My eyes linger on him from the opposite end of the table. Every day at lunch I’d put myself through the torture of staring at him from afar. Yeo Changgu, my crush of a couple months now sat at the end of the table, the corners of his mouth turned upright into one of his beautiful eye-blinding smiles. He was someone who was out of reach for someone like me.

 

It wasn’t like I was shy or anything, because I wasn’t. I wasn’t terribly outgoing either though. I was in between. Sometimes I liked when attention was on me and sometimes I didn’t.

 

But that’s one thing I wouldn’t ever get from Changgu. His attention. It was like I didn’t even exist in his world. His eyes have never met mine; he’s never spoken to me even though the both of us were in the same class.

 

Him and his group of friends were very popular. The three of them were ridiculously handsome.

 

Ko Shinwon, a tall boy who almost never wore his uniform properly, who also happened to have the title of a player even though he’s been on and on and off again relationship with the same girl for years now. I would never go out of my way to hang out with him for his looks were intimidating.

 

Yan An, another tall lanky boy who’s looks could earn him the title model of the year. He started out as an exchange student at our school freshman year and hasn’t left since. People sometimes called him “Legs” because of how long they were. He was someone I avoided due to him being my seatmate of two years. I originally needed to make a good impression on him in order to look good in Changgu’s eyes but there have been many times where Yanan has seen a side of me no one should ever see. So, I’ve concluded that avoiding him was best.

 

But neither of them compared to Yeo Changgu. At first, I had no interest in the boy but during the summer of this year he and I happened to be at the same summer camp where I learned he likes to write songs, sing, and play the guitar.

 

I almost didn’t even register it was him. It was one in the morning and everyone else was asleep. I snuck out to use the bathroom and I stumbled upon him sitting on the staircase that lead to the boy’s dorms.

 

I stayed perched on the top stair as I listened to him continue to play forgetting that I had to pee. He never knew I heard him play till this day. But it still kind of felt like a special moment the two of us shared, even if he didn't know it.

 

“Yah.” My best friend Chang Seungyeon sits down at the table across from me.

 

I tear my gaze from Changgu to look at her.

 

“You’re so obvious Hwang Haein.” She chuckles. “I don’t know how he hasn’t noticed yet.”

 

I lower my head. “I think I would die if he did notice.”

 

She sighs, pushing her hair over her shoulders so she can eat. “You don’t even really know him that well, how can you be in this deep for him?”

 

I pout. “Don’t bad mouth him.”

 

She picks up her chopsticks glancing over at him. “But it’s true, I’ve heard rumors that he’s a complete .”

 

“Those are just rumors.” I murmur under my breath.

 

Seungyeon snorts. “Ah, so you know him personally then and can debunk those rumors?”

 

I bite my lip lower my gaze back to tray. “Well no.”

 

“Didn’t think so. Plus, I know your type Haein, you always end up falling for s.” She picks around at her food.

 

I shiver thinking back to my ex’s. She was unfortunately right, I for some reason always end up with guys.

 

But Changgu was different. My eyes linger back over to said boy, he was on his phone now messing around. He would be different from the others. My eyes dart away as he lifts his head up to turn towards Shinwon, my eyes catch on Yanan’s as I turn away.

 

, I quickly stand up causing Seungyeon to jump at my sudden movement. She places her chopsticks down and her nose scrunches up letting me know she was confused.

 

“I uh-gotta go.” I tell her, to which she sends me an odd look.

 

“But I’m not done eating yet!” She whines gesturing towards her half-eaten tray.

 

“I’m sorry!” I jog off.

 

my life. Had Yanan noticed me staring at Changgu? That’s the last thing I need right now.

 

-

 

In class I lay my head down on my desk wishing it was the end of the day and that I could go home or that aliens would come and abduct Yanan so I could avoid him. But I’m not that lucky, I feel him sit down next to me and let out a sigh.

 

I desperately try to make it seem like I’m sleeping so he doesn’t bother me. That’s my logic, if I don’t let him question me about being caught staring at his best friend, he won’t know I have a crush.

 

I may never get Changgu’s attention, but I will forever have Seungyeon’s. Unfortunately. She comes stomping up to my desk.

 

“Yah, Hwang Haein.” She scoffs, poking me on the cheek. “Why’d you leave me alone back there?”

 

“I think she must be feeling unwell.” Yanan’s voice answers for me. I keep my eyes screwed shut. Yes, keep on believing that.

 

Seungyeon snorts. “I’ve known her my whole life, I can tell when she’s fake sleeping.” She nudges me and it was beginning to be hard pretending to sleep. “Yah, Hwang Haein, don’t you ignore me!” There have been many moments where I’ve thought Chang Seungyeon was placed on this earth just to embarrass me, but this next one has to top them all.

 

She shoves me a little harder than I think she had intended to since I heard her gasp at the amount of force she put into it. My eyes fly open as I tumble out of my seat, I make quick work of my legs trying to get them under me properly, but they get tangled up with the legs of my chair and I fall between Yanan’s chest and his desk into his lap.

 

His arms are quick to keep me from falling any further, but I don’t even notice since my cheeks are burning red and not because of Yanan. It was because for the first time since I’ve started crushing on Yeo Changgu his eyes were on me. He was standing at the entrance to the classroom, a bread bun in his hand which was paused on the way to his mouth. The first time he looked at me had to be when I was sprawled out across his best friend’s lap.

 

“Are you okay?” Yanan asks, his voice too close to my ear. I quickly look away from Changgu to scramble out of Yanan’s lap.

 

“I’m fine.” I mutter under my breath turning to glare at Seungyeon.

 

“I’m sorry!” She quickly says running off to her desk next to Choi Yujin, her seatmate since freshman year. The two somehow always got placed next to each other.

 

She was lucky and I was not. I lie my head back down groaning to myself.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Yanan asks poking me lightly with what feels like his pencil.

 

I wanted to groan once again. No matter how much I avoided him he was always still going out of his way to make conversation with me. I didn’t understand it whatsoever.

 

He’s literally seen me in some of my worst moments. The top three instances being, the one day I ate way too much at lunch and almost myself in class because the teacher wouldn’t excuse me to the restroom. I felt so sorry for the boy it had to smell awful around me since I was desperately trying to hold it in. Two, the day I fell asleep on the area where are two desks meet and drooled all over his notes. Three, the one day when I missed my usual bus with Seungyeon due to it being my cleaning duty day so I had to take the next one, I wasn’t prepared for the weather and a huge gust of wind blew my skirt up flashing him, I was wearing the most embarrassing kitten underwear too. He claimed he didn’t see anything, but he was just being polite.

 

That’s how he always was. Nice, polite, helpful, it was infuriating since I wanted to dislike him so bad but I, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t.

 

So, I swallow my pride like always and lift my head to look at him. “I’m fine, really, I promise.”

 

He smiles softly. “Okay just making sure.”

 

I bite my lip. “Are you okay? I landed on you.”

 

He giggles quietly, I hadn’t ever heard him do that before. It was surprisingly cute. “I’m okay.”

 

“Hey, Yanan.” My eyes widen at the voice, Yanan definitely notices too. Changgu comes up to his desk, his eyes on Yanan not even glancing at me. I swallow and turn away slightly hurt. Even though his best friend sat next to me he’s never acknowledged me. Not even as a classmate.

 

Yanan hums. “Yeah?”

 

I let my hands join on top of my desk as their conversation continues.

 

“Since Shinwon and Seohyun have broken up again we’re going to a group meeting (a group blind date), Shinwon claims they are all really hot, you in?” Changgu states happily, my hands grip tighter onto one another.

 

“No.” Yanan replies, to which Changgu whines sitting down in the seat in front of us.

 

“Come on Yanan, you never go, can’t you just come once?” He begs, out of the corner of my eyes I see him grab onto Yanan’s hands. “There’s one girl who seems really interested in you, come on.” Changgu’s lip pokes out into a pout. “I hear she likes you a lot, she’d probably drop her pants for you in a heartbeat.”

 

I roll my eyes at his comment holding back my scoff. This is the sad part about most guys, even Changgu fell victim to ual desires. I can’t say I blame him since he’s a teenage boy and his hormones have to be running rampant, but it still to hear him say that.

 

“You don’t even have to like her or even see her again after tonight.” Changgu smirks.

 

“No.” Yanan replies and I’m shocked at his reply after the offer that was put on the table. But then again, maybe he was just busy tonight?

 

Changgu sighs leaning closer to my seatmate his voice lowered to a whisper but even then, I could still hear word for word what he said. “You know if it’s because of the fact that you’re a , I doubt she’ll even notice, she’s the perfect girl to finally lose it to. Come on, Yanan, you haven’t dated a girl yet.”

 

I try to not react to what Changgu had said but I was honestly shocked. The three of them were like supermodels, I thought it was almost a given that they’d all be super experienced in those certain areas.

 

“It’s not because of that!” Yanan grumbles quietly obviously slightly embarrassed by what he had said.

 

“Then why?” Changgu huffs crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Can we maybe talk about this some other time?” Yanan remarks, I’m sure he made some sort of gesture towards me, but I had glanced away to stare at the back of Seungyeon’s head, my fingers fidgeting together hoping they hadn’t noticed I had heard every single thing they had just said.

 

“Please just rethink your decision!” Changgu says, the chair he was in screeching as he leaves. The bell finally rings for class to start and I for once thank god for it.

 

-

 

The next day during my study hall I sat in the library, I was scrolling through the English dictionary hoping it would help be during my English exam next week. Someone sits down across from me and I sigh, all these empty seats and they choose the one right in front of me?

 

The person clears their throat and I roll my eyes. I glance up and make eye contact with Yanan who was leaning onto the table staring straight at me.

 

I blink towards him confused. “What?”

 

He awkwardly scratches at his left sideburn, “Um, can we talk?”

 

“About?” I rest my chin in my hand ready to hear what he’s gonna say.

 

He closes his eyes seeming embarrassed. “Um, about yesterday?”

 

I would’ve thought for sure he’d bring up that fact that he knew I liked Changgu but the fact that I overheard that he was a seemed to outweigh that.

 

I decided to play dumb, he has politely pretended to not hear or see tons of stuff when it came to me so it’s the least I could do. “What about yesterday?”

 

He runs a hand over his face glancing around the room. He quickly stands up and moves to sit beside me. “About what Changgu said, about me, you know.” He gestures out into the air awkwardly.

 

“About the blind date that you didn’t want to go on?” I raise an eyebrow pretending to be confused.

 

“Er, well, what he said afterwards.” He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing up then down, fingers nervously fiddling with the strings of his sweatshirt.

 

I shrug. “I zoned out after that.”

 

He squints towards me like he was trying to read me when he notices I don’t crack a smile or laugh he hums. “Oh.”

 

“Why was it something I wasn’t supposed to hear?” I ask, closing the English dictionary.

 

He leans back in his chair. “It was just something personal, that’s all.”

 

Huh, so the boy really was a ?

 

“I see.” I hum, the conversation going silent.

 

“Do you like Changgu?” Yanan says softly, my head whips towards him. He wasn’t looking at me, but at his lap.

 

I take a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah, at this point I think he’s the only one who hasn’t noticed.”

 

He sits up a bit running a hand through his hair. “Why do you like him?” His eyes darting over to me.

 

I shrug slightly, “I just do, I guess.” I didn’t want to tell him I had heard Changgu sing or play the guitar because it was something personal to me. Something I felt was special between the two of us. Even though I had told Seungyeon about it, though it took weeks for me to tell her that.

 

Yanan bites his lip seemingly having an internal conversation with himself. “For how long?”

 

I didn’t see why this mattered.

 

“For a couple months now.” I awkwardly glance down at my lap. “Can you not tell him? I’d rather him hear from me than from someone else. Especially since he doesn’t even seem to know who I am.”

 

He pats my arm. “I won’t tell him.”

 

I smile up towards him. “Thank you.”

 

I go to stand up to return the dictionary to its shelf whenever Yanan grabs by wrist. “Um, I can help you, I can help you get closer to him.”

 

I glance down at Yanan’s fingers that were wrapped around my wrist. “Why would you do that for me?”

 

Yanan’s eyes dart up to mine, his lips slowly turn into a smile, one that doesn’t quite feel like it’s genuine but then again, I didn’t really know him that well. “Because I want to be friends with you, that’s why.”

 

I snort at his answer as his fingers leave my wrist. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have his best friend help me out.”

 

“Friend.” Yanan emphasizes correcting me. “We’re just friends, not best friends.”

 

I squint towards him; I wasn’t aware the two of them weren’t as close as I thought.

 

“Okay.” I put my hand out for him to shake to which he shakes lightly.

 

-

 

Yanan took the words friends literally. He talked more often to me during the day. At lunch after I sat down in my usual seat, he sat down beside me instead of his usual seat across from Changgu.

 

“Yah.” I glance at him.

 

“What?” He says innocently.

 

“Why aren’t you sitting with Changgu?” I gesture towards his old seat.

 

He shrugs. “Didn’t you want him to notice you?”

 

I wasn’t sure if this was how he’d notice me but okay.

 

A few minutes pass by and the amount of attention that’s on me is almost unbearable. My eyes land on Shinwon’s back in the lunch line and I knew it would be seconds before Changgu and him would be at our table.

 

I swallow as the two of them exit the lunch line. Their eyes are immediately on Yanan. I lower my head picking up my chopsticks to move around the grains of rice on my tray.

 

“Yanan, why are sitting down here?” Shinwon is the one to speak up when they pass our table.

 

I felt Yanan shrug. “I wanted to sit next to Haein today.”

 

Shinwon snorts. “Haeun?” Shinwon says my name wrong. “Since when have you two been close?”

 

Changgu hums. “They are seatmates, aren’t they? It’s a given that they are on friendly terms.”

 

My heart stutters in my chest. So, he recognized me. I glance up at the two, Shinwon was staring at me but Changgu was already walking to his usual seat.

 

Seungyeon comes rushing up to her seat across from me and comes to complete stop at seeing Yanan sitting next to me. She sends me a look and I just gesture for her to sit down. I hadn’t told her that he knew about my crush so I’m sure she’s confused as .

 

She sits down and stares at Yanan who finally looks up to see her. He nods politely. "Hello, Seungyeon."

 

"Hey, Yanan?" She replies still confused. "Um, I don't mean to be rude but why are you sitting here?"

 

He shrugs a smile playing out on his face. "We're friends now, so you'll be seeing a lot more of me. I hope the three of us can become really close."

 

She snorts playfully, she wasn't hard to please, when she was hungry anyways. "Alright then, I'll take your word for it."

 

-

 

Seungyeon and I sat at a coffee shop a few days later, she had finally gotten me alone to question me about Yanan. But she wouldn't have too long since Yanan was meeting us here later.

 

"So, what's up with you and Yanan?" She sips on her favorite, a mango dragonfruit refresher.

 

I shrug, "He said he'd help me get noticed by Changgu, plus he wants to be friends. He's nice so it's not terrible."

 

She slowly nods. "I mean he is your seatmate; it's always been a little weird that you two haven't been somewhat close." She sits her drink down and sighs. "Plus, I agree he is really nice, I just hope he isn't in this to embarrass you."

 

I shake my head, stirring my own drink, an iced white chocolate mocha. "I really don't think he's that type of guy."

 

She hums nodding her head to agree with me. "Yeah, I guess I agree, he usually keeps to himself and I haven't heard any terrible rumors about him. I mean other than he's a player, but I mean I feel like all handsome guys have that rumor about that."

 

I knew for a fact he wasn't a player, or well, at least I think I did. I guess he could still be playing with people's feelings, just not sleeping with them. But since we are becoming friends, I will not judge him or think badly of him.

 

The jingle of the door to the coffee shop sounds as Yanan steps inside his eyes roaming the place. I raise my hand to wave him over and he smiles waving back before walking over to sit down next to me. His brown hair was a mess from the wind outside, making him look less perfect and put together like he usually was. He was dressed in casual clothes instead of his school uniform, his shirt was wrinkled in some places. It was nice to be able to see a different side of him.

 

After he orders his own drink the three of us fall into conversation very easily. It was like we had already been friends for years. Seungyeon seems to genuienly not mind him either. Which is great because she doesn't usually become friends with people easily, or in other words she doesn't trust easily. Whereas I was the complete opposite, I wanted to believe that everyone in the world was a good person and that they were never after ulterior motives. You'd think I'd learn to change my way of thinking after dating after , but I didn't.

 

"So, do you have a girlfriend?" Seungyeon asks Yanan, which draws me out of my thoughts. I glance at him as he laughs awkwardly. "Sorry if that's too forward, but you know as friends we tend to ask these things. I'm really in the need for some girl talk, mind joining in?"

 

"No, I don't have one and sure I'll join in." He shakes his head, eyes darting to me for half a second. Was he remembering that I could've overheard what Changgu said?

 

"I'm surprised you don't, girls seem to really like you." She has a weird look in her eyes, one that was mischievous. "What is your type then? Mine is someone who's kind, but very outgoing, I like someone who's honest."

 

"Uh, well-." He rubs awkwardly at his messed up black hair.

 

"I'll say mine first." I offer, so he can think up what he wants to say.

 

Seungyeon snorts. "I already know yours; s are your type."

 

I roll my eyes slapping her hand. "No, it's not! I like someone who's tall but not too tall, someone who is talkative, someone on the swim team, can play the guitar and sing, oh and I really like blonde hair." I would kill to see Changgu dye his hair blonde.

 

"So, Changgu." Seungyeon deadpans. "Moving on." She glances at Yanan who sighs.

 

He clears his throat. "My type is someone who's bright and has a kind personality, with medium-length black hair, who can seem shy but then later be surprisingly outgoing, someone who is dedicated and caring. Someone who isn't going to let past experiences bring them down."

 

I nod slowly at his words. His type sounds like a nice girl. My eyes raise to Seungyeon who's staring at Yanan her eyebrow raised. Was she not impressed by his type or something? I glance at Yanan and I catch his head turning away from me to look at the floor. What is going on?

 

Seungyeon clears her eyes darting to me. "That was somewhat specific." I am so lost.

 

Yanan shrugs. "I guess."

 

-

 

From: Yanan

To: Haein

I got Changgu to dye his hair blonde for you.

 

I snort at the text I got from Yanan, he didn't have to do that. But I wasn't going to complain about it.

 

From: Yanan

To: Haein

He made me dye mine too, my poor hair. :.(

 

-

 

On Monday I am met with the beautiful blonde Yeo Changgu as he walks into class. My heart swirls at the sight, I really needed to thank Yanan for this. He looked absolutely stunning. He walks up to Shinwon who immediately compliments the new hair color.

 

"If I had known having blonde hair would make the girls drool even more over me, I would've done it long before now." Changgu says, his expression smug and confident. "I wonder if Han Chaeyoung will finally spend the night with me once she sees this?" He runs a hand through his hair, and I sigh turning away as Seungyeon sits on top of my desk.

 

"He's really disgusting." She rolls her eyes, her arms crossing over her chest. "Where's Yanan?"

 

I glance at his empty seat. "I'm not sure? He's usually here by now?"

 

Yanan doesn't show up for school at all that day, it felt odd and lonely without my seatmate because Yanan never missed school. So that's how I found myself at his place after school. My hand forming into a fist to knock on his door. Shortly after a woman is answering the door, she bore a great resemblance to the boy I was looking for so I easily knew she was his mother. So, this is where he gets his looks from, she was absolutely beautiful.

 

"Hello?" She states a small smile forming on her face as she notices my uniform was the same as her son's. Her smile was a little different than Yanan's but not by much.

 

"Um, hi, I am Yanan's friend and seat-mate at school. I just-he never misses so I wanted to make sure he was okay." I manage to get out of my mouth. Her beauty was almost intimidating.

 

She chuckles under her breath. "He's just sick, that's all. Would you like to come in?"

 

I shake my head no. "Oh no, that's okay."

 

"Ah, don't be shy. Come in, I'm sure he'd be glad a friend came to check on him." She opens the door wider and I'm left with no choice but to enter. Once inside I slip my shoes off and she sits out a pair of gray slippers for me to slip on. "Yanan's never had a friend over before, I'm very glad to finally meet one of you."

 

I stand up straight once I've got the slippers on. I'm the first friend he's had over? But what about Changgu or Shinwon?

 

"Oh, it's very nice to meet you too. You are very beautiful." I blurt out. Oh god, Haein why?

 

She chuckles. "You're funny, I'm flattered but I'm old. You are much more beautiful than I am-." She pauses glancing back at me. "What is your name dear?"

 

I quickly bow, how rude was I to not introduce myself bef