Chapter 5 - Taming the Wolf

The next day Youngeun wandered around the city without knowing where she actually went. She couldn’t concentrate on anything. Every time her phone vibrated she had a small panic attack. By the end of the evening, she went back to her hotel room and just stared out of the window without seeing anything in particular. She wanted this endless wait to be over. Eventually, the man from the fishery called.

“The boat just got here, they still have to unload everything, so they will be busy for another half an hour”, the man promised. Youngeun didn’t waste a second. She practically ran over to the fishery to meet this mysterious Lee Minseok. When she arrived, however, she only found the man who called her. He was standing nervously at the gate of the main building. The moment he saw Youngeun running towards him he ran towards her as well.

“I don’t know what happened”, he said out of breath, “but I tried to stall some time for him to stay longer”.

“What exactly are you trying to say?” Youngeun asked impatiently.

“Well… he didn’t want to stay longer so I eventually told him why I’m trying to keep him here. I thought he would be happy… but when I told him that you’re searching for him he ran away immediately…”

“When exactly did that happen?” Youngeun yelled at him.

“Just like… a minute ago I guess… but he went that way”, the man told her and showed into the direction of the harbor. Youngeun started running towards the harbor as well. It was like she was trying to catch her prey even though she had no idea where it went. She kept running faster than she ever had in her life. She ran for over ten minutes already. By now he could’ve been anywhere in this area, it was nearly impossible to find him now. She was almost ready to give up when she noticed a shadow in a small alley that she just passed. She turned around and saw the shadow silently creeping. Then the person ran away again. Youngeun was sure this person was spying on her. Even if it wasn’t Soohyun, she knew she had to catch this person. The hunt went on for quite some time. The closer she got the more confused she was. The silhouette of this person was definitely a man. He was tall, muscular, and had broad shoulders. The closer she got the more she was certain it was Soohyun, but at the same time, she was sure her brain was just playing a trick on her. It was dark after all. Youngeun doubted her instincts for quite some time by now but she most certainly wouldn’t give up now.

“Hey! Stop running!” she yelled at him. For a second Youngeun was sure her voice startled him. This was her chance to confuse him even more. “I said stop!”, she yelled again. The plan worked. The man’s behavior changed, and it seemed as if he had lost orientation towards where he was going. After all this running they ended up in an alley with a dead end. She made it! Finally! The man stopped in front of the wall and looked up to check whether there was a way of climbing over it. Meanwhile, Youngeun stopped a few meters behind him and tried to catch her breath.

“Please don’t run away!” she hackled. She was all out of breath, if he would decide to run away again now, she had no chance of running after him. The man just looked towards the wall without turning around.

“Are you Lee Minseok?” Youngeun asked him, still trying to find her breath. The man however didn’t move an inch. Youngeun, who was finally able to breathe a little calmer now, stepped closer towards the dark silhouette. She kept walking towards him slowly until she was only a meter away from him. Her heart stopped. The way he was standing there, wearing all black. The way his baseball hat was covering his forehead. The way he covered his face with a black facemask, even the small bits of skin she could see on his neck…

“Yah Kim Soohyun!” Youngeun screamed. “Turn around!”

Tears were forming in her eyes, it started to burn not only in her face but inside of her body as well. All these sleepless nights, all the tears she wasted, all the doubts she had were gone in the instant he turned around. It was a slow and determined turn. It was as if he was trying to tell her “you won but you lost at the same time”. It was his aura of superiority. She was his puppet and whatever he wanted to happen would happen. Youngeun knew that she had no chance to control the situation. The moment their eyes met, her body moved towards his automatically. She reached out her hand and put her fingers at the edge of his facemask. This exact moment felt like a deja-vu. Last time when she was this close of revealing what’s under the facemask she failed, but this time he didn’t resist. He just stood still like a statue out of stone and let her tear of his mask. Youngeun’s fingers didn’t have the strength to hold on to the mask, which just fell on the floor. She kept staring at him. Everything inside of her was chaos, she didn’t know what she was feeling. She was happy and devastated at the same time. His eyes were calmly looking right into her soul. He didn’t say a single word. He stood there as if he was waiting for her to react. What Youngeun saw was a wild wolf, waiting for its chance to end its prey, but at the same time, he didn’t look dangerous to her. Youngeun had no idea how long she had been staring at him, but eventually, she put her hand on his cheek to see if he was real or not. She felt his skin on her hand, she felt the warmth of his body. He didn’t refuse her touch, he just kept staring at her with his eyes, with his blue eyes…

Youngeun couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. She broke down on her knees in front of him and just cried her heart out. Meanwhile, Kim Soohyun sat down on the floor, folded his feet, and just waited. Youngeun’s tears finally stopped after a while. She wiped them off with her coat and stared at Sooyhun angrily. She punched him lightly on his shoulder “aren’t you going to say anything?”. He didn’t reply. Of course… he had never been someone who talked a lot. “Yah Kim Soohyun!”, she yelled again glaring at him.

“You’re beautiful”, he finally said. It was so quiet in the dark, that the words were ringing loudly in Youngeun’s head. His voice sounded the same as it used to. Finally hearing him speak gave Youngeun the rest. She bent forward and hugged him tightly, as she was afraid, he would fade if she would’ve let go. Eventually, he put his arms around her as well. Youngeun felt as if she sobbed forever but she didn’t want his embrace to stop. After some time her body had no more tears left to produce, so she just enjoyed the safety of his strong arms around her. Now that she stopped crying she could concentrate better on him. He was patiently waiting for her to act. She felt his calm breath, she could hear his steady heartbeat and she felt the warmth of his hand, one on her back and the other on her neck. She didn’t want to free herself from his embrace but she couldn’t just sit there on the floor in a creepy alleyway forever. Youngeun slowly crawled back to look into his eyes. “I’m so glad you’re alive” she whispered. Kim Soohyun just stared at her with his gaze. There it was again! Him being the way she always knew him, not talking, just staring. She had to laugh. “Do you want to go somewhere and talk?” she asked. He nodded. Both of them stood up and Soohyun just took her hand in his and lead the way. They went to a small brick-wall right next to the beach where they sat down, not letting go of each other’s hand. For a while, they just stared at the black ocean and listened to the sounds of the waves. Youngeun wanted to enjoy this moment as long as she could, without thinking about whatever would happen to them in the future. She’d rather die with him, than losing him again. Finally, Youngeun mustered up her courage to start this conversation, as she knew Soohyun would definitely not start talking without proper instructions.

“Why did you let me find you? Why didn’t you just run away when you had the chance to”, she wanted to know. He finally turned away from the ocean and looked at her, then he looked at their hands, still holding each other. He didn’t answer.

“Yah Kim Soohyun! How did you even get out? How did you know where your fake grave was and how did you get away without anyone finding you but for me?” Youngeun had so much on her mind.

“I know how to fight. Seulgi has a diary where she writes about things. I know how to travel undetected”, he answered.

Youngeun had to laugh again. “Even though you came back from the dead, you still don’t like to talk”.

“I’m not good at talking”, he said and had to smile a little bit as well.

It was quiet for a bit again. There was this one question Youngeun always wanted to find the answer to, however, she thought he was dead; therefore, she could’ve never asked him. Now at this moment, however, she finally had the chance. “Why didn’t you stop back then when I told you to?”

“Because if I would’ve let him live, you would still suffer”.

Youngeun wasn’t sure what to answer. Why would he die for her? Youngeun’s own suffering was nothing compared to what he had to go through. She put her head on his shoulder and looked at the oceans again. Tears started forming in her eyes. “I’m sorry Soohyun…”.

“What for?”

“I wasn’t able to stop you back then, and I don’t know how I can protect you now”.

“I can protect myself”, he said confidently.

“You don’t understand. The entire police department in Seoul is searching for you if they find you they’ll probably going to lock you up somewhere or even worse…” Youngeun cried.

“And despite all of these facts, officer Do Hyunjin came to my rescue”, Soohyun said.

Just hearing that name hurt Youngeun deep down, it wasn’t right and it only reminded her of the terrible past. She lifted her head to look at him. Kim Soohyun still kept staring at the ocean. “That’s not… I changed my name actually”. That was the moment he finally looked at her again. She saw something in his eyes, a spark, a short moment of irritation. “I changed it to Lee Youngeun…”. His facial expression didn’t change, his eyes however changed. She wasn’t sure what she saw in them but she couldn’t hold herself back, as if she was controlled by someone else. She closed her eyes, leaned closer to him and kissed him, very gentle and soft. He didn’t reject it. When she leaned back again he took the hand he was holding up to his chest, so Youngeun could feel his heartbeat. It was still steady but faster than before.

“Thanks to you I’m alive” he whispered.

Youngeun had tears in her eyes again. “You’re alive” she repeated. Youngeun took advantage of the situation and put her head back on his shoulder, tightly holding on to his arm. Like that she eventually just fell asleep.

She woke up to the sound of water, at first she thought it was rain, but she felt warm and cozy. She slowly woke up and came to her senses, when she realized she was hearing the sound of a shower. She opened her eyes and found herself in a small one-room-apartment. She looked around, this was definitely not her hotel. Everything in the apartment looked not personal at all. Nothing had character. It looked as if he was ready to leave any minute if he had to. Next to the bed was a small wardrobe, the front door, and then a small kitchen. There was another door next to the fridge, which must’ve been the bathroom. The room hat one window, everything was white. To Youngeun it felt… lonely.

Now that she was fully awake, she felt awkward. Was she supposed to pretend to be sleeping, or make breakfast, or maybe just leave? She wanted to see him, so leaving was not an option. She thought the best way to make it less awkward was getting up and look if she could cook something. When she got out of the bed she looked back at it. It seemed like Soohyun either slept on the floor or not at all, because the bed was only big enough for one person. Looking down on herself she was wearing all of her clothes, besides her jacket and shoes. At least nothing weird happened. Youngeun walked over to the fridge. Inside there was literally nothing, just a few water bottles, and eggs.

“I can order something if you’re hungry”, Soohyun said standing right next to her. Youngeun was startled, she didn’t even hear the water from the shower stop, neither him coming out of the bathroom. She closed the fridge and looked at him, which shocked her even more. He was wearing nothing besides a towel around his hips. He still had the same figure she remembered, strong, muscular, tough, however, there were so many new scars. Seeing where the bullets entered his body all over made her question about how he was still alive. Seeing her shocked face, Soohyun went over to his wardrobe quickly to get some clothes. “Sorry, I usually don’t have visitors”. He went back into the bathroom to change, while Youngeun had to fight back her tears. She went to search for her jacket to take out her phone. It was already past 4 PM! How long had she been sleeping?!

“So…” Soohyun started, which scared Youngeun again. How did she never notice him coming closer? “…should I order something or do you want to go out?”

“Did you eat nothing until now?” Youngeun asked worried, but of course, he didn’t answer, which meant he didn’t have anything to eat since he came off the boat. She put on her shoes and jacket and practically pushed him out of his own apartment. The building where he lived in was close to the harbor, it looked as if it was apartments for the workers of the fishery. She kind of knew where they were located, which wasn’t too far away from her hotel. Luckily there were many restaurants in the hotel area. They went to eat some dumplings which went by pretty quietly again. Youngeun talked the entire time and told him how Seulgi was doing and how Grey was waiting in front of his apartment every day for his return. She only talked about basic every-day things, because she wasn’t sure if she was ready to bring up the harder topics yet. She knew eventually she had to talk with him about everything that could happen when the police found him but she didn’t want to ruin the moment. After eating they kept walking around in the area until it was quite dark. Youngeun was freezing.

“I think I need a warm shower”, she said. “My hotel is close by so…” she didn’t want him to go away, but bringing him to her hotel room felt awkward too. At the same time, she didn’t want to let him out of sight. “Come with me”, she said. He stopped walking and looked at her slightly confused. “Uhm… I… I mean I have still a lot of questions and I’m not exactly tired after sleeping all day…” oh god, this was awkward. In what kind of weird situation did she get herself again? To her surprise, Soohyun just nodded and walked next to her. She lead him to the hotel, as they went up to her room she felt even more awkward. She took out some clothes of her bag and then went to the bathroom, while Soohyun just looked out of the window in her room, observing his surroundings. The warm shower was nice, it warmed Youngeun up, but it wasn’t as relaxing as she thought. Her heart was beating like crazy. What was she thinking bringing him here? She must’ve lost her mind. At the same time, coming here and searching for him on her own without letting her police department know was crazy enough… She started to put on clothes when she noticed what she picked. She had just grabbed anything out of her back, so now she had two T-shirts but no pants beside her underwear. As if it couldn’t have gotten any more awkward from here… She just threw on the hotel bathing robe on top of her underwear and tried not to make it awkward when she got out of the shower. She saw Soohyun still standing at the window, like a statue, as if he hadn’t moved at all.

“What are you looking at?” she asked standing next to him looking at whatever he was looking at.

“People”, he replied.

“What do you see when you look at them?”, she wanted to know.

“Their lives, their attitudes, their secrets”.

Youngeun wondered how much time of his life he had just spent observing people. He was a soldier, a killer, who knew everything he had to know about his next victim. He probably knew more about her than she could even imagine.

“It’s easy to see through people” he added.

“Then… what do you see when you look at me?” Youngeun . He turned his head to look at her intensely for a while. The tension was driving her insane.

“Conflicts and secrets” he answered.

Youngeun’s heart was beating even faster. “Tell me what exactly you mean”, she challenged him.

“You’re not supposed to be here, but you came anyway… You want to do the right thing, but you’re not sure what that is anymore… You’re constantly searching for a way out without losing”, he explained. Of course, he was right and it made her mad. How could she ever find a solution? How could she keep him alive without him facing consequences for what he did? And even if there was a way… he was a killer. He had the blood of countless people on his hands, his body was marked with scars and his behavior was nothing close to a normal human being. He was pretty much a Psychopath and she didn’t know how to help. At the same time wasn’t she a lunatic herself? She was in the same room with him comfortably, she wanted to be with him despite everything. Sooner or later she had to face herself and her decisions and she wasn’t sure if she could live with them.

“Then what about my secrets?” she pushed him even more.

Kim Soohyun took a step closer to her. “Your secret…” he said and took another step towards her. His face was only centimeters away from hers now. She could feel the warmth of his body and his breath close to her face. He came even closer and whispered in her ear: “You have no intention of taming the wolf”. Every other person would have gotten the chills. She knew exactly what he was talking about. He was the wild wolf. Even though she always pretended that she wanted to help him, deep down she knew she didn’t. She didn’t want him to change and she knew she would never be able to do so. She was attracted to him not only because of their deep connection but also because he was a psychopath. She was fascinated by him and she was thankful to him for killing her foster-father. These were things she never had and never would tell anyone but he saw right through her. He knew exactly what she was feeling and he also knew that she didn’t care about how many people he had killed.

Kim Soohyun took her face into both of his hands and kissed her, first gently and then more passionately. Youngeun turned of her consciousness and just let herself go into his embrace. Soohyun slowly started to open up her bathrobe and kept kissing her. His lips slowly wandered down her neck and her collarbones. Every touch on her skin felt like a burning fire. Youngeun took off his shirt and felt every scar of the bullet holes on his upper body. Just the sensation of touching his warm skin made her forget about everything else but him. She knew that she was the only one he would ever show this to. He let her touch every scar he had without hiding anything. He showed her the monster inside of him and she was ok with it. She fully let herself go. He wasn’t human, he was a wild wolf. At that moment she knew she could never resist him. He on the other hand had her in the palm of her hands, driven by instincts and passion. Youngeun knew she was giving in to the dark side inside of her but instead of shying away from it, she embraced her darkness and let him take everything from her that he wanted…

After, they just looked at each other silently, but Youngeun was sure she saw some sort of happiness in his eyes. He kept her back, while she just kept her arm around his chest. The feeling of his skin on hers made her feel more alive than she had ever been. Yes, she was in love with him. Yes, she would do whatever it takes not to lose him, even if it meant that her world would change. Her world already changed the moment he came back into her life once, now she only had to figure out what she should do…

At some point, Soohyun fell asleep. He looked so cute and innocent while he was sleeping. Youngeun his forehead and pushed back some of his hair. She thought about what was going to happen from now on, but every scenario she could think of ended in a tragedy. She was prepared to die for or with him, but she would not lose him again and go through all that pain again. There was no turning back now… The moment he entered her life, hers was already forsaken. What did she do…?

“I’m screwed…” she whispered to herself.