Chapter 6 – Whose side are you on?

When she woke up the next morning, the pillow next to hers was empty. For a short second, she was afraid that everything would turn out to be a dream, an illusion, but when she sat up in the bed she saw Soohyun sitting on a chair looking out of the window as if he was keeping watch.

“Morning” she said, he turned his head and smiled at her. “Why are you sitting over there?” she wondered. He stood up and came towards her. He sat down next to her and kissed her back.

“Checking if we have a shadow”, he whispered, while putting his forehead on her shoulder. Of course, he would, he trusted no one.

“You don’t trust me”, she responded.

“You’re the only one I trust”, he answered, “but not them”.

She knew he was talking about her police department in Seoul. “So you think they don’t trust me”.

“What do you think?”, he whispered and lifted up his head to look at her. She was hesitating. Did they trust her? After all only Prosecutor Yoon knew about her stealing evidence and getting involved with illegal things trying to find Kim Soohyun. He obviously didn’t trust Youngeun, but she was also sure he would look away from the problem if necessary.

“Let’s say they don’t… and someone followed us the entire time. Why didn’t they do anything yet?” she persisted.

“To check whose side you’re on…”, he said staring deep into her eyes, as if he was studying her every move.

Youngeun turned her body to look at him face to face. “Then tell me whose side you think I’m on”.

Soohyun pushed back some of Youngeun’s hair behind her ear, whispering: “the side that will get you killed”. Youngeun sighed. There was no turning back. Youngeun wanted to find a solution that could end in no one getting hurt again. Soohyun, however, did not believe this was possible. He had been disappointed by people too often, so obviously he didn’t trust anyone.

“I can save you…” Youngeun whispered more to herself than to him.

“You know that’s not possible”, he said looking into her eyes. Youngeun had tears in her eyes. This wasn’t like her. She was strong, she was fierce, she never showed anyone her weaknesses. In front of Soohyun, however, she felt… save. She wasn’t scared of showing him her weak side. Both of them just sat there looking at each other’s hands. Youngeun tried to figure out a plan. How could she save him? Was there even a way?

“You should go back to Seoul” Soohyun interrupted her thoughts.

“What do you mean? Why?” Youngeun asked.

“It’s not save for you to be here and you know that”, Soohyun said.

“I’m not leaving” Youngeun protested, however, Kim Soohyun brought her back to reality.

“Do you really think you’ve outsmarted them? Do you really think they don’t know where you are and what you’re doing?”

Youngeun was startled. He was right, of course, they wouldn’t believe her that she just needed a break. She had been obsessed with this case for months now, she didn’t sleep much, she only tried to find Kim Soohyun. Then she abruptly took a vacation telling everyone that she needed a break… everyone who knew her would find her behavior suspicious.

“I turned off your phone yesterday while you were in the shower”, Soohyun continued. “They are probably tracking you, or even tailing you in person.”

Youngeun was shocked… “but that means…”

Soohyun just nodded. How could she have been so dumb… she didn’t think rationally for a long time now. But Soohyun telling her all this felt like a punch in her face. Of course, Prosecutor Yoon didn’t trust her, especially not with her behavior lately. There was no scenario in which he didn’t keep an eye on her, in case she would contact Kim Soohyun… or trying to find him on her own. She walked right into his trap. Youngeun couldn’t even remember the last time she felt as dumb as she was feeling now. Not only did she not even consider herself to be a variable in this case, but she also put herself and Soohyun in danger. If they were checking on her the entire time though, it would mean they were also keeping track of Seulgi’s whereabouts. Youngeun hated herself right now, she totally walked into the trap.

“But why… why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” she asked.

“I wanted to see you at least once”, he said and kissed her forehead. Youngeun knew what this meant, he was planning to leave.

“So, you only left the clues for me to find you to say goodbye…”, Youngeun whispered. “What do you expect me to do?”

Soohyun thought about it for a while. He kept studying her face as if he tried to memorize every little thing until he finally said: “let me go”.

Youngeun laid down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She finally found him, just being with him made her happy. She didn’t want to lose him again, because she didn’t know what to do without him anymore. The last couple of months were a nightmare to her. She had lost her family, she had lost Soohyun, but now that she had him back everything seemed to make sense. The only thing she wanted was to be happy. She became a police officer to find Kim Soohyun in the first place. How could she go back to her life in Seoul when her reason for existence was right next to her? She didn’t care about her job or anything. She only cared for her new family, which of course included Seulgi and Gray. If she just could, she would grab all of them and go to a place far away, where no one could ever find them, but that seemed to be unfair to Seulgi as well. She wanted to live a normal life, she wanted to go to college and just be a young adult like everyone else. Youngeun couldn’t make her go through any more traumas. Her decision was made.

“Then let me go back to Seoul and deal with some things and then we're leaving…” Youngeun said.

“Where?” Soohyun asked her. He laid down next to her and her back. Just the feeling of his fingers on her back told her that she was making the right decision.

“Wherever”, she said smiling at him.

The rest of the day they spent in the hotel trying to come up with a plan. She would go back to Seoul, write her resignation letter, and leave quietly before anyone would notice. Now that she was sure someone probably tailed her, she would make sure not to get caught. Kim Soohyun would keep a low profile until she came back to him. In the meantime, he would organize a way out of the country. This was easy for him. He was a professional killer after all, he had connections and ways around the law that Youngeun couldn’t even imagine. She felt like a criminal plotting this escape plan, but at the same time, she couldn’t keep believing in a justice system that never gave Soohyun a chance in the first place. She was ready to leave her old life behind her. In her old life, she tried to be normal, she tried to find her place in this world, which only ended up betraying her. The only person that truly cared for her wasn’t her so-called “family” but Kim Soohyun. She knew he was dangerous, she knew he had done indescribable things that no one should’ve ever done, she also knew that he was a wild animal that would never be tamed by anyone, but at the same time, she felt save with him. Knowing he was by her side gave her the feeling of comfort and security. And to be honest, Kim Soohyun wasn’t the only person with blood on his hands. While being in the police Youngeun had killed people as well. If they were guilty or not was always debatable, however, it was a weight that she would never be able to get off her shoulders.

The next morning Youngeun didn’t want to let go of Soohyun, but she knew she had to for a while. She left Kim Soohyun behind in the hotel while she went back to Seoul, trying to look not suspicious at all. She knew that the police back in Seoul had probably already found out everything, however, they couldn’t just restrain her for anything. Officially he was still on vacation and they had no solid proof to keep her from going back to Busan. That was the only good thing about this whole plan. Kim Soohyun wasn’t an officially wanted man, therefore, they couldn’t really arrest him for plotting anything… at least so Youngeun thought.

When she arrived in Seoul, she already had a bad feeling. She felt as if she was watched not only by one person but several. She went back to her apartment, packed everything that was important into a small bag, and then went upstairs to meet Seulgi. Before telling her everything that had happened in Busan and telling her all details about Kim Soohyun, she made sure all devices that could be hacked were turned off. Youngeun also checked the apartment for any listening-bugs the police could’ve placed in the apartment. Her behavior made Seulgi even more suspicious. Then they finally had time to sit down and talk. Seulgi sat there quietly listening until Youngeun was done explaining. Seulgi nodded her head.

“You need to leave”, Seulgi said while hugging Youngeun tightly, “but don’t forget to get me later too!”.

Youngeun wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to cry. She knew she would be separated from Seulgi for a while, but she was hoping it was worth it. Seulgi knew exactly how dangerous it would be for Youngeun, but she wanted Soohyun save just as much as Youngeun. However, what happened next was out of their control. Between coming back from Busan and talking to Seulgi many things must’ve happened. The doorbell rang. Seulgi opened the door thinking it would be her food delivery, but instead of a delivery guy, a bunch of heavily armed soldiers barged into her apartment circling Youngeun, who just sat quietly on the couch holding up her arms. She was so angry… her plan was already destroyed. One the one hand she thought the plan was thought trough enough, on the other hand, it was too good to be true to just leave and never come back. After a few moments of the soldiers quietly aiming at Youngeun, Prosecutor Yoon came in. He stopped right in front of her.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Youngeun asked.

“You’re really going to play dumb?”, Yoon Jaehyun replied.

Youngeun looked up to him. “Why are you here? Are you planning to arrest me?”

“In fact, yes…” he said with a disappointed look on his face.

“On what basis?”, Youngeun provoked him.

“Obstruction of justice” was all he said to her before he told the soldiers to take her away.

Just like that Youngeun found herself in a very different situation than she imagined. Yes her plan to leave with Soohyun wasn’t that well thought out, she admitted it. But she never imagined it to go this way. She at least thought she would have a little more time before everything went down the way it did. They brought her into her own police station’s investigation room, where she had spent at least hours by now without saying anything. She knew how this was going, she was part of the other side for a long time. They would let her sit here forever until she would spill her secrets, however, she was not going to stab Soohyun in the back. After a while, Yoon Jaehyun finally came in.

“Yah! Lee Youngeun!” he yelled in an angry voice. Youngeun just kept staring at the table. “You know I can’t look away forever! I’ve already let slide a lot of things that you have done, but you’ve reached your limit now…” he sighed. “If you don’t talk you’re only making it harder on you”.

“Shouldn’t you tell me my rights first before you’re interrogating me?” Youngeun asked.

“I’m not interrogating you… I’m trying to help you here!”

Youngeun looked at him. He looked stressed, mad, and sad at the same time. “I know how this works, so just calm down first, then we can talk”, Youngeun suggested. Yoon Jaehyun sighed again and left the room for a while before he came back with two cups of coffee.

“Do you know what time it is?” Prosecutor Yoon asked. “It’s past 2 AM” he answered without even waiting for Youngeun’s reply. “The faster you tell me everything, the faster we can both go to sleep.”

“Sure”, Youngeun said, “then how about you tell me why you even brought me in here, I’m a police officer, not a criminal.”

“Are you so sure about that?” Prosecutor Yoon asked her.

Youngeun was annoyed. “Then tell me the details of my crimes please…”

Prosecutor Yoon sighed again. “Fine. You’ve been arrested for stealing crucial evidence from the archives, contacting and doing business with an illegal hacker, who by the way has been arrested as well, and for protecting a wanted killer… is that enough for you? There are still some minor things that I haven’t listed yet.”

“Why are you only bringing these things up now? You could’ve fined or expelled me for some of these things a long time ago”, Youngeun said.

Yoon Jaehyun sighed again. “I have been in conflict with my feelings for a long time now as well, but I can’t protect you anymore. You’ve overstepped the boundaries…”, he continued. “Just tell me where Kim Soohyun is”, he said tiredly.

“As far as I know you’ve been tailing me the entire time. Shouldn’t you know where he is?” Youngeun provoked him again.

“Funny… but now for real. Where did he go?”

“I don’t know what you mean”, Youngeun replied.

Yoon Jaehyun looked at her for a while trying to figure out what she was thinking. “The moment you left the hotel, he was gone. We also checked his house, but he never came back there. So… the moment you left him, he disappeared”.

Youngeun was perplexed. Obviously they were being tailed, but Kim Soohyun disappearing without a trace also wasn’t part of the plan. This plan wasn’t really going to work to begin with, but Soohyun still agreed to it. Youngeun felt dumb again. How could she have been this stupid? Spending intimate time with Soohyun seemed to have blinded her rational thinking. Kim Soohyun only agreed to her dumb plan, because he knew it would fail. It was the perfect excuse to make her go back to Seoul and give him the opportunity to leave.

“I… I don’t know where he went”, was all Youngeun said for the rest of the night. She was not in the mood to answer more questions she had no answers to. She wasn’t sure how to sort her feelings. Did Kim Soohyun betray her or was he just hiding until she would get back? But when would she able to get back if she was able to at all? She was being investigated, while he was trying to run away… Youngeun started to doubt her feelings. Maybe he didn’t like her as much as she liked him? Everything was just confusing to her.

As she didn’t help with the investigation anymore, Prosecutor Yoon was forced to bring her to a detention center. It was the first time in her life, Youngeun felt like an actual criminal. Usually, she was on the side of the law, putting people behind bars. Now she was treated as a criminal. She didn’t have any regrets, did that make her into a bad person? Was she a criminal? But who was she anyway? It seemed as if she had lost herself. The day he left her when she thought he was dead, her whole world changed. Now, after the day she left him behind, it changed again.

The rest of the night and the next day as well she just kept thinking about him over and over again. There was no way he would betray her like that. The feeling she had for him were real, and his for her were real as well, she was sure of it. But why did he agree to her plan when he knew it wouldn’t work out in the first place? Where did he go after she left? Yet again, Youngeun noticed that she didn’t care about the consequences. She just wanted to be with him at all costs. However, she had no idea what was going to happen next… how could she get out of this situation now? Was there a solution? Thinking about it just made her go crazy, but eventually, she fell asleep, hoping all of this was just a bad dream.