A/N: uh....i dont even know what to say. im so sorry everyone,,, i love the idea of this fic but sometimes it is hard to write, especially this chapter which is why it took... 6 months for me to post. holy . i want you all to know that i really, really want to finish this and have it be put out into the world, completed. dont give up on it, i promise im not!!! anyways, its been a minute since ive written anything decent so i hope this is good and not too disjointed. okay now let's get tf on with it.

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It was the laziest of Sundays when Haseul and Yeojin sat at the kitchen table, still in their pajamas, cereal bowls empty, at one in the afternoon. 

Haseul was just lethargic. It was hard to be motivated to do anything when her departure was less than a week away. 

She sighed. "I can't believe I'm leaving in a few days-"

"No!" Yeojin spoke firmly. "No." 

The girls fell silent again, Yeojin pushing the last cheerio around the milk in her bowl. 

"Is it gonna be really, really bad?" 

Haseul hummed lowly and shrugged. "I dunno..." 

"I mean, it can't be that bad," Yeojin continued. "It's home. Don't you miss it, even a little?" 

Haseul laughed softly. "Here is home." 

Yeojin looked down at her lap. "Yeah. It kinda feels like this is your home." 

But it's not. For now, at least. Haseul knew she was going to have to make peace with that, make peace with her real home, if she wanted even a chance at happiness. 

"But you've got your friends, and your mom and dad..." Yeojin piped up. 

Haseul scoffed. "I guess." 

"What do you mean?" 

"None of them have ever been very much of... anything." It sounded rude, but Haseul felt it. She couldn't help but remember every feeling of isolation, every time she was utterly misunderstood. "They don't get it, sometimes." 

"But they love you-" 

"Of course." 

"Isn't that enough?" Yeojin pushed her bowl to the side. "That they love you? That sometimes they do get it? I'm sure they try..." 

"They do, but..."

"But what?" 

Haseul took a breath in, and a breath out. Yeojin was too young to get that teenage angst, even if Haseul knew it was stupid to be so invested in it. 

"It's just not-" 

"I just...I wish you would think about things a little more," Yeojin interrupted. 

"I think too much. That's the problem, I think." 

"But you don't, really." 

"Wow," Haseul mumbled under her breath.

"Sometimes, you only think about the things going on in your own brain, and not other people's." 

"Are you calling me selfish?"

Yeojin paused for a second. "Haseul, I get that people were mean to you, but that doesn't mean nobody back home cares about you! And it's kinda mean to them to act like they don't. You know, you're not that girl in the picture anymore." 

"What picture?" She asked lowly, slowly.

"The one you put down, so you couldn't see it anymore." 

Haseul's face flamed, and a dirty sort of fire burned in her stomach. 

"That isn't you anymore, and your life isn't the same as it was then." 

"I'm...I'm not just gonna forget what happened back then."

"You don't have to forget, but you have to forgive! Not the mean people, but the people who remind you of that time who did nothing wrong. And yourself too." 

Haseul sighed and shook her head, but Yeojin kept going. 

"Your friends now...your mom and dad...they didn't do anything wrong. You feel okay with us here because we didn't know you back then, but because they knew you in middle school, you feel bad so you become the mean one. It's just...it's just...it's just rude!" 

Haseul couldn't say a thing. She didn't even know what to say. With Yeojin staring at her with anger in her eyes for the first time in their entire lives, and Haseul feeling the same way. 

It was weird. She hated it. She had to go. 

Haseul stood up, grabbed her keys off the counter by the door, slipped on her flip-flops, and left. She made sure not to slam the door behind her but half ran down the gravel road, ignoring the pain of the bottoms of her feet. 

Half instinctually, she ended up at Vivi's door, adrenaline burning her veins. She knocked, and an answer quickly came. 

Vivi opened the door, her expression blooming from a bright smile at the sight of her girlfriend, into a soft worried gaze seeing how she actually was. Haseul just felt empty. 

"Baby...what's wrong?" 

Haseul swallowed. "I fought with Yeojin." 

"Oh..." Vivi knew right away. She pulled Haseul into a soft hug, pulling away but remaining close. "Let's go to my room, okay?" 

"Okay." 

Haseul followed Vivi down the hall and into her space. As Vivi shut the door behind them, Haseul's eyes gazed around Vivi's room: baby pink, blue, and cream decor littered the room, wallpapered with chubby baby angels and only the sweetest, fluffiest of animals. Haseul took in the thin lace curtains, Winnie the pooh ceramic picture frame, bedside table with the flower-shaped knobs, and desk smattered with pastel sticky notes. Vivi herself felt like a dream; it was only fitting that her room did too. 

Noticing Haseul's gaze, Vivi laughed. "This was my nursery. My parents didn't offer to change the decor until I was fifteen, and by then I decided I liked it." 

The room was soft and sweet, just like Vivi. "I like it too." 

Vivi's concerned eyes returned and she sat on her pink polka dot duvet, patting the space next to her. "Sit. Tell me everything." 

"We just..." Haseul sighed and told her everything. How Yeojin doesn't get it, how she couldn't believe the kid she'd done so much for would ever call her selfish. 

Vivi leaned in close, eyes attentive to her girlfriend. When she was finished she sighed, running fingers through Haseul's hair. 

"I'm so sorry. It must have hurt, the things she said. Especially coming from her. I know how much you cherish her opinion, and I hope this isn't crossing a line, but I know you want her to look up to you." 

"It's true," Haseul admitted. 

"It can't feel good to fight with her." 

"No, it doesn't." 

"It must be so painful that you did, especially with such little time left. And the words she used are bound to hurt anybody. What she said doesn't exactly fit with who you are, deep inside. But Haseul... you have to remember... she is ten." 

Haseul looked down at her lap. 

"I don't know if it's right to place your grown-up anger on her, even if she's mature for her age." 

"You're right, you're right. I guess my frustrations about all that made me forget who I was talking to." Haseul looked up, nervousness in her eyes. 

"Is she right?" 

Vivi paused and hummed. 

"Well...hm, how do I put this... okay. She's right for her, and you're right for you." 

Haseul tilted her head.

"Okay. Let me see if I can phrase this better. Because of her life experiences, what she said was right for her. She said it based on what she wants and understand. The same is true for you. What you said was right too, for you, from what you know and what you've been through. 

Haseul thought for a moment. "I think I get what you're saying. And I think you're right." 

"She doesn't know, right now at least, what it was like to be bullied." 

"But I'll never get what it's like to lose my parents." She sighed. "I guess I do sound ungrateful when I talk about them." 

"That's not to say they're perfect, and you shouldn't feel like you can't ever complain about them." 

"But she's ten." 

"Yeah." 

The girls looked at each other for a moment before Haseul tugged Vivi into a hug. "Thank you," she exhaled into her girlfriend's shoulder. "You don't know how much you mean to me." 

"I think I do." 

They pulled away and Vivi kissed Haseul's cheek with a smile. 

"As much as I want you to stay, you should probably go back and talk to her." 

"Yeah. I think so too." 

"I'll walk you out." Both girls stood up and Vivi laced her fingers with Haseul's. At the door, she turned to her. "Text me when you get home after everything, okay? Tell me how it goes." 

"Of course. The girls shared a peck on the lips, Vivi opened the door, they waved their goodbyes with a sad smile, and Haseul was off on her own again. 

Turning one last time before she left she saw Vivi watching her through the living room window. Realizing Haseul noticed her she flushed, giggling and hiding behind the curtain. Haseul smiled back. She could do this. 

Finally, she forced herself to head back to the house. The walk from Vivi's was as slow as the run to Vivi's was fast. Haseul could hear and feel every crunch of the gravelly road beneath her feet, guilt and dread and a need to fix this filling all the empty spaces in her body with sticky slime. 

Yeojin opened the doors before Haseul could even fit her key through the lock. She must have heard their jangle and raced to the door, little legs shaking. 

Haseul looked down at her cousin. With wet glassy eyes and a pout on her lips, she'd never looked so much like a child. Haseul's heart broke. 

"Why did you leave?" she whined, snuffly. 

"I'm sorry." Haseul pulled the ten-year-old into a tight hug. "I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry too," she sobbed, and Haseul winced. 

"No, no, I get where you're coming from. I do, Yeojin." 

Yeojin just cried and man, if Haseul didn't feel like  before...

"Come on, come on, let's go to the couch..." 

She guided her cousin into the living room, still holding her as she sniffled and rubbed her eyes. A baby. How could she have been so upset? Haseul sat and rubbed Yeojin's arms, taking a deep breath, breathing into her glued together self. 

"I want to say, I'm sorry I got upset. You aren't wrong, and I shouldn't have just left. I should've talked it out with you." 

Yeojin rubbed her eyes again. "I'm sorry too." 

"Yeojin...I love you so much. And not just because you're family, because you're smart and funny and strong. In all honesty, you're the strongest person I know. And really, one of my best friends." 

"Really?" Yeojin perked up a little, and Haseul felt a tiny release of relief. 

"Really." 

"You're one of mine too," she answered, voice still a bit garbled. "That's why I just...I can't...I don't wanna lose you." 

"You're not going to. Yeojin, you can't get rid of me!" 

Yeojin giggled at that, and Haseul laughed along with her. 

"You can't get rid of me either." 

Haseul took a deep breath and hugged her little cousin. Thank god, it was going to be okay. Yeojin hugged her back too, a little too tight, but it was okay. Of course, it was always okay. 

"But I don't want you to get rid of your own opinion just because we fought." 

"Do you really think I could stop having opinions?" 

Haseul chuckled. "Well, no, but still. And I mean...hopefully I'll never have to experience what you've been through, but I should still try and put myself in your shoes, so I can understand where you're coming from. I should've done that." 

"Yeah. Me too. Putting yourself in other people's shoes.... I think that's pretty important. We talk about that a lot at school." 

"I think a lot of grown ups forget that lesson from when they're your age." 

"I think so too." 

Both girls exhaled at the same time and leaned back against the couch, quiet. 

But Yeojin couldn't stay quiet long.

"Wanna go to the beach? Maybe your girlfriend will be there..." she winked with that stupid knowing look in her eyes, and Haseul laughed. 

"I know she's not going to be there, but we can still go." 

Yeojin waggled her eyebrows. "How do you know?" 

"I talked to her earlier! She's at home!"

"Ugh. Ignoring my attempts to get you and your GF together before you have to go. You are foolish. So foolish." 

Haseul gave her cousin a look, and Yeojin stared her down back, argument forgotten. 

"Let's still go to the beach though." She giggled to herself and leapt up, racing to her room before Haseul even had time to react. 

Thank god she could tell Vivi everything was okay.