“Sooo? What do you think?” sooyoung shows Jessica her fitted wedding dress.

Sooyoung just got engaged to kyungho and asked her designer friend for help on her wedding dress and the designer gladly went back to Korea immediately.

“Duh, of course it looks good. I literally designed it and you’re still asking me that.” Jessica boasts with a smirk on her face while sooyoung rolled her eyes at her.

“You could use some humbleness you know. But seriously though, you nailed this dress.” She giggled while looking at herself on the mirror.

“I specifically designed it that way because your arms are so thin. Heck, your whole body is so slim. I remembered hating you—“ sooyoung’s mouth went agape jokingly

“Oh. My God…” she said with a hint of playfulness.

“Yeah, I did.” Jessica joined the playfulness. “I hate you for being such a pig and still be this slim. I swear to god, you and yoona, I hate you both.”

“Oh wow, is that supposed to flatter me? Thanks anyway”

“You’re welcome, I’m just gonna pretend I didn’t hear the sarcasm.” Jessica fired back

“You call me thin, but you should see Taeyeon, that girl is thin as right now you’re gonna wonder if she still even eats.” And sooyoung regretted the moment she mentioned taeyeon’s name as Jessica went silent.

Of course Jessica sees, how can she not? Taeyeon’s face is literally everywhere. Billboards here and there, commercials, news sites, her dreams. How can she not see.

“Is…she gonna come? To the wedding?” Jessica asked with a hint of hope while trying to distract herself with fixing sooyoung’s dress.. It’s been so long since the last time she’d seen Taeyeon physically.

Sooyoung sighed. “She said she’s not sure because her concert is supposed to be the day after the wedding, and her manager advised her to just rest, so…”

Jessica understood, but she can’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. Sooyoung saw that sad look on jessica’s face so she tries to cheer her up.

“but she said she’ll still try to come though. I mean, we’ve all been friends for waaay too long, I won’t miss big events like weddings either.” She smiled as she sees jessica’s face lighten up.

“Thank you” she smiled and sooyoung smiled back

“I miss her too, if she doesn’t go to my wedding, I’m sure as hell to break her door and drag her myself to the wedding.” She comically shouted.

Jessica laughs. Oh how she missed conversations like these, she can’t wait to see the girls.

-

“OH MY GOSH!! GIRLS!!” that familiar loud voice overpowered all the voices in front of the church, but she didn’t care. She ran to where her girls are.

“Tiffany!” the girls said in unison.

“You are still LOUD as ever.” jessica deadpanned as she walked to the girls. The girls are excited as well to see her.

“JESSICA??!! Oh my god I missed you so much!!” tiffany hugged Jessica excitedly and she can’t help but smile. She missed this loud megaphone too.

“How long has it been?” sunny asked gleefully after she hugged Jessica.

“I don’t know, 9, I think?? I wasn’t really counting but oh my god, it’s been so long!!” she’s surprised at how long they’ve been separated and somehow, things haven’t changed.

“You look good eonnie” seohyun said

“Don’t flatter me too much seo, we’ve all gone prettier” jessica teased to which they all giggled

“So where’s… what’s his name?” yoona asked.

“Who?” Jessica asked with a bit of confusion.

“Your boyfriend. Is it.. ti..tiler? Tiger? He-who-must-not-be-named guy, I forgot.” Yuri failed to remember

“It’s tyler, you .” Hyoyeon answered savagely

“Oh him..” Jessica said in realization

Yuri slapped hyoyeon’s arms “How dare you!! It’s not like I know him to actually remember his name”

“Enough shouting guys, we’re not the only people here..” seohyun said politely

“Did he come with you? It’s too bad if he didn’t, we haven’t met him after all.” Tiffany turned her attention to Jessica while the other girls banter

“No, he's in Paris. Someone needs to be back in hq to attend meetings in my place while I’m gone.”

“Aww, that’s too bad, wished we could meet him”

“Yeah…anyway, is…taeyeon coming?” Jessica have been hoping she could see taeyeon. It’s been a long time after all.

“Mmm, I’m not sure, really. She said she wasn’t sure because of her concert tomorr—oh wait, there she is.” Tiffany smiled and pointed to where taeyeon was approaching.

Jessica felt like her heart dropped to her feet after when she turned around and saw taeyeon approaching. That familiar radiant face and sweet smile that used to start her mornings and end her evenings, oh how she had miss her.

“TAEYEON!!” here comes tiffany again “You look SO good!”

“We thought you’re never gonna make it!” seohyun said in delight and relief

“You guys have NO idea how much bribing I had to do to convince my manager into attending this wedding” Taeyeon answered

“You better, because if you don’t attend our weddings in the future, I’m gonna make sure you’re not gonna be sleeping peacefully at night.” Hyoyeon threatened which made Taeyeon laugh nervously

“Are you a sasaeng or something? Should I be worried?” yuri said with a straight face while yoona and sunny are laughing at the back.

Taeyeon was about to say something but her peripherals saw someone standing by afar, watching them, and when she looked, she realized it was jessica. They were both stunned at seeing each other after a long time.

The chatter sounds all seemed to have lowered by the second the longer they stared at each other, and for a moment, it felt like it was the first time they’ve seen each other, and they were in their own world.

All of it was short lived, as the wedding organizer asked them to get into positions as the wedding’s about to start.

-

It’s already deep in the evening and the party’s still on-going. All the girls are still dancing their hearts out, the newly wed is inside their own world, but there’s one girl that’s missing all this fun.

Jessica can’t help but look for this girl. When she went out by the balcony, there’s only one person who’s enjoying the cool air and peaceful silence. She let her feet walk its way towards the girl.

“Hey.” Jessica greeted the girl with a shy smile.

“Oh hey” Taeyeon greeted back with an equally sweet smile “got tired of the large, noisy crowd?”

Jessica giggled, “Yeah, I guess we’re on the same page with that, huh?” Taeyeon just smiled.

“So, uh, do you mind if I stay here with you?”

“No, of course not. A little company isn’t all that bad.” The smile is still there. “By the way, did you make that wedding dress?” Taeyeon asked.

 “U-um.. well, technically, I designed it, but not made, so..” she doesn’t know why she’s so nervous

“You did a good job. It’s really beautiful” she smile, and jessica’s nervousness went down the sink hole.

“Thank you”

They were silent for a minute now, the only sound evident there is the buffered noise from the party music inside, but it’s oddly relaxing for the both of them. Taeyeon was looking at the trees with a glass of champagne on her hand and a bottle at the near table, while Jessica watches the other girls have fun inside.

“God, here goes sooyoung’s twerks again.” Jessica told Taeyeon while laughing. She turned around and laughed when she saw sooyoung twerking while on a wedding dress.

“Geez, that never gets old. Remember yoona’s famous ‘club’ dance? The one that made our seniors laugh so hard?” taeyeon said while laughing “it still gets me, she looked so cute”

“THAT one! Yeah I remember!” she laughed as well when she remembered.

They reminisce more funny memories with their friends and laughed as if they weren’t apart for so many years. The awkwardness earlier is long gone like nothing happened.

Jessica let out a long and satisfied sigh after laughing too much “those were the days, huh?”

“the good ol’ days” taeyeon answered in texas accent which made jessica giggle.

“It’s kinda strange though, to be together with all of you again after a long while, it’s so weird. I missed everyone”

“Yeah” taeyeon agreed “we haven’t been together for like, senior year? I think? Well, except you and me, ‘cause we lived together, so..” She laughed and jessica agreed, with no hint of awkwardness

“We’ve all changed so much” taeyeon said while admiring her seven other friends from afar and jessica looked at taeyeon. “remember when we were younger? We all had this idea of where our lives are supposed to go, where we wanted to be, what we wanted to do”

She realized that there’s something different in taeyeon’s eyes. Her eyes looked more mature in the way they look at the world, like they’ve seen and experience different kinds of things. For her, taeyeon felt familiar and at the same time, someone she doesn’t recognize.

“We were all… wide-eyed and hopeful back then. Sometimes, I just want to step back in time and just…feel that again. Feel young and wild and free~” taeyeon sang the last bit of her speech which made jessica smile and laugh.

“Wow, way to kill the moment kim taeyeon.”

“Things got serious real quick, I don’t want to get all mushy and stuff, y’know.”

They paused after they’ve settled down from their soft laughter, but jessica doesn’t want this moment to end yet, not when they haven’t seen each other since that day.

“So how have you been?” jessica suddenly asked.

“Me? Umm, pretty great. Stressed, as you can see with my weight, but I can manage, trying to be healthy.” She smiled, but jessica’s still worried

“I’m glad you’re trying to be healthy” she sees how this industry takes a toll on taeyeon and she just hopes she’ll get healthier. “Mind if I ask how you became an idol here in korea? I mean I thought you were pursuing broadway…” she can’t help but ask.

“Oh that.. good question. Well, I’ve been doing broadway shows plenty of time and I just thought that I can’t do broadway forever. I’ve accomplished one of my dreams and I need something new to do, that's all.” Jessica listened.

“Don’t get me wrong though, I didn’t get bored with broadway or anything like that. I just wanted to experience new things. I wasn’t exactly sure yet that time of what I’ve wanted to do, so I came back here to korea, to think, or maybe just rest.” She smiled.

“So when I was with my mom while walking zero…”

Jessica was suddenly hit by a memory at the mention of zero. They were messing around back then, imagining a married life, having a pet dog which jessica joked around by suggesting to name it “zero”, the dog from taeyeon's favorite Tim Burton movie..

“Hey, are you listening?" Taeyeon’s voice brought her back from her reverie. "Anyway, so I didn't know that someone from SM ent watched one of my shows, and loved my voice. Then I suddenly received an email from SM while I was out with mom. I attended meetings, they offered me a contract and then here I am. It’s funny how we do not know what will happen in the future, one day I was dreaming about broadway, and one moment, I’m here, a Korean celebrity or whatever.” Jessica agreed.

“Enough talk about me, let’s talk about you. How have you been? How’s your fashion business?”

“I’m good. It’s great.” She smiled. Taeyeon laughed at how mediocre it sounded.

“C’mon, I literally told you a story and all you tell me is you’re good? That wasn’t boring at all.”

“Shut up” jessica laughed and paused to collect her thoughts. “I’ve been… I don’t know, I’ve been feeling a little…like, nothing in my life is working out like it’s supposed to. You know?” taeyeon nodded to let jessica know she’s listening.

“Lately, I just feel so far off-track, it’s insane. Like, I just woke up, and all of a sudden, I don’t recognize anything, or how I got here. I used to enjoy drawing for myself, but right now, I sketch designs not because I wanted to, but because I needed to, like it became some sort of a chore for me. I don’t know, I’m feeling… a little lost I guess.” Taeyeon nodded again. She doesn’t say it, but she completely understood what jessica has been feeling.

“Look how we got serious yet again.” Jessica awkwardly laughed.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” taeyeon gently smiled.

“Let’s talk about some interesting stuff” jessica suggested to lighten up the air. “Are you still with seolhyun?”

“Ooh, keeping up with the news, aren’t we?” taeyeon teased

“Well duh, you’re all over the internet.” She blushed

“Things are pretty great between us, going strong” taeyeon smiled, but jessica can’t help but feel a bit of sting

“Good, that’s great. I’m glad you’re happy, you deserve it” She smiled back

“What about you? Are you and tyler still together?”

“Uhh yeah, yeah Tyler and I are still together, things are fine”

“Just fine?”

“We do get along great, it’s just, I guess I haven’t felt that... spark.. in a while. It just feels…bland.”

“Bland? Mister tyler needs to spice things up if Miss jessica’s bored.” Jessica laughed at taeyeon’s joke

“No, that’s NOT what I meant, you dork. The is great and he’s actually reliable, it’s just… you know, there’s something’s missing.” Taeyeon just nodded.

As for jessica, she doesn’t know if it’s the influence of the alcohol that she drank earlier or just because she’s getting too comfortable with taeyeon, but she’s feeling brave to tell taeyeon what she’s been meaning to tell.

“Can I be honest with you for a second? It’s nothing bad, don’t worry” taeyeon’s surprised at jessica’s sudden request

“Haven’t we been honest the whole night?”

“We are, but just, I just needed to say this.” She sighed

“I know this isn’t something you tell your ex, but… I haven’t felt the same since we split up.” she said calmly “I know it’s been a while ago but you were..perfect.”

Taeyeon suddenly got flustered at this sudden confession so she looked away from jessica and looked at her glass.

“I can’t be the only one to have noticed how good we were together, right? You were my bestfriend, and I know that our timing just wasn’t right and we had to go our separate ways, and I don’t know..it was just really hard, you know? All of a sudden, I felt like I lost everything. The one person I could tell everything to, the only person in the world who knew me,  like REALLY KNEW me, and I think that was the hardest part of it all, losing a part of myself like that”

Taeyeon felt that. It’s only now that she realized how jessica had it harder than her. They both had it hard, but jessica was the one who was left behind, and taeyeon was the one who got the chance to move forward in a place that doesn’t remind her of jessica, easily distracting herself with a new environment. She can only imagine the pain jessica was feeling when she was alone at their old place, effectively reminding her of taeyeon in every corner every day.

“Anyways, I know this is a lot, but I just felt like I can’t move forward until I tell you how I felt. I guess I hadn’t known this until just recently.”

Jessica still wanted to continue but all her courage went down seeing taeyeon’s face mold in a serious and sad one. She wanted to tell her how she’s a different version of herself when she’s with her. She always needed to be what other people wanted her to be, but with taeyeon, she doesn’t feel that way. She doesn’t have to be anyone else, she just needs to be jessica jung and she’d still love her, and it has always been that easy and simple with taeyeon.

“I missed you.” Jessica finally said. “I know this is such a crazy thing to say but I think about you a lot. I think about our relationship, wishing for a parallel universe where life events didn’t get in the way and that we’d still be together. Where all that that went down just, you know, didn’t happen. I always wonder what we could’ve been. God, you have no idea how badly I wish I could change things.” A tear started to fall from her eye. “I loved you so much, and I think I always will.”

Taeyeon finally looked at her. She remembered one of the last things she said to jessica, that she’ll always love her. Jessica was her bestfriend first, a lover second. She’ll always have a special place in her heart.

“Whenever I hear your name, I just can’t help but think that you were the one for me. We were so… goddamn beautiful” she paused “You’re my one great love, you know, the one that comes around once in a lifetime, and I let it go. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life.” Jessica admitted. Taeyeon felt the same

“Anyways, sorry if that was a bit much. I know we’ve both moved on to other things but I just felt like I needed to let you know that.”

 “It’s fine.” taeyeon paused to carefully choose what to say. She wanted to say that she too, wanted to do things differently if given a chance. Things she should have said, things she should have done.

“You don’t have to be sorry. You can’t fully blame yourself for what happened between us, why we ended, because we both had shortcomings of our own. We both wanted to thrive in each of our lives while also wanting each other to be happy. But the only way to do that is to let each other go, and we both understood that.”

It’s the most painful of all break-ups, they believe. No cheating, no third-party involved, no insecurities, there was no reason to hate to move on easily. They have different worlds, and they simply just weren’t meant to be.

“Being with you was one of the best things. I learned a lot, felt different kinds of emotions, each time is new, unique, yet familiar, I felt alive.” Taeyeon smiled nostalgically “So when we parted ways, I felt like something inside of me died, but even with that, I still learned, why things don’t always go as we wanted it to.”

She stared deep into her glass of champagne as if all her words are collected there while jessica’s stares gravitate towards taeyeon’s face, and then she felt it, the spark that she was always looking for.

“There’s just nothing we could do anymore but just reminisce those memories, grow from it, and move on” taeyeon said. Jessica felt prickles on her chest when she’s reminded on how this girl beside her will never be hers anymore.

She gave jessica her glass of champagne and grabbed her own then raised it to the air.

“Cheers, to the love we can’t have.” It was a painful statement, but they clinked their glasses.

 “HEY GUYS!” yuri suddenly went out and called the two. “You two getting drunk there alone? You might as well want to get drunk with us! Come inside here already, hyoyeon’s going to dj any moment!” she was going back inside when she remembered something “Oh, and taeyeon, your manager is looking the heck out for you, she said you guys need to go home to rest midget, or you’ll never get tall.” Then went back inside. They both laughed.

“, but she’s right, we should probably get inside, it’s getting pretty chilly out here anyways.” taeyeon said as she starts to walk away slowly.

“Jessica?” taeyeon looked back

“Yes?”

“Don’t be a stranger. If you feel lost, don’t forget that you have us eight.” She smiled

“Of course.” She nodded and smiled back.

She watched taeyeon’s back as she started to walk away, and it’s so painfully similar to how she watched taeyeon leave; she lets her go for the last time. She drank the rest of her champagne and stared where taeyeon sat earlier “Maybe in another life.”