Nayeon is getting tanner the nearer the Qualifiers are.

The soccer team’s been running around the field all day long regardless of how blazing hot the sun is, practicing from the morning to the late nights. Suppressing the heat becomes unbearable most of the time as they have to share the shower room. It’s packed and tight and far from conducive for the team to feel fresh and comfortable. Nayeon would rather spend the extra time walking back to the dorms to get her peace and personal space.

Momo’s caught her thrice every lunch at the dorms and being the nice person that she is, offered Nayeon to just take the shower in the pool building reasoning that the shower rooms there are vacant most of the time during lunch. Nayeon agreed of course. Between the dorms and the pool building, she prefers the latter. Mina’s there. 

This routine developed rather quickly where Mina often bumps into Nayeon inside the building, confused as to why she’s here, but their contact is always short because Mina prefers it that way. She hasn’t figured out how to work her way around Nayeon.

The kiss? They haven’t had the proper talk about it. It’s kind of a big deal for Mina.

Besides the times that Mina had bumped into Nayeon, there have been a handful of moments that Momo always parts with Nayeon. They’re always together and it bothers the swimmer the most.

They’ve fallen into a game of hide and seek with push and pull at the side.

The soccer star has been meaning to talk with Mina but time and circumstances never permit her to do so. The training is eating up most of Nayeon’s time that she barely has time for herself. It’s unnecessary for Momo to step in, but she thought that she’s Nayeon’s roommate, and as her roommate it’s only appropriate for her to buy Nayeon’s lunch in advance to at least lend her a hand.

Mina had asked about the increase in quantity of Momo’s usual serving.

“Are you sure you can finish all of that?”

Momo picks up a carton of banana milk. “Oh this? It’s Nayeon’s.”

(She regrets asking.)

Self-frustration falls upon Mina. Had she been braver and forward with Nayeon then she wouldn’t be trying to avoid her at all cost. Delaying inevitable would only cause more implications along the way.

Jealousy is nothing new to Mina, reaching a new height of it is.

/

Nayeon passes by the pool area, seemingly fresh out of the shower with the towel haphazardly on her head as she walks by. She’s learned not to take a peek or glance at the water (and at a certain someone) because they’re always submerged, splashing and swimming from end to end.

There’s no point.

/

As the week comes to an end, Mina is starting to think that Momo and Nayeon are far from strictly friends with a ual past. And that the kiss meant completely nothing to Nayeon.

Apparently, morning jogs are not a thing anymore with Nayeon and Mina. Rather running on the track field, they opted for late night runs instead. It ticked Mina off the whole week. Yes, seeing Momo and Nayeon is an eyesore to her. Yes, as much as she hates seeing them it’s the only option she has to see Nayeon.

And yes, she’s still trapped in her own prison from talking to Nayeon.

Mina becomes restless. Momo knew about her feelings to Nayeon – it takes everything and her inner demons to accept that she is indeed developing romantic feelings for the soccer star. It is never scary to have feelings.

It’s never easier when your best friend is always with the one that you like most of the time. Momo and Nayeon here, Momo and Nayeon there. Mina gets sick at the sight of the two people most important to her.

Is this the world’s way of getting back at her for always setting an unhealthy and unnecessary competition with Momo?

The whistle madly blows repeatedly.

“Myoui!” Her coach yells when Mina emerges from the water. “This is the third time you’ve dived before the starting pistol, are you playing with us? You’ve won second but that doesn’t guarantee you to waste our time like this.”

At least he doesn’t shout unlike the assistant coach. Still, Mina flinches and tries not to be obvious how easily these words eat her up and make her feel little. Same hurt just a different day.

Quietly, Mina gets back on the diving board and goes on position.

/

For a fact, Mina does not hate Momo. It’s the idea of them together, Nayeon and Momo, why do they have to be joined by the hips? Are they planning to become the next Siamese twins?

She sits with Momo during lunch, an attempt to settle one of her many problems.

The plan is to not sound jealous, petty, and low no matter how many times she sees Nayeon’s name pop up on Momo’s phone. Mina is systematic, always has a plan. Fool-proof from getting busted for holding a grudge for her best friend.

“This is nice.” Momo says as she opens her own carton of banana milk. It’s the last one along with Nayeon’s own carton that Momo had bought earlier.

Mina didn’t see it happen and that’s going to keep her sane for the meantime.

“You should really eat often here in the cafeteria instead of spending your entire break back in the dorm.”

Mina did eat outside of the dorm only because Nayeon had persisted her way through her, dragged her down to the grass field and had to unwillingly give in to be fed when her stomach had betrayed her. But that was before, never happened twice.

“Yeah, the curry is nice.” She replies halfheartedly, almost monotonous but Momo is busy with her own meal to notice the lack of enthusiasm.

“Nayeon likes curry. You should treat her sometime.” Momo chirps.

There are a lot that Momo had known over the weeks that she had been buying Nayeon’s lunch. It’s not completely free as Nayeon pays her back at the end of the day. The soccer star hates food that are too runny or soupy, prefers her meals to be chewy or tender so she can savor the taste a little longer. She’s bought Nayeon an energy drink before but the athlete had downright rejected the bottle, something about not being able to sleep properly at night.

During that time, Mina had kept herself away from all the doors that had open for her to enter. She listens to Momo as she lists the things that Nayeon likes and what she hates.

Mina only knows that Nayeon likes her instant noodles slightly undercooked, hates the vegetables that float around the cup. That was it while Momo had a whole list that goes on and on. Her spoon might bend from the tension.

Slowly, Mina.

You’ll get there.

She breathes.

“Are you free next week Thursday?” Momo asks.

“If you’re shopping again, then no. I’m not free next week Thursday.”

Giggling, Momo lightly flicks Mina at her forearm. “Minari, Nayeon’s literally going to kick me out of the room if I buy more unnecessary things. And it’s not shopping, it’s the Qualifiers!”

“The Qualifiers? Already?”

Momo nods, chewing on her food. The swimmer sets her utensils aside, seemingly more interested in the conversation.

“Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung invited me but Nayeon provided the tickets, says it’s the best seat in the house. Oh there’s free food too!”

“She didn’t invite me there, why should I go?”

“Why won’t you?” Momo hits back, tired of Mina’s stupid game. “You’ve been avoiding her for what? You’re not telling me something and that actually hurts me as your best friend, Mina.”

There it is. How fast Momo turns the table and then suddenly Mina is on the hot seat, left with nothing but to acknowledge that Momo is right. Again. They’ve been here before and Momo won’t back down and tolerate this any longer. She’s had enough of Mina’s mood swings for the past couple of days.

“What is it this time that scares you, Mina?” She looks at Mina right in the eye, searching for that one bit that will help Momo crack another barrier that her friend has built.

Yes, she is still scared about the whole “I have feelings but it because you’re with Nayeon instead of me and that’s all because I’m too scared to completely open up to her and face my demons” problem. It’s like mixing alcohol and milk; fear and jealousy. When you do that, you’ll have a stomach ache guaranteed.

Mina now understands why characters in a typical romance movie always have trouble confronting the person they love, how scary it is to lose someone you value the most when the choice is in your hands.

“I don’t get you.” Momo slacks back onto her seat, chopsticks loosely held and nitpicking at her food. “You like Nayeon yet you avoid her. You said you feel like you’re not enough yet I don’t see you doing anything to prove to her that you’re worth it. Mina you’re not in high school anymore, it’s hello to the adulting world.”

“That’s so easy for you to say..”

“I know that. I’m not in your shoes to know what you’re feeling right now or what goes in that mind of yours. But if I were you, I won’t put myself in a position where I could possibly lose someone I love.”

Momo hits it. Two birds, one stone. But to Mina, it’s like she’s replaced Atlas in carrying the whole world and its problems onto her back.

“You want someone and you have all the reasons and chances to make her yours. Don’t cage yourself when you don’t know how to pick the lock. It’s going to save you from a lot of pain, trust me.”

/

Mina thinks she’s made another mistake that’s bound to hurt her, not now but it will some time today.

They’re currently riding the shuttle bus with the soccer team and some of the people that they’ve also invited from the campus. It’s as noisy as it could get compared to the quiet car rides that Mina is used to. It was even rowdier earlier when she and Momo had shown up at the bus door like they were celebrities being stared at coupled with loud fanatic chants. Mina’s heart was pounding that moment. Nayeon could emerge anywhere and Mina has no choice but to face her.

Chaeyoung was awfully obvious and bad at leading Mina to sit beside Nayeon that it somehow turned the atmosphere awkward. She got booed at because of that. In the end, Mina sits with Momo behind Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s seats.

Momo had insisted on carpooling with the team to save money and time. Since they’re going to arrive early with the athletes, they could eat breakfast altogether. The thought made Mina shiver.

She gets a quick glimpse of Nayeon through the space between the seats, looking like she’s in a serious conversation with Jeongyeon, Mina holds herself back before the flashes start playing again.

Frankly, Mina is unsure of how she will present herself to Nayeon. She did avoid her for a selfish reason; Nayeon doesn’t need to know why. When she finds herself walking beside the soccer star, it reminds her of their mornings that’s usually Nayeon waving and smiling at her.

Nayeon does it without fail.

“How’s my favorite swimmer doing?”

It’s not the usual cringe-y morning conversation starters that Nayeon prepared the night before. The usual would be: “Have you thought of what’s going to happen if your dominant hand gets injured? That would because I won’t be able to take written exams.”

Mina laughs - another variety that Nayeon’s grown to love. When Mina smiles in the morning and the sun hits her face perfectly it makes her glow. Striking yet gentle.

“I wouldn’t be able to swim if I got injured.”

“Oh,” Scratching at the back of her head, Nayeon laughs it off awkwardly. “Right, you use your whole body.”

That’s the usual. There’s no calling of names, just direct to the point. Since when did she become Nayeon’s favorite?

“I barely see you even when I’m at your building almost everyday.”

Nayeon has her own regrets.

“I’m fine,” She simply lies as it’s easier than owning up to her real emotions. “What about you?”

Even with Nayeon beside her, she still manages to catch how her lips curl upwards.

“Not that nervous, kind of. I wanna show off. You haven’t seen me play, right?”

Nayeon searches her duffle bag, messing up her tidied clothes and personal belongings in search of her last banana milk.

“Here,” She hands it over to Mina after stabbing the straw into it. “I don’t know if you like banana milk in the morning but I do.”

Sometimes, Mina wonders how easy it is for Im Nayeon to pick things up where they’ve left it off and then pretend that all is good when all Mina’s done is push herself away. But Nayeon, just like during their morning jogs, always chases after her.

Nayeon is there even when she isn’t.

Has she grown a level deeper in attachment towards the soccer player? That even now that they’re walking side by side there’s an itch - an impossible yet so daring of a whim to hold Im Nayeon’s hand that’s particularly close to her own.

To be seen publicly, it’s a leap of faith Mina has to take, a stark contrast of intimacy they’ve shared together back at rooftop.

But Mina dares not to. She’s kissed Nayeon. She’s not going to be the first to hold her hand, too.

Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon erratically drags Nayeon into the buffet area catered for the whole team, each with a tray of two plates on top. It’s amazing how the entire team is able to clear the menu within minutes.

They all sit in one table. Momo sits next to Mina, opposite to the trio with Nayeon in the middle of her friends.

Momo admires the appetite growth that Nayeon was able to develop, nodding at the small accomplishment she says “You’re eating that much before the game? Isn’t that bad?”

“Oh, this? The extra plate is for Jeongyeon. Chaeyoung’s giving the half of her second plate to Jeongyeon. If she passes out later or vomits, don’t mind her. It’s her fault.”

Chaeyoung snickers. “Imagine if she gets constipation.”

“I’m an athlete which has extra privileges like having fast digestion. I suggest you try it sometimes, 159cm Son Chaeyoung.”

Chaeyoung makes a face, faking how hurt and taken aback she is with the not so subtle attack from her tallest friend. The many cons of being friends with Yoo Jeongyeon, in Chaeyoung’s case, is that they’re often referred to as David and Goliath. It would’ve been cute if it weren’t for the fact that those two fought each other to death.

If Jeongyeon keeps attacking her height then she might as well bring her down with her.

“Mina you’re not finishing your plate?” Nayeon asks, seeing that Mina has not touched her food for a while now.

“I got full quick. I think it’s the banana milk you gave me earlier.”

Chewing on her food and raising a thumbs up to the swimmer, Nayeon nods along.

“You gave her banana milk?” Chaeyoung deflated asks, a pout on her lips. “But you don’t even share it with us!”

Chaeyoung leans to Nayeon’s side and whispers, “Bros before hoes, Nayeon!” to which Nayeon responds with an elbow attack targeted at the short athlete’s forearm.

And breakfast somehow went positively smooth. They were able to share jokes with Mina mostly quietly laughing at her seat, that she doesn’t notice how she’s gained two friends and that Im Nayeon’s been stealing glances at her the entire time.

/

Usually in her own competitions, there’s little pressure being submerged under the water and she can’t hear anyone cheering. But the seats are filled with soccer enthusiasts from each college, animatedly talking while they wait for the players to come around.

Despite having the best seat, literally a barricade away from the field, Momo leans onto the railing to get the overview of where her college team will be playing. Both of them have not seen their friends play.

Nayeon earned her title through skill and practice which leaves them anticipating the quality of performance they’ll be seeing today.

Finally the crowd cheers. The players emerge and they wave briefly at the crowd before jogging onto the middle of the field.

The match is about to start.

/

Nayeon breathes heavily. She thinks she’s out of it when all she can hear is her university’s name and her jersey number being chanted so loud her ears are ringing. The noise drives Nayeon closer to the goal, signalling another call before the opponent jousts the ball out of her possession.

In every game, her ears are always ringing. The crowd doesn’t have to crank their voices to the max and it still sends Nayeon into a space lighter than she’s ever felt, the ground keeping match of her steps that she doesn’t send her body tumbling down.

Nayeon is stable.

Winning the Qualifiers meant a step closer to her dream she’s held so close and worked so hard for. The probability of losing, Nayeon closes it to less than a percent.

The ball gets passed to her again, the trajectory of it opening a chance for her to drive it past the net. Nayeon jumps, the ground beneath her feet, and heads the ball.

“Goal!”

Nayeon’s automatic ceremony ensues as she hits the middle of her chest several times and then kisses her hand before raising it to show the crowd that she kicked the ball in. In that same moment Momo and Mina acknowledge that Nayeon has every right to brag about her skill and natural talent in soccer. They’re standing on their seats shouting along with the crowd, cheering their favorite player.

It so happens that it slips Mina’s mind that she also has to cheer for Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon. Unlike Momo that’s alternating their names every chance she gets to shout.

/

The game ends with a score of 5-3.

But the night is yet to end a little later as the soccer club makes its way to a grilling restaurant they’ve reserved beforehand, as if they’ve predicted that the win is theirs.

Nayeon shares the spotlight with her teammate being the match’s shining players, standing out from the rest all throughout the game. With two goals and an assist under her name, Nayeon is for sure going to use this advantage to get an ample amount of pork belly later. Oh, the lovely perk of being tagged MVP; her coach won’t bother her for two weeks maximum for this.

The soccer club is dispersed into their own circles, each occupying their own tables to feast on the congratulatory dinner. They stand out from the rest, their university color striking the place, smiles deeply engraved, it won’t go anytime soon, and spirits out and loud to show everyone that they’ve rightfully won the Qualifiers!

Jeongyeon is already ordering for their table and Momo backs her up with an appetite that could compete with the midfielder. The remaining trio let them be and hopes they won’t puke on the way home. It’s always a pain in the to take care of people that can’t look out for themselves. But Nayeon can’t comment on that matter.

The place now booms of lively athletes still in full morale, grills fizzing and hissing busily with each cut of meat being slapped onto the metal, and it officially starts when they clank their shot glasses filled with soju.

Nayeon hisses in disgust. No matter how much she “practices” drinking, her palette won’t let the absurdly bitter liquid down smoothly.

“Who’s betting on Nayeon getting drunk first?” Jeongyeon shouts loud enough for the team to hear the deal.

Momo joins her in no time. “Let’s bet between Nayeon and Mina! They both have low tolerance. It'll be fun to see who says something to who first!”

“I’m on Mina!” Chaeyoung votes rather enthusiastically.

“Dibs on Nayeon!”

“Are you for real? It’s gotta be her swimmer friend!”

“I hate you,” says Nayeon looking and glaring exclusively at Yoo Jeongyeon that’s already on her third glass.

“And I can’t believe you.” Mina has her eyes wide, directly boring into Momo for dragging her into this scheme.

Momo makes a face, one to tease, then shrugs. “You’ll need the alcohol since you won’t do it sober.”

One way or another, they’ve managed to lure the two into finishing a bottle and a half. Full consent with a little bit of persuasion that comes in the form of peer pressure. It’s bad, Jeongyeon admits, but at the end of the night they’ll be taking care of Nayeon’s and Mina’s if they ever get drunk. Or at least one of them.

Their second glass comes running down their throat after they’ve consumed the first plate of pork belly serving.

“How the hell do you drink this? It’s so bitter and literally bad?” Nayeon can still taste it on her tongue, smacking her lips together.

“Ew, that’s disgusting! Stop that!” Chaeyoung fusses, nudging at Nayeon.

Mina watches as Momo acts first, handing Nayeon water like it’s the autonomy of things between them. She drinks her third glass, the bubbling jealousy and frustration gradually making its way up.

“See that Nayeon?” Jeongyeon jeers at her friend. “Mina can drink better than you!”

In Mina’s defense, it is not a win to be better than Nayeon when it comes to drinking. There’s this pending anxiety that sits with her each time her glass gets a refill because that meant losing control and sober thoughts. Those are always hard to get a hold of, not that she’s been drunk plenty of times before.

What makes it harder than it already is to see Nayeon getting taken care of by Momo is the fact that Mina still sits and watches. Does nothing when it’s all laid out for her to take into her hands. She thinks of it as a maze, one that is circular, and all she’s done is go in circles. Never learned from her own mistakes.

Her fourth glass goes down.

Nayeon sits still and cautiously acts. Mina is looking at her, can’t pinpoint what it is about when the swimmer is excellent in masking her feelings. It’s hard to read Mina most of the time. If Nayeon were to simply put it into comparison: it’s like handing a baby a novel and expecting it to read and understand. Mina is an enigma of her own.

“You’re going to lose!” Momo teases, sticks her tongue out at Jeongyeon.

“No no, Mina you’re supposed to be drinking slow!”

Too bad Mina downs another shot.

She wishes she can ignore the constant attention that Momo gives Nayeon the way she can ignore and tolerate how disgustingly bitter the alcohol is. The worst part of drinking is never the hangover but the consequences that follow drunk actions Mina won’t be able to turn back.

Under the hood of the restaurant’s front, Mina can finally breathe from the suffocating green monster. It shouldn’t even be there in the first place. Hell, what did she and Nayeon even have in common? Absolutely nothing! Momo can have her all she wants, Mina spits.

(Doesn’t really mean anything that’s going around her mind. Blame the alcohol.)

Nayeon can go and hog Momo all she wants and Mina will be there hurting and wishing it was her instead of her best friend. Mina wishes she stops living inside her head along with her demons that tugs her back down whenever she’s about to risk it. The risk that’s worth it.

Im Nayeon is worth it.

But Mina needs another breather from Im Nayeon. She can’t take her right now, even when she’s dropped and squatting in front of her with eyes that Mina’s memorized even when Nayeon is all over the place and can’t seem to focus on anything. Mina is drunk and there is no way that Im Nayeon is in front of her when she could be with Momo and her friends inside enjoying the festive atmosphere.

Nevertheless, if this Im Nayeon is real or the only thing her mind could conjure right now, Mina points her finger and pokes the soccer player at her chest.

“I hate you,” says Mina, focusing not at the made up image of Nayeon but at her finger that continues to poke at the flesh. “I hate you when you’re with Momo! She’s first in everything and god it’s always Momo! It’s never me, never going to be me!”

Mina’s face contorts as her tears begin to pool at her eyes. Chest burning and weighing her down, it flashes again before her eyes.

“God it’s so frustrating to be me! Just when I thought I could have that one thing I’m so sure about, the world suddenly slaps me and tells me I’m not ing enough, will never be, and I’m nothing! Do you know how that feels Im Nayeon?!”

Softly, Nayeon wipes the tears from cold skin.

Mina doesn’t know where to start, where and to whom to vent all her feelings to. How can she possibly make Nayeon understand that it hurts and like to find out and feel you’re not as important to someone the way you thought you were. Mina feels ridiculous for giving in and kissing Nayeon that night.

It to feel how easy she could be replaced, be looked over because someone is better. That Mina is no one special, not even to Im Nayeon.

And it not being able to do what you want that you feel so hopeless and worthless because with Im Nayeon, it’s a story about what could’ve been. A story Mina could’ve written but stopped even before she started.

“You have a lot of demons inside that mind of yours, or is it the alcohol talking right now?” Nayeon keeps her hands to herself. It hurts to see Mina cry, that everything she’s feeling feels like Nayeon can also feel it.

“Shut up. You’re not real!”

“If I was what do you think I would say?”

“You’ll choose Momo, the same way everyone does.”

“I see,” Nayeon offers her a sad smile, her heart painfully constricting. “Hope you don’t let your demons blind you. That one real thing, it’s going to wait for you until you defeat and win past all your demons. It’ll wait and stay. You’re going to win, don’t worry.”

/

The flashes are too real, it hurts they’re not true.

Mina saw everything, a whole relationship - a future where it doesn’t matter if their hair is gray as long as they have each other, hands intertwined it’s a sin to let go. In that future Mina saw herself happy, genuinely happy as she and Nayeon would go on late night strolls and Nayeon hasn’t changed at all: still curious that leads to peculiar yet creative ideas. She and Nayeon shared their dreams all the while making their way through the crowded city full of life even at night. Still, she holds onto Mina. She saw Nayeon loving her no matter how ugly her emotions are, how she’s closed herself from the world. Nayeon is there to hold her and stay.

It is the kind of love that comes unexpected, one that leaves you nothing but to accept and feel that you are in love. The love Mina is struggling to piece together, seeing the end even before it begins.

/

Nayeon wakes up alone. Again.

It’s the third day of their two week-long break, only because they’ve won the Qualifiers. The first day was a disaster. She had to go through a severe headache because of Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung pulling her out of the dorm again to spend “quality time” together when most of the time that they go out she pays for their meals. She had stayed in bed after fighting her way through, a couple of shoves to get the two of them locked out of her room.

When Momo had come back after training, it was around 10PM or was it near 11? Nayeon needed not to start a conversation or to look the way she does because Momo got to her first.

“Another sad person detected. Wow, there’s a lot of you today.” Momo observes.

“Is being sad bad?” Nayeon sits upright, back leaning on the headrest.

“No, not at all. It’s better to know what you feel than be ignorant about it, at least you know how to deal with it. But you know what ?”

“What?”

Momo looks at Nayeon, hopelessly. “It’s there yet people always choose the hard way, push it away and pretend everything’s okay when it’s the complete opposite. That cliche, it .”

Yes, it according to Momo and Nayeon agrees. So Nayeon somehow concluded that before her break ends she’ll be popping inside the pool building specifically waiting for one person to come out.

Nayeon comes around ten minutes before the usual lunch time, waiting for Mina to emerge from the double doors. When she catches the familiar figure on her way out, Nayeon launches herself from the wall to catch up.

Now this is familiar.

“Hey,” Still, Nayeon is able to show Mina the smile she’s grown into. “Are you on your way to eat?”

“What are you doing here?” She whispers, as if it’s wrong to be seen with the soccer player.

But it’s not.

“Momo told me your schedule for the week so here I am.”

Mina speeds up purposely. She’s had enough of that name for the week. Maybe some other time when she’s collected and has come to terms with her conflicting emotions, she’ll listen to everything that Nayeon is about to say.

Nayeon has plans and none of them include Mina storming away looking like she’s done something that upset her again. She runs after Mina.

“Practice won’t start until 2 hours later so do you wanna go out and eat? Just you and me, if that’s alright with you?”

“I’m not hungry,” says Mina with finality. 

To which Nayeon takes as a sign for her not to push the agenda that leads her to plan B where Mina’s roommate comes into play, again. Momo had seriously insisted that if she wants total connection with Mina, it has to be her roommate. Nayeon rings her up and asks for a little favor.

/

“Nayeon?! What the hell?”

The appearance of Im Nayeon catches Mina off guard for the second time today. How can she possibly be ready when the soccer player had climbed up the emergency stairs up to their balcony and had the window swing open as she tumbles down the carpeted floor. Still, she helps Nayeon up.

This is what Mina hates: the way that Nayeon can slither her way in and Mina can’t do anything about it.

They stand impossibly close to each other. Nayeon is everything but flustered and bothered being this close to Mina. Funny how weeks ago Nayeon was all over the place but it looks like she’s won her own battle.

Mina breaks their stance, standing further away from the soccer player. She crosses her arms as if to protect herself.

“Your roommate let the window open and I thought you wouldn’t let me in so,” Nayeon explains, pointing at the said window and then to the locked door.

Tired, Mina heaves a sigh. “How are you friends with her?”

“Oh- right, I got her number from Momo-”

Mina is tired. For real.

“The last time we were alone things didn’t end too well.”

Puzzled and slightly hurt, Nayeon can’t guess which “alone” she meant. Was it at the grill restaurant when she had sat with Mina until the swimmer passed out? Or was it back at the rooftop?

“I don’t know why you feel that way but I’m not here to add another bad thing to that list. Kinda just want to spend time with you, yeah?”

/

This is what Mina had wanted, except it doesn’t feel right.

She’s with Nayeon, just them and no one else but it feels as though they’re worlds away.

Nayeon is in a position that Mina had unintentionally put her into; cautious as if walking on eggshells. Afraid that if she does something, Mina is going to break and it hurts Nayeon.

They each occupy the space separated by a bedside table. Mina is tucked into her own bed in a zone where she pretends that even the faintest rattle from the other bed does nothing to her. Pretends that the silence is far from deafening.

That the quietest of Im Nayeon, somehow, is still the loudest for Mina.

“This is,” Nayeon starts. Mina’s ears perk up in eager interest, “boring. I know I’m not the best when it comes to starting a conversation but wow, this is really taking a toll on me.”

In the corner of her eye, she sees Nayeon messily shuffling on her roommate’s bed. Does it bother her that much? The silence? Because it does for Mina.

“We’ve got an hour and a half, do you really want to spend it like this?” Nayeon comes to a stop, sitting with her legs and arms crossed facing the bed adjacent to hers. But still, there’s that annoyingly stupid itch and whim that Nayeon can’t put her finger onto. What is it?

Nayeon has to lean closer for her to hear Mina say, “What do you want to do then?”

“I want to talk to you, Mina. We kinda just.. Drifted apart after that.” 

Nayeon is unsure. Is it the right time to talk to Mina about what happened at the rooftop? Or when she was ranting her heart out drunk?

She takes the risk anyway.

“Did I misunderstand? It’s like you went ghost on me until the day of the Qualifiers, what changed Mina?”

“Us changed, Nayeon.” Her grip tightens around her covers, pulling it down on her to shield her from the vulnerability that Nayeon can easily bring out. “You.. I don’t even know how to start it with you. Was that kiss even worth something to you?”

It meant a lot. It meant Nayeon soaring to newer heights and discovering that when it’s the right person, no matter how fast or how short you’ve known each other, it will always feel right. That if she had the chance to rearrange time and knew the consequence of now, Nayeon would.

“Has it ever occurred to you that when you walk and do the things you do, like it never happened, hurts me? I’m thinking it’s a mistake to kiss you.”

It’s not a mistake, Nayeon sees it that way and for her to hear it come from Mina hurts way more than she thought it would.

“It’s probably my fault that this happened. I mean, can I blame you? You actually loving me back when I’m nowhere near Momo? When I’m never enough?”

Mina feels like she’s swimming in the ocean again, only this time she can’t breathe underwater and Nayeon is drowning her all in. Her lungs start to burn and the cavity between her chest starts pulling her down. It’s impossibly heavy.

“How the hell am I supposed to tell you that I’m so ing scared to let you in because I know how easy it is to replace someone like me! And that kiss? God, I hate how I felt everything. I hate how I get so goddamn jealous when we’re nothing and I stand nowhere with you!”

Behind the great cover she’s pulled over herself, Mina can’t mask the sobs, the heavy and labored breathing. The desperate need to have Im Nayeon out and away from her.

“Do you know how that feels Nayeon?”

No, Nayeon does not. Yet the crushing pressure in her chest is enough to tell Nayeon that her feelings alone are not enough. Mina is more than enough. But no words come out and Nayeon is stuck in a much further position than she’s began with.

“You don’t. Get out, I don’t want to see you.”

/

Usually Jeongyeon would be the one bent on dragging and pulling Nayeon out of the campus, even scheming with Chaeyoung so she can pull it off even when she has to use force most of the time. But to be sitting with Im Nayeon at a library when it’s nowhere conducive to have a soccer player staring blankly into the distance as hot tears taint the slightly tanned skin, Jeongyeon could only feel and hurt at the same time.

Nayeon had been so kept and secretive when it came to her feelings. All the time that Jeongyeon had been with Nayeon, crying is the rarest of them all.

To see your best friend crying and trying her best to not sound hurt and in pain that she tries to stifle her own sobs, an invisible lump forms in Jeongyeon’s throat.

“I think I know what’s going on now,” Jeongyeon doesn’t have the courage to look her best friend in the eye - not this time when she can feel nothing but broken in her voice alone. “You up for it? You did tell me before that you wanted to know.”

The midfielder remembers but it somehow doesn’t connect. This one, it’s different.

“You’re right, Jeong. Mina does hate me. I never knew I was hurting her, I only did what I thought was right. I didn’t push myself onto her thinking it’ll put her in a difficult situation if I do, it only made it worse.”

“How can an insensitive like you become this?” Is Jeongyeon’s poor attempt to recover the dying atmosphere in Nayeon.

The soccer star snickers. “I think being polite and careful is insensitive now, don’t you think so?”

“I don’t. Do you?”

“To Mina it feels that way.”

Jeongyeon does not understand.

“I thought I’d give her some time and space since she made it look that way. Remember the entire time I was running with the team and it felt so off? I felt like she needed it. We were busy and I guess we never had the chance to talk about it,” Nayeon lags, the hurt in Mina’s voice stops her from functioning.

“About what?”

Nayeon blinks and only now it occurs to her the tears that are pooling and staining her cheeks. She looks up to Jeongyeon, somewhat finding strength in her best friend.

“We should’ve talked about how we felt. Goddamnit Jeongyeon, why the hell did I kiss her? That’s not how it’s supposed to be!”

The sudden increase in volume results for the librarian to shout back at them to keep it down. They would’ve laughed it away if the situation isn’t like this. She might as well shout at Nayeon to keep shut and cry somewhere else.

“I just don’t get it, what held me back? Did I wait a little too long for her?”

“I don’t think you’re the only one who waited. You both did.”

And it so happens that while Mina waited for Nayeon, pain and unwanted emotions washed over her. While Nayeon waited for Mina, she unintentionally blinded herself from seeing the reasons that hurt her.

That while they both waited for each other, it turned into a game that’s only rule is stay. A game that unleashes the green monster and you could only do so much to avoid and conquer it. A game that’s brought pain - a test to see if both are going to win.

Nayeon is still in. She hopes Mina is too. Hopes that they could win it together.

“I love her.” Unconventionally, Nayeon bites her tongue.

I love her yet it hurts her.

Jeongyeon smiles, albeit sad there’s still a part of her that’s happy for Nayeon. “What’s holding you back this time?”

“I feel like I’m hurting her more. I don’t know what to do, Jeong.”

As much as Jeongyeon would love to cheer her friend up, she knows it won’t do anything. To advise her to mend things with Mina, talk it out, seems inappropriate for the time being considering their heightened emotions. It’s not the best and it’s going to be the tiest advice, would even sound like she’s a hypocrite, but Jeongyeon breathes and says, “How about you two both cool down first? Go back home, get some rest and meditate. I don’t know if meditating is still a thing but I heard it’s good. Come back when training starts again.”

Nayeon can hear Jeongyeon loud and clear if she doesn’t say it out in the open.

It can wait.

Love will wait.

Nayeon knows it will but she is nowhere sure if love can endure too much pain.

/

Love can wait.

But it only prolongs the ache that comes of yearning and hurt.

Mina has to prove to herself that she can endure and that no nuisance can get her to crumble down to the tiniest of pieces because if Im Nayeon does that to her, they’re both losing in their own game.

Even if the water scares her, that it reminds her of how she was able to breathe underwater because of Im Nayeon and how freeing it was to be able to do so. That the same ocean that she swam in for Nayeon was also the reason why her lungs still burn.

The starting pistol fires away.

Mina swims in earnest.

She should be able to separate her feelings from her professional sport. It’s what she should do as an athlete or else she’ll drown in an ocean that Im Nayeon has already left.

/

Nayeon comes home.

Jihyeon waddles her way over, arms eagerly reaching out ready to be hugged and picked up by the soccer player. Nayeon is home in Jihyeon’s arms.

The two-year-old and the pure joy in her gives Nayeon a sense of comfort and assurance.

“I missed you so much,” says Nayeon affectionately, nosing Jihyeon’s soft baby cheek.

Jihyeon hiccups, her little body jolting up. “Mama,” she babbles.

“Yes baby?”

Nayeon pats her back down gently, making a beeline to the kitchen to fill Jihyeon’s baby bottle with water. Despite having Jihyeon for two years, the responsibilities that come with it is extremely difficult for Nayeon to make her way around. Being a mother is not a skill she can learn overnight yet for Jihyeon she tries her best.

Patience is what Nayeon is honing through this intimate relationship she has with Jihyeon. It has its ups and downs. It takes time.

For Jihyeon, Nayeon hopes to be better.

Through Jihyeon, Nayeon is going to learn that love endures all.

No matter how difficult it is, how it can tear you into pieces, of how long it will take.

/

Breaks feels like torture to Mina. It means having to face Momo and her barrage of questions that only revolves around Im Nayeon.

“I haven’t seen her, not even in the dorms. You have any ideas where she went?”

Mina wants to say that she’s asking the wrong person. Aside from the gnawing feeling between her chest and the demons that still eat her up, how could she possibly know where Nayeon is when they ended again on a bad term. And obviously, she doesn’t even have her number in the first place.

Momo has her number. Why ask her?

“Have you tried calling her?”

The swimmer bobs her head. “I did but all of them went to voicemail. Guess we’ll have to wait for her until their break ends.”

Wait.

Wait until I get hurt again.

/

Nayeon has two days left in her hands. Being with family made the process faster, it barely felt like a two-week vacation. With Jihyeon constantly filling up her day, Nayeon temporarily forgot what she's left back at campus.

It's 9 AM when her phone rings and Nayeon is sure Momo should be at training right now instead of calling her. Being off the grid during her whole stay at home helped Nayeon out so much distract and focus herself on the more important things at hand so when Momo starts yapping at her, it reminds her that this will be over soon.

"Where the hell are you?! The whole soccer club disappeared and I have no one to contact to check up on you!"

Even when she's holding her phone away from her ear, Nayeon can still hear Momo's voice loud and clear.

"Calm down, it's not like I've been kidnapped. I had my phone off ever since I came home." She explains.

Nayeon can hear the concern from the other line, the way Momo's sigh is audible, it makes her giggle.

She wonders if Mina feels the same way.

"I'm not a hundred and one percent sure so I'm going there. Text me your address."

"Are you serious? Don't you have training?"

Pitting the phone between her ear and shoulder, Momo zips up her tracksuit. "Yes, I also get to see Jihyeon so why not? Training starts a little later after lunch, I can swing by."

In the early morning, seeing each other in casual wrinkled sleeping clothes topped by bed hair is a normal occurrence in their shared room. Nayeon had a lot of moments that Momo made fun of. For example: that one time when Nayeon had worn her shirt inside out and the tag was sticking out in front.

To see Im Nayeon in casual clothes as she carries Jihyeon in her arms cooing at the sleepy baby is a sure meltdown for Hirai Momo at 10 AM.

Nayeon welcomes her into their humble abode filled with Nayeon's achievements and of Jihyeon's messy yet harmonious drawings of abstract lines pinned at what's supposed to be a study desk. Momo has never felt so much warmth radiating from Nayeon.

"Can I hold her?" Tentatively, Momo opens up her arms to Jihyeon that's staring at her as if trying to remember if she's seen her before. It's adorable for Momo, the way doe eyes look up at her.

"Yes," Nayeon replies, holding Jihyeon out for Momo to hold and cradle. It's awkward to say the least.

The soccer player stifles a laugh. Jokingly, she threatens the swimmer. "By the way, you won't be swimming for months if something bad happens to Jihyeon."

"And if she cries?"

"You won't be going back to training soon if that happens." A smirk plays on her lips.

Momo never held a child before, someone as gentle and as soft as Jihyeon. Doe eyes lock onto her, curiosity filled her small orbs. In hopes to appeal to the child, Momo tries her best to appear less "intimidating" (as Nayeon had told her over the phone because Jihyeon doesn't like it). She's put her bangs down and Nayeon thinks it's a silly try.

"What's the duffle bag about?" Nayeon points at the bag leaning against at the end of the couch.

"Snacks for Jihyeon."

Nayeon makes a face. "What about me? You didn't buy me anything?"

Momo jumps and flinches from the harsh pull of the toddler at her sideburns. She pouts, "I bought you snacks, why are you attacking me?"

"She probably likes you. Isn't that right, Jihyeon?"

The eruption of giggles from the toddler confirms her positive attachment for Momo, doe eyes shining as she tries to reach for Momo's face next with her short baby arms.

"Momo pretty," Jihyeon utters.

Momo can attest that no amount of physical training can compare to how draining it is to watch over a child that's only agenda is to run around the house and roll over several times in their front lawn and somehow still manage to have the energy for a walk in the park. Of course, Momo would say yes to Jihyeon. Who is she to not grant the adorable child's wish?

"When are you coming back? It's a little lonely at the dorm I don't have someone to annoy." Momo whines, glances at Jihyeon's small hand fully holding Nayeon's pinky.

Nayeon has a lot on her shoulders.

"After two days? Kinda since we have to train right away. What about you?"

"As usual. Is everything alright though? You just went and disappeared. I can't even get a hold of Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung since I don't have their numbers."

Stopping their trail, Nayeon kneels to pick up the whining and exhausted Jihyeon.

"Is Mina okay?"

"I don't think she is." 

"Has she ever been... okay? Like, happy?"

Truthfully, Mina has not shown that side to Momo yet despite the years of friendship. In Momo's part, she feels bad and hurt about it. Happy is hard to come by and Momo has only seen genuine happiness in Mina when Nayeon came along. She supposes that maybe Nayeon isn't originally part of Mina's plan but the more they've spent time together, she's managed to fit Nayeon right in.

However, Momo knows that happiness is not always the case. Mina has a lot more conflicts to be truly happy. She has yet to defeat her inner demons.

Happiness does not always come from another person.

"I hope she will be," Nayeon whispers. "Soon."

/

League season is always hectic, tight, and Nayeon has barely enough time to catch her breath when the whistle blows again and it's time for her to enter the field.

Earlier when Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung had waited for her, the duo had discreetly steered the way away from all the possible routes that Nayeon would be seeing a certain swimmer. As much as they want them to patch things up, now is not the right time. They need Nayeon in the game, focused and solely dedicated to what's currently in her plate.

Coming back to the campus, for Nayeon, meant facing the responsibilities she's put on hold and resolving conflicted emotions and relationships.

The news broke out, of course. At least between Mina and Momo, when the latter had showed up at the pool area after changing into her swimming suit.

/

These days as training becomes more taxing than it already is, Nayeon's found herself at the rooftop at night.

Tonight, however, the breeze feels different. It's colder and thicker, the gas seeping through her body despite being covered in layers of clothing.

It's getting lonelier now. Spending time with Jihyeon and then coming back to restless training drags Nayeon's morale down when it shouldn't in the first place. Jihyeon is her source of strength at times like this.

The screen glares back at Nayeon who is contemplating whether to call her aunt and ask about Jihyeon. It won't hurt but she decides against it.

Maybe it's just the weather that made her feel like this.

Certainly not because of this place.

"Was that kiss even worth something to you?"

Yes.

It's worth hurting for, Mina.

"I'm thinking it was a mistake to kiss you."

What held me back?

I could have said it.

"I hate how I felt everything."

/

The next time Nayeon finds herself at the rooftop is when she's feeling particularly sad and the strong pull of missing people she adores so much, it gets a little too strong. Practice is still as hard and tiring. Nayeon feels the world pitting her down.

This time it's dead silent, nothing but the rustling of nature gazing and caressing her senses.

It reminds her again of Mina. How silent it was between her and Mina when she had asked if she felt the same sentiment as her.

The silence before was louder than it is right now. This one, Nayeon can still properly breathe in without caving in and let the tears pool at her eyes.

"...I'm never enough."

Nayeon can only do so much to make Mina feel like she's everything to her.

/

“Mina do you have time?”

Mina gets pulled to the locker room. Momo is leaning at the metal lockers, peering at her with brows bunched up together and eyes that holds so much suppressed curiosity. One that is close to bursting the container if not entertained.

Mina’s learned that Momo can always turn the table around no matter the situation is. She can just feel it coming around the corner, even closer when Momo finally sighs and sags her shoulder.

With the towel hanging around her shoulder, she flaps it before wrapping it around her frame to protect herself from whatever is about to come at her.

A familiar gut feeling punches her.

She’s been in a similar situation, only it’s with Nayeon and it’s a hundred-fold more destructive than this.

“Did you want something, Momo?”

“Nothing really, just want to check up on you.”

Her heart swells. How unfair it is for Momo to be seen as Mina’s rival when not a single cell in her whole being sees Mina in that light, when all Momo offers her is kindness and patience. Momo is always understanding and Mina feels so undeserving of her friend.

Another invisible punch lands at her stomach.

This is why Momo is better.

“I’m still hurt, you know. You haven’t told me what’s bothering you, anything at all.” Momo slumps down on the tiled floor, hugging her knees closer. Looking up at Mina, she can’t help but feel useless as a friend.

Mina sees it in Momo’s eyes.

“Do me a favor and get out of your comfort zone, Mina. You’ve been playing prisoner yourself, when the hell are you going to stop? You can do so much more if you stop being like this to yourself!” Momo croaks as each word builds a lump in – frustrated and hopeless.

“Why are you like this Mina?”

Standing in front of Momo, towering over the great pearl, Mina never knew it’d feel so disgustingly sick and twisted to be above Hirai Momo. To have hurt her friend like this, she wants to throw up.

“Every time something good is about to happen, you find a ridiculous way to stop it. And don’t you dare think I haven’t noticed that every single time you come second you always take a look at me. What is it? Why are you so bent into undermining yourself?” Momo holds it back. She needs to get this together. She is not going to cry.

“Are you happy?”

“Are you happy?” Nayeon had asked her before and it never resonated with her: happy.

Is she?

She isn’t.

Not even after she tried, in her smallest voice and said, “Make me.”

“No, I’m not happy.” It’s a sick feeling to finally admit it, to have Momo gaze at her as if to tell her she doesn’t know what to do anymore. That it’s not a fight she could help her in.

“I’m not happy every time I collapse into thinking I’m never enough, that I don’t deserve anything. How can I, someone who’s always second, would be as good as you? I’m not happy with swimming anymore, Momo. I’m not happy that I’m tearing everything up, pitting myself against you, and this stupid push and pull with Nayeon.”

Even through the tears that now taint her, Momo can now finally see through all the time Mina had a pained and strained smile on her.

“I’m not happy with myself.”

-

I forgot to mention last chapter that Jihyeon is an OC since I kind of don't have any idea who will be ideal to be Nayeon's cute little niece.