The closer you got to the war, the faster time seemed to fly by. You attributed it to your ever-growing nerves, but telling yourself that didn’t make you any less anxious. So many lives were at stake. Everyone that you love. Namjoon. Jimin. Jin. Prince Taehyung. Countless people, many that you knew, and so many that you didn’t, but were all precious to you. As much as you wanted to protect your people from any harm, you were painfully aware how powerless you were, despite your position. Every single day that passed solidified your belief that the decision that you made to marry Prince Taehyung was the right choice, even if it wasn’t a happy one. His support would almost double the size of your army, shedding light to your hope for a swift victory. Your people would be laying their lives for your country. To fight your battle. If you could do your part in safeguarding more lives by marrying Prince Taehyung, that was a small price to pay in comparison.

Not being able to attend the war councils, any planning and strategies that you were aware of were the ones relayed to you by the two Princes, and Namjoon, during the one time he had to come and see you. Funnily enough, you had been seeing Prince Taehyung far more than your own brothers. Truthfully, you weren’t sure if you liked spending so much time with him. A reminder of yet another reason for you to feel guilty wasn’t something that you needed, but you supposed you appreciated the time he took to keep you company and keep you abreast of their discussions. His efforts to get closer to you personally, though, was something you were sure would not lead to anything good for your heart. Prince Taehyung had always been respectful, never pushing any boundaries or doing anything that made you uncomfortable. Nothing other than telling you that his feelings for you extended beyond friendly affection and royal obligation. But that was enough to send your emotions into turmoil. A completely loveless marriage, you could still contend with somehow. However, it didn’t feel right that there were unreciprocated feelings. You didn’t want to hurt Prince Taehyung in the long run by agreeing to be his wife and consequently withholding your heart, but you couldn’t think of another alternative.

Especially when his sincere efforts to get closer to you were so evident – it made you even more guilty. You’d even seen him converse with Ji Eun while waiting for you. Afterwards, when asked what they had been talking about, your lady-in-waiting had seemed flustered. Her answer was vague, simply saying that the Crown Prince was curious about various things concerning you, and that he was genuinely interested in the tiniest of details. She reiterated that he was earnest about you, so you supposed that she felt bad about divulging information on you when she knew that Prince Taehyung wasn’t the person you truly wanted to marry. Taking pity on her, you reassured her that it was alright, and stopped probing her further. There was nothing that interesting about you anyway; or so you thought.

Impending war and internal battles aside, everything seemed to be going smoothly. You were thankful for that at least. So, when Namjoon arrived at your chambers without notice, you were taken by surprise. There were dark circles under his eyes, but these days, exhaustion wasn’t an unusual sight in the castle. The concerning thing was that the King was clearly agitated and distraught; and you had a disturbing suspicion that you were somehow the cause. He watched impatiently as Ji Eun brought the tea service to the table in one of your suites, then insisted that the two of you would serve yourselves, shooing everyone out of the room. The table was small; enough to comfortably house the tray of tea and biscuits, with some space to place your cups. It was perfect for its purpose – to have intimate conversations without being separated by a behemoth of a monstrous, formal table between you. It was also placed in one of the smallest rooms within your chambers, and the furthest from the other rooms, away from as many eavesdropping ears as possible. You took a seat in one of the soft plush chairs, quietly observing as Namjoon plopped into the one opposite yours. As much as you’d like to, you knew that this wasn’t something that you could run away from, so with a deep breath, you asked; “What’s wrong?”

Normally, you appreciated that your eldest brother was not the type to beat around the bush, but this time you winced when he countered your question with one of his own; “Did you say something to Taehyung?”

Although you had no idea what he was getting at, you balked in response. Perhaps it was due to his tone, or the topic he’d suddenly brought up. You hated feeling like a rebuked child, but if you hadn’t committed so many transgressions that could have landed you in hot water, you wouldn’t be wondering if you had actually done something to warrant being interrogated now – you were well aware of that. “I’m not sure what you mean, but I haven’t said anything rude to him that I’m aware of.” It was a truthful reply, in your opinion, since you didn’t know what prompted him to barge into your quarters without so much as a warning during an excessively busy time.

He narrowed his eyes at you, as if trying to detect a lie, and you stared defiantly back. Being accused without being told what you were being accused of was unnerving, and since you didn’t know if you’d done anything to merit his suspicion in the first place, the vague questioning was irritating you. “Then why is he suggesting that we call off the engagement?”

“What?” You gasped, completely dumbfounded. Whatever you were expecting, it certainly wasn’t this. You’d thought that Namjoon had caught wind of your relationship with Jin, or came to scold you for one of your reckless, even if well-meaning, actions. Not something that you genuinely had no idea of doing or causing. “Why?”

The King gave you a long, hard look before sighing, leaning back in his chair tiredly. It looked like he’d decided to believe you. “Since you don’t know, your guess is as good as mine.”

With a frown, you settled back in your own seat. Why would Prince Taehyung do that? Even if he‘d suspected that you didn’t love him back, he hadn’t shown any signs of wanting to end the agreement that your two countries had made. Something must have happened for him to make this decision. Then you remembered an occurrence that made you snap your head up towards the closed wooden doors, looking for someone who wasn’t there, but was probably on the other side waiting for your conversation to be over. Did Ji Eun tell Prince Taehyung about you and Jin? You couldn’t believe that she would do such a thing. She was your most trusted confidant, and even now, you were convinced that she would always have your best interest at heart. However, you couldn’t think of any other reason for Prince Taehyung’s suggestion. Gripping the arms of your chair, you tried not to let your fear show in front of the King. Was your husband-to-be angry that you were in love with another man? He must have been, to ask Namjoon if it would be better to call off the alliance that would significantly benefit both countries.

Before you could think of any other possibilities, Namjoon saved – or cornered, really – you by continuing; “Something must have happened, though,” he grounded out, frown deepening at the thought. “Since Jimin also came to me with the suggestion of an alliance with Fuschily by marriage to their Princess.”

This was the second time Namjoon had you floored within a span of mere minutes, and you were left reeling from the news. “With Jimin?” was all you managed to ask, and when Namjoon simply answered with a nod, you turned to stare at the beige wall next to the window before you. Why? Why would Jimin do that? He had only met the Princess of Fuschily once and had only conversed with her briefly while they were dancing at a ball several years ago. There was no way Jimin would have taken such a liking to her in that short a time to the extent of a marriage alliance. If he’d fancied her, you were sure that you would have found out one way or another long before this. Obviously, it was a sacrifice to strengthen the military might of your country in the upcoming war, but the alliance with Delphina was already plenty. It was hardly necessary to yield two royal members of your family in order to broker another agreement with a different country. Your heart sank even further with more guilt, this time towards your second brother. The only reason Jimin would put up such an offer was so that you could get out of your marriage with Prince Taehyung, and when you looked to Namjoon to ask, you found his eyes already on you, assessing your reaction to his news.

“I haven’t said or done anything that would give Prince Taehyung the idea that I am not agreeable to our marriage,” you insisted. Not since you had agreed to the engagement. Both you and Jin had distanced yourselves from each other; your own wounds, knowing that remaining close like you were before would only make it harder to accept reality and cause more pain. While your lack of romantic feelings towards Prince Taehyung might have given him second thoughts, he was clearly willing to go through with it anyhow. You could only guess at the catalyst that led him to change his mind, but you knew for a fact that Jimin was aware of your relationship with Jin. So to know that your brother was willing to trade places with you in order to free you from the obligation gave you relief and agony at the same time. You didn’t want to chase your own happiness at the cost of Jimin’s. Yet you couldn’t tell Namjoon any of this. It would put him in a difficult position; the last thing that he needed right now. And truthfully you were afraid that he might disregard your feelings for Jin in favour of the country’s well-being. Even if it would be the right thing to do, you didn’t trust yourself not to be bitter or resentful towards your eldest brother should he choose the people over you. “What do you think of their suggestions?”

Namjoon didn’t answer you straightaway. Instead, he paused, considering turning the question on to you first. However, in the end he decided against it. “Going through with the alliance with Delphina would be ideal. We are not on very good terms with Fuschily. Although this would be a good opportunity to make peace with them, they have never been a threat to us. And that’s also another problem. Fuschily is much smaller than Delphina, in terms of both size and strength. Trading an alliance with Delphina for one with Fuschily would hardly give us an advantage over Zinnis.”

Of course, his argument made perfect sense, and you nodded in defeat. Had he asked you the question first, you would have presented the same arguments against the idea. You couldn’t let Jimin take on your burdens – especially since doing so would put your country at a disadvantage. It just wasn’t worth it. “So, what did you tell them?”

“I told Jimin the same thing I just told you,” he said simply, and you tried not to imagine Jimin’s reaction to that. It must have taken him a lot of thinking and courage to think of and present an alternate solution to Namjoon. No doubt he had made his arguments, trying to persuade the King to accept the suggestion with the benefits of marrying the Fuschily Princess when he didn’t even care for her, so to have it rejected must have been especially demotivating. However, you hoped he’d felt relief that he didn’t have to go through with his own idea after all. “As for Prince Taehyung…” Namjoon sighed. The Crown Prince of Delphina was definitely harder for him to deal with as frankly as he did with his own brother. “He wouldn’t tell me why he suggested it all of a sudden when I asked, but he did say that it isn’t because he wants to. So I asked if he would be agreeable to proceed with it, and he said he would if you’re really alright with it as well. Which is why I’ve come to ask you about it.”

Put that way, it was no wonder that Namjoon came to the conclusion that you were the reason behind Prince Taehyung wanting to back out. Even you have become highly suspicious of Ji Eun now – it really did sound like the young Crown Prince did this because of you. The only reason you could think of was that your lady-in-waiting had divulged your secret to your intended. It was hard to believe that she would betray you after so many years of steadfast loyalty. Anxious to find out the truth from her, you told your eldest brother swiftly and truthfully that you had no plans to cancel the engagement. Of course, you’d really rather call it off in your heart of hearts, but you were not living in an idyllic world where there were no repercussions for saying and doing whatever you truly wanted. So there was no point in talking about it any longer. Moreover, the King was probably putting off other matters that needed his attention. Matters that were surely far more important than chatting with you. Now that the most pressing issue that brought him here had been settled, he readily agreed that he needed to go.

As you’d expected, the doors to the room you were having tea in opened to reveal Ji Eun on the other side. She bowed to Namjoon respectfully as he took his exit and watched him leave through the next door, making his way through the maze of rooms that made up your chambers, clearly waiting for you to demand an explanation from her. “Yes, I told the Crown Prince that your heart belongs to another,” she admitted without hesitation, voice clear and resolute. You couldn’t believe it. How could she? “But I didn’t do it to get you in trouble. He asked if you were forced into agreeing to the marriage, so when I told him, he said that he wanted to help you and offered a way out. I didn’t think that he would ask the King to cancel the engagement, though!”

Angry, indignant words died in your mouth at that. So Ji Eun did reveal your secret, but only for your own sake. Her explanation confused you, and you leaned tiredly against the open door. With your eyes closed, you tried to piece everything together into something that made sense. So Prince Taehyung was actually trying to save you from a marriage with him, in order to reunite you with Jin? According to Ji Eun, she didn’t reveal Jin’s identity to the Crown Prince. While you were relieved that Jin was not going to suffer any consequences due to people finding out about your relationship, the fact that Prince Taehyung was willing to go through such lengths for you deepened your guilt towards him. You hoped that he really was willing to go through with this like he’d told Namjoon, even with the knowledge that not only was his feelings towards you one-sided, you also harboured such feelings for another man. He might have thought that he’d had a chance to win you over before, but now that he knew about your illicit relationship, would he really want to marry someone who would never love him back? Ji Eun’s intentions may have been good, but it might have landed the whole of Amaryll into hot water.