Sounds of the subway train coursing over the tracks is heard. It is dark out, not the dead of the night but the wake of the morning, seconds before the sun begins rising. The overhead handles dangle freely, enjoying their last bit of freedom before the rush of eager hands.

Ahjusshis’ and ahjummas heads are leaning against the pillars; a handful of hagsaengs stare out of the clear windows, eyes following the diminishing moon like lost sheep; a young man dressed in a shirt and tie, and his girlfriend, in a scarf, knitted long-sleeved top and a pencil skirt share one side each of one of their airpods while they busy themselves with some pre-work, work.

Sitting in a corner seat, in a facemask, his overgrown fringe hiding his eyebrows, and his comfortable, average-looking black coat, like an invisible cloak. Seunghyun is a fly on the wall. He enjoys existing alongside everyone else. This is the only time no one bothers to scrutinize, he becomes every other person living their own average reality - it comforts him. “How strange’” he thinks to himself, how strange is it that normalcy has become a luxury to him now. 

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. “saeng-il chugha hae, Seunghyun ah (insert beers clinking together emoji)” The first birthday message he sees, on top of many others, is from Mi Nah Sunbae. A slight smile creeps up on him. For a second, he wonders what it’ll be like to hang out with her sometimes, he wonders the kind of conversations they would have, he wonders how flushed her face would turn when she drinks, he wonders if she smiled while typing this message. He wonders. He then clicks on his instagram notification. 

A never-ending list of fan events celebrating his existence sprang up. Cup sleeve events, fan gatherings, even exhibitions displaying his instagram posts are being held. A single person, receiving this much of love, world wide, an incredible warmth courses through Seunghyun’s body.

For this moment, he celebrates the love for T.O.P, a character whose reality is not his at this moment. “The ability to bring together all these people…” he thinks to himself “to have them still love him this much…” He continues “ This man... he’s so blessed.” 

A tear falls as he scrolls through the comments under the TTTOP exhibition pictures.  

“Until I see you again” He repeats under his breath.