A/N: Thanks Ann @godsavemefrombts for beta-ing this!

“Long live King Namjoon! Long live King Namjoon!”

Your eldest brother’s coronation had already been considered a very likely possibility and plans for it had started soon after his immediate ascension to the throne upon the news of your father’s death. At the same time, a messenger had departed for Delphina, so the ceremony, held a mere eight days after Jimin’s return, was also attended by Crown Prince Taehyung. No other foreign royalty was present; only the ministers and leading citizens of Amaryll and the friendly neighbouring countries.

A dark cloud hung over the entirety of the coronation; as was befitting one held so soon after the previous monarch’s death. Normally, it would have been held at least a few months after your father’s passing, but you weren’t even sure if all these people would still be alive then. As expected, there were whispers about the rushed ceremony, but more importantly, most people seemed to view the smoothness and promptness of the steps you, your siblings, and the ministers had taken as a good sign. Like you had all anticipated the early passing of the late King from the very beginning, and that you had already taken measures so everything would be as normal. As if your father’s death, bringing with it war onto your doorstep, could be part of any sane person’s plan.

The loud chanting around you seemed to amplify these thoughts, making you feel sick to your stomach. Did they cheer like this during your father’s coronation, too? You hadn’t been born yet back then, but Jimin had told you that he was popular even as a Crown Prince, so you’d expect him to have the support that Namjoon was getting now. Did anyone in attendance then even think that he wouldn’t actually live for long? Would the well-wishes of the people here now grant Namjoon a long life? Or were they chanting this in vain? After all, these were dangerous times, and your eldest brother’s life was even less secure than your late father’s had been.

And not just for your new King. Your eyes stared at Jimin, who was standing to your left, for a while, then strayed towards the front. Not too far from the throne stood Jin, standing among the elite knights. Your heart wrenched at the sight, knowing what it meant. Not only being appointed as one of the King’s Guards put him in potentially more danger, it also distanced the two of you more than ever before. It was an honour, no doubt, but you couldn’t help but feel bitter towards Jimin, who had recommended him for the post. He had highlighted Jin’s quick and strategic thinking, as well as his fighting prowess and dedication to protecting you, his charge, to Namjoon – all qualities that made him ideal for the job.

In the end, you knew it was all your selfishness that made you feel this sadness over the situation. While his new position would likely put him in the most difficult and challenging missions, it also meant that he could make his opinions heard more easily. You knew of his convictions. Of his heart. There was no doubt that he would always propose solutions and act in the best interest of the people and your country. In these times of unrest, nothing could be more valuable for Amaryll.

Your gaze shifted towards the tall figure on your right. Nothing more valuable than a dedicated knight, other than a very powerful ally on your side. And that was what Prince Taehyung would be – at a hefty price. It was one that you could no longer avoid paying. Looking at him; standing confidently at your side, there was nothing to complain about at all. There was hardly any fault to be found with him. The Crown Prince of Delphina was not just young and healthy, he was incredibly handsome, kind and gentle, a smart ruler who was extremely well-liked by his people. In fact, you’d yet to find any flaws that you could complain about. Only the fact that he didn’t own your heart.

As if he could sense that he was on your mind, Prince Taehyung turned his head to look at you. “Phew. I’m glad the hardest part is over,” he whispered with a mock sigh of relief, followed by a smirk.

His statement elicited a huff of part-laugh, part-exasperation from you, but you couldn’t help your lips from curling up into a small smile. The movement of facial muscles made you realise how stiff and tense your face were. No one could fault you, with the subsequent shocks and tragedies that you’d had to face, but had you really not smiled for so long that the expression felt foreign on your face?

That must have been the case, because Prince Taehyung’s smile when he saw yours was one of relief. “I hope everything goes as well as this from now on.” You wanted to vocalise your agreement, but it was cut off by Namjoon making his way down from the throne and out of the hall, still fully dressed in his regalia of the king and the crown on his head. Typically a procession around town would follow, but considering the circumstances of your father’s recent passing and the looming war, it was agreed beforehand that a simple ceremony would be adequate. You were glad for that — you weren’t sure if you were up for such a joyous occasion.

However, as you were about to follow the line of people exiting the room, Prince Taehyung offered his arm to you, making you pause and think about what he’d just said. Hoping that everything would go well from now on would also include your marriage to him. You glanced at his arm, then up at his face, then blushed despite yourself. Did he mean that he hoped that would go well, too?

Upon Prince Taehyung’s arrival five days prior to the ceremony, he was immediately whisked off for a meeting with your siblings and the ministers. Of course, the matter of utmost importance was to secure Delphina’s support in the war against Zinnis. In order to do that, your role was pivotal, and thus you had been present then. Amaryll’s ministers, while not fully appreciative of your presence at such an important meeting, had learnt to begrudgingly tolerate your occasional participance in such discussions over the years. Prince Taehyung, however, had never even been in any formal setting with you. Your time with him was more social; those dance lessons, meals and tea with your brothers and the late King, which made sense in hindsight since he had been introduced to you in the hopes of strengthening your country’s defence, after all. You were sure that no one had thought of a war breaking out back then, but Amaryll and Zinnis had never been on friendly terms. No doubt they’d hoped that an alliance with Prince Taehyung would put a stop to the skirmishes at the border.

Now it seemed like those seeds, planted so early, were about to bear fruit. As if you hadn’t enough reason to be nervous, knowing that the sole purpose of the solemn gathering was to decide your future, you had also become worried about Prince Taehyung’s reaction to your presence. When had his opinion started to matter to you so much? Were you so eager to win the approval of your future husband, despite barely being able to think of him as such? It was impossible to truly decipher your convoluted thoughts on the matter, despite it being your own feelings. Or perhaps it was because your feelings were heavily involved. Trying to delve into your relationship with Prince Taehyung did nothing but remind you of who you were giving up. Even your brain had been struggling to accept that you were consenting to this marriage alliance. Your heart, knowing exactly what it wanted was impossible, had shut down completely.

In the end, you had simply concluded that it was the approval of someone you admired that you wanted. Prince Taehyung had proven himself an excellent leader, and you had always aspired to be that for your people. Yes. That was logical. It was ambition. Growing up in the dark and looming shadows of your capable brothers, that had been your goal ever since you’d started lessons with them. Fortunately, Prince Taehyung had flashed a brief, but warm smile in your direction before turning his attention to the ministers, and the relief that he had welcomed your presence was enough to calm your thoughts. At the time, you had more important things to focus on. While it was obvious what the general outcome of the meeting would be, the details were important, as it would involve your future. Being a princess, having your life choices dictated by others was nothing new, but never had you felt so angry. Even though you had agreed to it yourself not long beforehand, it still felt forced. Inside, you were still unwilling to let Jin go. Yet you had gone where duty had led you. It left you at odds with yourself, hating everything and everyone, yourself the most.

Despite your intentions to pay attention to the discussion, you had found yourself unable to focus on the earlier parts of the conversation. Not that it mattered much; the old men were all so anxious to make themselves heard that your silence probably hadn’t been noticed at all. The only thing that mattered to them was your and Prince Taehyung’s consent when they needed confirmation that the marriage was going to happen, and with that, the much-needed assistance from Delphina in the coming war. Much like you, Prince Taehyung had remained mostly silent until prompted for assent. Perhaps, like you, he had seen this as inevitable, and had felt that it was better to just let the old farts argue over nothing. You had chanced a glance at him in the middle of it, to try and gauge his feelings about the arranged marriage, but had found that his deep, thoughtful gaze had been already trained on you. The realisation that he had been watching you, or really, the shock that he had caught you wanting to peek at him had you flustered. In response, you’d quickly shifted your eyes away and didn’t repeat the attempt.

Namjoon, whose weariness had become more and more apparent as the meeting wore on, had finally cut them off. “Well then, I believe that we are all in agreement over the conditions set. When do you think would be best to announce the good news?”

“It would be beneficial, I think, if it was done post-haste, Your Majesty,” Minister Kim had answered. “It would do much to alleviate the concerns of the people.”

At that suggestion, Prince Taehyung had shaken his head. “The coronation ceremony is more important and would already show the people that appropriate measures had been taken to prepare for the war,” he’d said, finally contributing to the discussion. “I would prefer to allow the Princess some time to grieve over her loss before such a joyous occasion. As such, perhaps we can do so not too long before going to war.”

“I would like to second that,” you had piped in. It hadn’t been all that long since you had lost your father. Getting engaged, knowing that he had just missed it, was an unbearable thought. Prince Taehyung’s suggestion had given you immense relief, and your heart had warmed at his careful consideration of your emotional well-being. Besides, you would have agreed to anything that would postpone making the marriage a solid reality. “It would give the soldiers more morale at the most crucial time.”

Prince Taehyung had given you another of his disarming smiles, grateful for your support. “There are already rumours about our engagement. For now, we can simply encourage those rumours. It should be enough to give people hope. After a period of speculation, announcing our marriage would solidify their wishes, and so give them motivation to ensure that their hope of being victorious would become a reality as well.”

The men in the room had been impressed by Prince Taehyung’s reasoning, as you’d been as well. With his support, Amaryll’s chances of victory had overwhelmingly increased, but you could never predict the outcome of a war with any certainty. Even if Amaryll would undoubtedly win, it was imperative that the war be kept as short as possible. Prolonging it would only mean more injuries, more lives lost, more supplies exhausted. Therefore, sending soldiers raring to secure victory could mean ending the war that much sooner. No one could argue with his sound reasoning.

A sharp jab at your side from Jimin brought you back to the present coronation ceremony at the same time Prince Taehyung said, “Shall we?” You could tell that you had been daydreaming for far too long – enough to warrant your brother’s silent but painful reminder, but Prince Taehyung was ever the gentleman, keeping his arm held out like you hadn’t made him wait while you were wool-gathering. Not wanting to appear more inattentive than you already were, you quickly tucked your hand into the crook of his arm. He immediately turned you around with him, moving to catch up with the people walking before you. However, he didn’t move fast enough – you caught Jin looking at you when you took Prince Taehyung’s arm. Jin turned ever so slightly away at once, but there was no mistaking the bitterness in the way his face was tightly set. You bit the insides of your cheeks to keep your own expression impassive. This was the way it was going to be from now on. You needed to get used to it sooner or later.

Unfortunately, wishing that you could forget about Jin and accept your marriage arrangement wouldn’t make it magically come true. All you could think about, even while you were asleep, was the look of pain marring Jin’s beautiful face. It loomed ever closer to you, as if stressing the fact that you had hurt him, and then… morphed into Prince Taehyung’s handsome visage. The change didn’t make you feel any better, but before your subconscious could figure out how you were feeling about the change, you woke up. Night had barely left, apparently, and soft tendrils of morning sunlight filtered through the thin curtains covering the windows on the east side of your bedchamber. The heavy drapes beyond the sheer cloth had been pulled to the side; Ji Eun must have entered not too long ago, knowing that you loved to feel the morning breeze.

Ignoring the windows, you sat up in your bed and brought your hands up to your face. Whether you were rubbing sleep from your eyes or you were hoping that a vigorous face rub would knock some sense into you, you weren’t sure. Neither that nor the gentle wind blowing in was helping you, in any case. You just felt so confused. There was no doubt that you were suffering from slowly, but gradually losing Jin as he was suffering from losing you, but you were perplexed by the emotions you felt towards the Crown Prince you were soon to be betrothed to. You hadn’t expected to view him as anything more than a friend. Your admiration for his personality, talents and achievements was, of course, expected, and more than justified.

Yet lately you had been experiencing twinges of guilt when you thought about Prince Taehyung, too. Was it the confirmation that he was to be your husband that made you feel guilt over loving another man? But it wasn’t your fault; you couldn’t help who you loved, and you’d loved Jin long before you had ever met the Crown Prince.

You weren’t sure how much time you took going in circles about the issue in your head, but it was long enough for Ji Eun to come in to check whether you were awake and wanted breakfast. While you climbed out of bed for your morning ablutions as she brought in your breakfast in bed, you thought the meal would be a welcome distraction. Alas, being alone while you munched on your bread didn’t leave your thoughts occupied enough, and before long you were thinking about the two men again.

It was getting so frustrating that you were almost happy to see Jimin at your door. But it was also very easy to remember that Jimin’s interference had a big part in driving Jin away from you, at least physically. So when he pulled up a chair to sit next to your bed, you trained your eyes on your almost empty bowl, although you knew how childish and unfair you were being to him. The rational part of you was fully aware that your brother was disapproving of Jin because there could be no future between you. However, the Prince had also proposed your lover as part of the newly crowned King’s Guard, probably for the same reason, and that was harder for you to forgive.

Jimin must have sensed your hostility and correctly guessed the reason behind it, for he remained quiet as you scraped your spoon back and forth on your plate in an undignified manner. After judging that he’d given you enough time to stew on his presence, he asked, “How are you feeling? You’ve been keeping to bed a lot recently, from what I’ve heard.”

Pushing down the urge to make a cutting, sarcastic reply, you simply shrugged. A feign of indifference that neither of you believed in. Not for a second. Still both of you didn’t comment further on it, preferring to tiptoe around the issue. You; because you were trying hard not to lash out at your brother or burst into tears, and Jimin; because he didn’t want to risk upsetting you further. He was clearly here to make an effort in lifting your spirits, but this was a you he seemed unfamiliar with. While you could be fiery and stubborn whenever faced with conflict or cause that you strongly believed in, you were always quick to calm down and properly listen to sound reasoning. However, the current you were volatile and unreasonable, able to remain drowning in negative emotions despite knowing the facts of the matter very clearly. You didn’t need him to point out the futility of a relationship with a commoner. Yet you were still unmoved on your desire to be with Jin even after things had gotten to this point.

“Have you seen Namjoon?” Jimin finally decided to test the waters with a safer topic.

You played along with his attempt at a banal conversation. “No, I haven’t. Hasn’t he been in endless meetings every day? The Coronation was the only time I’ve gotten a glimpse of him lately, actually,” you paused, then glanced at your second brother in belated realisation. “Come to think of it, aren’t you supposed to be attending them, too?”

He nodded. “I am, but it’s early yet.” A pause, and then, “Is there, perhaps, something you would like to say to Taehyung? I could relay the message for you.”

Very subtle. You knew that Jimin was going to bring the young Crown Prince up sooner or later, but still you glared at him, making sure he knew that you didn’t appreciate him making you talk about it. “No, I have nothing to say to Prince Taehyung,” your tone was frigid, with emphasis on his title, letting Jimin know that unlike your brothers, you didn’t consider him to be in any way familiar. A little hypocritical since you’d warmed up to the Delphina Prince just fine until you’d found out that he was meant to be your betrothed, but liking a person as a friend and as a husband were two different things. Or so you told yourself.

Jimin sighed, resigned to the inevitability of a difficult conversation, but refusing to give up nonetheless. “I know that he may not be the person you would choose, but I truly think that Taehyung is an excellent match for you.”

“Why? Because he’s a prince?” You asked acidly.

“Yes.” It was clear that Jimin didn’t miss your heated jab, but he stood his ground. “But it isn’t simply that. I’ve seen you interact with him. He doesn’t just get along with you for the sake of niceties. He genuinely values your opinion. How many men have taken you seriously, other than me and Namjoon?”

“Jin does,” you fired back. You were being petulant, and you were aware of that, but you didn’t care. There was no one you could vent your anger to, so it looked like your second brother would be your unfortunate target. “We discuss everything under the sun. Even politics.”

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised,” Jimin acquiesced thoughtfully. “He has pointed out a few possible issues we could face with our previously proposed strategy, and also suggested some good countermeasures.” Displeased as you were with him, you couldn’t help but swell at his praise for Jin. No matter what, you would always crave for your brothers’ approval, you supposed. “But do you realise just how important it is that you marry a prince? If you rule beside Prince Taehyung, you will have the power to effect change. Even though Sir Seokjin is a talented knight, his influence on important issues is minimal. Haven’t you always wanted to bring about a lot of changes to the peoples’ lives yourself?”

Jimin was presenting you with arguments that you yourself had used to convince yourself to agree to Prince Taehyung’s proposal, so you didn’t need to think deeply again to acknowledge the logic behind his words. On the other hand, you had repeated these things over and over in your head, so many times, that it frustrated you to hear it from someone else. Couldn’t Jimin offer you a better solution? A formula or some concoction that would make you fall out of love with Jin? A way to be with Jin and still minimise the casualties of the war? You desperately wanted your brother, who had been someone you could rely on all your life, to provide you an escape. Yet all he was doing was telling you the same frustrating facts that you had come up on your own. “If I’m with Jin, we can change the society in our own way,” you said quietly, wanting to convince your brother, but you weren’t even able to convince yourself. Even if it were possible, both of you knew that nothing you and Jin could do would be anywhere near as impactful as what you and Prince Taehyung could achieve together. And you wanted that, very much. The world outside the castle, the very one that Jin had shown you, had fuelled your desire to give your all to improve the lives of your people. Try hard as you could, but you couldn’t delude yourself that a commoner, or even a knight, could bring about as much change as a member of the royalty.

After a long silence, Jimin whispered, “Would that be enough for you?” The fact that he didn’t challenge the bigger impact your marriage with Prince Taehyung would have made you somewhat sad. He knew it wouldn’t be satisfactory, but he also genuinely wanted to know if you would surrender your ambition and responsibility to be with the man you loved. The knowledge that he still cared for your happiness beyond doing what was right for the country was what finally broke you. Because while it was easy to be contrary when he tried to point out the merits of the logical decision, it was far more difficult to stick to your selfishness when your brother wanted to consider the irresponsible, impossible path that your heart truly desired.

“Does it matter?” Your voice cracked as tears finally broke through your flimsy tough façade. “Does it make a difference if I wish I wasn’t born a princess, so I don’t have to think about our people?” Jimin climbed onto the bed next to you so he could envelop you in his arms. Your breakfast tray teetered dangerously on your lap, but neither of you paid it any heed. “If I could relinquish my position, I would. In a heartbeat.” Face turned into Jimin’s chest, you let shame fill you as you admitted that you would abandon your birth-given right and responsibilities just to be with one man. You wished you could have both, but even you weren’t that naïve. “I wish I’m just a commoner, so I can be with someone I love, who loves me for me, not for the sake of others.”

“I don’t think Taehyung sees it that way,” Jimin whispered, but you didn’t care what he had to say in Prince Taehyung’s defense, and seeing you so upset, he didn’t pursue the matter. For a while, Jimin let you wail out your innermost feelings, holding you tighter every time you admitted all the burden you’d always kept to yourself. Letting you know it was all right to feel this way. That you didn’t need to be ashamed of your thoughts and feelings. Miraculously enough, when your sobs eventually subsided, you felt better. The situation was as hopeless as it always had been, but at least someone knew now. Someone who was in a similar position as you were; tasked to put his responsibilities before his own wishes all the time. Having someone who could truly understand your dilemma and pain, acknowledging that you weren’t horrible because you had your own desires contributed tremendously towards making you feel like you weren’t such an unjust, undeserving Princess after all.

All cried out, you turned your head to look at the windows. The sun had properly risen, but you didn’t want to let your brother go just yet. Jimin didn’t seem to want to go, either, as he didn’t protest when you settled into a more comfortable position against his chest. “Did you tell Namjoon to choose Jin as his King’s Guard because you want to keep him away from me?” You asked quietly, throat a little sore from crying. Not that it made a difference, but you still wanted to know.

“I would be lying if that isn’t one of the reasons,” Jimin admitted. “But I’ve been watching him for a while, ever since I noticed that he seems to perform beyond his duties when it comes to you. His instructors and principal at the Academy hold him in high regard, and after that attack near the border, I have no doubt about his fighting skills. However, after noticing his exploits with you, I thought that he might have the foresight and intelligence to benefit the country, if he is in the right position. So I suggested to Namjoon that being by his side would serve the King as both a shield and an advisor.”

“Oh. I see.” You were glad that Jin had gotten his promotion due to his own skills and merits, and not simply to tear him away from a problematic relationship with the princess.

“I’m sorry that it makes you difficult to see him, but I think that is for the best,” Jimin said gently. You bit your lip to remind yourself to be strong, and not to blame him. The truth was easier to swallow now that he had listened to your repressed thoughts and didn’t condemn you for it. He might not be an ally, but he was one of the most important people in your life, and he had acknowledged that your anguish wasn’t irrational. “I wish that you can be with him, but it just isn’t possible. Besides,” he pulled you away to flash a goofy, watery smile at you, “if you’re not a princess, then how will I see you? That’ll make me very lonely.”

There was a profound sorrow behind Jimin’s smile that wrested a sad smile from your own lips. He soon went for the day’s meetings, leaving you more at ease with yourself in a very long time.