Things are not going the way you want them to. Not that you ever expected them to, since your whole life has been nothing but mistakes.

But the way Jongin looks at you once you enter the safety of your room makes you want to jump back into the ocean and never return. It drills into the side of your head, the heat on your nape as you look out the window, watching the waves dance and steeling yourself as Jongin finally approaches you, his fingers brushing your arm to turn you towards him.

You sigh.

"Jongin." You begin, not giving him the chance to speak first. You don't think he quite knows what to ask either. "What my dad said...it's not true."

"What's not true?" He asks quietly.

"That you're under my spell."

"Okay." He breathes out, holding your arm so very gently, sliding down to hold your hand and giving it a squeeze. "So what is true?"

Your lips purse, your eyes dropping to your intwined hands. "There are things I cannot tell you."

"Why not?" He urges, a frown in his tone. "You can trust me."

"I know." You say, frustrated. "I know. I do trust you, Jongin. You are a good person. But I...I'm afraid."

"Of what?" He sounds confused, just as frustrated as you are as he tilts your head to see your eyes. He searches them, searching for you. "I will protect you. Not even King Triton can hurt you here."

"No." You whisper, voice shaking and cracking. "I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of hurting you."

"You would never." He replies immediately, tone soft and reassuring. "I trust you."

You start to cry. Jongin brings you close, your head on his shoulder, probably staining his insanely expensive shirt but he doesn't complain, just rocking you gently back and forth.

"I'm a monster." You say. "He's right. I don't want to scare you. I don't...I don't want to hurt anyone...it's not fair, it's not my fault."

"Sh...sh..." He coos. "You're not a monster. No matter what happens, no matter who you are or what others say, you would never hurt me. You are beautiful and wonderful, no matter if you're a human, mermaid or something else. I'll love you all the same."

Oh god.

Oh god, oh god.

He said it, he said he loved you.

It makes you cry harder, your voice echoing in the darkening room but Jongin doesn't move, just stands there holding you and letting you cry everything out. You want to say it back, but your throat constricts so much it hurts, so you leave the words for later.

Later, you'll tell him.

You don't.

The chance never came up for you to randomly just say, "I love you." He got swept up in work, and you were left to wander around yourself. There are some documents for you to look at and sign, not important enough to bother the king, so you deal with them. Sometimes people come in to report to you, talking about harvests and whether they are doing okay or if they need more financial support and why.

Your days are repetitive and boring. You wish they gave you more work so you can bury yourself in them too, but you're still just an outsider, even after being here for so long. Still, it hasn't even been a year since you married Jongin.

You yearn for a swim. Maybe you can go somewhere reclusive, somewhere no one can see. You can let yourself go free, away from Atlantica, away from Havyette, away from prying eyes and judgement and petty rumors. That would be nice.

As you make your way out the castle, Junmyeon catches you.

"Going out, Your Majesty?" He asks, tone respectful but he eyes you suspiciously. "You shouldn't go outside unguarded."

"I just wanted to go for a walk." You answer, standing a little straighter as you meet his eyes head on. "Am I not allowed to walk about my own kingdom?"

"Of course you can." He says. "But it's still dangerous for a queen to walk around my herself. What if there are assassins? Please let me accompany you."

You frown. "I apprecaite the thought, Commander. But you are too important here to accompany me."

"But—" He begins to argue before a thought hits you, making you smile.

"Perhaps Jongdae could accompany me." You say, surprising Junmyeon. "Do you know where I can find him?"

"This way." He says, leading you to the training grounds. Jongdae and several knights are doing drills, sweaty skins glistening under the unforgiving sun. Upon seeing Junmyeon and you, they immediately stop, standing in a perfectly straight line and kneeling on one leg, "Your Majesty, Commander Kim."

"You may rise." You say, waving your hand impatiently. "Jongdae, I wish to go for a walk. Accompany me."

His head shoots up, eyebrows raised. "Yes, Your Majesty."

"Come." You turn away and begin to walk, Jongdae following you quickly, sword attached to his hip.

"With all due respect," he starts after you've grabbed your horses and successfully exited the gates. "Why did you ask me? Commander Kim would've been much better to guard you."

"He is