Chansung didn’t know what to think. Of course, he was happy that Jaebum was with them for their day off. But Jaebum didn’t want to talk to him, he could feel it. The only reason Jaebum, or any of the others for that matter, really talked to him was because they had been conditioned to. Hyungs always had to care for their dongsaengs, it didn’t mean they wanted to. 

Ah, there were those thoughts again. Constantly piercing his mind like sharp blades and making all what he had pushed away come bleeding out. It was easier to be happy when these thoughts didn’t muddle his mind with their toxicity. The bowling alley was pretty empty when they finally reached it, it wasn’t a well known one but it was a favourite among JYP idols. Minjun patted him on the back as he passed by with Taecyeon to check in, flashing him a warm smile. Chansung realized that perhaps his confused mind was showing on his face, he schooled his face into a more neutral expression, then happy once Wooyoung made another joke. What’s the point of being sad when you can be happy?

He was the maknae, he had to be able to lift s spirits, be a loving dongsaeng. Though he was failing at most parts, he will enjoy teasing and pranking his older members.

“You look oddly contemplative,” Nichkhun mused as they entered the dimly lit bowling alley. His dark hair was swooped over his forehead in that classic flower boy style.

“You’re rubbing off on me,” Chansung grinned, the red light from a neon sign washed over Nickhun’s pale skin as he let out a small laugh. The younger man watched as s split off into teams, himself being pulled in by Wooyound and Junho as they once again decided on maknaes versus hyungs. ‘Old men’ versus ‘young men’. Chansung grinned, as the familiar words crossed his head. “You’re gonna get crushed hyung,”

Nichkhun rolled his eyes at him but there was that gentle smile still on his face. Taecyeon answered instead, flexing his biceps and grinning proudly. “Yeah well it’s four versus three now, and I’m practically two people so five versus three.”

“Yeah but you’re old ,” Wooyoung shot back good naturedly. He grasped Chansung’s hand and held it up with pride. “Chansung also counts for two people,”

Chansung let out a small laugh and pulled his hand back, the only reason Wooyoung was happy to have the maknae was because he wanted to win. Chansung pushed down the thought, under rubble and he made sure to pour cement over it to keep it there. They were friends, Wooyoung loved Chansung as much as he loved the other. His mouth formed a straight line as he repeated the previous line over and over in his head, determined to believe it. 

“I’ll go first!” Taecyeon jumped up when the game started, he grabbed a bowling ball and took his time swinging his arm back and forth as he tried to aim. Junho started jeering at him in an attempt to distract him which was met by Minjun talking back which in the end just created even more noise. Chansung couldn’t help the warm feeling that grew in his chest, they were jerks but they were his family and he wouldn’t trade them for anything. Even if they’d trade him. When Taecyeon finally went for it, he grazed the side and about half of the pins fell. Junho and Chansung fell to the floor laughing at their hyung’s confidence while the older members got defensive “we’ll get you next time, that was us being good hyungs,”. 

“Chansung you go,” Wooyoung lightly pushed him towards the alley. Chansung in a breath as he picked up a bowling ball, Junho’s hands patted his shoulders pressing down the pressure of doing good. The younger (yet taller) braced himself, setting his eyes a little too sharply and a little too seriously on the middle pin. 

“Lets go!” Junho and Wooyoung shouted. 

“You’re going to fail,” Taecyeon sing-songed, all in good nature of course. But after a smack from both Junho and Minjun he kept quiet. 

You’re going to fail. 

Chansung gulped, trying to clear his head. It was too late, their voices came in telling him to just play the ball. So he swung back his arm getting into position. You’re going to fail. He started the graceful ark, fingers sweat and slippery against the black, heavy bowling ball. You’re going to fail.You’re going to fail. You’re going to fail. You’re going to fail. The ball left his hand jerkily and the dread settled in his stomach. You’re going to fail. Not settled, more like it was doing cartwheels and trying to launch itself up his throat. You’re going to fail. You’re going to fail. You’re going to fail. The ball curved towards the left, taking out four pins. One less than Taecyeon’s. 

He took in a deep breath, god he wanted to kill his brain sometimes. He knew it was just a joke, why did it trick his thoughts? 

“Nice try man,” Junho and Wooyoung’s smiles were genuine and set off a small bloom of hope within his chest. He really was overthinking, he always was, he just didn’t know how to stop. He couldn’t control his own mind and it frustrated him to no end. 

Taecyeon was suddenly in front of Chansung, eyes glazed with concern. “You okay?” Chansung forced his head to nod and swallowed another breath of air. It was Nichkhun’s turn, the thai shot a playful glare at the younger members as he grabbed a ball. Taecyeon gulped awkwardly, Chansung didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. “You know I meant the comment as a joke, right? You could never fail in my eyes,”

A pause.

Chansung cracked a smile as his eyes lit up. “You’re so cheesy, hyung,” Taecyeon’s straight posture relaxed as he lightly shoved the younger, not even enough to move him. “I think the K-dramas have influenced you too much,” 

“Brat,” Taecyeon replied fondly, he gave him a quick hug and then they moved back towards their respective teams. Chansung’s eyes fell on Jaebeom, they hadn’t talked to each other much today. Though he really wanted to, he had looked up to the leader a lot when they had still been training together. He’d looked up to all the members really, but the former leader gained a special platform in his mind. Chansung racked his head trying to figure out how to approach the other man. He was immature and mischievous with s, but he hadn’t talked to Jaebeom in a while. Not to mention he didn’t want to overload the other man, who did seem a little overwhelmed ever since he joined his former group at lunch. 

He squared his shoulders and tried to nonchalantly make his way over to the other group. Throwing some jabs at the team to further show normalcy, though Jaebeom’s amused smile said that Chansung didn’t really convince him.

And that was okay. 

Chansung didn’t need to convince him, they just needed to converse. If Jaebeom didn’t want to talk to him, well he would back off of course, but there’s no way he would know if he didn’t actually go for it. And would you look at that, Jaebeom’s the one that initiated it. “How have you been Chan?”