October 2007

 

“Is that all you’ve got?”

 

“No, I’m not even trying yet!”

 

“Then push harder!”

 

It was a Sunday afternoon, and we were at the park near where Jaemin and I lived. The leaves on the trees around us were turning brown, and the sun was up high, but I didn’t mind, because the wind that blew against me was cold as I went up in the air.

 

Until I fell off the swing set.

 

“Oh, no! Heejin, are you alright?” Jaemin exclaimed as he rushed over to check on me. “Don’t cry!”

 

I was on the sand on all fours, a bit of a scratch on my knees from when I landed on them, but nothing bad. No cuts. And I didn’t cry. Dad did always say that I was a strong girl.

 

“I’m fine."

 

“Don’t tell your mom,” he begged. He turned around nervously to look at our moms sitting on a park bench. They were far too invested catching up with each other that they didn’t even notice us.

 

“I’m not a tattletale. And it doesn’t even hurt. Let’s continue,” I assured him as I stood up and brushed the dirt off my shorts. I took a seat on the swing once more, pushing up with my feet to slowly set me in motion. But instead of going to stand behind me, Jaemin sat on the swing beside mine, still worried.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Just a band-aid will fix it,” I insisted. 

 

I wasn’t sure if he really was concerned, or just scared that my mom would find out and get mad at him. Or maybe he thought I was mad at him. It got awkward, like he didn’t want to play with me anymore in case another accident happened. Jaemin kept quiet with his eyes downcast in guilt, and that wouldn’t do.

 

“I’m bored,” I said out loud.

 

“Oh!” he said, like he remembered something, and he looked up at me. “Next time, when you come to my house, we can play on the computer all day.”

 

“Why?”

 

“My sister doesn’t live with me anymore. She has a new house! So now I have the computer all to myself. And the TV,” he continued excitedly, like he didn’t just push me off the swing a minute ago. He gave me an innocent smile and he was missing a tooth, but it was still the same smile I’d known him for.

 

“Cool!” I said. “It must be fun now that you’re all alone.”

 

“It is!” he replied, but then smile turned into a sad one. He continued, “But also, sometimes it’s not fun. I miss playing with my sister every day.”

 

“Oh...”

 

“She only comes over sometimes, to get stuff to bring to her new house. Her husband comes, too. To carry the heavy stuff.”

 

“Why don’t you carry the heavy stuff?” I teased, if only to cheer him up a little bit. I knew he loved his sister very much.

 

“I do! He lets me carry some bags,” he spluttered. “I’m strong! Watch.”

 

Then he stood up to run over to where the monkey bars were, climbing and hanging onto one of the bars to prove his strength. I scoffed at the show he was putting on, then he crossed the length of the entire thing in record speed. He sat on one of the ladder steps at the side of it.

 

“He’s really cool!” Jaemin said. “He goes to the gym, and… and… and he has this really big dog.”

 

“My friend has a dog, too,” I replied from my seat. “But not a big one. A really, really tiny one. She brought it to school for show and tell.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Hyunjin, my other best friend!”

 

He slid down and onto the sand with a thud, dust clouding from beneath his sneakers. He walked back to me and asked with enthusiasm, “Ooh! Can I meet her? I want to see the dog. Where does she live?”

 

“You can’t!” I flat out rejected, and I saw him furrowed his brows at me with a whine, offended.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because you’re a boy!”

 

“And?”

 

“She doesn’t like boys.”

 

“Why? Does she have a crush on boys?

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Maybe she does,” he said, sitting next to me once more. Then he gave me a playful look, “I bet you do, too!”

 

“No! Gross!” I said, making a face and looking at him with disgust.

 

He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled to the entire playground, which was pretty much empty, “Heejin has a crush! Heejin has a c—”

 

“Will you stop it!” I complained, kicking the side of his swing seat with force. He gets pushed off onto the ground, much like the position I was in earlier. “My mom’s gonna think you’re weird!”

 

“Just admit it!” he said, not making a move to get up and lying on the sand instead.

 

“I don’t, you weirdo!” I yelled. Then I ran over to him, crouching and trapping him in a revenge tickle fight which he desperately tried to get out of. He was screaming at this point, and our moms looked at us, only to continue gossiping again when they realized there was nothing to worry about.

 

When I started feeling sorry for him, I let up and sat on the ground, leaning back on my arms. He was still trying to catch his breath, then he shoved me so that I tipped over and laid on the ground with him.

 

“Hey! What was that for?” I said, sitting up and shaking the dirt out of my hair.

 

“For tickling me!”

 

“But you were teasing me!”

 

“But you still tickled me!”

 

“You’re annoying,” I huffed, and I stood up when I noticed my mom going up to the car. She was gonna bring out the snacks! “Maybe you’re the one with a crush.”

 

“N-no way—”

 

“Last one to the picnic blanket is a big, fat loser!”