✈︎ Warnings: EXTREME ANGST, I’M NOT KIDDING; car AKA semi public , degradation, ; mentions of psychological disorders; ed up families and ed up relationships. you’ve been warned.

 

Something deep down made you drive to Chaeryeong’s house instead of your own. You didn’t think of the consequences you had to face, stealing your mom’s car and leaving the house at midnight. You just needed someone by your side, and she was the first person you thought of.

Arriving at her apartment at 3 in the morning was the last thing you expected to do, but you still rang the doorbell anyway. Moments later, you heard the thudding of footsteps before the door inched open, and Chaeryeong was looking at you in total shock. She was still half-asleep, but the moment she spotted you, her eyes widened. “What the—what happened?”

You probably looked like a mess, and you desperately just needed sleep to forget it all. Chaeryeong seemed to understand and let you in, helping you with your bag and stripping you out of your clothes. She wordlessly handed you her new pajamas and allowed you to curl up in her bed without asking anything. You knew she was just respectful because if she asked you now, you would break into tears.

So you slept throughout the night next to your best friend, surprised to find that you had quite a good rest. You woke up the next day with the enticing smell of bacon and the sound of something sizzling on a pan. Opening your eyes, you realized Chaeryeong was missing—probably outside cooking—and quickly headed out to see her. You had a lot of explaining to do.

But you were surprised when she completely disregarded yesterday’s incident, happily seating you down and shoving you a plate full of breakfast essentials; bacon, toast, scrambled eggs, and hashbrowns. You dug in hesitantly, often glancing up to gauge her reaction. She was aimlessly playing with her phone, a small hum on her lips.

“Aren’t you going to ask what happened yesterday?” you finally blurted out halfway through your meal.

Chaeryeong paused, her fork in as she looked at me. Finally, she let out a sigh and placed her utensils down. “I didn’t want to be insensitive and ask you without knowing what the context was. You looked pretty horrible, and I… I didn’t know what I should expect. If you wanted to tell me, I trust you would do it out of your own accord.”

You didn’t realize that Chaeryeong was just trying to be respectful and sighed, not knowing where to start. Even the thought of it made tears well up in your eyes, something she took note of. “Look, if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.”

“I’m scared, Chae,” you admitted, clenching your fists tightly. “I…, I feel ashamed.”

“And you know I am the last person on earth who would ever judge you in that way,” she chastised.

You are well aware of that, having been with her through thick and thin. You wrung your hands nervously as you admitted to her, but also yourself, that—, “I’m in love with my tutor.”

Chaeryeong visibly relaxed, letting out a sigh of relief, “Jesus, girl, I thought you got or something. You came in looking like someone ed you tenfold and just left you dry.” When you stilled at her words, she instantly noticed a change. “W-Wait, you were ed yesterday?”

You looked down, nodding. “I was.”

“Don’t tell me. It was your tutor.” You kept silent, confirming her suspicions. “Okay. And something must’ve happened for you to come by a total wreck.”

You looked up, surprised. “You’re not going to ask me why I ed my tutor?”

“It’s not my position to tell you what to do and what not to.” She shrugged. “All I want to know is if you’re alright. He didn’t force himself on you, did he?”

“N-No, he didn’t,” you stammered, feeling incredibly grateful that Chaeryeong was not treating you any differently. You sent her a thankful look and took up the courage to tell her everything else. “But, this wasn’t the first time we… had .” She probed for you to continue, her face void of judgment or disgust. “It’s been going on for a while, this… tutoring with benefits situation we’re in.”

“Was he the one who started it?” Chaeryeong asked, genuinely curious.

You wanted to deny it, but when you remembered that he was the one who initiated it by reciprocating your desires, you shut your mouth. He took the first push, but you kept the ball rolling. “It was mutual between both of us, or at least, that was what I thought so.” You bit your lip frustratingly. “At least for me, I went into it wishing for it to develop into something else. I couldn’t help it. I was so attracted to him. I didn’t think straight; I just desired for him—in more ways than one.”

Chaeryeong smiled softly, reaching out to hold onto your hands across the table. “And, let me guess, you caught feelings, but he drew boundaries.”

It was funny that she was able to get everything spot on, and the moment she uttered those words, you felt the tears trickle down your eyes. Your chest constricted as you, once again, ached for a man who could never be yours, who didn’t want to be yours. Chaeryeong sighed, walking over to bring you towards the couch, where you curled up in an attempt to calm yourself down. You weren’t just devastated; you felt as if your heart got ripped out of your body, taken by him to play with.

She pursed her lips, patting your back as you racked sobs after sobs. “Do you want to hear my opinion on this?”

You nodded, needing someone to knock your senses awake, out of this eternal nightmare.

Chaeryeong hummed, “You claim to love him, but you don’t.” You looked up, sniffling slightly, but a lot more intrigued by what she said. Chaeryeong continued once she saw you were feeling a lot better and probably could take in the harsh truth. “(y/n)… how are you supposed to claim you love someone when you barely know who he is?”

With that, you frowned, your mind a total mess as you sputtered out, “What do you mean I don’t know who he is?”

Chaeryeong shrugged. “Right now, at the top of your head, think of all the times the both of you sat down and had a proper conversation about life, about feelings.” You didn’t know what to say, because she was right. Everytime you were with him, it was either for tutoring or for… . Chaeryeong immediately knew she hit the jackpot. “From what you said, it sounds like everything was purely physical. If he treated this whole thing as just tutoring with benefits, he won’t ever put his feelings on the table for you to figure out. Do you know what his hobbies are? What he does when he’s not tutoring you? What about his past relationships? Does he talk about his family? I’m betting on my school grades that he never gave you that window to get to know him because he didn’t want you to. He didn’t put his emotions out on a silver platter for you to analyze. I’m not him, I don’t know the way his mind works, but it’s either he’s ing terrified of doing that, or that it’s just to him.”

It was as if you got hit by a ton of bricks. There was one moment when he gave you answers during ‘twenty questions’ several weeks back, but they were all extremely vague. It didn’t give you enough to really get to know him, get to know what he likes or dislikes, or learn about his past that shaped him to the person he is today. You didn’t know Byun Baekhyun. You never did. The weight of it made you slump back in exhaustion. You remembered all the sweet words he whispered in your ear, the many endearments he loved to call you with, that smile—you didn’t believe that Baekhyun didn’t have some sort of attraction towards you. You refused to believe that it was just to him. But what was he so afraid of, then?

I can’t do relationships.

What was he trying to escape?

“I know it’s difficult to reel it in, but you don’t love him. Everything, all of this, it’s simply infatuation for a person who gave you the attention that you craved. Well, adding on that he’s pretty hot—maybe that became an added factor—but this is not love, and I need you to learn how to discern between the two,” Chaeryeong mumbled, gripping your hand that was starting to turn clammy.

You were racked with extreme confusion as you asked her with a soft voice, one of disbelief. “What is love?”

Chaeryeong bit her lip in exasperation. “Love is… a lot of things. You don’t get to define it as easily as that. But, if anything, love is forgiving. Humans are flawed beings, and when you learn to appreciate someone despite their negative parts, then that’s true love. When you get to know them and still want to be with them despite the indifferences, then that’s love. Love doesn’t hurt you; it fills you up with kindness and goodness that you want to share.” She leans in, patting your head lightly. “Think about it. Do you love him?”

Being with Baekhyun was tiring. It would be thrilling and uplifting for a few minutes, but when the high died down, you’d be left with the broken pieces to fix, all on your own. You suddenly didn’t know how to feel, realizing too late that maybe it wasn’t love. Perhaps it was pure infatuation.

But that doesn’t mean it’d be easy to forget about Baekhyun. He carved such a deep void into you that you simply didn’t know how to get out. In hindsight, you were tired of pushing his boundaries and giving yourself up to him, only for him to break all that apart. Maybe time away from him was what you needed because if you saw Baekhyun again, you knew you’d succumb to him regardless of what you thought. He had that kind of effect on you, and it was terrifying.

The thought of not being able to see him broke you, the thought of not seeing him on Fridays made your eyes water, but you honestly have never felt this liberated in a while. The feeling of telling someone your deepest, darkest secrets was so satisfying that you didn’t regret letting Chaeryeong know the truth.

You turned towards her, a lot calmer now, and nodded. “I don’t love him.” She visibly relaxed. “But I don’t control my feelings, and right now, every fiber of my body claims to be in love with Baekhyun. He just… he made me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

“Do you want to continue this downward spiral towards a toxic relationship?” Chaeryeong raised an eyebrow. You quickly shook your head. “Good, because he’s not good enough for you. If he really loves you, he wouldn’t make you cry.” She emphasized, pulling you in for a hug. When you let out a choked sob, too caught up in your feelings, she sighed, “I’m not a professional, sweetie, but if he’s ing you up too much—and I don’t mean —then maybe you could consider going to a counselor and sort out your thoughts in that way.”

You winced when she mentioned the shrink, going completely slack at the sound of it. It made you seem like you were sick in some way. You didn’t like that. “I’ll push through. I think I’ll be fine.”

Your phone then started ringing from the coffee table, and you looked over to see that it was your mom. It was then when you remembered your disappearance from yesterday night—your mom’s car—and you quickly picked it up to answer her, “Hello?”

“Honey, where the hell are you?” You’ve never heard your mom curse, in her lifetime, so you stilled in surprise as she continued complaining. “I called you for breakfast, and you didn’t reply. I went to your room to check on you, only for you to have gone missing, and on top of that, my car disappeared. Did you do this? Do I need to call the cops on anything?”

“This is unacceptable!” you heard your dad screaming in the background. “How dare she leave without telling us?! And steal your car?!”

Your mom sighed into the phone, “You’re concerning us right now, sweetie. What were you thinking?”

You didn’t know what it was, but a bitter taste rose to your mouth as you recounted her words. Concerned? Was she concerned? Your parents were never worried about you. When you broke up with your ex-boyfriend at 16, you were crying your heart out, but they ignored you and told you to focus on your studies. When you fractured your leg at 17, your mom didn’t even go to the hospital to check on you because she was in a conference meeting at Daegu. She only came by two days later. Your dad never did.

Concern? It didn’t exist in their dictionary. It was complete bull. Lies. “Now you care?” you spat, anger at the tip of your tongue. “This is how I get you to shower me with concern? By disappearing in the night and stealing your car, when I actually have done that multiple times before?”

“What?” your mom squeaked as if she couldn’t believe that it was you talking.

“(y/n),” Chaeryeong motioned for you to stop. “Don’t do this now. Let’s go back to your house, and we can settle it later.”

You willed yourself to calm down and gritted your teeth. “I’m going home now.” You didn’t wait for her to reply and slammed the phone down, frustrated. You quickly picked up your bags and thanked Chaeryeong for the stay, but she stood up with you, causing you to frown. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not letting you face your parents on your own. I know how much of a show they are, and you’re quite frankly emotionally unstable right now.” She grabbed her jacket from behind the door and put it on before placing her hands on your shoulders. “I love you, and your parents deserve to hear your side of the story, but I don’t want you to regret anything. I also don’t understand why it took you so long to finally realize that the problem is not with you, but with your parents.”

You often complained to Chaeryeong about their lack of attention towards you, how you thought that maybe you were the cause of their ignorance. But ever since Baekhyun came into your life, you realized that you’ve been doing everything a filial daughter would. He made you realize how they may be the root of the problem here. He was the catalyst that prompted you to act, and when you thought about it, you were thankful that he stood up for you. Even though he toyed with your feelings, he helped you in ways no one has ever done before.

So when you arrived home, you weren’t scared of the storm ahead of you. It was about time you stood up for yourself and stopped pleasing others—stopped blaming yourself—, just like how you decided that pushing Baekhyun was the best thing to do. He was toxic, and in some ways, your parents were just as toxic, if not even more, because you have been living in this household years. There was nothing you could get out of a broken relationship, and you needed to change that.

The moment you opened the front doors, your mom was there, arms folded and disappointment in her eyes. Your father was sitting on the couch in the living room, but he was mad, furious. You could see it even from far away.

“What is with this attitude, young lady?” Your mom started, feet tapping the ground. “You have always been such a good kid, but why are you suddenly rebelling? Is it because of her? I told you not to hang out with such a bad influence!” Your mom dared to point at Chaeryeong, who shrunk back behind you.

She officially flipped the switch, eliciting a slew of menacing words from your mouth. “Don’t talk to her like that, mom. I don’t even know if I can call you my mom when you’ve never given me any reason for you to be granted that grandiose title.” You seethed.

Your dad automatically stood, his loud voice bouncing off the walls. “(Y/N)!”

“No, dad. Don’t even get me started on you.” You weren’t afraid. The adrenaline pumping through your blood, the firm grip of your hand that reminded you of Chaeryeong’s presence, and the extreme sadness that washed over you—all of that made you fearless. You just had enough. “What merit did you guys achieve that gave you the privilege to be called my parents?”

“What is wrong with you? I gave birth to you; your father placed a roof over your head, you live such a lavish life, and this is how you repay us?” Your mom was livid, fists clenched on her sides.

Your face fell as they yet again brought up the notion of money as if that was what you needed. You scoffed, “But did I ask for a lavish life? Did I ask for you to put a silver spoon in my mouth and call it a day? I didn’t ask for this. I don’t even want this. Wait, you don’t even know what I want, because all you guys do is leave for business meetings and gala balls that you don’t even ask me what I need!”

By then, your heart was racing uncontrollably, and you had such a hard time breathing. You’ve never felt so bitter in your entire life. “Think about it. Do you know what I like? What I dislike? Do you know my passions? My favorite food? My go-to restaurant? My favorite clothing store? What about my top ice cream flavor?” You your lips, surprised to taste salt on your tongue. When you lifted your hands to touch your face, you realized you were crying. You were so caught up in your feels that you became overwhelmed, unable to control the emotions spilling out of you. “Do you even know me?”

“Of course we do!”

“Then answer my questions!” You fired back, letting out a choked sob. “Tell me what my favorite food is!”

Your mom seemed to form an epiphany then, anger utterly void of her, leaving the anxiousness behind as she stuttered, “M-Mac and cheese?”

Your tears continued to flow as you scoffed, “I don’t like mac and cheese. I like tteokbokki, and we’ve never eaten that together as a family. Ever. Because all you care about is your mac and cheese, the one thing you can make, the only thing you’re good at making.” You swiped your hand over your face, getting rid of all the snot and tears piling up. But you didn’t stop complaining. You were far from done. “You never ask me how I’m doing, what I want to do, if there’s been anything wrong with my life. You guys think whatever you want is whatever I want, but you’re so wrong!” You spun to face your dad, sniffing softly. “I never wanted Finance. I hate anything business-related, but you don’t know that because you like Finance.” You then looked at both of them properly, realizing how their bodies have deflated, their faces blanked out as if they couldn’t believe your words. Your dad looked speechless, while your mom was ridden with guilt.

When she took a step forward, however, you shook your head, finally allowing the cries to engulf you. “I don’t want to see both of you right now.” You wrapped your body with your arms, trying to stop the trembling. “I know I was wrong in stealing the keys to your car and leaving in the middle of the night. I’m sorry. I blame myself entirely for being rebellious, but it was only because I was hoping to catch your attention. I’d wish you would scream and shout at me for doing something wrong because that means you truly cared for me.” Your voice cracked at that, and your mom let out a whimper. “Yeah, at least it worked; today was enough proof for it,” you mumbled, looking down. “Only it was too late.”

“Sweetie—,”

“Give me time,” you muttered, looking back up at them, completely exhausted. “I need time from this toxic family, and you both need time to think of your actions, or maybe looking deep and realizing that I was right. Your image of a perfect daughter never existed. No, she’s completely screwed up, because both of you never noticed anything, never approached her when she was completely devastated. You both never realized.”

You turned towards Chaeryeong and pulled her to follow you up to your room, but she tugged you back. “You can grab your things while I stay here.” It was as if she knew you wanted to stay with her, and you were grateful for that.

“But—,”

“Don’t worry. I know how to stand up for myself,” she smiled softly, patting you by the hair. I’m proud of you, she mouthed at you, and you proceeded to tear up as you went to pack all of your school necessities, toiletries, and clothing to last you three days. When you went down, your mom did not change her position, frozen on the spot, but your dad was nowhere to be found. You quickly bounded down the stairs, not wishing to stay here any longer, and Chaeryeong pulled you by the wrist just as your mom grabbed your hand.

You flinched, hand jerking away in surprise. Your mom pouted, but you weren’t going to fall for her soft eyes. “I can’t do this, mom.”

“Honey, I’m sorry—,”

“Sorry is not going to work this time,” you murmured, allowing Chaeryeong to bring you towards the streets, immediately hailing a cab.

Once you were in the vehicle, you allowed yourself to mourn, allowed yourself to feel all the emotions you suppressed for so many years. You cried until you could feel the lump in your throat develop into a knot; cried until your lungs screamed for oxygen. You were shaking, your vision swimming, your soul tearing you apart, but you continued to sob because, with that, you knew that everything was real, that what happened wasn’t just a dream. Your emotions were real. And after the storm, you found peace.

You didn’t know what time it was when you woke, but your body was aching, and your head was pounding mercilessly through your skull. You groaned, flopping down on the bed to rest your sore eyes. The door creaked open, and you turned to find Chaeryeong with her hands folded, eyebrows raised. “So? Are you done moping?”

“What time is it?” You managed to blabber out, looking at your phone to see that it was 5 in the evening. You let out a squeak, surprised to find that you slept for over 5 hours. “Holy crap.”

“Yeah, and as much as I want you to stay in here and be all sad, I know that the right thing to do is to bring you out and get some air. Clear your mind for a bit, you know?” Chaeryeong encouraged, kneeling next to the bed.

You wanted to stay in, but you knew you’d start overthinking, and in your situation right now, it’s not the best option. “Okay. Give me 30 minutes.”

Chaeryeong let out a cheer and nodded. “That’s what I’m saying. Atta, girl!”

“Stop it, Chae,” you rolled your eyes, crawling out of bed and making yourself look as presentable as possible.

Going out, you were expecting it just to be the two of you, but you got the fright of your life when you saw Leo walking down the street towards the restaurant you were standing in front. What made your jaw drop, however, was Jongin. The last time you saw him was on Friday, and it wasn’t a lovely farewell.

You instantly glared at Chaeryeong and moved to leave, but she held onto your arm. “Hey, wait, I swear I didn’t know he was going to come. Leo didn’t tell me,” she sighed. “But you should also stop running away from him. He’s harmless, and considering your situation, I don’t blame you for leaving him dry.”

“What?!” you hissed, watching as they both approached you.

“I saw what you both did. You, kissing him, and then suddenly leaving. He, following you out of the house, only to come back looking absolutely dejected, like a lost puppy,” Chaeryeong cooed. “Either way, he doesn’t harbor ill feelings towards you. Just relax, best friend. I brought you out here so you could momentarily cheer up a bit. You deserve to let loose a little.”

this. You were tired of tiptoeing around everyone and grumbled, crossing your arms as Leo planted a chaste kiss on Chaeryeong, while Jongin automatically went up towards you. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Hi to you, too,” you mumbled, still a little guilty for what happened before.

“You okay? You left the other day abruptly, I just wanted to know if you’re fine,” he placed his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie.

You pursed your lips. “Jongin, look—,”

“You don’t have to apologize. I’ve had a girl leave me during , so you’re good,” Jongin joked, which got you cracking a smile as he teasingly smirked at you. “I’m serious. Now stop beating yourself up over it. You have your reasons, and I respect that.”

You exhaled in absolute gratitude, feeling like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. “Thank you, seriously. I really didn’t mean to do that.”

“To kiss me?” Jongin raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t mean to kiss me?” He then took a step forward, smirking. “Really?”

Was he flirting with you? You didn’t know, but you quite liked it, with Baekhyun wholly thrown out of your head after all the pain he has placed upon you. Besides, Jongin was handsome. He had that golden tan skin girls fall for, bushy browns and sharp eyes that made your legs tremble at the sight of, and plump pink lips that felt good when you were kissing him. You didn’t know if he was approaching you for genuine reasons, or for just a small fling, but you didn’t mind it at all. You could use the distraction. “No. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging,” you hummed.

The waiter called you into the restaurant, and you quickly entered, starving as you slept through lunchtime. Throughout the night, Jongin was nothing but respectful, albeit he was quite the flirt, occasionally sending you coy glances, helping you with your food, and even wiping something off the sides of your mouth. But you didn’t stop him. After all, you felt loved.

You were feeling good, you really did. You forgot that Baekhyun existed, that your parents existed. For a moment there, you were happy.

But of course, fate didn’t seem to want you to be happy, because the next thing you knew, you heard someone call his name, and you froze up in shock.

What the is Baekhyun doing here?

The restaurant was quite tiny, so Chaeryeong heard it too, instantly looking at you to confirm if she heard someone calling out your tutor’s name. You gulped, bobbing your head a little, while Leo and Jongin both looked lost. You dreaded this whole situation, but it didn’t make it any better when you swiveled your head, trying to find the said boy, only to realize that he was looking at you with such a piercing gaze that it made you shudder.

Has he been staring at you all along? You didn’t know. But what’s for sure was that he still ignited something deep inside of you, a fire that only he could light up, and only he could put out. Your heart raced, slamming against your chest so hard you saw stars in your eyes. Your brain was static, muddled just by the sight of him. Your throat constricted, and you quickly stopped yourself from thinking about him. You promised yourself that enough was enough, and you weren’t going to let him ruin you anymore.

Chaeryeong saw the discomfort in your eyes as you pulled away. “You good? Do you want to move?”

“What? Is her ex-boyfriend here?” Leo asked innocently.

You quickly shook your head. “No, just someone I know.”

“We can leave. We’re done eating anyway,” Jongin looked at you in concern.

And then there’s Jongin, sweet and charming Jongin that made you forget Baekhyun existed. You hated that you were left in this confusing predicament and figured the best thing to do was to go, so you nodded. “Okay. Let me go to the restroom first, you guys can ask for the bill.”

You moved to take a breather, willing yourself to not fall for the same trap. You were stronger than this, better than this. You deserved to be treated right.

However, when you exited the ladies’ room, you jumped up at the sight of Baekhyun, leaning against the wall right in front of you. His mere presence still made you falter in your steps, but you stopped yourself there. You weren’t falling down that black hole once again. He didn’t look too happy as he pushed himself up to prevent you from leaving, letting out a scoff, “Moving on so quickly?”

You didn’t quite understand, frowning. “W-What?”

“I saw you out there. Cute guy, very tanned skin. Tell me, was he as good of a as I am?” Baekhyun neared you, his tone seething as his face closed in on you. You couldn’t help but gape at the audacity of him, utterly disgusted by his words.

For the first time, you snapped at him, your whole body firing up. “What if he is? Is there something wrong with that, Mr. Byun? After all, you’re just my math tutor, isn’t it?”

Baekhyun paused, realizing that you weren’t calling him by his name any longer, that he’s now back to being Mr. Byun. You moved to get out of this space, having enough of his rude remarks and hating that you were still pulled towards him despite everything that he has done towards you. But he yanked you backward, and you yelped as he encased you in between his arms, your back against the wall. “I didn’t know you were this kind of girl, forgetting about me so easily. Do you want me to remind you that you were the one lusting over me, begging for me to please you?”

Immediately, your eyes brimmed with tears, feeling as if he just stabbed you multiple times in the chest. You lifted your arms and gave him a quick push before slapping his cheek. A swirl of emotions enveloped you as you sneered at him, a look of shock crossing over his face. “You don’t get to do this to me, Mr. Byun. You don’t get to come back and claim me as yours because I was never yours from the start; you made sure of that. So why does it matter who I flirt or with? Why do you care?” You were bawling at this point, shoving his shoulders in hysterics. “You tell me you don’t want to be with me, that you ‘don’t do relationships’, but why do you keep coming back, knowing full well that I was looking for one, that I like you as more than just a buddy? Why do you play with my feelings, whisper sweet nothings to me, raise my hopes up, only for me to realize it was all just for you?”

You were so loud that Chaeryeong immediately noticed something was up, rushing to check on you. Jongin followed suit, surprised to find you in tears, chest heaving up and down in pure anger as your eyes fired daggers at Baekhyun. He was holding his cheek—conflicted—and a mixture of emotions engulfed him as he took your words in.

Chaeryeong bit her lip and turned to Jongin. “Jongin, could you—,”

“I’ve had enough of your mind games, Mr. Byun. I’m so sick and tired of you. You don’t get to do this to me, you selfish bastard,” you spat as your chin trembled, your bottom lip quivered as more tears slid out of your eyes. You brushed past Chaeryeong and Jongin, desperately needing fresh air and space for you to release the tension in your chest. You kept moving, not knowing where you were going, or where your legs were bringing you to until you felt someone grabbing your wrist, tugging you back. You were about to scream, thinking that it was Baekhyun again, but when Jongin’s face loomed in your vision, you bawled your heart out.

He sighed, bringing you in by the shoulders and holding you close as he maneuvered his way to his car, figuring you needed privacy. He unlocked the door and gestured for you to go in, but you gripped the lapels of his coat, shaking your head frantically. “Don’t leave me.” You whispered in a tiny voice.

Jongin didn’t complain and went inside the backseat of his car with you, pulling you to sit on his lap as you buried your face in his chest. By then, you’ve had no more tears left to cry, but you were still reeling from that encounter, an ache your chest you wished would go away. When you felt Jongin caressing the tops of your head, you looked up, surprised by yourself for relying on someone so quickly, so easily. You didn’t know what it was about Jongin; maybe it was his sincerity, the casual tone in the way he spoke, how laid-back and amicable he was towards you, but you felt him.

He surprised you by leaning in, stealing your lips into a heated kiss. You stilled, completely taken aback, but he pressed into you further, his lips delicate and warm.

No, wait. You shut your eyes and pulled back. Even though you didn’t want to let go of that feeling, of that momentary bliss of not having Baekhyun inside your head, you couldn’t do that to Jongin again. He didn’t deserve it. “Jongin, I—,”

“I know. You’re pushing me away because you have another man inside your head.” He tilted his chin, sighing, “But what if I don’t care? I don’t mind being used by you. I’d take my chances. Maybe you’d forget about him and come for me after this, who knows?” Jongin shrugged, hoisting you by the waist so that you were straddling him. You bit your lip, the sound of it enticing you. Jongin swiped his thumb over your bottom lip, and you shut your eyes to bask in it. “We can make this a one night stand, or we can turn this into something more if you’d like. It’s up to you.”

The mere presence of him aroused you, and the crackling energy between the two of you was surreal, even you could feel it. But Baekhyun was still a part of you, a painful reminder of the man who made you feel like no other. As much as you wanted Jongin, you didn’t want to do this to him.

But instead, he curled his hand around the nape of your neck and pulled you close. “You’re one heck of a girl, but don’t worry, I don’t catch feelings that easily,” his breath tickled your cheeks like wisps of winds, and you found yourself leaning into him, your forehead touching his.

Jongin pulled you in just as you dropped your head to meet his lips, a fire between the two of you set ablaze. The first time you kissed Jongin, you were reminded of the differences he had with Baekhyun. This time, you embraced it. Jongin was softer, calmer, tongue moving gently around your mouth like a slow lover. He cherished each part of you, fingers gliding over your shirt and teasing the hem of your sleeves. Your arms reached up and tangled around his thick, muscular neck as he bent his head to take in more of you, on your bottom lip. In an instant, you pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, in satisfaction before you drew back into his lips.

He moved his hands towards the ends of your shirt, and you quickly took it off, tossing it to the ground as you fisted his shirt, needing the touch of his skin on yours. Jongin raised an eyebrow at your impatience, ditching his hoodie as quickly. You splayed your hands over his broad chest; his body was a lot tighter and bigger than Baekhyun’s would be. Before you got caught up into thoughts of him, Jongin attacked your neck as you moved to tangle your fingers in his hair, pulling him to catch your lips in another breathy kiss.

When you felt his hands move to shift the wire of your bra, you moved to get his hands on yours, and moaned at the contact of his fingers on your sensitive bud. You instantly whimpered, mouth falling apart at the pleasure that rocketed over your core. Jongin cooed softly, his breath tickling your ear. “You love this, don’t you? Love my fingers touching you over here.” He squeezed your s, causing you to rock your hips against his in a desperate plea to relieve the throbbing sensation over your .

Jongin let out a feral growl as he unclasped your bra swiftly as if he’s done it multiple times, before diving to take your bud in his mouth. You threw your head back in a loud moan, biting your lip when he pushed his groin up to meet yours. He grunted and patted your hip, “Get this off.”

You moved away from his lap with a loud laugh, fumbling to take your pants off in such a cramped space. “Ugh, , this is so difficult.”

“Language, baby,” Jongin crooned, fixing the driver’s seat so that he had more space. As soon as you were done, you huffed and turned towards Jongin to find him kneeling on the floor, eyes darkened with lust as he raked all over your body. You flushed under his gaze as he pulled your legs towards him, spreading them wide. “You smell heavenly, sweet Jesus. Are you even real?”

You were about to retort, but he dived to your wet , causing you to buck your hips against his mouth, crying out his name. Jongin hummed in satisfaction, “Remember that I’m doing this to you, I’m making you feel good. Not him, but me,” he murmured, allowing his tongue to lap over your folds and intensifying the tension curling over your stomach.

“Yes, Jongin,” you moaned, curling your hips when he pressed his thumb over your nub. You didn’t think you could twice today, and you didn’t want it to be when Jongin wasn’t filling you up. You shook your head as you pushed Jongin’s shoulder away from your , whining at the loss of it. “Jongin. Please, I can’t do this anymore. me.”

“You’re so impatient, I love it,” Jongin chuckled softly, leaning over to prop his arms next to your head. “Do you want to be on top, sweetcheeks?”

Your eyes shone at the sound of it, intriguing you deeply. Jongin tapped your nose affectionately and sat next to you, motioning for you to sit on his lap. You followed just as he started unbuckling his pants, bringing them down enough for his to spring free. Your jaw dropped at the size of it, not expecting something so large. Your mouth watered, wondering how he’d feel deep inside of you. Jongin lifted your chin to face him, and you gazed at him through hooded lids. “Ride me.”

You quickly aligned his tip against your , at how sensitive you were and how good he felt. When you sank down, you were surprised how slick you were as he slid into you so easily.

“, baby, move,” Jongin groaned, ing his hips upwards to relieve the blood rushing towards his shaft. You took your bottom lip in between your teeth as you started to rock your hips, panting heavily with each movement. The view of your s bouncing—coupled with the little whines your voice made—caused Jongin to grunt loudly, clouded by desire for you. “Baby, I can’t go this slow. I need to  you straight.”

You nodded, scrambling to move as he stood over you. He motioned for you to kneel on your fours, and you stuck your up for him, head turning around to see what he was doing. Jongin lifted one leg onto the seat, and the other stayed put on the floor. He quickly inserted his into you, bending over to wrap his arms from behind as he into you mercilessly. Your body shook at how rough he was, a total 180 from his kisses just now. He was thick, and with every smack of his hips against yours, the car moved with his weight.

When he started toying with your s, you bit back a cry at how good you felt. He was skilled, that is; so skilled that it made you forget Baekhyun existed. Jongin continued his ministrations, circling your with his thumb. Your walls clenched all over his shaft, causing him to see stars. “You’re amazing, (y/n). So amazing.”

“J-Jongin, I can’t —,” you whimpered, clutching the headrest as you tried to form words. You curled your toes and your body started to shudder as Jongin’s hips stuttered against you, his s coming in quicker as he moved with a speed that was unthinkable. You were a hot mess then, mewling and whimpering as you came undone.

The pulsation of your walls on his made him come a lot faster than he expected, your wrapped so tightly around him that it made his eyes water. As soon as he released his load into you, he pulled away abruptly with a groan. “, I—I’m sorry—,”

“It’s okay. I’m on the pill,” you took a deep breath, sliding down the seat clumsily. You’ve never had an rip through you that hard ever since Baekhyun, which made you look up at Jongin in wonder.

It wasn’t just the , it was his loving smile as he cleaned you up and let out a chuckle, “Do you want to come to my place and cuddle, or do you want to go back to Chaeryeong’s?” Cuddle; such a word that never existed in Baekhyun’s dictionary.

You saw him catch a breath as you grinned, cupping his jaw and placing a soft kiss on his lips. “That girl who ran away from you must be regretting her decision right now.