatever the heck this discussion is! i’m going to die out at this rate!”

 

the call lapses into focused silence; the only sounds that could be heard are call-outs of whatever attacks are being thrown at them. it doesn’t take more than five minutes but the silence is a nice escape from yeri’s incessant talking.

 

“god, we’re so ing good at this game!” luna yells when they finish the run for what feels like the nth time of their entire game careers.

 

yeri retorts mockingly, “you’re down to your last life, you would’ve died without azure’s heals.”

 

"aight, i'm doing a deathless run next week. watch me."

 

"and if you don't?"

 

"then i never said it."

 

"you're really giving off smooth brain energy tonight, bud."

 

the earlier conversation regarding joohyun is buried with usual banter from her friends. boss runs with her party is always a nice reprieve from reality. it's relaxing to be with people without having to constantly be engaged in conversations. usually, thoughts of the real world don't come to mind but today, she can't seem to stop her brain from flitting to joohyun.

 

the idea of admitting that this attraction is turning into a little more than just infatuation is something she's going to have to learn to accept before she comes face to face with joohyun again.

 

---

 

yerimie:

are you still up?

1:58 am

 

did halmoni say anything to you during seollal?

1:58 am

 

like after dinner

1:58 am

 

joohyun:

why are you still awake?

2:05 am

 

yerimie:

wow you really replied me and not azure?

2:08 am

 

also because i can’t sleep till you answer me

2:08 am

 

joohyun:

why?

2:09 am

 

yerimie:

you were pretty upset during seollal and i didn't think it was that serious but azure just said you guys weren't talking

2:09 am

 

so i need to know if i'm at fault

2:09 am

joohyun:

you're so sweet for checking up on me

2:09 am

 

i thought you had a heart you brat 🙄

2:09 am

 

yerimie:

so halmoni said something?

2:10 am

 

sorry unnie 😔😔😔 i just thought your instagram would be a fun thing to talk about

2:10 am

joohyun:

it's fine, it's not your fault

2:10 am

 

she was going to bring it up regardless

2:10 am

 

whatever i was upset about has nothing to do with you or seungwan

2:10 am

 

yerimie:

okay that's a relief

2:11 am

 

can you text her then?

2:11 am

joohyun:

seungwan?

2:11 am

 

maybe tomorrow, i'm going to be busy today

2:11 am

 

yerimie:

share your feelings with her!!! she's a great listener

2:12 am

 

i speak from experience 😉

2:12 am

 

joohyun:

that's good to know but i can't believe the poor girl listens to you

2:12 am

 

yerimie:

😉 everyone loves me

2:12 am

 

joohyun:

i'm sleeping

2:12 am

yerimie:

nights unnie

2:12 am

 

---

 

for the little nerd's personal celebration with seulgi, they celebrate in their dorm in the middle of the night when the horrible procrastinator finally wakes up from her well-deserved nap that started right after she finished her final submissions. they were supposed to get dinner together but seulgi was knocked out all the way till it was dark out, so seungwan leaves her gift on the desk with a note letting her know that there’s a slice of chocolate cake in the mini-fridge.

 

needless to say, when seulgi finally awakens from her deep slumber, her squeals of excitement wake her best friend up. they share the chocolate cake in the dark with nothing but the moonlight shining on them, perhaps it’s these little moments that make her love her best friend more with each day.

 

she wonders if things could be like that with her soulmate someday, there’s a joohyun-shaped space in her chest now and well, it feels like nobody else could ever fill it. the feelings that linger in joohyun’s absence only seem to prove an irrefutable fact — she is kiyub. seungwan doesn’t know how long she's been trying to deny this attraction, but it becomes a little easier to accept with each day. somewhere along the line of getting to know joohyun and joohyun dipping, she’s made up her mind to talk to kiyub the next time they meet, whenever that might be.

 

she wants to experience a world knowing where someone will love all of her without hesitation. she wants a world with kiyub that exists outside the boundaries of text messages. the urge for something more slowly begins to outweigh her fear of rejection.

 

she wants joohyun to know that they're soulmates.