"Doyoung, you should help me. I'm your friend."

"So is Yeoreum," Doyoung scoffed, not even bothered to look at the taller guy sitting beside him, leaving the food in front of him untouched.

"Yes, but you could have at least asked her to sit with us," Johnny hissed, almost raising his voice.

Frowning, he kept looking at your direction which was seated two tables away from the boys. Usually in a company event like this, either Yerim, Mark, or Doyoung would initiate to tag a table for a bunch of you and your peers. That would include you, Johnny, Mark, Yerim, Doyoung, and Taeyong. If you or Johnny was running late, one of your friends would always save a seat to ensure you would be together. Today Johnny had to accept the bitter feeling having you away from him although it was not the first time anymore. Having you beside him apparently gave him confidence. It completed him. And he also liked that it always felt like that he could brag you and how you two were perfect for each other although no one really asked him about it.

"Johnny, seriously, give up. Don't you see that Jaehyun guy is always tailing her?" Taeyong quickly snapped. "Dude, get over it. She's with the dimple guy now."

"You don't know that," Johnny spat.

"What do you say, Mark?" Taeyong suddenly asked the youngest who can't hide his restlessness eyeing you and Jaehyun on the other table.

It was clear in Mark's mind that you were more than ready to move on. He wasn't gonna lie that Jaehyun did seem like a great guy and he would probably treat you better. If he didn't, you wouldn't look this happy.

A piercing glare from Johnny made the youngest even uneasy. "Uh, well, usually she would sit with us naturally if Yerim is here. But, uh.. Yerim and the other noonas had tagged another table." Mark and his confusing answer. However Taeyong and Doyoung actually caught the hints. The girls simply didn't want you to be close with Johnny. Frankly speaking, Mark, Taeyong and Doyoung caught moments when the girls warmly welcomed you who just arrived with Jaehyun walking shyly behind you. They also witnessed how Sooyoung spared two seats for you and Jaehyun, as if Jaehyun's presence had been expected.

it.

Johnny braced himself to chase you right after the company dinner finished. He knew you would disappear quickly because you wouldn't bother to stay longer for a second round to drink or for a casual chit-chat. The only thing he had to ensure was that none of Taeyong and Doyoung were to catch him approaching you. He managed to make up excuses to grab something from his car and sneaked his way out to the exit door. The company dinner would officially end in 10 minutes. He would just wait there, since he was very sure you would be the first one to come out of the ballroom.

Good thing that he got to take a can of beer he stored in his car while waiting for you. Leaning on the wall beside the exit door, he took a sip of his drink. A frustrated sigh escaped his mouth. He was upset to hear his bestfriends telling him to give up on you. He was upset to see you starting to develop something with Jaehyun. Something that could have been with him if he wasn't too selfish.

Chattering started to be heard approaching the exit. Johnny quickly finished his beer, wiped his mouth with his long sleeves—an unusual behavior of him who was extraordinarily particular about his clothes, which could be a sign that he couldn't care less about anything but you. Just like he expected, you were the first to come out. And as expected as well, Jaehyun was behind you.

Johnny called your name gently. He wore his softest smile, trying to read your face which honestly looked unfazed.

"What are you doing here outside?" you asked.

"Waiting for you," he cautiously answered, slightly eyeing Jaehyun who was like your guard dog. "There is something I want to talk to you."

"Like right now?" You didn't sound happy, excited, or even agree to have a talk with him.

"Tomorrow afternoon? Maybe we could go out for lunch first. You remember that restaurant you've always wanted to try? The owner is apparently Sehun's friend and he—"

"How about I'll meet you somewhere after lunch?" you interrupted him. You felt bad actually for cutting him speaking like that. It was just now you were not into small talks and cutesy gimmicks; you'd rather be straight forward with anything.

Johnny's mouth was half open as he was flustered to be interrupted earlier. He quickly snapped himself mentally to get it together. "Sure, no problem." He still tried to sound cheerful and excited.

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow?" You flashed him a polite smile.

"Yes. I'll see you tomorrow."

You waved at him, Jaehyun beside you also bowed his head lightly as a good bye greeting. There you went away, your steps matched Jaehyun's pace. Or, now that Johnny paid attention, he noticed Jaehyun was the one who matched your walking pace.

"John.." Mark's voice startled him.

Johnny's eyes quickly searched for Taeyong or Doyoung's presence.

"Oh, the hyungs are still inside with Miss Lee," told Mark, as if he could read Johnny's mind.

"Don't tell the others I just spoke to Yeoreum."

—

"Do you want me to go with you?" Jaehyun offered as both of you hopped into his car.

You chuckled at him. "You mean meeting with Johnny tomorrow? Why?"

"Just because." He showed off his dorky grin whenever he couldn't think of good answers.

"I'll be fine. Thanks for asking though."

"Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?" he offered again.

You chuckled again. "Why? You don't have to, Jaehyun."

"But I want to," he said shyly. "Anyway, I'm going out with Mingyu and Dokyeom for brunch. After that I can get you."

Your lips pursed then turned into a sheepish smile. "Do as you wish then.”

— 

the next day

Johnny was restless waiting for you at the bench he usually sat on after his routine of morning jogging. He kept convincing himself that nothing was going on between you and Jung Jaehyun. People say we tend to believe what we want to believe. And this is exactly what Johnny did. He wanted to believe that you and Jaehyun were just friends, who was on the same level like Jungkook. That type of friend who was one-call away. That type of friend who you would always come to first.

Let’s not ruin anything today, John, he spoke to himself.

He drew a big smile as he noticed your presence from a far distance. The fact that you were coming alone actually calmed him down a little. He was anxious thinking that you might bring Jaehyun along.

"Did I make you wait?" you greeted as you sat down beside him.

Johnny shook. "The weather is nice today. It makes me want to lie on the grass, showered with the sun ray."

You smiled, not responding a word to him. "So, what is it you want to talk about?"

Johnny took a deep breath. "Yeoreum, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"What did you like about ...us? About our relationship?"

Unable to answer him right away, you diverted your eyes to enjoy the view of your favorite park by the river. The place you often visited alone. The place you usually had picnic with Johnny and friends. The place you wished you could have come to with Johnny more—much more often, just the two of you. The place where Johnny officially broke up with you couple months ago.

"I'll answer first," Johnny said again. "I liked that we never fought. We never disagree over something. We never argue with such a tension. I liked that we were very peaceful."

You smiled sincerely at his answer. "You're right. I liked that too."

"Is there anything else?"

"Well, if I have to say, everything was nice because it was you, Johnny." You exhaled. Your mind was reminiscing the good old days with the ex-boyfriend. Sometimes you did wonder when and how everything started to change.

Johnny smiled at your answer too. His heart was filled with warmth, quite enough to heal his mental from self-abuse he did for breaking up with you. "Is there..." he continued, with his voice crack; a sign that he was nervous. "Is there anything you dislike about us? About me?"

You smiled again. "Why should I?" you said as you chuckled lightly. "You are such a sweet, gentle, caring, kind and lovable man, Johnny."

That was the first time ever Johnny received such sweet words from you. Basically you never expressed your feeling verbally to him. It was embarrassing when you thought about it as you can't help cringing to yourself. But you meant what you said. "Sorry I only get to say that now. I should have done that more often back then," you continued, chuckling to yourself.

"You shouldn't be the one to be sorry," he mumbled.

"Pardon?"

"I ed up, Yeoreum. And I'm the last person to know that I did."

"You're talking non-sense, Johnny."

"Yeoreum, you always say you're okay, everything is fine, and no worries."

"But everything is okay. I'm fine, you're fine. We are fine, Johnny."

"Maybe we are, now. But we were certainly not. If I didn't up, we wouldn't have ended up like this."

"But you were not happy. Maybe it was my fault. I'd hate it even more if we stayed together yet you had to bear with me." You inhaled, tightening your grip with your own hands, fingers tightly intertwined. "I mean, you're certainly not the first one to experience this whole relationship thing with me. And, yeah, I get that a lot. Lacking of presence. Not showing enough affection. Like I'm in my own world. So, don't feel bad." You managed to chuckle, remembering the words you often heard whenever you were seeing someone.

"Don't say that. It was my fault that I thought I was the one trying. I was the one to blame because I wasn't thoughtful enough to understand you." He sighed deeply before continuing. "Yeoreum, why can't you just say it loudly if you feel uncomfortable and tired and just have enough of everything? Why can't you be more selfish? Why can't you say no when I did all those PDA stuff? Why didn't you ever tell me that you didn't like going to parties? Why didn't you ever say that you were exhausted?" Johnny cried. "Because of that, I thought everything was okay. That's why I just made you come along with me, without even knowing that you were exhausted."

"Ah, about PDA.. I just find it embarrassing to be kissed and being lovey dovey in front of others. But anyway.." You shrugged, trying to cool down the rapid heat from blushing over your cheeks. "It was true my energy was drained, I was tired because of those parties I never attended before I dated you. But I just, sort of did it for you. Because I liked you, I liked your friends. I had no other reason." You reached his big hands and squeezed them. "And I mean it when I said I had fun meeting your friends. If I didn't, I wouldn't have stayed being friends with those chaotic guys of yours. Maybe you don't know this but lately I often go hiking with Yuta and Winwin."

Johnny gripped back your small hands and gave them light squeeze. "Do you think I could have one more chance with you?"

You were taken aback. You were still surprised despite you already anticipated this. Yet you still hadn't made up your mind. You never prepared any answer if Johnny ever asked you to get back together.

Yes, you liked him. Yet you were not even sure if that feeling was more in the romantic way, or just merely like him as friends. At the moment you were enjoying the feeling to be free and busy with yourself. The fact he'd ever said you were just physically present was actually disturbing you sometimes, but you had decided to shrug it off. While the devil side of you who was allies with your friends, kept saying that Johnny didn't appreciate you enough after those parties you attended since you were his girlfriend after all. It was unfair, the devil continued, that you loved him unconditionally as the big reason was literally 'because it was him' but what had he done?

And recently you just started to feel comfortable with Jaehyun around, especially that Jungkook tirelessly kept on giving you hints about his dear friend.

"Do you think you could give me some time to think about it, Johnny?" you asked as you pulled away your hands, releasing them from Johnny's warm grip.

He smiled bitterly. "As long as you need." It looked like he had to prepare for the worst, while still encouraging himself to hope for the best.

"Thank you." You turned to look at the river again. "It still feels nice to be here with you, Johnny. It's as if nothing changes." You paused, inhaled, exhaled, then continued, "... but us."

Johnny's heart somewhat broke to hear that. He couldn't say anything. He wasn't sure what to say.

"Anyway, I have to go now." You stood up first, followed by him. "See you when I see you?"

Johnny nodded as he had no choice. He wanted to ask you to stay for a while. But it didn't seem like you would say yes. In the end, Johnny said nothing at all. His mind felt like a tangled  wire, it hurt him. He watched you taking steps away from him. But after a few steps, you turned your back with a slight smile, making his face bright again. Just when his lips were about to curve a smile with full of hopes, the words came out of your mouth instead messed up with his vulnerable heart, shattering all the hopes he had gathered.

"Johnny, you don't have to wait for me, okay?" you said softly, a little smile curved your lips.

Does that mean you might not come back?

Yesterday Mark literally just told him this. You might never come back. He gulped, gritting his teeth with such a force. His brows were furrowing, the quivering eyes started getting teary that he had to look upwards to prevent the tears escaping from his eyes.

'Hyung, what do you think if Summer noona had found someone else?'

'I don't even want to think about it.'

'But what if she's happier if she's with that someone else?'

'I said I don't want to think about it. I don't even want to imagine things.'

‘Hyung, I think you have to let her go already.'

'Why? Why should I?'

'Honestly.. I just, think, maybe you should try, just a little bit,' Mark stuttered.

'You can't tell me what to do, Mark. Or is there something you want to tell me?'

'No, but...' Mark paused. His brain was working hard to arrange good words. 'But you never know if she will come back to you. I mean, it's been months..'