Letting go

 

'Hyung you always do this!'

 

Jaehyun screamed,his brown hair is sweaty against his forehead almost covering the harsh frown between his eyebrows

 

'Jae'

 

Johnny tried to calm the angry man and stop him from lashing out at The tired leader who has his fists clutched tight beside his thighs,taeyong just glared not uttering a single word

 

 

 

'No john hyung don't try to stop me!'

 

Jaehyun said looking at johnny who looked surprised by the sudden outburst,this is unusual for a calm and collected person like jaehyun.

 

'We are all tired from all this !'

 

Jaehyun's chest was raising and falling angrily,everything that have anything to do with control has left his body for a second.

 

'Can't you see that the choreography is perfect! You are supposed to lead the dance not to lead us!'

 

By that time the dreamies looked scared while looking between the two,it's the first time the six members face an angry jaehyun yelling at taeyong,actually it was their first time to witness a fight between their hyungs.

 

'He's right'

 

It was yuta's voice.

 

Taeyong tried not to look effected as he averted his attention toward the Japanese member.

 

'Our energy is fading for nothing why do you keep on repeating and repeating, we have other things to do too'

 

Mark uttered with a pout ,not meeting taeyong eyes.

 

'You are the 127 leader,not the whole group,black on black is an nct song,you don't get to control us just because you are the face of the band, the looks isn't everything taeyong'

 

It was doyoung his bestfriend.

 

The tone was soft and gentle but the words cut into taeyong's heart and pride badly, and At the end of doyoung's speech taeyong was already heading towards the camera which recorded their performance,he took it and walked toward the door looking blankly at the door wanting nothing more than getting away from them.

 

Taeyong leaned against the door letting a shudder breath out ,the huge eyes were wavering with unshaded tears,his ears must be betraying him ,did he just heard right?he thought for a moment that s knew him better, did they really think he is doing this to control them?did they really think that he's taking advantage of his looks to his benefits

 

Does doyoung really meant what he said?

 

Even mark and jaehyun.

 

Taeyong throat hurt like someone is gripping him around the neck, pushing and tightening the grip the more he thought about it.

 

Taeyong take a deep breath collecting his damaged self.

 

He still need to show the choreographer the video to get an okay,he was warned about the time,if the moves weren't mastered by all the members it will be taeyong's responsibility, how is he going to work it with the members, he noticed some mistakes,he just hopped everything will turn out to be fine because he doesn't want anything more than to fall in his bed and fall asleep forever.

 

Taeyong rubbed his face,puffing his cheeks helplessly before he takes his phone out to call the choreographer.

 

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:::

 

Well…….things didn't go as planned because the CEO didn't look pleased one bit,taeyong tried not to flinch when the man hit his palm flat against the soft wooden surface of his Shine office.

 

'I thought you can handle it but I guess I was wrong'

 

'I am really sorry '

 

Taeyong bows to the man,not daring to look up or even blink,the raged breath of the CEO was enough to scare taeyong and pin his feet to the ground, his thoughts were swimming in his head,will he be replaced?will he be kicked out from the whole band? Will he stay in sm,after all it was his first time meeting the CEO,was what he did so bad to this limit,him being here and being scolded or more like being yelled at.

 

The man took deep breath….

 

'NCT127 has been complaining'

 

Taeyong thoughts stopped for a moment,his heart throb against his ribcage,he looked up at the man looking confused, the man realised by the look on his face that taeyong has no idea about that.

 

For sm it's business and when someone stand in their way of getting more money,he will be removed right away.

 

'They don't want you to be the leader,they were seven and looking at the recorded video of black on black dance practice I couldn't agree more, you are not good enough to lead an experienced people,everything lake'

 

The man take a deep breath before continuing

 

'the dance is mess'

 

Taeyong is done.

 

He closed his eyes and waited.

 

He's ready to do whatever the CEO request of him

 

Quitting being a leader is fine with him but Quitting nct will destroy him.

 

I worked so hard for this

 

did they hate me that much?

 

I thought I treated them dearly

 

I thought they were my family

 

Was I a bad hyung? 

 

 

 

"You're going to be Nct dream leader"

 

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:::

 

'Hyung,where is taeyong?'

 

The choreographer panted while wiping his sweaty face with the white towel around his neck,he meets taeil eyes through the mirror,giving him a tiny smile

 

'Taeyong has mastered the dance,he doesn't need to continue the practice with us'

 

After that the silence came and everyone started to replay what they have learned

 

Nct 127 dorm

 

Taeyong closed his bag and pulled the zipper before hosting his bag off his bed

 

He sigh,wondering who will be taking his bed after he's gone,maybe then haechan will be happy since he didn't want to be taeyong's roommate.

 

Taeyong fixed his black cap and put the hood of his hoodie covering his red hair, he gives the room one last glance before dragging his luggage away from the life he thought he built through the past two years only to realise he has done nothing,obviously he meant nothing to the boys,they were his friends, they were his brothers,taeyong loved them,he truly cared for them but clearly they didn't want him near.

 

It hurt,his heart is beating fast so angrily.

 

Taeyong eyes burn with tears as he closed the Nct127 dorm,making his way toward a new beginning.

 

Chapter one end

 

Too late

 

Taeyong didn't expect to be sent to his hometown for a whole week,he wondered If he's out of black on black,if not they won't be sending him to his home right?

 

Taeyong sigh

 

He's thinking too much again

 

The tiredness couldn't wip the events from last night,the members words,their stares,their insensitive statements they assumed without even asking him,if they were that upset They should have at least asked him,consult him,tell him what he had done so wrong to get them act this way,going to the CEO office to say that taeyong isn't good enough leader hurt him deeply,he accept criticism but if it was built on something convincing,he has never made one step if the company didn't ask him to,if there is anything the members aren't happy about it should be the company's fault not his.

 

 

 

Man up lee taeyong 

 

 

 

Taeyong scolded himself,wiping furiously on his puffy,sleepy but still breathtaking eyes.

 

 

 

He refuses to cry over what happened,he needs to forget,just like he used to do when he's hurt or sad,when he used to hear words would bother him for the whole week,he does what he used to do whenever everything collapse,taeyong grabbed his black leathery back bag,opening the zipper,his trembling hands searched for his headphones and his phone.

 

 

 

Taeyong put them in his ears and closed eyes,leaning his temple against the cold window,closing his brain to the world

 

 

 

thinking is too hard.

 

 

 

 

 

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'Taeyongie?'

 

Taeil knocked at the door slightly afraid of disturbing the leader's slumber,he's worried about him,he knows taeyong is strong but the look he had in his eyes was different,he looked devastated,taeil hates himself for thinking that taeyong can do this alone,he was never helped,when they used to come back at 1 am,taeyong would enter the dorm looking dead tired at 2 or 3 am,he will be the last one to shower, to sleep,the first one to wake up and he had to wake them all up,he was never angry specially with Mark and donghyuk,because they were the youngest,taeyong would caress their hair softy trying to get them up like a caring parent.

 

taeil feels so guilty for not helping him,taeyong is the hyung to all of them,he didn't complain,he didn't ask for help,he just kept his quit aura, taeil hand curled against the door feeling the sudden pain spreading through all his chest,he's taeyong's hyung, he should have done a better job to protect his younger brother, he should have said something when jaehyun act so rude to the poor man who was just trying to save them another speech from the choreographer.

 

'Tae'

 

Taeil tried again.

 

That it he will open it and he will tell taeyong he did great,he will tell him it's not his fault s is being immature, he will tell him his hyung is sorry for ignoring his efforts,he will hug him and be there for him not only this time ,every time, he will be a better hyung.

 

The darkness all what met taeil when he twisted the handle,exposing a little crack to the too clean room,the man opened the door fully and let the living room's lighting spread some light.

 

The bed is empty 

 

Taeil eyes didn't miss the disappearance of the black suitcase under the leader's bed,taeil gave it to taeyong on his birthday.

 

Taeil flicked the light.

 

The bed is tidy as usual but the black leathery backbag isn't on the nightstand.

 

It's not difficult to tell what has happened but taeil refused to believe until he went to taeyong's closet 

 

His things is gone.

 

Taeil bite his lower lip closing his eyes,two tears escaped his closed eyelids. 

 

'Taeyong'

 

 

 

 

 

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The red locks on taeyong's eyes attracted the attention of few people as he walked through the familiar side walk,the steps toward his house never felt so painful and slow,it's like he has failed,like he has lost everything, like he has came back to the starting point.

 

He hates it,the feeling is suffocating,breathing become so hard.

 

A few fan girls recognized him and they approached him immediately smiling at him covering their blushing cheeks,as they asked for his autograph

 

'Taeyong oppa is so handsome!'

 

'Oppa you look so cool!'

 

'Oppa you are my favorite!'

 

'Oppa are you even real!'

 

Taeyong smiled at them trying to hide his sadness, they are his fans,they love him,they support him,it lift some of taeyong's spirit.

 

 

 

Maybe after all he didn't lose everything.

 

 

 

Five minutes later taeyong arrived to his house,the kitchen light is on,his mother is cooking dinner,a smile light taeyong's lips,some things never change,it's like taeyong is back to his high school days,when he used to come back home after a long day of lessons and limitless studying,hungry and exhausted,the light behind the small white curtain would be the first thing he would look at,he will know he's finally home,a nice ,warm and safe home.

 

Taeyong dragged his luggage up the few stairs before k