Finals season rolled around a little too quickly for anyone’s liking. While the weather warmed up and the cold drifted away with the warmth of sunshine, Yennie found herself cooped up in the library most of the time, accompanied by Namjoon and Jungkook, who stated that she held them accountable for their studies. 

Risako dropped by sporadically and without warning, not that anyone minded. Yennie sometimes wondered exactly what went on through the pale-skinned girl’s mind. She wished she could have imagined the way Risako gazed at her with that unfathomable look in her eyes, as though there was something else, something more intimate than just friendship, but the memory was engraved into her mind, as was the night their bodies had been pressed up against each other, grinding to the beat of the music. 

But Risako didn’t seem bothered at all. She was forever her usual, cheery, bouncy self that smiled with her eyes and giggled like purity itself. It was a charm that was hard to ignore, which always caused Yennie to constantly remind herself to steer away from her feelings that seemed to be growing day by day, despite her attempts to shut Risako out.

“Yennie, I’m so fed up,” Risako would say, sitting at her side and prodding her like an annoying little sister, “let’s go get boba or something. Or maybe fried chicken?” 

“Maybe later,” Yennie would answer with a distracted hum, although her body was completely focusing on the fact that Risako’s hands were scorchingly hot where they touched her arm, or how tingles would shoot up her spine whenever Risako’s knee would bump into her own.

A snort resounded from the other side of her seat and out of mere reflex, Yennie nudged Jungkook in his abdomen so that he would stay quiet. A chuckle was his answer.

Seemingly fed up with Yennie’s ignorance, Risako stood up from her seat to go over to Jungkook. She leaned against the table, thin chestnut strands tickling his shoulder as she peered at his notes, “where have you reached in your Nutrition notes?”

“I finished human digestion and meal planning,” Jungkook shuffled through his papers until he found said notes, before showing it to her.
“Woah, that’s really detailed. Do you mind if--” 

“You can take it. I'm done studying this part anyway.”

“Thanks. Have you done the part about Physiology yet?” When Jungkook shook his head, Risako proceeded to dig around in her file and pulled out the right section, “you can use it for your own notes if you want. I’ve done this before in my other Nutrition classes so I’m already familiar with the content.”

“Cool. Thanks Risako.” 

While it was usually easy to block out outside conversation whenever Yennie was in her own bubble of concentration, she found herself glancing back and forth between the two, noticing how close Risako stood to Jungkook and how whenever she moved, her hair would gently tickle his forearm, his hand in a gentle caress. Yennie’s grip on her pen tightened.

“Yennie?” 

The said girl tore her gaze away, right into Namjoon’s eyes. His brow was cocked up in curiosity, “you okay there?”

“Fine,” she didn’t like how sulky she sounded and, quickly swallowing back the sudden pang of jealousy, she leaned onto the desk, “did you figure out which quotes you were going to use for the literature exam?” 

Namjoon snorted, “do I look like I have figured out?”
“No. I was just asking to be polite.” 

He didn’t hesitate to kick her playfully underneath the table, “honestly though,” he said while opening up his copy of ‘Wuthering Heights’, “you know I love literature, but this?” he held up the book with a scrunched up nose and face that mirrored her exasperation, “Catherine just gets on my nerves.” 

“Well you gotta agree that they’re both psychos, Namjoon.” 

“True that, Heathcliff’s no better.” 

Yennie clasped her hands together, voice mockingly taking on a British twang, “my love for Heathcliff are like the rocks underneath--” 

Jungkook suddenly piped up from his place, “what are you nerds discussing this time?” 

The pair of English majors turned to throw him scowls before Yennie crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive stance, “nothing that your pea little brain would understand.” 

“Yeah I’m sorry Yennie, but I really did not get what you and Namjoon were talking about either,” Risako’s face popped up beside the raven-haired man and it was only then that Yennie noticed how closely she was nestled to Jungkook’s side.

A small bubble of fire suddenly erupted through her middle as Namjoon shot back, “not like we expected you to, it takes a little more intellect than just memorization.” 

“Ooh,” Jungkook echoed, “that was harsh.”

“You started it.” 

Once Yennie took notice, she couldn’t stop. Every time she saw Risako’s figure hanging around Jungkook’s, she couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit left out. It wasn’t only the fact that the two had class together and would hang out when she wasn’t free, but it was the way that Risako gazed up at him whenever he spoke. She had seen this expression so many times on her own face that it hit a little too close to home for her liking.

Jungkook, on the other hand, was completely and adamantly ignorant on the matter of the pale-skinned girl’s feelings.

“Any luck with Risako yet?” he’d ask her whenever they found themselves alone. Yennie merely shook her head and decidedly didn’t point out that Risako was looking to get into someone else’s pants. Particularly Jungkook’s. 

It might have been out of pure spite and envy that Yennie didn’t disclose any of this assumed information, but there was a certain part of her that disliked how well-liked Jungkook was where women were concerned. And how in the world was she supposed to rival that? It was clear as day that the young man would come out of this competition with a golden medal. 

She would kill herself before admitting it. But she was jealous.

Deciding that she needed a distraction, Yenni decided to call her father that very weekend and was not surprised when her mother was absent from the video frame. Mr. Kim, on the other hand, was delighted at the prospect of seeing his daughter’s face and went on chattering on about how the farm life was treating them and how the neighbours have been asking all about her.

“What are you cooking?” Mr.Kim asked as Yennie deftly slid some salmon on the pan for grilling, the oil ricocheting off the hot surface and almost hitting her straight in the face. 

“Jesus,” Yennie breathed and threw the pan a murderous glare. She turned to her phone displaying her father’s scrunched up expression, which was precariously balanced atop a sugar container, “I’m making grilled salmon and rice.”
“What about veggies? You know you have to eat your veggies too right?”
Yennie couldn’t help but chuckle at her father’s concern, “Pa, chill. I’m having grilled corn too, don’t worry.”
“Good good. Wouldn’t want you eating crappy junk food like all the college students do these days,” he grumbled on, “Mr.Lee’s son went to college two hours away and came back last week looking like he was blown up by a balloon. He was so fat he could barely fit in the doorway, nerves and bad eating habits, that’s what his mother said. Oh you should have seen her face, Yennie, she was so upset.” 

“I bet she was,” Yennie grinned while pushing her salmon around and proceeding to flip it over, “how’s mom?” she asked lightly, in an attempt to mask the pain in her voice as she did so.

Mr.Kim only sighed at the other end of the line, “You know how she is, Yennie. She’s still...upset.” 

Yennie snorted, “her being upset won’t change the fact that I’m lesbian.” 

“It’s been hard on your mother, Yennie,” her father said gently, “try to understand her a little bit.”

“She hasn’t talked to me in over three months, dad.” 

“I know, I tried talking to her but she’s just--it takes time for her to digest such things.” 

“You were fine with it.” 

“Yes but not everyone is like me, Yennie. But your mother--your mother loves you just as much as I do. Even more so.” 

Yennie wanted nothing more than to scoff and shake her head at his poor, pathetic attempt to appease the tension between the two women. Ever since Yennie had announced that she was into girls -- that had been last December after her first semester at St. Ambrose, she had been faced with nothing but silent treatment from her mother’s part. They hadn’t talked since and Yennie would’ve lied to say that it didn’t affect her all that much.

Her head hurt just thinking of all the things that were left unsaid between them. She wanted to reach out, and had tried to for the first few weeks after getting back to classes for the Winter semester. Her calls had fallen short, though, for it was apparent that Mrs. Kim was purposefully avoiding her like the plague. It pained Yennie more than she’d like to admit, made her heart ache with a nostalgic longing for the woman that had raised her. And most of all, she felt rejected and humiliated at the same time, when she shouldn’t have to be.

So what if she liked girls? So what if she was a lesbian? 

Loving someone wasn’t a crime. And yet, society made it so ing darn difficult to be with those you loved.

Yennie bid her father goodbye and almost burnt her salmon, her mind still rattled from their earlier conversation. She hurriedly pulled it out and sighed as she gazed at the now cooked fish. Her mother would’ve been so proud to see that she was eating as she should be. 

Heck, she didn’t even have an appetite right now.

A knock threw her out of her wallowing self-pity and, straightening up and brushing her hair out of her face, she strode over to unlock her door. 

“Jungkook?” she raised a brow at the young man decked in a black hoodie and cargo pants to match, “you do know that finals are next week, right?” 

He shuffled past her with a leisurely shrug, “ooh, is that salmon?” 

She was quick to tug him by his hood, “not for you.” 

“Why not?” He turned to throw her a pout.

“You have the appetite of a hippo, Jungkook. If I wanted to feed you, I’d have to buy like a whole crate.” 

“Fine. Pizza?” 

The pizza arrived half an hour later and the pair dug in with gusto. Ju