7 Years Old

Jeonghan sat at his kitchen table, playing with the ring on his pinky finger. He watched as the ring swayed between the colors of orange and yellow, never truly picking a solid form.

 

“Momma,” He called towards the kitchen where his mother was preparing for that night’s dinner.

 

“Hm?” She asked, distracted as she rolled out some dough. “What is it, sweet angel?”

 

Jeonghan turned around in his seat, his little legs dangling off the kitchen chair. He held up his hand and pointed towards the ring. “Will you tell me the story of the Soul Rings again?”

 

His mother smiled gently and stopped rolling out the dough. She wiped off her hands on a cloth towel and gracefully walked over to her young son. She sat down next to him and took his hand in her own. “This ring is called a Soul Ring,” She started, running her hand over the band that graced her son’s pinky finger. “We are all born with them. And just like all of us this band is unique,” She turned her son’s hand over to face his palm to the sky. On the back of the ring was a small groove. “There are only two rings on this planet that have a grooving such as this one. Yours and-”

 

Jeonghan cut her off with a smile. “My soulmates!”

 

His mother laughed. “Didn’t you want me to tell the story?” She playfully nagged as her son gave a cheeky smile. “But yes, your soulmate. They symbolize how there is one person out there for everyone. Your souls are forever bound,”

 

“Tell me what the colors mean again, Momma,” Jeonghan pleaded as she started to walk away. He loved listening to his mom talk about the rings. She didn’t have hers anymore. A couple of months ago, it turned black and faded away with his father’s accidental death, so he knew that explaining them to him brought back some joy for her. He’d do anything to see her happy again.

 

“Well, let’s see,” She started, sitting down in the chair next to Jeonghan. “The colors show how your soulmate is truly feeling at this very moment in time. Even if he tells someone he feels one thing, the ring on your finger will never lie. That is one thing about true love, you will forever know what the other person’s heart is feeling. Each color represents an emotion. Red is for anger, and blue is for sadness, both colors that I hope you rarely get to see. Green is for jealousy and purple is for calmness. Brown is for worry and white is for frustration. Orange is for passion and,” his mother picked up his hand and looked at his bright yellow ring. “Yellow is for happiness.”

 

“Mine’s always yellow!” Jeonghan exclaimed. The ring had never ever changed from yellow or orange. “I think they must be the happiest person alive, Momma!”

 

She smiled and wrapped her hand around his. “I’m so glad, Jeonghannie.” She got up and started to head back to the kitchen when she felt a tug at her shirt.

 

“But Momma, you didn’t explain what pink means yet!” Jeonghan whined, not wanting to see his mother’s smile fade away yet. “Please, tell me, I forgot!” He lied through a bashful smile.

 

She rolled her eyes and kneeled back down to be eye level with him. “Pink, my sweet angel, means love. It’ll only turn that color once you meet your soulmate.” She grabbed his hand again, and point towards the indentations. “First it will turn pink here, letting you know your soulmate is near. Then,” she flipped his hand back over and looked at him in the eyes. “Once you both make eye contact it will turn a bright, baby pink. And that will be the most beautiful color you will ever see grace over this ring. Cherish that moment Jeonghannie,” She said seriously, her smile fading as she stared deeply into her son’s eyes.

 

Jeonghan knew she was thinking of his dad. She couldn’t stop. He had only passed away a couple of months ago and she had been so strong through it all. If only he wasn’t so young, maybe he could help her out more. Take some of that stress away. Have a little more understanding and responsibility. It happened because of him and he knew that. “I will Momma,” Jeonghan said, hopping off his chair and embracing her in a hug. “I love you.”

 

 

 

 

12 Years Old

“I just don’t understand why you’re acting this way, Jeonghan?” His mom asked as she pulled their car up to their house. She parked and looked over at him in the passenger seat, “Acting up at home is one thing, but vandalizing the school bathrooms? Childish and unacceptable.”

 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes and got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. “I wasn’t even writing anything bad, Mom. I was just making them a little more colorful,” He sighed, swinging his bag back upon his shoulder.

 

“Writing curse words in rainbow spray paint isn’t making something more ‘colorful’, Jeonghan. It’s a crime,” His mother said, anger filling her words.

 

“Curse words are colorful language. It was a pun,” Jeonghan called over his shoulder, walking into the house. He swung his bag down at the kitchen table as his mother came rushing in after him.

 

“Jeonghan.” She said sternly. He knew he should stay and listen to her but he honestly didn’t have the energy to care. He turned around and looked at her with an eyebrow raised. “Why are you acting up like this? You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t do your homework. You are constantly getting written up, and now you’re suspended. What is going on?” She sat down at the table, concern filling her gaze.

 

Jeonghan could barely look at her. She looked so tired and sad. She wasn’t the same beautiful woman that he remembered as a little kid. She looked as though she had aged twenty years in a mere five. And it was killing him. He knew the way he was acting was hurting her, but he couldn’t help but do it. It was to either act up or face the truth that taking care of him on her own was physically killing her.

 

“This is just who I am,” Jeonghan said through gritted teeth. “If you don’t like it then don’t take care of me.”

 

“What?” His mother exclaimed jumping out of her seat. “Do you think I don’t want to take care of you?” She tried to grab his shoulders, but he pushed her away.

 

“You wouldn’t be having such a hard time if dad was here.” He said, speaking something honest for the first time in a long while. “Your life shouldn’t be this hard.”

 

He knew she knew where he was going with this. It was his fault his dad was dead.

 

That horrible day when he was only seven-years-old, he wanted to go to get ice cream. His mom was gone to the store and his dad had said ‘no’ due to being too tired from work. He was working overtime and was hardly sleeping, but Jeonghan didn’t really care at the time. He was just a little kid.

 

He decided to take it upon himself and go on his own. He told himself that he was a big boy and could do it on his own. A seven-year-old, walking alone on the streets of Seoul. He was so stupid.

 

When his dad realized he had left alone, he raced out of the house without even thinking about it, leaving his cellphone, wallet, and even keys behind. He found Jeonghan only a couple of streets away, not even close to finding an ice cream place. Jeonghan, being young and embarrassed, tried to run away from his dad, afraid of being scolded. He ran into the street, unaware of the oncoming traffic. His dad ran out after him and pushed him out of the way.

 

He was struck and killed on impact right before Jeonghan’s very eyes.

 

Jeonghan couldn’t even imagine what his mother must have been thinking at the time. She was out buying groceries on a normal Sunday afternoon and then had to watch her ring turn a deep brown color from his dad’s fear when he noticed he was missing. As she checked out she continuously was calling him to see what was happening but of course, he didn’t pick up. Scared and anxious, she paid quickly and ran into the parking lot. It was here that she watched the ring instantly turn pitch black and then fade off her finger.

 

All because he wanted some ice cream.

 

He shook away the thought of his father’s lifeless body in the rode. “You don’t have to take care of me anymore,” Jeonghan reiterated. “I know you know it’s my fault.”

 

His mother looked at him in confusion. “Your fault about what?”

 

“That dad’s dead. You don’t have to take care of a murderer like me anymore.”

 

At these words, his mother broke down. Her eyes flooded with tears and she struggled to hold herself up. “Jeonghan,” She choked through her sobs. “I don’t blame you. You didn’t mean to,” She stammered forwards, attempting to embrace her son who only moved away more. “Please, it’s not your fault angel-”

 

Jeonghan turned around and walked towards his room before she could finish talking. He heard his mother collapse to the ground with a heartbreaking sob. “As long as I’m alive it will always be my fault,” he muttered under his breath, sadness flooding his heart.

 

He reached for his door handle and noticed his ring shift from a bright yellow color for the first time in years. A dark brown appeared. “Please don’t worry about me,” he muttered, clutching the ring in his hand. “Please.” He hoped his soulmate could hear his hushed pleas.

 

 

 

 

15 Years Old

Jeonghan walked through the halls of his school, headphones blaring pop music to drown out the sounds of the students around him. He reached his locker and began to input the code when a hand slammed down on the locker next to his. He glanced over and smiled at the boy next to him.

 

“Jeonghan, I have been calling your name all the way down the hall. Turn your music down some,” Jisoo said, laughing as Jeonghan pulled out a single headphone.

 

“Ah, sorry,” Jeonghan murmured, opening his locker and placing his textbooks from his last class inside. “So, what did you want?”

 

Jisoo smiled and stopped leaning against the other locker. “Just wanted to hang out with you, that’s all.” He said confidently.

 

Jeonghan smiled at his best friend and closed his locker shut. “Well, where do you want to go?” Jisoo’s eyebrows furrowed as he thought really hard.

 

“You know,” He started, jogging slightly behind Jeonghan as he had already started walking away. “We have been friends for how many years?”

 

Jeonghan thought in his head. He had met Jisoo at his therapist’s office when he was twelve. His mother had forced him to start going when she realized that he considered himself to be the reason behind his father’s death. Jisoo had also been there attending the session after his due to being hit by his alcoholic father. They instantly bonded over their hatred of being forced to attend therapy and their daddy problems. It only made sense for them to become the best of friends.

 

“Almost four years,” Jeonghan said, opening the school’s front door and walking out. Jisoo followed along happily as they started off in a random direction.

 

“Yeah, almost four years and I have still never been to your house.” He said matter-of-factly. “So, I think it’s time.”

 

“Don’t want to,” Jeonghan said quickly. He hated going home more than anything. His mother was too much for him to handle, as guilty as that made him feel to admit. He hadn’t seen her get out of bed in at least a year. Her depression had taken a hold on her and every day it was pulling her further and further down into a hole. It was as if she had just stopped living. Her body was still there but her soul was gone. He had to do everything for her. When he tried a few times to get her help, she screamed and cried so horribly loud that the neighbors stormed over thinking someone was seriously injured. It was such a painful situation that Jeonghan found himself afraid to come home every day in fear of discovering her lifeless body. Not out of fear that she would be gone, but out of the fear that he wouldn’t be surprised.

 

“Come on Jeonghannie, please!” Jisoo begged, grabbing his arm and swinging it playfully.

 

“Today isn’t a good day, my mom is sick.” Jeonghan sighed. He wished he could tell Jisoo about her condition but he knew he would care too much. Jisoo was by far the nicest person he had ever encountered, and when he loved he loved with everything that he had. If Jeonghan were to tell him the whole situation, Jisoo would get involved without a second thought and this wasn’t something he could put another person through. This was something he needed to take care of on his own.

 

“Ah, well then my house it is,” Jisoo said, his eyes not hiding a single ounce of worry.

 

“She’ll be okay, it’s not serious,” Jeonghan said, patting Jisoo’s back in reassurance. “Now come on, let’s go. I’m starving and Mrs. Hong makes the best chili.”

 

 

 

 

17 Years Old

Jeonghan lounged on Jisoo’s bed, scrolling through his phone, as Jisoo tried on the hundredth outfit of the night. “Jisoo, just put something on, it’s not that big of a deal,” Jeonghan said, not bothering to look up at his friend.

 

“It is that big of a deal!” Jisoo scoffed, struggling to button up his shirt. “What if she’s my soulmate?” He said seriously, turning around to face Jeonghan.

 

Jeonghan laughed and glanced at his friend who had a huge frown on his face. “And?”

 

“Jeonghan, this is a big deal! I need to find her!” Jisoo said, finishing buttoning up his shirt and looked in the mirror. “How’s this?” He said.

 

“Ugly,” Jeonghan said without looking at him. He felt Jisoo scowl at him as he continued to scroll through Twitter. He locked his phone and put it down with a sigh and glanced at his friend’s outfit. Skinny jeans and a button-down shirt. Classic Jisoo. “Why not spice it up a bit and add a jacket?”

 

Jisoo’s eyes lit up. “This is why you’re here Jeonghan!” He said ecstatic, running back into his closet.

 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes and glanced down at his ring. He laid back and lifted his hand in front of his face. Soulmates huh... The ring was a bright yellow as it always was. Jeonghan smiled as he thought about his soulmate. They truly must be the happiest person on the planet.

 

“How’s this?” Jisoo asked walking back into the room with a leather jacket on. Jeonghan gave him a big single clap causing Jisoo to beam. “I look so handsome!” He laughed, looking at himself in the mirror.

 

“Even if this girl isn’t your soulmate, she’ll probably fall for you,” Jeonghan said, looking back at his ring. Now it was an orange color, another common one for it. “Hey, can I talk to you seriously for a second?” Jeonghan asked, sitting up on the bed.

 

“Of course,” Jisoo said, walking over and sitting next to him.

 

He took a deep breath. “What if my soulmate doesn’t exist?” He said bluntly. Jisoo stared at him puzzled. “I mean, my ring. What if it’s broken? It’s always this yellow color. What if it’s just stuck?”

 

Jisoo cocked his head. “I’m not sure I follow. Of course, she exists. You have a ring which means she has one too. And it’s sometimes an orange which means that a person's mood does change sort of,” He said calmly.

 

“But what if I broke the ring?” Jeonghan asked quietly. “Because of how I am…”

 

“Huh? What do you mean? It looks fine to me?” Jisoo said confusedly, taking Jeonghan’s hand in his own and running his hand over the pinky finger. “It seems secure and fine. Maybe you’re just getting anxious to meet her?”

 

“Jisoo,” Jeonghan said, pulling his hand away. He couldn’t keep his secret in any longer. It was something he had been fearing doing for a long time, but he knew now was the time to tell his best friend. “I’m gay.”

 

Jisoo stared at him for a very long second before smiling. “That’s great, Jeonghannie.”

 

Jeonghan shook his hand, feeling tears well up in his eyes. “No, it’s not great. My soulmate... What if they can’t accept me? What if they feel betrayed that another boy is their soulmate?” He felt silly for saying that but it was a very serious thing that he couldn’t help but think about. “Being gay in South Korea is so hard, what if my soul mate doesn’t want to meet me due to that? What if he’s not gay and expects a girl? I can’t help but think about these things and it’s driving me insane.” He cried, placing his face in his hands.

 

Jisoo placed an arm around his shoulder, bringing him in closer as he cried. “Jeonghannie, I can see why you’re stressed. However, you don’t need to be. Your soulmate is your soulmate because your lives are inevitably bound. You two were literally made for each other. He will accept you no matter what. Plus,” Jisoo grabbed his hand and pointed to the ring. “You are blessed to have such a happy soulmate. I have never seen your ring not be yellow. There is no way such a happy person would dislike you. They will love you more so than anyone in this world ever could,” Jisoo said, pulling Jeonghan in for a hug.

 

Jeonghan hugged him back, his tears starting to subside. When he pulled away he held his hand in front of his face, looking at his ring. The yellow color had turned in a muddled brown.

 

“Jeonghan, please don’t fret. You’re worrying him,” Jisoo smiled, standing up and grabbing some tissues for him. After handing the tissues to him, he turned back around and started fixing his outfit again in the mirror. “Thank you, by the way,” He said after a few moments.

 

“For what?” Jeonghan asked in-between blowing his nose in the tissues.

 

“For feeling comfortable enough to come out to me. That was really brave,” Jisoo said with a smile. “I’m proud of you,”

 

Jeonghan felt his face get red at his best friend’s words. “Ah, Jisoo stop being cheesy and go meet your dream girl.” He hissed, a smile on his face. He laid back down, staring back at his ring which was once again the bright yellow.

 

 

 

 

21 Years Old

Jeonghan closed his textbook and laid his head down on his desk. The time was 12:34 in the morning and he could barely focus on the textbook in front of him. Jeonghan sat up and stretched his arms in the air before getting up and walking to his fridge.

 

He lived alone in a small one-bedroom apartment about 10 minutes away from his college. The rent was cheap, his neighbors were quiet, and he could be as weird as he wanted with no bother. It was the perfect place for him.

 

He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and popped open the tab. This was his usual routine: wake up, go to class, go to work, come home, eat, study, drink beer, repeat. He couldn’t complain though. For the first time in his life, things were completely simple.

 

On the weekend he would travel the half-hour home and spend time with his mother who was now beginning to act like her normal self whom he remembered from his childhood; the one from before the passing of his dad. She was smiling more, making jokes, and actually being a mother. It was weird, but Jeonghan was grateful. Once he hit his teenage years, he never really thought he’d see her out of bed.

 

He sat back down on his couch and flipped on the TV. The ad playing was about soulmates. He glanced down at his ring, the same bright yellow it always was.

 

He was sick of it.

Why was his soulmate always so happy? It didn’t make any sense to him. It wasn’t fair. Jeonghan himself felt like he was always depressed or angry or stressed out. Ever since his dad died, he never felt the true meaning of ‘being happy’ again. But his soulmate was always happy. Never once were they sad or angry. Why did they never have to experience any of those negative emotions that defined who Jeonghan was?

 

Why was his soulmate never burdened by anything?

 

Jeonghan felt himself growing angrier and angrier while looking at his ring. He felt silly for becoming angry at someone he didn’t know but he couldn’t help it. When was it going to be his turn to be happy? Why couldn’t his soulmate carry some of his hardships? They were soulmates after all. He knew that whoever his soulmate was, they could see how angry and depressed he was at all times. Weren’t they concerned for him? Even in the slightest? The bright yellow ring that graced his finger every day sure didn’t show any compassion.

 

He sighed, wishing he could take the ring off and throw it away. To just live one day without having to be constantly mocked by knowing someone was out there living in a constant state of being happy. That someone, the person he was destined to be with, had never had to experience any pain.

 

Jeonghan paused his own thoughts. Maybe that was it?

 

Maybe he was so angry, not because his soulmate was happy but because he himself was sad. And by him being sad, he would bring that into this happy world his soulmate had made. And he feared that the first time he saw the color blue appear on his finger, it would be because of him. That he would ruin his soulmate’s happiness.

 

He chugged down his beer and looked down at his ring. “I don’t ever want to meet you and ruin your life,” he mumbled into the silence of his apartment.

 

As if the universe heard his inner monologue, his eyes widened as he watched the yellow color fade from the ring. A dark, gruesome black slowly engulfed the space that was once so happy. Jeonghan gasped and stood up, his heart racing a mile a minute. This wasn’t what he had wanted to happen at all.

 

He grabbed his hand and wiped the ring, hoping to somehow get rid of the black coloring. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he stared at the band on his pinky. He fell to the ground after a moment of standing, guilt washing over him from all the horrible things he had been thinking earlier. He watched his tears fall over the ring, filling the grooves.

 

He waited for it to fade away.

 

And he waited.

 

And waited.

 

But the ring stayed. It survived on his finger as a piercing black color until Jeonghan drifted off to sleep, clutching it next to his heart.

 

 

 

 

22 Years Old

Jeonghan wore leather gloves on his hands now. The ring, still black around his finger, hadn’t faded away. For the first week, Jeonghan walked around in awe, constantly paranoid that the ring would vanish if he lifted his gaze. By the time the ring had been black for a month, Jeonghan was sick of it. He woke every day not knowing if it would still be there or not.

 

The worst part of walking around with a black ring on his finger was the questions he got.

 

“What’s wrong with your soulmate?” He couldn’t answer.

 

“Are they okay?” He didn’t know.

 

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” This just angered him.

 

And so he decided to wear gloves at all times to stop the questions about the ring. Now he just got questions about the gloves, and these were easier to answer. All he had to say was that he was a germaphobe and everyone left him alone.

 

He, however, was constantly still checking the ring. It had become like a sick joke being played on him, toying with his heart for over a year now.

 

He had tried to find his soulmate, going around to various hospitals in Seoul, seeing if any patients came in on the day his ring turned black. Most of the hospitals were dead ends until he told his sob story about the ring. Then everyone and their mother were trying to help him. He was brought to many different rooms to meet live-in-patients, none of which being his soulmate. After about 3-months he gave up.

 

Now he just lived every day in continuous fear that his ring would fade away.

 

He didn’t know if this fear came from the thought of losing his soulmate and never knowing what happened to them or the thought of being alone forever.

 

 

 

 

25 Years Old

“Happy four years,” Jeonghan cheered to his ring alone at the sushi bar, a glass of beer in his hand. This had become his routine since the ring had turned black. To go out to a cheap sushi place and drink to the fact that his ring was still there on his finger.

 

He put down his glass with a hiccup. “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. But cheers for still being alive after four years. Life’s a but you’re sure hanging in there for some reason,” He said through slurred speech. He lifted his hand in front of his face, pulling the glove off of it and staring at the ring.

 

It remained that same, deep, black color all these years. It never once wavered or changed. By now, Jeonghan couldn’t even remember what the ring used to look like. He couldn’t picture the yellow that once graced his finger almost every day up until 4 years ago.

 

He took another swig of his beer, gulping the rest of it down. One thing had changed in all those years. He now could drink, and drink a lot. And it didn’t make him tired, but content. Like it veiled the emotions he normally felt. And he liked that a lot.

 

He waved the bartender down for the check, and paid quickly, leaving way too big of a tip behind.

 

He left the bar wobbly and sad. Sad, that’s how he always got when he finished drinking now. He couldn’t help but think about everything in his life. His mom, who was so strong and happy recently that she failed to check up on him; Jisoo, who was busy with his own family now and barely answered the phone; his dad, who was now such a distant memory Jeonghan could barely see his face; and, of course, his soulmate, who’s slow death was taking Jeonghan’s heart with them.

 

He was truly sick of this life.

 

As he walked down the sidewalk in a jagged path, he stared at the ring, finding slight comfort at how it never changed. It had always been yellow, and now it will always be black. It was sad but comforting. At least to someone extremely intoxicated walking alone at 9 pm on a Tuesday.

 

The streets were bare as the winter wind blew and shops were slowly closing down. Jeonghan pulled his coat tighter around his body as he tried to keep walking in a straight line against the hard breeze. Up ahead, walking towards him, he saw a group of guys, probably around his age, leaving a restaurant. While there might have only been 3 guys, Jeonghan’s blurred vision saw 6. And while they might have been just walking, his mind decided they were running at him. He stumbled to get out of the way, causing himself to fall to the ground in front of the guys.

 

“Woah, are you okay?” One of the boys asked, rushing to his side. He placed his hand on Jeonghan’s back as Jeonghan looked up at him. He had black hair, halfway hidden by the hood of his jacket. He wore a mask that covered his mouth and nose, so all Jeonghan could really see was his eyes. And they were so kind looking. He could literally see the concern for him flashing through the man's eyes. This left Jeonghan silent.

 

“Let me help you up,” the boy said politely, extending a hand. Jeonghan nodded and went to grab it before gasping out loud. He grabbed the boy’s hand and pulled it close to his face. On his pinky, sat the ring for his soulmate. He flipped his hand over and stared at the grooving.

 

Pink.

 

It was pink.

 

And that pink color slowly engulfed the entire ring.

 

By now the boy was sitting on the ground next to him, also staring in awe at the ring as if transformed fully into a beautiful pink band. Jeonghan lifted his hand slowly and lined his ring up with the boys. They both watched as the black color on the ring slowly let pink speckles shine through. Jeonghan looked up at the boy who was now staring at him with tears in his eyes.

 

“I never thought we’d get a chance to meet,” Jeonghan felt himself being pulled into a warm hug. For the first time in years, he felt something other than sadness.

 

He couldn’t wrap his arms around the boy, he was in shock. All these years, he had wondered if his soulmate would accept him when they finally met. And here he was, the boy that Jeonghan only knew as the yellow band-turned black around his finger, holding him so close and kindly. All Jeonghan could do was sit in utter awe.

 

The boy pulled away, turning to his two friends and exclaiming, “I found him! I found my soulmate!” with tears still welling in his eyes. He turned back to Jeonghan and pulled his mask down to expose a bright, gummy smile. “You have no idea how happy I am!”

 

“I really do,” Jeonghan mumbled, thinking back to the 21 years that the ring stayed yellow on his finger. “I’m happy too,” He said quietly, not making eye contact with the boy in front of him.

 

“That makes me so glad,” the boy said with a tone of seriousness in his voice. Jeonghan could tell from that that the ring never showed a yellow color to the boy. He was almost embarrassed at that fact. “Why don’t we go back to my place? It’s just a street away. I think we have a lot to talk about,” the boy said, standing up off the ground and extending his hand to help Jeonghan up.

 

Jeonghan nodded and took his hand. Still a little drunk, he wobbled to his feet which made the boy chuckle. “We’ll get you some water too,” He waved goodbye to his friends and started towards his house, his hand still firmly holding Jeonghan’s arm.

 

“Oh, I can walk on my own. I’m not that intoxicated,” Jeonghan said, attempting to pull away from the boy.

 

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want to let go. I don’t want to lose you,”

 

25 Years Old, soulmates apartment

They got back to the boy’s apartment rather quickly. It was on the ground level in a cute, but small complex. The inside was decorated very simply, with very few items out of place. Nothing matched, but at the same time, everything went together. Jeonghan walked in and stood awkwardly in the living room as the boy went into the kitchen. He came back with a glass of water and two aspirin.

 

“Please, make yourself at home!” He said brightly, motioning for Jeonghan to sit down on the couch. Jeonghan did, taking the water and the aspirin gratefully. The boy sat across from him on a white, fluffy chair and crossed his legs before talking. “So, first thing first, what’s your name?” He grinned.

 

Jeonghan almost forgot about names. He was just still so in shock that the man before him was his soulmate. “Yoon Jeonghan,” He said embarrassed. He watched the boy grin at his name. His smile, so wide and happy, made Jeonghan’s heart skip a beat.

 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Yoon Jeonghan. I’m Choi Seungcheol,” He said.

 

Choi Seungcheol, Jeonghan repeated the name in his head. My soulmate’s name is Choi Seungcheol. He couldn’t help but grin at the thought.

 

“I have so much I want to talk to you about, so many questions and just things I’ve been dying to say, but first,” Seungcheol leaned forward in his seat, uncrossing his legs and placing his elbows on his knees, resting his chin on his hands. “Jeonghan, you are just so handsome.”

 

A blush shot across Jeonghan’s face causing him to bow his head.

 

“I’m serious. I was not expecting you to be so angelic-looking,” Seungcheol laughed at his own words. “Sorry for embarrassing you, I just really needed to get that off my chest first.”

 

Jeonghan continued to blush. “You’re handsome too,” He said in a hushed voice to the boy across from him. Seungcheol merely laughed and sat back in his seat again.

 

A silence fell over the two of them as they continued to just look at each other. Up and down, their gazes barely met as they both took in everything the other was. After a moment, Jeonghan fidgeted on the couch, knowing what he wanted to ask, and he could sense that Seungcheol knew as well.

 

Seungcheol got up from his seat and started to pace around the room before talking. “I guess now I should address the next big thing. Why the ring on your finger looks the way it does,” Seungcheol sighed, shifting the tone in the room instantly. “I want to talk about this right away so you know what's going on with me. And after you know, if you want to leave and not give this soulmate thing a chance, I will understand. But please, hear my story before you decide.”

 

 

 

 

21 Years Old

Seungcheol was always happy. That’s something he prided himself in ever since he was a little kid. His mother left shortly after he was born, leaving his dad alone with him, a newly born baby. He doesn’t blame his dad for being a bad dad, he had no help after all. By the time that Seungcheol could walk his dad had practically given up parenting altogether. He was burned out.

 

So he shipped Seungcheol out to his cousin’s house in Seoul before he started Elementary school. He told him it was so he could live his best life and Seungcheol didn’t mind. His cousin, Jihoon, was, fortunately, the same age as him and became an instant best friend, something Seungcheol had never had before. Neither really understood why Seungcheol was there, but both were thrilled to now live together in Jihoon’s giant house.

 

Shortly after moving into his cousin’s house, he overheard a phone conversation between his aunt and his dad. His dad was crying, apologizing for throwing Seungcheol on their family, but claiming he could never take him back. His aunt was angry at this and told him he was a bad father and to not call her again. That was the first time that Seungcheol saw what anger looked like.

 

So he decided he’d only be happy. He’d be happy for his aunt so she wouldn’t have to be angry at his dad. He’d be happy for his dad so he wouldn’t feel guilty for not being able to take care of him. And he’d be happy for himself since that was the only thing a little kid could really take control of.

 

So he was. Every day he was smiling and laughing, completely happy and positive. He never talked to his dad again, but he saw how his aunt became less angry so he figured it was alright.

 

When he was 7 years old he discovered the meaning of the ring on his finger. He wasn’t excited when he discovered what the color’s blue and red meant, as that was something he saw constantly.

 

It wasn’t until he was 12 years old that he would focus all of his happiness in life towards his soulmate. He saw his soulmates ring color change drastically up until then, transitioning between blue and red and brown constantly throughout the day, but at 12 years old, the color became a permanent blue. So he decided he would live twice the times happier for his soulmate. He hoped his happiness would support his soulmate and help him through whatever hardships he had been going through.

 

When he turned 17 he saw his soulmate's emotions waver between blue and brown, indicating he was stressed and sad constantly. This was the only year that Seungcheol felt his own happiness waver. There was one particular day when the ring showed a mix of both colors, something Seungcheol had never seen before. When he asked Jihoon about it, he said that his soulmate must really be going through something drastic. It was then that Seungcheol felt worried.

 

He wanted to hold his soulmate. To tell him that everything would get better. That life wouldn’t forever. He worried and worried for half the day when finally, for the first time, Seungcheol saw the color purple: content. That was the closest to happy he had ever seen his soulmate. It was then that he decided to work even harder to be happy.

 

So he did that. Until happiness was the only emotion that he could express. To the point that he almost felt broken. He couldn’t feel anything other than being happy. It was almost scary.

 

Jihoon constantly got mad at him, telling him it was unfair he was so happy. Seungcheol didn’t know what to tell his cousin. He couldn’t just stop being happy. The blue ring on his finger, the person who it was connected to, they would feel let down if the yellow on their finger disappeared.

 

So he pushed everyone away and created a bubble of his own happiness.

 

Maybe he really was sad. Seungcheol honestly didn’t know. He didn’t even know what feeling sad felt like. All his did know was that being consistently happy was exhausting but he couldn’t stop. It was as if his brain had stopped being able to register any other emotion other than happiness.

 

When he turned 21 years old he found himself to be... off. He didn’t know how or why he just felt weird. He was still happy every day, but he was moving ultimately slower. When he wanted to stand up, it was as if he had to mentally scream at his legs to move. He found his hands twitching and his leg randomly bouncing up and down without any control. Eventually, he had to rely on Jihoon to help him tie his shoes. Every time that he tried on his own, his mind would go blank. It was like the task was missing in his personal memory files. If he tried to learn it again, his hands would go limp and his fingers would refuse to grip the shoelaces. Something was wrong.

 

Many doctor visits, MRI scans, and needle pricks later they discovered the cause. He had a disease called Huntington’s Disease. It was a hereditary neurodegenerative disease. It caused uncontrolled movement, mental instability, and loss of cognitive function. It was passed down to him by either his mother or his father and should have been found and fought against at birth but his parents had failed to do the proper tests to catch it and his aunt had no idea he was even at risk.

 

The disease has 5 stages that would ultimately turn Seungcheol from himself into a shell of who he used to be.

1. The Early Stage. This stage lasted from 5 to 8 years, meaning it started for Seungcheol when he was between 13 to 16 years old. This stage goes primarily unnoticed in physical symptoms. Cognitive and psychiatric symptoms do appear. For Seungcheol, it was the confusion of emotions. He lost the ability to be able to defer between feelings, feeling everything as happy. And eventually, he won’t even be able to feel that.

2. The Early Intermediate Stage. This stage can last anywhere from 3 to 13 years and was what Seungcheol was currently in at 21 years old. This stage starts the loss of motor skills. This explained why Seungcheol couldn’t do certain things anymore and why his limbs randomly moved about.

3. The Late Intermediate Stage. This stage can last between 5 to 16 years, and something Seungcheol should be in by the time he was 25 or 26 due to how his disease was progressing. This stage requires the patient to have a loss of most motor skills and cognitive thoughts. As the doctor put it, “You can no longer work or live alone. Make accommodations now,”

4. Early Advanced Stage. This stage can last for up to 20 years. The patient should reside in an assisted care facility as they can no longer do any major tasks on their own.

5. Late Advanced Stage. Speech fails, can no longer walk on their own, can no longer swallow, can no longer exist on their own, etc. The list the doctor read went on and on as Seungcheol just sat in the doctor’s office, Jihoon’s hand clutched within his tightly.

 

It was after all of this that the doctor explained that the numbers, the years Seungcheol should be in each stage, was estimated. Most patients with Huntington’s disease passed away usually after 15 years of symptoms first appearing. This meant Seungcheol could potentially live only until he was 31 years old.

 

For the first time in his life, he realized his happiness that he was so proud of, wasn’t happiness but a mass of failure from his brain not being able to recognize emotions.

 

He was dying and yet the only thing he could feel was happy.

 

 

 

 

25 Years Old, soulmates apartment

Jeonghan couldn’t keep his mouth from falling open as Seungcheol explained Huntington’s disease. “I got diagnosed with it when I was 21, which is why the ring turned black. I realized I was dying. There is no cure, just various medications and therapy to make the whole process easier,” Seungcheol finished. He was still pacing around the room, his left hand occasionally clenching into a fist as he spoke. “Do you have any questions?” He asked, stopping in front of Jeonghan and looking at him.

 

Jeonghan now realized the happiness he saw in Seungcheol’s eyes was glossed over. He wasn’t happy at all. He was scared and sad but had no way, or even idea, of how to express that. Every time he smiled, was it even a conscious action? Did it mean anything? Jeonghan couldn’t stop himself from wandering further and further in his thoughts as he watched Seungcheol take a seat again.

 

“It’s okay if you don’t have anything to say. I know it’s a lot. You can leave if you’re uncomfortable,” Seungcheol said, the same gummy smile gracing his lips.

 

“No, I don’t want to leave. It is a lot, but, I’m here for you,” Jeonghan said trying his best to sound confident. “I want to be here for you.” Seungcheol smiled at this, a real smile this time which made Jeonghan’s heart leap. “What stage are you in right now?”

 

“Stage 3. I’m currently moving in with my cousin, Jihoon. That’s why there’s barely anything in here. Since the 3rd stage process hasn’t been too bad yet, we’re taking our time. I can still do most things on my own, but there’s also no telling when I won’t be able to,” Seungcheol explained calmly. For someone talking about the thing that will kill him, he was rather composed.

 

“Do you have an estimate of how long until you’re in stage 5?” Jeonghan mumbled, afraid to ask the question but knew he needed to.

 

“By the time I’m 31 I should be completely there. That’s pretty much my cut off date if you get my drift. But it could honestly start by the time I’m 28. And once it starts, there’s no telling how long before it’s over.” Seungcheol said, looking directly into Jeonghan’s eyes. “You don’t have to stay and be my soulmate, Jeonghan. Please don’t feel trapped by this. I know this isn’t what you need in your life,” Seungcheol glanced down at his ring and wrapped a hand around it. “I know you’ve lived a hard life. I’ve seen it through this ring. Every day I just wanted to tell you everything would be okay and get better. And now here I am, telling you that I’m dying. Adding me into your life definitely won’t be anything other than hurtful,”

 

Jeonghan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Yes, Seungcheol was dying. But they were born with rings on their fingers for a reason, right? Jeonghan can’t just up and leave him and wait for the ring to fade off his finger like a bad memory.

 

He got off the couch and walked over to where Seungcheol sat, and kneeled to get eye level with him. “Seungcheol, I have been wearing this ring since birth. For 25 years I have lived every day wondering about who the person it was connected to was. You were always so happy. Sometimes it annoyed the out of me, sometimes I honestly began to hate the color yellow, but for the most part, I was in awe. You were out there, living happily because you wanted to. Because of that, I could keep living. I could wake up every day because I wanted to meet you. To find out why you were so god damn happy all the time,” Jeonghan said with a laugh. Seungcheol looked down at him, his emotions were unreadable. “Seungcheol, for the past 4 years, ever since this ring turned black, I have searched for you endlessly, just wanting to tell you how much you mean to me. I want to make memories with you, not for you to just become one.” Jeonghan paused and took Seungcheol's hands in his own. “Now that I found you, please just let me hold onto you and be by your side for these remaining years. Seungcheol, you’re my happiness.”

 

 

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Hi readers! I hope you enjoyed this story!! Leave a sub, upvote, or comment if you want^.^ Let me know if you want a part two!!

 

On a real note: Huntington's Disease is real and affects more people than you would think. Please read more about it here.

My DM's are always open to questions or conversations about dealing with illnesses and loss if you need someone to talk to.

 

Thank you again for reading & have such a fantastic day!!