✈︎ Warnings: , , oral (male!receiving), choking, , vanilla , dom!baekhyun, sub!reader, signs of mental disorders
 

You had a lot of time to think about Baekhyun. You had one whole week.

But, in the end, you pushed it away, terrified of confronting the real truth. Just a little longer. Just a little more. You liked him so much that you didn’t want this to stop. You didn’t want him to shun away from you because of your needs, and you rather stay in this in-between of ‘tutoring with benefits’ than having to be void of Baekhyun for good.

It was ed up, but you fell too deep. You didn’t care.

When Friday rolled in, you were simply excited to see him again. Every time you wait for him, it’s like the feeling of a first date. Your heart flutters, you get nervous, and your smile is a permanent fixation on your face. You wonder what he’s wearing today, what hairstyle he’s sporting, and what pair of glasses he’s using. The thoughts go over your head so much that it excites you. It doesn’t matter that Baekhyun mentioned no funny business today. You were just happy to see him.

When you heard a knock on your door, you quickly opened it and saw Baekhyun, looking dashing as ever. He opted for a casual all-black outfit, paired with black-framed glasses and messy hair. He reached in and ruffled your hair affectionately. “Someone’s excited today.”

“I’m just happy I get to see you,” you muttered, sitting back down on your table and opening up your textbook. “What are we doing today, Mr—ah, I mean, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun chuckled lightly and took out a stack of papers. “Since you just started statistics in math, we’ll focus on that. How did you feel about it? Was there anything that you didn’t really understand?”

Sometimes, you are caught by surprise at how good Baekhyun is at being professional at the right time. You, on the other hand, don’t know how to keep your emotions in check. All you want to do is stare at Baekhyun and admire him, look into his chocolate brown eyes that grounds you, keeps you secure, and makes you feel safe.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, flicking his fingers at your forehead to snap you out of your reverie. You winced, hands flying up to rub the sore spot as you pout at him. “What was that for?”

“Focus, princess,” he murmured, pointing at your textbook. “We skipped last week’s lesson and I don’t want you to slack off this time around.”

Your lips jut out, realizing that Baekhyun was chiding at you. You knew you needed to focus, but you found it so difficult. “Sorry.”

Baekhyun sighed and placed his finger under your chin before tilting it, allowing you to gaze into his brilliant eyes. “Try, at least. I don’t want you to fail and get your parents disappointed in you, and me.” You nodded, a little intimidated by him, but ultimately glad that he cares about your studies. “How about this?” He spoke up, and you turned to face him curiously. “I’ll give you a practice paper to do in the end. If you can score full points, we can have a little… fun.”

You automatically grinned. “Anything fun?”

Baekhyun nodded. “If you want to play your Nintendo Switch together, we can do that too.”

That’s not what I have in mind, you thought to yourself, but it propelled you to tie your hair and focus on your work. “Okay, Baekhyun. Where do we start?”

Throughout the whole session, you made sure to put your hundred percent into it, asking questions when you don’t understand and paying attention to his explanations. He would often get distracting, like when his tongue would dart out to his lips or when he runs his fingers through his hair, but you pulled through for the sake of your end goal. After all, you had one request you wanted to make.

And you were going to make sure you get it.

Baekhyun checked his watch and hummed, “We’re early today. You’re taking math equations a lot better now, huh?”

“I have an amazing tutor,” you replied bashfully, taking the paper from his side of the table and clicking your pen to start working on it. This time, you made sure that you really concentrated on getting all of the answers right. When you first started tutoring with Baekhyun, you purposely got a few questions wrong so he would explain and converse with you more. Now, you just want to get it one and over with.

As you scribbled down on your practice paper, Baekhyun was humming a tune while playing his phone. You turned to face him, a little smile on your face. “You can sing, Baekhyun?”

“Eh, I would say so,” he shrugged. “But it’s just a hobby. Nothing too big.”

“Can you sing me a song while I do my work?” You requested, b with excitement at hearing his voice. Baekhyun didn’t even hesitate and started to blast out a tune, making your jaw drop at how melodious he sounds. He shot you a look, gesturing for you to continue doing your work and you scramble to take your pen, continuing with your practice paper.

You realized that you didn’t know a lot about Baekhyun. Other than the fact that he’s your tutor, he’s really an enigma you wanted to crack. But a nagging feeling in your chest reminded you that he was not someone you could get close to, even if you desperately wanted to. What does he do in his free time? Does he have friends? Girlfriends? It sent a slice to your chest, and you didn’t want to think about it too much, afraid of getting hurt.

“Princess?”

You snapped your head up to face him, realizing that you just spaced off and quickly went back to your paper. “Sorry. I guess I was too immersed.”

“It’s okay. It meant that my singing was not too bad,” Baekhyun patted your head affectionately, causing a rosy tint to creep up your cheeks. “Continue on. Let me know when you’re done. I’ll be outside to take a call, okay?”

You nodded and resumed with your work, drowning out all the sounds as you concentrate on getting each question perfect. When you’re done, you feel like your head is throbbing at how much information you just absorbed. Peeking out of your room, you find Baekhyun on his phone, speaking quietly in low tones. You could distinctly hear snippets of his conversation and you recognize how bad it is to eavesdrop, but you were too intrigued.

“No, Sehun. I don’t think—I just—no, okay? I’m not going to even start.” He then rubbed his hand over his face. “Look, I need to go—we’ll talk about this later. I promise. I’m tutoring someone so I can’t be out for too long—wait, you don’t know I got a job?”

You felt weird listening in, so you snuck back into your room and just stared at your paper, wondering what that was all about. You remembered the name he uttered, Sehun, and took it upon yourself to keep it at the back of your mind. A few minutes later, Baekhyun came back in looking a little bit stressed out, but he was still grinning at you. “Done?”

You handed the paper to him, pursing your lips. “Yup.”

Baekhyun instantly took it and uncapped his pen to start checking. You watched as his eyes glided through your paper extremely quickly, pen moving to check on certain equations. After a few minutes of nervousness—at least, on your side—Baekhyun flipped the paper back and smiled. “Well, it seems like you’re on a roll. You nailed it, princess. Full points, and we just started this chapter, so I’m very proud of you.”

You immediately let out a squeal and grabbed his arm. “So we can do anything now?”

Baekhyun checked his watch and paused. “Well, we do have more than an hour before tutoring ends.” He looked up just then and his eyes twinkled as he leaned closer towards you. “Is there anything you want to fulfill today, princess?” He hummed, tucking your hair behind your ear.

You gulped. You have one, but you didn’t know if he would be willing to play it out. It came to you when you saw Baekhyun’s thick meat, standing tall and proud, throbbing red. You find yourself wondering what it would taste like.

“I can see the gears turning in your head,” Baekhyun chuckled. “Don’t be shy. You weren’t shy when you were touching yourself, calling my name.”

Immediately, a blush went up to your cheeks as you said, “I want to your .”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened, a smirk forming on his face as he placed his thumb on your bottom lip, rubbing it softly. “You have a dirty mouth, huh, baby girl?”

You confidently take Baekhyun’s thumb in between your lips, looking up through your lashes as you nod. “Mhm.” You proceed to , rubbing your tongue over it.

Baekhyun’s eyes darkened, his mouth parting at how good you felt. And that was not on his  yet. He quickly pulled his thumb away from you and sat back down on his chair. “Since you’ve been a good girl, I can give you that.”

Your eyes immediately sparkled in desire. “What should I do, Baekhyun?”

He takes his lip in between his teeth and smirks, “Strip for me, baby doll. Show me your beautiful body.”

At his words, you felt confident enough to start ing your shirt, stripping off each article of clothing until you were left in your lingerie. Baekhyun groaned, realizing that you wore matching black lace today. “Did you dress up for me, baby? Even though I mentioned no funny business today?”

“I wanted to test my luck, just in case,” you walked over to him, face flushed with nervousness and excitement. Baekhyun pulled you down and you sat on his lap, hands on his chest as his eyes roamed your body from top to bottom. His eyes are hooded as he brings you down by your neck, kissing you fiercely.

You don’t think you could ever get bored of Baekhyun’s kisses. Not only was he skilled, playing with your lips and up your mouth, but he was also passionate, your lips fitting into his like a perfect puzzle piece. He made sure to roam his fingers all over your body, stopping at your s and pulling the straps down to release your sensitive bud. As soon as he flicked his fingers over one , you moaned, mouth parting as he took your bottom lip and softly on it. Baekhyun toyed with both s, and you arch your back at the sensation that zapped through your core, making you wet.

Baekhyun stopped kissing you, now placing soft kisses down the expanse of your neck and towards your collarbone. He ducks down to take a bud in one mouth while his fingers squeeze the other, making you buck your hips to find some sort of sensation. Baekhyun groaned when he felt his friction around his and moved away, pulling you up and motioning for you to kneel over. You listen, watching as he fiddles with his belt and s his jeans. As soon as he pulls his boxers down, his springs free, precum all over the tip. Your eyes sparkled at the sight of it, and you quickly shuffle in between his legs, bending over it, so close, that you could see it glistening.

You darted your tongue to up his shaft, looking up to see his reaction. Baekhyun had his eyes closed, fingers gripping the sides of his chair so tightly his knuckles turned white. You love the reaction you had on him and confidently took him in your mouth. You made sure to watch a video beforehand, understanding the techniques and implementing it. You on his tip first, making him groan and grab your hair. “Oh, , baby.”

You continued your ministrations, this time bending lower to take in more of him. You tilt your head, pulling your hair into one side as you take your hands to play with his balls, squeezing and fumbling with it. When your mouth moved up and down, Baekhyun’s hips jerked up, pushing his all the way into your mouth, hitting the base of your throat. It clenched around his head so tightly that he cursed out loud, “!”

Your eyes watered from taking in so much of him, but you felt so by his sounds and his movements that you bent lower, hollowing your cheeks out and lapping all over his length as you bob your head, making sure to take him in so much that it started to choke you. You hear him let out a guttural groan and take him in just a little more, legs trembling at the sheer pleasure that coursed through your body on top of the moan that escaped Baekhyun’s lips, “Ah, baby, you feel so good. Your mouth is so good,” he panted. “I wonder how good your will feel with my deep inside you.”

You look up at him through your eyelashes, feeling so intimidated by his dark stare, but also so aroused by how dominant he is. Baekhyun loved seeing you, bent over and under him. It made him feel so good.

You could taste a little bit of his and realized that Baekhyun was close, from the way his hips started to move with yours and his constant moans. You bobbed a little faster, making sure to a little harder and all over his shaft. Baekhyun’s eyes rolled back when you took him in so much that your throat constricted over his tip. Adding on that you were squeezing his balls, Baekhyun let out a slew of curse words as he came, shaking and groaning as he spurted all over your mouth. You were surprised, of course, but you took it all in like a good girl, swallowing them whole.

Baekhyun looked at you the whole time, seeing you bent over, sticking up and hair falling to frame your face as you take him in. He also couldn’t believe that you took him in through the hilt, up towards your throat, causing you to actually choke. It made him so curious about you as he pulled you up to his lap, bringing his hands around your neck. You frowned as he drawled, “Remember your safeword, princess.”

You didn’t have the time to nod, because Baekhyun was suddenly squeezing his fingers, tightening around your neck. Surprised, you take his wrists, but you don’t make him stop, because you suddenly felt pooling over your nether regions, the arousal peeking. You part your mouth and tilt your head back, and Baekhyun squeezed a little harder. You let out a wanton moan, and that was when Baekhyun let you go, mouth agape and eyes swirling with danger. He pulls you down, attacking your lips and carelessly running his fingers down your sides, towards your soaked . He used his fingers to push them to the side and your slit, all slick because of him. He let out a hiss and looked up at you, “, baby. I can’t believe you like being choked.”

“Huh?” You asked in a daze of lust, yearning for Baekhyun and his touches. He quickly carried you up, placing you down on your bed and taking your off in a jiffy. Crawling up towards you, he pecked your lips softly and was about to go under when you tugged at his arms. “Wait, Baekhyun, stop.”

He gazed up at you, cocking his head to the side, “Yes, baby? Do you not want me under you?”

“Can you put your inside me instead, Baekhyun?” You your lips, embarrassed at the request that came out of your mouth. You suddenly felt dumb and shook your head. “Actually, nevermind—,”

“You want me to have with you?” Baekhyun cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. You saw his resolve shatter, left with a cloud of lust that hovered over you. You gulped, nodding. He ran his fingers through his hair. “You want me to take away your ity?”

“ity is just a title, a social construct,” you replied. “I just want to feel you inside me. I want to feel what it’s like to have , and I want you to do it for me as my first.”

Baekhyun grumbled, “You’re a little minx, you kitten.” Seeing how serious you were, Baekhyun’s eyes softened. “It is my pleasure, baby,” he tidied up your hair and started to his top. “This is going to hurt, so I’ll need to stretch you out first.” As soon as he threw his shirt off, you admired his bare torso, amazed at how ripped he was underneath. You ran your hands through his chest, feeling his muscles contract underneath your fingers and rubbed your thighs together to relieve the pleasure that ran through your body. Baekhyun chuckled lowly, parting your legs with his hands and teasing your folds with his fingers.

“Baekhyun, please,” you mewled as he pressed his fingers on your nub, making your back arch. He watched as he placed one finger inside of you, and then two, stretching you out. You were completely, soaking wet, his fingers making squelching sounds as he pumped back and forth. He was automatically enchanted by you, the little trembles your body made and the lewd sounds you didn’t bother to hide.

You were shaking, the pooling around your stomach getting further as he continued to rub your , lubricating you enough. However, his fingers left you and you cried out at the loss of it, eyes snapping open to check what he was doing. Baekhyun started stripping off his pants, leaving him completely , standing before you. Your mouth drooled at his , dangling proudly. “Do you think it’s going to fit into my… hoohah?”

“You say the word ‘’ but you use hoohah?” Baekhyun let out a loud guffaw. “I’m sure you can take me in, princess. Can you? If you don’t think you can, we can always stop.”

“No, please continue,” you whined, gripping his arms.

Baekhyun chuckled and bent over you, placing your legs on your sides. The feeling of him sliding over you was too much as you bucked your hips, needing that escape.

“Calm down, baby girl,” Baekhyun murmured, one hand toying with your s while the other held his , positioning it over your sensitive . You move forward, causing it to enter your moist core almost instantly. Although it was just the tip, Baekhyun was bucking over, hands moved next to your head to prop himself over you. He gritted his teeth at how tight you were, squeezing over him so perfectly. On the other hand, you didn’t expect it to hurt that much. But you were determined to get it through, moving just a little to get more of him.

When you whined at the pain that shot up your spine, Baekhyun held one hand on your hips while the other started to toy your , loosening you up. He cooed softly, “So impatient. Take it slow, princess. Bit by bit, okay?”

You nodded then, letting your walls adjust at the size of Baekhyun. Only when you don’t feel pain did you pat Baekhyun’s thighs, and he pushed himself a little further. When you clenched around him, gritting your teeth from the ache, Baekhyun grumbled, “Do you want to continue?”

“Yes, please,” you panted. “Just a little more, Baekhyun.”

He controlled himself despite the very need to just move and bang you senseless. Bit by bit, he eased into you. The moment he reached the hilt, he let out a sigh of relief and bent down on his hands, waiting for you to stretch out and fit him in. Surprisingly, you’ve gone through the initial pain, now just a throbbing burn. You bit your lip and shifted a little, feeling so full from just him inside of you. Baekhyun looked at you then, holding back as much as he could and making sure you were okay. You smiled, heart melting at how sweet and considerate he was. You felt your chest clench when you remembered his words, that he doesn’t do relationships, and you started to panic. Desperate to forget that, you your hips upwards and moaned when you felt pleasure.

Baekhyun immediately knew you were ready, starting to move in and out slowly. “Okay, baby?”

“More, Baekhyun,” you breathed out, gripping your sheets tightly. “A little faster.”

Baekhyun thanked the gods and ed his hips even more, each time slamming into you a little harder than the first and making you cry out. You thrashed around when he reached his hand out to play with your mounds, pushing you into a state of bliss. “So pretty, baby girl. Beautiful,” he grunted out, when your walls clenched over . You snapped your eyes open and watched Baekhyun, veins popping out of his neck and sweat forming on his forehead. He was slamming into you, hands gripping your hips so hard you felt it bruise bit by bit. Your jaw dropped at how racy, how hot he was. You were about to lose your mind.

Baekhyun, Baekhyun, you chanted out, head tilting back when you could feel you were about to come. Baekhyun felt it too, thumb circling your nub for more pressure. He groaned when your muscles started to contract over his thick meat, cursing when you trembled, so close to your . Quickly, Baekhyun placed his hands over your neck and squeezed, the added asphyxiation making you cry out as you came undone, shaking at the intensity of it. Baekhyun instantly pulled out, and you watched through hooded lids as he pumped his with his hands before he, too, came spurting all over the place—on your stomach, your s, the sheets—and eyes shutting at how blissful it felt.

Baekhyun quickly rolled over to the other side of the bed, chest heaving at what just happened. You turned to face him, grinning when he sat up to take a breather before walking over to your toilet, emerging with a clean towel. Immediately, he goes over to you and wipes you down, starting from your body towards your womanhood. He winced a little when he saw bloodstains on your sheets, “You must be sore.”

You moved your thighs a little and felt slight stinging, but it wasn’t that bad. “It’s okay,” you replied and propped your elbows up, seeing him clean you up like the perfect boyfriend.

As soon as that thought entered your mind, it immediately flew out because he was never going to be your boyfriend. He’s just your tutor with benefits. It made your stomach churn uncomfortably.

You realized that it really because you were sure you liked him more than just a tutor or a friend. You liked him as a person, finding him so charming and attractive, and gentle and kind. You wanted someone like him to take care of you.

“Baekhyun, why don’t you do relationships?”

He was in the midst of wearing his pants when he stilled, his head slowly lifting up to face you. And then you saw it, his wall coming down to shut off his emotions to the world. You could see the change in his barriers as his eyes turned gray, the usual spark evident in his eyes gone like the wind. He continued putting on his clothes without a word, and your heart stuttered a little when he approached you, taking the blanket to drape it over your body. You didn’t see the soft, cheerful Baekhyun. You lost him over the stupid words you said, and you instantly regretted even trying. “You should rest well today. I’ll see you next week.”

“Wait, Baekhyun,” you scrambled up to grasp his wrist before he could leave. “I-I know you don’t do relationships and I can’t seem to understand that but I was just trying to get to know you a little more—,”

“You don’t have to get to know me, princess,” Baekhyun turned, his voice rigid as he ruffled your hair. “I’m a messed up person. The more you know me, the more I’ll push you away. And I don’t want to do that to you. You’re a very sweet girl.”

“But—,”

“Please, don’t ask any more questions,” Baekhyun gritted his teeth, stepping away to let out a sigh. He shut his eyes for a bit before opening them to see you confused and looking so crestfallen, and Baekhyun really hated doing that to you. But he had to do what was right for him. “I’ll see you next week, okay?” He then grabbed his things and glanced at you one last time before leaving your room, leaving your heart shattered.

You stayed curled up in bed, your mind filled with the mysteries of Baekhyun. It was empty for a while, unable to cope with the horrible realization that he would never reciprocate your feelings. You hated yourself for falling into a trap you didn’t know how to leave. Somehow, the pain in your chest became a dull throb, reminding you that your feelings were real, that everything was real.

But then you realize how pathetic you were, caught up over a measly arrangement that you signed up for. You wanted a taste, and he gave you a taste, but you greedily wanted more. You didn’t need to put your feelings into the mix, but you stupidly did and caused your own heartbreak. And through all this, you still wanted him. Even though he hurt you, you still wanted him.

Desperately wanting to push away your emotions, it was great timing when Chaeryeong called you, and you picked it up in a heartbeat. “Hello?”

“Okay, you don’t sound that excited to hear me,” she teased. You were about to apologize when she giggled, “It’s okay. I know you probably took a nap and just woke up. Besides the point, there’s going to be a party hosted by Kim Junmyeon tonight. Want to come?”

Junmyeon is, essentially, the school’s richest and most popular guy because he is drop-dead gorgeous and a total genius. You pondered on it for a bit, simply because you don’t party at all, but you figured that you needed an escape. “What time?”

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that to come out of your mouth,” Chaeryeong gasped dramatically. “Are you going to come? Really?”

“You sound very excited,” you mused as you stood up from your bed, wincing a little when the pain in between your legs traveled up your spine. The memories of that evening ran through your head and you had to shake it off to prevent you from going through another mental breakdown. “Yes, I’m going. Details?”

“I’ll come and pick you up, don’t worry about it. Be ready by 9PM!” Chaeryeong squealed out. You rolled your eyes and quickly hung up, desperately needing a quick shower.

You did all sorts of things to prevent you from even thinking about Baekhyun. You busied yourself with doing your makeup, blasting off rock songs to get your mind off depressing things; you did your hair slowly and carefully, taking your time to admire yourself in the mirror and remind you that Baekhyun is not something to fret about. You shouldn’t think about it too much.

By the time the clock hit 10, Chaeryeong was downstairs, waiting to pick you up. You hurry down, expecting her to be alone, only to be greeted by two other guys inside the car. You recognized one, who is Chaeryeong’s on-and-off ‘boyfriend’. You wouldn’t really call him that because they never made it official, but everyone knows they’re in a relationship, somewhat. He’s a year older, so you don’t really see him that much.

However, there was another male in the mix, currently sitting in the driver’s seat while the happy couple lounges at the back. Chaeryeong pulled down the windows and smiled. “Sit in the passenger seat!”

You slid in, and the designated driver automatically reached his hand out, a friendly grin on his face. “Hey, the name is Jongin.”

“(y/n). Nice to meet you,” you gazed at him, attracted to his dark brown hair and soft tan skin. But he could never beat Baekhyun. You spun to face Chaeryeong as you left. “You didn’t tell me you’re bringing Leo along.”

“I was planning on going with him, thinking that you weren’t going to say yes to my request but you got me by surprise. Jongin was just an additional mix that he wanted to bring,” Chaeryeong gazed happily at her boyfriend and faced you with a wink. You automatically knew she was trying to set you up with the guy sitting next to you and rolled your eyes.

“So, I didn’t know Chae has a pretty friend like you,” Jongin piped up, striking a conversation to loosen up the awkward atmosphere.

You decided not to be a debbie downer and grinned. “Ah, thanks, I guess. I don’t go to parties that often, really. Occasionally, but very rarely.”

“What made you want to come out today?”

Chaeryeong stopped talking to her boyfriend and scooted forward. “Yeah, what made you?”

You didn’t want to tell her that you were sad over your tutor, so you lied. “I was just bored.”

Thankfully, she didn’t question it too much and cheered, “Well, you made the right choice to come then because Junmyeon’s parties are always the best.”

Chaeryeong then went back to chatting with her boyfriend about the latest makeup trend while Jongin cleared his throat. “So I’m assuming you’re the same age as her.”

You scoffed playfully, “She’s the only friend I have in school, so obviously.”

“Do you plan to go to university?” Jongin asked, glancing at you to gauge your reaction. You shrugged a little, still unsure of that option. “You should come to Yonsei,” he suggested, smiling as you turned to face him. “The campus is great. The vibe is great too.”

“I still don’t know what I want to study though,” you rubbed the nape of your neck, embarrassed that you don’t have your future planned out.

Jongin shook his head. “You don’t have to know what you want to do. I still don’t know what I’m pursuing, really.”

You realized how easy it is to talk to Jongin, his extroverted personality making it easy for you to converse with him despite meeting him for the first time today. He also seemed like he was into you, from the way he’d constantly gaze at you and laugh at your atrociously bland jokes.

As soon as you arrived at Junmyeon’s house, you expected him to leave you on your own. After all, Chaeryeong disappeared the moment she blended with the crowd, Leo following closely behind her. But Jongin followed you. He’d get pulled over by a few people he knows, but by the end of the day, he’ll find you in the crowd. Even when you chugged down two shots of vodka, he still stayed. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he shouted over the music, a caring hand on your back.

You know he’s attracted to you, but you can’t seem to feel the same. Instead, you find yourself comparing him to Baekhyun, like how his shirt would look nicer if Baekhyun wore it, or how it would’ve been better if Baekhyun was next to you instead. You hated that feeling of discontent, and it wasn’t even Jongin’s fault.

You took another shot of tequila, forcing yourself to stop thinking of him. “Not the best.” You glanced at Jongin, who was facing you with a confused expression on his face. “It’s complicated.”

“You… got a boyfriend?” Jongin asked, leaning down on the counter as you twirl your cup of Sprite in your hands.

Baekhyun popped up in your head again and you took a swig of your drink. “No. No one’s caught my eye before.”

“What about me?”

You turn towards him, raising an eyebrow at how forward he is. “We just met a few minutes ago.”

“I think you’re quite the cutie though,” Jongin took a step closer, murmuring against your ears.

Momentarily, you forgot Baekhyun existed. You just really liked the feeling of Jongin so close to you. “Do you want to dance?” Before he could even reply, you took his arm and dragged him towards the dancefloor, the alcohol hitting your system in full speed. Your confidence, spurred by the many shots you took, made you loosen up a little bit. For a second there, you enjoyed yourself, dancing alongside Jongin as his hands floated against your small frame. You chuckled when he got closer, and you could feel his breath hitting your skin. In a daze of toxicity, you looked into his eyes and saw his brown orbs, captivated by the way it shone against the bright lights.

Jongin didn’t even hesitate as he pulled your jaw in, bringing your lips to meet his. At first, it was good. His lips were plump, supple, and molded into yours like a perfect puzzle. He was so much more aggressive than you expected, rough hands caressing your cheeks and wrapping his arm around your waist.

But when you cup your hands around his face, you notice the difference. There wasn’t the frequent stubble you could feel on Baekhyun’s chin. You had to tilt your head up even further because this wasn’t Baekhyun’s height. He wasn’t as gentle as Baekhyun. He wasn’t Baekhyun.

You gasped, pulling away at the realization that dawned upon you. You instantly sobered up, the alcohol washed away by the dread that hung on your shoulders. Jongin was stunned at your behavior, arm reaching out to grab yours but you flinched away, the guilt eating up at you. Your ears were ringing, the room was spinning, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You felt like you were underwater. I need to get out of here.

Your legs brought you out of the house like it was on autopilot, and you could subtly hear someone shouting your name from behind. You couldn’t stand to be there anymore, horrified at your actions, ashamed that you treated Jongin as if he was some sort of a replacement. It never feels great to be a second option, but you dumped it all on him, just like that. It made you feel sick.

Maybe it was a miracle, but when you stepped out of the house, you saw a few taxis pass by. In your attempt to escape, you quickly hailed a cab to leave.

“(y/n)!”

You spun just as Jongin appeared from in front of the house, disheveled and extremely confused. He was someone who’d get second glances in the streets and have tons of girls lining up to go on a date with him. You were certain if you hung out with him long enough, you’d fall for that guy. But you couldn’t do that to him, not when your mind was filled with another man. You opened the door to the cab and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ before telling the driver the location of your house.

It didn’t make it any easier, having to go home on your own and be surrounded by the demons in your head. You rarely go to parties, and even never made out with random boys you met for the first time. But you did all that in an attempt to forget about your tutor, only to realize that he will always haunt you everywhere you go.  No matter what, Baekhyun became a drug you were addicted to.

Before you know it, the tears fell from your eyes, because you realized you screwed up. Not only did you use someone who was interested in you, but in the midst of that, you broke your heart, realizing that no man will ever compare to Baekhyun. No man could ever be Baekhyun.