Luhan pov

 

I don't see him today. It seems he decides to take a day off or something. Yesterday I make him mad at me, I need to apologize soon. When he looks at me while he states that I knew about the plan, I can see the betrayed emotion in his eyes. Yes, I knew it from long ago, before his mother died. Mrs. Oh often drops by at my house at the weekend, she will talk to my parents for hours about this arrangement. When they finally told me everything positively I’m on a verge of hysterics. Do know whilst worried to the whole idea there’s also a tint of joy inside me, I love Sehun for god knows how long. I’ve known him since I was a little kid. We entered the same middle school, even though he never know me, i can’t possibly miss him. Our only interaction back then was him buying me lunch for one time, that’s it. He’s the first person who treats me nicely. Although he probably didn’t remember it, I do. And i loved him ever since. When I moved to China, it took everything of me not to stay with him.

 

I mentally groaned when they told me the details, truthfully the boy I’m supposed to marry already has a boyfriend, anxiety fills me up. When I first met him it was at the park but he didn’t seem to notice me, he looks dashing. He was talking to some guy I think it’s his lover and then give the other boy a quick peck on the lips my assumption is right. The picture of it keeps me disheartened.

 

Yesterday was totally a day. At least it began happily, I eat breakfast with him, I go on a ride with him although it’s just for school I felt amazingly happy, but my fantasy broke down as Jongin came to view, I can hear my heart yell. He’s supposed to be mine and mine ONLY. Like it's not even bad enough later that night he rejected me the second he know I’m his pair. He said I’m a kid, his words are dripping with disdain, he knows they don't need his approval to get this plan on the road, he ran a hand through his hair and leave. He doesn’t love me. And he determined not to change his mind. I know.

 

-

 

I decided to visit him today so here I am pressing the doorbell and wait for the door to be open. About seven seconds later the door swung by open, I can see maid from the other day at dinner. I smile a bit and she did the same. "Is Sehun here?" I’m afraid he’s not, ugh why didn’t I call him first? Oh right because he won't pick up. "Yes, he’s upstairs sir. In his bedroom.” I nodded at her and walk upstairs, I trailed my hand to the knob, grabbing real tight and slowly turn it. I make no sound at all when I open his door, I peek a bit, and he’s neither on the bed nor at his desk. I open it more slightly and there he is leaning back at the couch, his eyes are empty, his face laced with frustration, his hair is messy as hell. The brightness that resembles him falls down. I hate this, I’m the reason behind all of his sorrow. Dread eating me whole as I sidled up toward him. He notices my figure and jerk forward.

 

I gulp when he shot me a death glare like I’m a grim reaper. I shakily smile to him and what I get? Devilish smirked. I observed him, he looks miserable. "Why a like you can come to my holy chamber?" What? I claw my eyes out trying to be sure what I just heard, he smirked looking at my reaction. "Excuse me?” He burst to laugh. I can’t understand this guy! I try to make things better and he said what?! As angry as I am right now, it’s hurt that the kindness within him is gone.

 

My hand balled up to a fist but my eyes show the sadness I’m feeling, I peered up to his face hoping to see any regret but there’s none. "You heard me. You are my dad's puppet. I can’t believe I was going to befriend you." The words pierce right through my heart. I was about to shot back when his phone rang. He picks it up from the floor and sees the screen. From his panic expression, I know its Jongin, probably asking about this whole messed up situation. I don’t know how but earlier I found out that almost all the people at college knew about this, a word about their stunning gorgeous famous boy always spread up quickly.

 

I look at him whilst he answers the call. His face turns from panic to angry and then sad, it chokes me to realize Jongin has so much power within Sehun. Jongin is literally Sehun’s life. The boy now throwing the phone across the room, he tried to cover up his crying face when he slumps to the ground. I approach him with open arms and hug the poor boy, I can feel him shiver within my arms. I try to calm him down as I rubbed his back. Wrong move.

 

He snapped and pushing me away until my back is against the wall, I look up from my eyelashes’ to find him standing in front of me. It’s bad enough he hurt me mentally, now he even slaps me. I look at him while touching my cheek and tears build up. "Get out!!" I look at him with wide eyes, my body wants to obey, on the other hand, my mind telling me to stay for him. To comfort him until he stops letting out crystals from his eyes. I stood up urging the will to hug him once again, I want to wipe his tears away, and can’t he see it's making my world split to half?

 

Slowly I reached to his face, I was trembling from the thought he will slap me again, sensing no movement from the boy, slowly make way to his cheeks again only to get pushed away harshly by him. He scoffed as he saw what I was doing. “Don’t you ing dare touch me with your dirty hands. Get out!” I felt a sharp pain in my chest after hearing his words. I can only freeze and without my notice a tear fall from my eyes, cold eyes of him telling me he didn’t care. I blankly walk out the room and out of his property.

 

I shoved into my car and drive like a crazy person, want to get away as soon as possible. My vision blur as my tears keep falling down, you must think I’m crazy that I still want him, want to get to his heart. But sadly his heart locked up for me. If you wish and wish earnestly will it come true? If I wish Sehun loves me, will it come true like a fairytale?

 

-

 

I open the door to my house, limply walk to my bedroom and ignore the calls from my attendants. When I’m inside I throw my body to the bed lying down and staring at the ceiling. He slapped me… I pull my blanket over my head, hoping that I can get some sleep to get these images away. I’ll try to be a better person for him, I promise. I closed my eyes and count to 100 until I fall asleep.

 

-

 

My eyes flickered open when my phone rang. Not minding reading the caller ID I answer it anyway. “Hello? Is this Luhan?” Ugh, I mentally snorted. Who else genius? Before the bad side of me answering, I try to collect my soul together and fully wake up. My eyes searching for a watch but all I see is darkness, have I gone blind? But I can see a little sun shines.

 

I want to laugh my idiotic-self when I realize I’m still under the blanket. I pushed it a little just showing my head to the room. I searched for it once again and it’s eight in the morning. Ugh too little too early for this guy on the phone to disturbed my sleep. “Yes, who is this?” Still yawning from the drowsiness. “It’s Sehun’s father. Can you go accompany Sehun at the park? I think he needs fresh air. He will be there at nine.” I’m sitting up straight. Seeing him after yesterday I don’t think it will work out, but the screaming from my heart seems to disagree.

 

After all, I did promise I’ll try to be a better person for him didn’t I? I need to help him solve the problem I caused. Maybe I can give him another chance. Everybody needs a second chance, right? That’s what makes them do better in the future. I took a deep breath and say "Of course sir, it will be my pleasure" - I hope. Seconds later there's a beep sound coming out from my phone signaling he hung up.

 

I open the blanket thoroughly, didn’t care when it hits the dark purple carpet above the wood-colored floor; I throw my right legs out the bed and followed by the left one. Walking across the room and grab the curtains only to open it a little and see the sky. After I saw the colored of a night wolf spread all over it, I closed it back. It’s definitely going to rain soon, I need to hurry. I enter the bathroom to take a bath until I’m squeaky clean, brush my teeth. I dry myself with a towel at the dresser and pick a Hollywood t-shirt and dark blue jeans then walk out to get my car.

 

When driving my car I notice I didn’t see my parents at all, in fact, the last time I saw them at Sehun's house. They always do this to me, missing one-day comeback either next week or next month, their excuses are always the same 'business stuff' I’m quite fed up, even if I’m just a replacement and a distraction from grief to their dead child, is it really impossible for them to share time with me?

 

But in the end, I can't bear to complain, my 'mother' will break down crying she always cries easily, as for my 'father' no doubt he will beat me up cause he thinks that I’m an ungrateful rotten brat. I just try not to care anymore, and focus on my date with Sehun. Is it a date? When he's happy to see me I can assume it’s a date.

 

I’m smiling like a clown now, occasionally dancing at random music at red lights, say hello to anyone near whenever I take a turn. Luckily there isn’t anyone who calls the police who will take me to a mental hospital or running some test to see if I was drunk. I arrive safely at the only park in town which addressed were sent to me by Sehun’s dad. I parked hurriedly, trying to find Sehun as fast as I could.

 

About five minutes I walk and search him my head begins to hurt for all the turn my head takes to find him. I sit at the nearest bench under the maple tree, I rest my head for a bit and see the sky, birds singing everywhere the different shape of clods fly away by the wind, I try to reach it see if I can give it to Sehun but what I get is a drop of rain from the pitch-black sky. Oh great - I think sarcastically. I need to find him now.

 

I get up, that’s when I hear cheering behind me. Lots of people crowding some guy who is dancing with all his heart, trying to get a better look I approach the man. Smile created on my face. It’s him, it’s my Sehun. He dance so beautifully didn’t care about the rain and noises around him. Completely drunk in his body movements that I forgot to even breathe. Round of applause is the only thing audience can do to pay the amazing show from him as it ended, I try to reach and shout his name over and over again to catch his eyes.

 

But then I wish I didn’t come to see him today, I wish I could just look for him at a different place, it’s the only thing I wish when I see Jongin, him grabbing Sehun arms and kiss him passionately in front of all people. The audience who liked a good show cheered him-them once again and the crowd slowly fade away, and so did they.

 

He turns his back at me, being further away from me by the seconds, I scream my lungs out to call him inside my mind, but not even a squeal can escape mouth. As people walk by, I’m drenched in the heavy rain. Am I wandering between dreams and beyond? It seems like I can touch you when I reach but my hand goes through empty air. I have to stay strong for him, I need to buy him some times, and maybe then his eyes, heart and his body movements might want me too. Maybe then he accepts me for who I am.

 

I sit glumly back on the bench, not bothering to look up because my head hung so low. Not disturbed by the cold water rain hits like needle poke through my skin. His smile when he dances keeps engrossed in my heart. Would someday he gives me that genuine smile of his? My heart already flutters only by imagining it. Collecting the hope and courage, I’m going back home.

 

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