"I Still Do"
 

There is no better view
Than watching you strip down after we argue
Making it worth the pain that we go through
That smile on your face
'Cause nobody knows you, like I do

I still picture it (It's been a couple of months)
I swore in my head (This was the right thing for us)
But it's breaking my heart, it's breaking it off
And now I'm afraid to say (Hey)

I still do love you, hate you
I still do hate to love you
I still do want you to want me
Like I'm wanting you
Oh, I still do

Stick to my word when I say I don't want you back
But what if I did? Don't hold it against me
'Cause you got the upper hand now that I'm lonely
And I feel the past pulling my body
To tell you I'm sorry

I still picture it (It's been a couple of months)
I swore in my head (This was the right thing for us)
But it's breaking my heart, it's breaking it off
And now I'm afraid to say (Hey)

I still do love you, hate you
I still do hate to love you
I still do want you to want me
Like I'm wanting you
Oh, I still do

Oh, I still

I still (Can't help myself)
I don't (Want no one else)
It's been the longest time
You're still there on my mind

I still (Can't help myself)
I don't (Want no one else)
It's been the longest time
You're still there on my mind

I still do love you, hate you
I still do hate to love you
I still do want you to want me
Like I'm wanting you
Oh, I still do

Oh, I still do

-

Wheein felt like her head was going to burst.  She pulled out her notebook and a pen; started scribbling.

“I still do love you, hate you. I still do hate to love you. I still do want you to want me like I’m wanting you, oh I still do.”

She really wanted it so badly. She wanted her back. Even it felt so wrong, Wheein would love to have her back in her life.

-

So tired of crying; so sick of carrying her emotional baggage around; so depressed over little things; just so sick and exhausted of her life as it was – Jung Wheein was losing her mind. Yet, she kept inside. She couldn’t say anything. She just wanted to hide; to pretend like it didn’t matter to her.

But it, it still mattered so much to her.

Yet, sometimes she was high up in the sky. Some days, she was thrown to the concrete ground. And at times, she felt like the earth had swallowed her in; buried in the depths of her broken self.

Moving around the confined space; her mind was trapped in her own shadows and she couldn’t hear anything but her own inner voice chiding; cursing and tearing her conscious apart.

She felt stupid. She felt like she was nothing to this world; to anyone but she still wants that one person.

-

Hidden perfectly behind the wall, Wheein watched as that person laughed; chatting with her friends; happiness etched on her beautiful face and her loud vibrant personality was still evident. Evident to Wheein that she was not affected by their last fight; their last will to continue their ill-fated relationship.

How could she still be smiling at other women? Doesn’t she feel upset that I’m no longer with her?

Once again, Wheein was plunged into darkness. Those emotions were playing her so badly that Wheein was losing more weight than ever. She couldn’t swallow her food; she felt throwing up all the time and the painless soul in her just slowly killing her.

I wanna die.

That was her resolution all the time.

Yet, she couldn’t do it.

Because she still loves her; hates her. She still wants her to like her just like how she wants her so badly.

-

“Jung Wheein, stop where you are!”

Wheein made a mistake. She was supposed to be hidden behind those walls; those pillars that protected her soul from being seen. But not this time, not when someone else was holding her instead of herself.

It got the better of her and brought her wicked self. She lunged forward and threw a hard punch across her once best friend’s face.

“What the hell!”

Wheein couldn’t control her jealousy. She couldn’t suppress her anger. She couldn’t help it; her weakness was her. And it would always lead to disaster.

“Hwasa, you need to leave first.”

“I’m not leaving you with this lunatic here.”

Wheein glared at her ex-best friend. They fell for the same woman but Wheein lost her to Hwasa.

“I’ll be fine. Wheein will never hurt me.”

“Are you sure? She’s mentally unstable.”

Wheein clenched her fists tightly. She was ready to throw another damaging punch when she pulled her away from Hwasa.

“Just go, Hwasa. I’ll call you.”

Hwasa left reluctantly. As much as Hwasa loves Wheein and still do, her own best friend had moved on from her. She cut ties with Hwasa and denounced their friendship because she was losing herself to depression. And she refused Hwasa’s assistance to cure her.

It had been 9 months since Wheein decided they could never be best friends anymore. And it hurt Hwasa so badly.  Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to forgive Wheein when she hurt the one person she loves.

Love tore their friendship apart.

-

Wheein crouched at the corner; she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, but she ignored it. Because in front her, there was her.

Her gaze was fixated on her. The one person she still loves with all her heart. But that person has stopped loving her.

“Wheein, you need to stop this.”

“Why?”

“We have broken up for almost a year now. And I’m seeing Hwasa now.”

“So, we are totally over? There’s nothing more?”

“I’m sorry, Wheein.”

“You don’t love me anymore? Not at all?”

“The fact that I’m seeing Hwasa proves that I’m moving on from you.  The love I have for you is still lingering but I’m going to completely get over it and be with Hwasa who has been waiting for me patiently.”

“Okay.”

“Wheein, do you even understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Okay.”

“Jung Wheein stop saying that. Please, tell me that you understand what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Okay. Leave. And I’ll leave too.”

“Where are you going?”

“That’s none of your business. Just love her well. I hurt her. So, take good care of her and yourself. I’ll never ever come back into your life anymore.”

Wheein got up and left; she ran away even before Moonbyul could grab hold of her. Maybe this time, she should be brave enough to pull her own life cord. Let her die; let her painless soul leave her tortured body in peace.

“Goodbye, Moon Byulyi.”

-

“Miss Park, do you know where I can find Jung Wheein from the Fine Arts faculty? I couldn’t seem to contact her or get through her phone.”

“Oh, Moonbyul ah, Wheein has left the university.”

“What? When?”

“Two weeks ago. She sent us a letter and left quietly. She didn’t even want to continue her final year with us. I thought it was a waste for Wheein to leave just like that. When asked her why, she didn’t reveal anything.”

Moon Byulyi or better known as Moonbyul to her friends and lecturers, felt worse. She knew something wasn’t right when Wheein bid her goodbye. Honestly, Moonbyul still cares about her ex-girlfriend. And she was aware of what Wheein went through; the depression that Wheein had; she knew but she was just too tired to care about that. She wanted Wheein to move on; move on from her.

Another person was also in shambles when she learnt that Wheein left. She felt hurt and sorry that their friendship was reduced to this. And she knew she was at fault too. But love was selfish indeed.

“What are we going to do now?”

Moonbyul turned to look at her. She wanted to apologize to Wheein when she realized how cruel her words were. She was also worried and nervous when Wheein bid her goodbye and left quietly. Normally, she would vent her anger and frustration at Moonbyul.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“Byul unnie, shall we look for her at her house?”

“You know where she lives?”

“If she’s back in Jeonju, then I know where. But if we can’t find her there, what should we do next?”

“Let’s go back to Jeonju first. We will think about it later.”

Hwasa nodded before she planned for their trip back to Jeonju. Moonbyul was staring at her phone.  She was staring at a photo of her happier times with Wheein.

“What happened to you, Jung Wheein?”

-

Kim Yongsun, a psychiatrist was assigned to a young lady who was probably few youngers than her. The lady has self-checked into her clinic. But this one had attitude; not all the nurses could handle her. The very first time she checked into the hospital; she was constantly in defiance. She rebelled and at times, would get violent if things wouldn’t go her way.

Dr Kim looked through her file and winced when someone mentioned her name.

“Dr Kim, Miss Jung has done it again!”

Jung Wheein. Her newest terror patient.

“I’ll take over from here. You can look after the rest of the patients.”

“Yes, Dr Kim.”

Dr Kim pulled out her coat from the hangar and made her way to Jung Wheein’s ward. She was put into a single ward so that she wouldn’t disturb the rest of the patients. She arrived at the room and peek inside. Jung Wheein was finally subdued, and her hands were tied to the sides of the bed.

Dr Kim sighed before she walked in desolation. It had been months but Wheein still refused to cooperate. Sometimes she wondered why this woman checked in by herself; was she seeking for cure or just running away from something or someone?

“Jung Wheein.”

She called out with a stern voice. Wheein was surprisingly calm but she ignored Dr Kim’s presence. With her hands tied; Wheein had no choice but to look out of the window.

“Jung Wheein.”

Dr Kim called out again and this time, Wheein replied with a hum. She was still in no mood to talk yet.

“Are your hands okay?”

“What do you think?”

“We don’t have a choice. You were abusing the nurses here.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you do. You hit them.”

“It wasn’t me.”

“It was your monster.”

“I swear, I never mean to hit them.”

“You’re lucky these nurses are trained to handle people like you well. I can see, Nurse Park punched you in the face.”

“She’s stronger than I thought.”

“Of course, she is. Now, if you promise not to get violent, I’ll let you go.”

“I won’t recommend that. The monster is still alive.”

Dr Kim studied Wheein’s face carefully. Wheein wasn’t lying when she said it wasn’t her who misbehaved. Dr Kim has seen Wheein’s inner monster once.

“If you wish to hit me, then just do. I’ll not retaliate.”

Dr Kim stepped closer and gently placed her hands on Wheein’s tied ones. She gently caressed the darkened lines around Wheein’s wrists. The ropes were too tied, and it was eating into Wheein’s skin. She pulled the ropes loose and waited.

Wheein didn’t move. She just remained calm on the bed; eyes still staring out of the window. Dr Kim then sat on the bed; dangerously close to Wheein. She cupped her patient’s cheeks before turning her to face her.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why is there a monster in you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Because of her?”

Wheein kept her silence. She would always keep shut when it comes to her. There was something in Wheein that Yongsun could finally understand the reason for her to be like this.

“You cannot put her away and you hate yourself for being so pessimistic because it affected her. That was the reason why the two of broke up?”

“She was too tired to care for me and my mental illness anymore. She was hurt by me.”

“So, did you let her go?”

“I was forced to because my best friend stepped in and rescued her before she tried to end her life with me.”

Yongsun nodded.

“It must have been tough for you.”

“I really want to be cured. But I don’t know how to.”

“The first thing you need to do before I could cure you is to forgive yourself.”

“Forgive myself for?”

“Forgive yourself for your parents’ death.”

Wheein finally gave her a reaction. A reaction of hatred and wrath and then a mixture of fear and regret; all were apparent in Wheein’s eyes. Yongsun managed to pull out Wheein’s old records; she tracked to the hospitals and clinics that Wheein used to seek for cure before.

But Wheein couldn’t get over that one thing in her life – her parents’ death.

“How did you know that?”

Wheein’s gentle voice was replaced with a harsh tone. It was clear to Yongsun that Wheein’s monster hated this conversation. Yongsun grabbed the file from the tabletop and then pulled out a family photo. It was Wheein when she was just 11 years old. Her parents were standing behind her but there was something about the picture. Wheein wasn’t smiling; neither do her parents. It was a solemn photo.

She put it in front of Wheein. The younger woman was infuriated. Her eyes quickly turned red and watery.

“Your parents were strict with you. Your mom hit you if your grades fall below 90. You were constantly having pressure and was stressed out by the rigid upbringing. And your father, your monster father you once and it hit you right to the core.”

Wheein suddenly started screaming. Those memories came to her almost instantly. There was only one person she hated the most – her father. But the worst part was, he wasn’t even her biological father.

Jung Wheein was an orphan and the couple adopted her when she was 4. But 7 years of her life were filled with resentment; torment and hell. It was a life Wheein wished she didn’t have.

“I feel you, Wheein. I know how much you struggled for that 7 years of your life.”

“You will never know how much I hated my childhood. Every single night, I wished I was dead.”

“That night, that fateful night that the accident happened, it wasn’t your fault, Wheein.”

“No, it was my fault. I killed them.”

When Wheein turned 12, she had enough of her sickening life and how these two individuals treated her. She plotted to kill them; and she was only 12. That night, Wheein managed to access to some rat poison that her servant had kept in the kitchen. But what Wheein didn’t know was, someone else plotted their deaths too.

“It wasn’t you. It was your gardener.”

Wheein teared up. She remembered that man. That man who often protected her from her father; that one man who saved her – Mr So.

“Your rat poison wasn’t even poison. It was just some flour which you have mistaken for poison.”

“Mr So didn’t want to kill them. But they were insulting him that night. They even accused of him for having feelings for me and called him a e. And I was beaten up in front of him that Mr So was beyond anger. He killed both with just one blow of the heavy-duty foes.”

“He was protecting you.”

“But I didn’t protect him. He was arrested; thrown to jail and then sentenced to death.”

“You couldn’t save him, because you were still a child.”

“Then why am I still suffering now?”

“Forgive yourself. You need to move on from this nightmare. You have been trapped for far too long.”

Wheein finally looked at Yongsun. Her eyes were calling out for help. And Yongsun smiled as she pulled Wheein closer to her.

“Come to me. I’ll embrace you. Let me help you, Jung Wheein. Stop denying me. Stop fighting me. I’ll cure you; I promise.”

-

Moonbyul was getting restless. Wheein was still missing for the last couple of months. And her relationship with Hwasa was strained because Moonbyul couldn’t stop worrying for Wheein.

“You still love her, don’t you?”

Hwasa asked while they were lying in bed; side by side. But Moonbyul didn’t answer. She just stared at the ceiling above them.

“You left not because you stopped loving her. You left because you love her too much and you didn’t want to hurt her anymore.”

“Hwasa, you saved me. You healed me.”

“But I never get to heal your broken heart. Wheein is still the rightful owner.”

“I – I can’t stop. Wheein has always been special. She has been struggling but she refuses to tell me what it was.”

“Then why didn’t you bring her to see a psychiatrist?”

“Wheein hates it.”

“You could have saved her if you were persistent. If we were both persistent to bring her to the doctor.”

Hwasa was wallowing in self-guilt. She has been Wheein’s best friend since middle school. But she never knew Wheein’s past. It was well-guarded, and nobody knew. It was like as though Wheein’s history and childhood have been wiped away. There were times Hwasa tried to question Wheein but her best friend would shrug it off.

She could have saved Wheein if she was smart enough. She should have shared her concerns with Wheein’s guardian. But her guardian was tight-lipped about Wheein and her history.

“Honestly, I have noticed Wheein’s weird behaviour since we were in the middle school. She would be smiling happily; laughing heartily in school but the moment I said goodbye, she turned solemn and cold. I could sense how much she hated to go home. And even my teachers couldn’t tell me anything. They were told not to say a word.”

“And Wheein grew up just like that? Not having anything about her past that she could share with you?”

“Never. Wheein always looks ahead. She constantly said the future means more than her past.”

“Then her violent streak?”

“I don’t know where that came from. Wheein was never violent in school.”

Moonbyul felt a tight squeeze in her heart.

“Why didn’t I try my best to help her? Why did I give up on Wheein so easily?”

Moonbyul regretted. She regretted taking an exit because she thought she had enough. But what about Wheein? Did she have choice to give it up too?

“We need to find Wheein, Hwasa. We need to help her.”

Hwasa then sat up and turned to face Moonbyul who was looking up at her now.

“It has been months since we last saw Wheein. We have searched everywhere including her old house at Jeonju but Wheein was nowhere to be found. What if Wheein – what if she took her life without us knowing?”

That was the biggest fear for Moonbyul.

“No, Wheein wouldn’t kill herself. She has to be somewhere hiding from us.”

Yet Moonbyul refused to believe it.

-

Wheein found herself standing outside of Yongsun’s room. She couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t too sure if Yongsun was around, but she just wanted to see her. But even before she could knock on her door, someone called out to her instead.

“Wheein?”

She quickly turned and Yongsun was standing behind her.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Yongsun looked at her watch. It was almost 6am and Yongsun was about to start her shift.

“Didn’t you ask for some relaxant pills?”

“I took them, but I just couldn’t close my eyes.”

Yongsun looked at the time once again; she had about 2 hours before her shift officially starts. She usually came in early to check on some patients before her official hours.

She then took Wheein’s hand and pulled her along behind her. Wheein didn’t protest; she allowed herself being dragged along before she realized Yongsun was heading out of the hospital. She finally pulled her arm back. Yongsun turned.

“What are you doing?”

“Let’s get breakfast.”

“Huh?”

“You must be hungry.”

“Am I even allowed to leave?”

“I’m your doctor. I determine where you can leave or not. Anyway, we are just getting breakfast and we will come back here. So, are you still leaving with me?”

Wheein blinked her eyes a couple of times. And Yongsun was tickled. Jung Wheein’s cute when she’s confused.

“Just follow me. Nobody is going to punish you. Only I can.”

Yongsun dragged Wheein along with her; walking past some nurses and she was right. Nobody attempted to stop them.

“See, nobody is saying anything.”

“Why is that so?”

“Because from today onwards, you’re my special patient.”

Yongsun then pinched Wheein’s nose gently before pulling the confused woman behind her. Yes, Yongsun made Wheein her special patient.

Because Wheein’s history hurt Yongsun so badly that she wanted to free Wheein from her old monsters. She would cure Wheein with her own heart.

-

A couple more months went past. Moonbyul was still searching for Wheein. Hwasa was still hers and they have decided to move past those jealousy lines. Their ultimate focus now was to track Jung Wheein down.  Even with death lingering at the back of the minds; both refused to believe that Wheein would end her life just like that.

They managed to graduate from school and have been staying together. Hwasa was working as an assistant executive producer at a well-known entertainment agency while Moonbyul stuck in an office job that bore her to death.

But even no matter how busy they were in their jobs; both were actively searching for Wheein. But they were so exasperated that there were no leads to where Jung Wheein would be. Moonbyul was getting frustrated.

“Babe, could it be Wheein left the country?”

“Left the country?”

“I mean she went overseas or something?”

“We have checked with the Immigration. She didn’t leave the country at all.”

“What if Wheein uses a fake passport?”

Moonbyul immediately turned to face Hwasa.

“What?”

“I mean, what if she really hates us so much that she just wanted to leave without us knowing?”

“But why would she use a fake passport?”

“So that we could never find her anymore.”

-

Meanwhile, Wheein was busy pulling out weeds from the hospital garden. She volunteered to help the gardener to clear out some unwanted vegetation around the flower beds.

“Wheein ah, take a break. I have brought some snacks.”

Wheein looked up to find her nurse was waving at her with a basket in her other hand. She smiled widely before she called out to the gardener.

“Haraboji, let’s eat something!”

Wheein got better following her treatment with Yongsun. It was tough at first but Yongsun never gave up on her. Even when Wheein’s violent streak appeared, Yongsun took her stand and managed to subdue Wheein’s inner monster.

When Wheein was slowly showing signs of good behaviour, Yongsun decided to allow her to interact with the people at the hospital. Wheein took Yongsun’s advice and reached out to the nurses. Those who used to fear her; realized how sweet Wheein was. They rallied together to help Wheein with her treatment.

With so much support, Wheein finally broke free from her insecurities. But Wheein still struggled with the same old problem – she couldn’t forgive herself. However, she had improved so much. And soon, she got tired of staying in the room. She needed to get out.

Yongsun found out that Wheein majors in Fine Arts. There were times she took Wheein out on special days to visit museums or Art exhibitions. And she even allowed Wheein to “vandalize” the hospital walls. She arranged for 2 slabs of concretes just meant for Wheein’s masterpiece.

“Really?! I can doodle on those walls?!”

“Doodle? Don’t you like paint or something? Van Gogh style?”

Wheein laughed and then shook her head.

“I major in Abstract Art.”

“A what?”

“Never mind, Unnie. I promise I won’t destroy the walls.”

And everyone was awed by Wheein’s masterpiece. Her colours were vivid. There was warmth in Wheein’s paintings that Yongsun found herself; slowly falling into a new world – a world she would picture Wheein as a perfect woman.

She fell in love with Jung Wheein, her terror patient.

-

Yongsun was looking out of the window when she spotted her eye-candy sitting around the stone table with her nurse and the hospital gardener. She was chatting happily with them and it warmed Yongsun’s heart whenever she saw Wheein’s genuine smile.

Then the same woman who caught her heart started waving at her.

“UNNIE!”

Wheein’s voice was often filled with aegyeo. Because of that, Yongsun fell for Wheein further. Sometimes her actions towards Wheein were more of affection.

“Yes, Wheein?”

“Join us!”

“Sure.”

Yongsun made her way to Wheein; she noticed Wheein was running towards her as she came closer to the exist. The younger woman jumped on her and Yongsun managed to embrace her tightly.

“UNNIEE!”

“OOF!”

“Wow, you’re really strong!”

“You’re lucky I managed to hold you!”

Wheein grinned as Yongsun carefully put her down. Then Wheein did something unexpected, leaving Yongsun stunned. Wheein put her arms around Yongsun’s neck and then she looked up; her eyes were shining and the smile on her face melted Yongsun’s heart.

They were staring into each other’s eyes for the longest time; with the sweetest smiles and Yongsun could almost hear Wheein’s soft breathing. And her heartbeat was synchronised with Wheein’s. Nothing was in their way; in their world it was just them. Time seemed to stop still and Wheein’s gaze lowered to Yongsun’s lips.

“Unnie?”

Wheein called out softly.

“Hm?”

“Are you allowed to fall in love with your patient?”

“I already am.”

Yongsun whispered and Wheein smiled shyly. The younger woman then leaned closer and rest against Yongsun’s shoulder. The older woman embraced her tightly. It was good enough for Wheein.

She felt happier these few days. And all thanks to her doctor, Kim Yongsun.

-

“So, Wheein is able to be discharged?”

Yongsun was elated when her hospital director has assessed Wheein’s condition and she was being discharged.

“Of course, she has to come back for monthly review and ensure that her medication is taken properly. Well, I think you can handle that.”

“Huh?”

“Dr Kim, she’s your girlfriend now, isn’t she?”

Yongsun bit her lower lip; nodded shyly.

“Well, she has been doing great these few days. And all thanks to you. So, I think it’s perfectly fine that you’re dating her with our knowledge. Just take good care of her.”

“I will, Professor Kim!”

“Okay, now go tell Wheein the good news.”

Yongsun left with relief. It has been almost 9 months since Wheein was admitted to this hospital. It took Yongsun 4 months to help Wheein overcome her insecurities and fears. And in return, they fell in love. It was a good thing, honestly. And Yongsun wouldn’t mind doing it all over again.

She skipped happily to Wheein’s room. The younger woman was still sleeping soundly on her bed. She has been staying at the hospital for the longest time and now, Wheein could go home. Yongsun was keen to take Wheein back with her.

She sat on the bed; her hands cupped Wheein’s cheeks gently. Using her thumb, Yongsun gently caressed Wheein’s lips; causing the latter to stir from her deep slumber. Wheein slowly opened her eyes; whining at the loss of sleep and Yongsun’s disturbance.

“Wake up, baby.”

“Wae? It’s still early.”

“I have good news for you.”

“Hmm?”

“Professor Kim said you can be discharged today!”

Wheein immediately sat up and grabbed Yongsun’s arms tightly. She was surprised and stunned at the same time.

“What? Is that true?!”

“Yeah, he has assessed your condition and all the treatments you have taken, and he said you’re in a good shape to go home. Of course, you need to come back for reviews and take your medication properly and regularly.”

Wheein was ecstatic. Honestly, she felt so much better than she was before. She was no longer depressed, and she was able to wake up with a big smile on her face. She felt light-hearted and smiling was indeed easy for her now.  But the thought of going home ceased all the short-lived happiness.

She hated her home. She hated her past. But Yongsun knew better. She quickly pulled Wheein closer and hugged her tightly. There was no way she would allow Wheein to go back to broken home. She had better plans for Wheein.

“You’re coming home with me, sweetheart.”

Wheein gasped. She was surprised at that revelation.

“You’re my girlfriend now. You’re everything to me and my life. I’m taking you home with me and you can lead a new life with me.”

“You really want to keep me by your side, Unnie?”

“I do.”

“But I still have emotional baggage. I still have that monster who is living in me. She’s not totally gone. She was just being hidden deep inside.”

“I’ll embrace your monster, Wheein-ah. I’ll take in everything and not leaving you alone anymore. Can you trust me?”

Wheein was hesitant. She was sceptical because the last person who promised she would stay; left eventually. She was afraid that she would be let down once again. And Yongsun could see it. She could see the hesitation and the fear in Wheein’s eyes.

Yongsun pulled Wheein closer to her chest and then gently patted on the back of her head. Then she hummed softly; and swayed from left to right to comfort Wheein. Wheein, in turn, slowly closed her eyes and surrendered to Yongsun’s comforting embrace. Then she whispered softly; lips quivered.

“Unnie, please don’t give up on me. I know I’m difficult to handle and emotionally draining you sometimes, but I have so much fear in me that I cannot endure at times. I don’t want to lose you. Not anymore. I don’t want to lose the people I love anymore.”

Yongsun shook her head and then pulled away. She cupped both hands on Wheein’s cheeks and gave the most tender smile one could ever imagine. Then she leaned in and softly kissed Wheein on her lips.

“I’ll never leave you. Not until the day I breathe my last.”

Wheein teared up as her heart slowly fell deeper and deeper for Kim Yongsun. She finally nodded and then whispered softly.

“Keep me by your side, Unnie. I want to live with you forever.”

-

Moonbyul was on her lunch break. She had not been contacting Hwasa lately because her girlfriend was busy with the new upcoming girl group at her agency. And Moonbyul would like to be alone because she was a little terrified of her own feelings.

For the past few months since Wheein left without a word; disappeared without a trace, Moonbyul’s life was not at ease. Her heart couldn’t rest. And she started missing Wheein so badly. Her eyes turned watery at the instant of Wheein’s memory.

She kept reprimanding herself; she kept blaming herself for not keeping her promises and gave up because she was too tired to handle Wheein and her emotional baggage. She wanted an easy out and she got it; but at the expense of losing Wheein.

The first time she laid eyes on Jung Wheein was 3 years ago. She saw the young Wheein dancing at a nearby studio. Wheein was probably in her late teens and she was in a group with Hwasa and some other girls. They were practicing their performance for their school.

Wheein caught her eye immediately. Wheein had crazy moves back then; she was flexible, and her dance movements were so fluid and mesmerising.  It was like Wheein could morph into anything according to rhythm. But her heart was sealed when she saw Wheein again at a singing competition near her school.

Where did that voice come from? How could a small girl like her exude such powerful voice? Everyone was cheering for her and Moonbyul was determined to get to know her. But the question was, how would she do that?

-

There she was again. Moonbyul spotted the young girl at a cafeteria one afternoon. And she was all alone; probably waiting for someone. The girl looked bored and annoyed; kept staring at her watch and sighed a couple of times. Moonbyul just stood there; watching her like a stalker. It was a bad habit but Moonbyul had been watching this girl for the longest time. Unfortunately, most of the time, she was with her friends.

Moonbyul thought this was the right time to approach the young girl. She took a deep breath; tidied her long hair and prayed hard. She slowly made her way to the young girl. She cleared when she finally stood in front of the girl. The latter looked up; confused.

“Yeah?”

“Hi, I’m Moonbyul.”

“Oh, um, Wheein.”

“I – I was just watching you.”

“Huh? Like a stalker?”

“Well, I don’t mean to that extent. But I guess so.”

“Why? Is there something you need from me?”

“I thought you were great.”

The girl was feeling a little uncomfortable as she shifted restlessly in her seat and Moonbyul realized how creepy she was when she said that. But she was too shy to look at Wheein.

“Well, I mean, I saw you at the competition. You’re so good in singing and then I noticed you during your daily dance practices at the studio nearby. I was working part time at the studio.”

“Ah~ I see. Oh, thanks for the compliment. But I’m just an average kid.”

“No, I think you’re fantastic!”

Moonbyul felt dumb; she was too excited and it was clearly shown in her voice. And Wheein was amused; she giggled softly before she stretched her hand out.

“You’re cute. Pleased to meet you, Unnie.”

“Unnie?”

“I assume you’re older than me. Which year were you born?”

“1992.”

“1995.”

“Unnie then.”

“Yeah, nice to know you, Unnie.”

And that was how they got to know each other.

-

Days and months have gone by and slowly Moonbyul got closer with Wheein. They did things almost together every single day and Wheein introduced Hwasa to Moonbyul. The 3 became closer and started hang out more often. And then, Moonbyul’s feelings grew for Wheein but she didn’t realize that both best friends were falling for her as well.

But Moonbyul and Wheein confessed to each other and Hwasa was left to hide her feelings for the older girl. Wheein was so in love with Moonbyul; it was her first ever serious relationship and Wheein never knew she could do anything just to make Moonbyul happy. The first year was the honeymoon period. They were so in love; so crazy about each other that Wheein became very possessive and jealous of any girl who came close to Moonbyul. That included Hwasa.

Moonbyul treated Hwasa as her closest friend.  Soon, Moonbyul got really tired of Wheein’s insecurities and constant checks on her whenever she went out with her friends. She turned to Hwasa for help.

“Wheein is driving me crazy.”

“Unnie, she loves you.”

“Yes, I know she does but she’s getting mad over nothing. I had a group meeting this morning and she saw me with Hani and Seulgi; she got annoyed and started an ugly scene. The girls are afraid to walk with me now.”

“Did you talk to Wheein about it?”

“I did. Many times. But she would shrug me off and treat me like it is not her concern. She was accusing me for siding the girls. I felt like pulling my hair out sometimes.”

“Unnie, you love her, right?”

“Yes, I do. But she’s getting on my nerves now.”

“Unnie, you’re her first girlfriend and her first ever relationship. She must be new to this and all the feelings she is experiencing right now. Her jealousy and possessiveness are just part of her. Maybe you should try to persuade her.”

The two girls carried on chatting without realizing Wheein was staring at them from where she stood. Wheein was insecure. She felt like people would steal Moonbyul away from her. Honestly, Wheein had never felt so much love for anyone or nobody had shown so much interest in her; so she got greedy and wanted Moonbyul just for herself.

Growing up with nothing but an abusive family, Wheein had to struggle and be tormented just to break free from her horrible history. But Wheein had never spoken to anyone about her history; her ugly past; not even Hwasa knew.

Because she was afraid. She was ashamed of what she had done. Nobody should ever find out what she went through and the hellish childhood she had grew up with.

And not having a right venue to vent her anger and frustrations, Wheein fell into her own world; her own monster took over her and lost her conscience. She grew darker; she became isolated and hated anyone who came close to Moonbyul.

The same night when she spotted Moonbyul and Hwasa together, Wheein plotted to remove Hwasa from this equation. She felt like she didn’t need Hwasa as her best friend anymore. And to make things worse, Wheein found out about Hwasa’s true feelings towards her girlfriend.

That made it worse. She thought Hwasa was stealing Moonbyul away from her.

“What on earth?!”

“Stay away from Moonbyul unnie!”

“What?!”

“I saw you with Moonbyul unnie this afternoon! You talked for hours! And she didn’t even reply to my messages!”

“She was upset with you. You ruined her friendships with her other friends. Now, nobody dared to befriend her.”

“Are you staying it’s my fault that things happened like that?!”

“Then whose fault was it?”

“Moonbyul unnie is mine! Nobody should even come near her!”

“She’s a human being; she’s your girlfriend. She’s not a thing. She’s not your possession even! You really hurt her. Unnie is badly hurting because of you!”

“So, you decided to step up and be her friend? So that you can steer her away from me?”

Hwasa’s eyes grew larger. Wheein found out about her feelings.

“I don’t even have the slightest intention to steal her away from you. Yes, I love her; I really adore her and I just want her to be mine. But she chose you; she loves you not me.”

“Well, you can be her good friend and then when things get sour between us, you’ll steal her away from me!”

Hwasa was appalled with Wheein’s accusations. But her feelings got over her and she got pissed because she cares a lot about Moonbyul and seeing getting hurt from the one she loves; it made Hwasa more determined to make Moonbyul smile.

So, disregarding her friendship with Wheein, Hwasa riled her even more when she declared that she would win Moonbyul over.

“If you cannot make Moonbyul unnie happy, I’ll take her away from you.”

-

“Wheein ah, talk to me, please.”

After the fight with Hwasa few nights ago, Wheein’s relationship with Moonbyul got worse. It was strained because Moonbyul often took Hwasa’s side. And Wheein soon became depressed and she got upset over things so easily.

“Who is that person?”

“She’s my lecturer.”

“Your lecturer? She’s too close for comfort, don’t you think?”

“She is? Ok, maybe she’s a little touchy but she treats everyone the same!”

“I don’t see her clinging to other students in her tutorial or lectures?”

“How would you know when you are not even in the same course with me?”

Moonbyul was getting annoyed with Wheein’s stupid accusations. She suddenly felt maybe this relationship was turning the wrong direction. And she was tired of sharing the burden of Wheein’s emotional baggage; she was too tired of babying Wheein and her crazy sudden outbursts.

She made the choice to leave.

“Maybe this relationship is not working anymore. Let’s just break up and move on.”

-

Moonbyul left Wheein alone in the park when Wheein was unresponsive. She assumed she needed to leave to give Wheein some time alone since she requested the break-up. But she felt uneasy when she noticed Wheein was unnervingly quiet and calm.

“Wheein?”

And that was the wrong move. Wheein lashed out at her and Moonbyul got hurt badly. Wheein became violent and somehow, she managed to injure Moonbyul in a very bad way.

Thankfully, Hwasa was around the corner. Before Moonbyul met up with Wheein, she had called Hwasa. She wanted to have a talk with Hwasa after breaking up with Wheein. She wanted Hwasa to look out for Wheein since the break-up might turn nasty. Indeed, it did.

“MOONBYUL UNNIE!”

Hwasa was terrified to see Moonbyul struggled to breathe and blood flowing from her nose; forehead and her torn lip. It was a scary sight and it was even more horrifying when she realized it was Wheein who had delivered those fast punches to Moonbyul.

“Jung Wheein! Stop it!”

Hwasa pushed Wheein away violently. Wheein finally snapped out of her reverie; staring at Moonbyul; shocked and stunned beyond belief. She then noticed her bleeding knuckles and her bloody girlfriend lying on the floor; just like a fish out of water.

“Baby…?”

She finally understood what she had done. She staggered away from Moonbyul and stood there in silence. She probably knew what happened but what she couldn’t understand was; what made her do it.

“Do you want to kill Unnie or something?!”

Hwasa was terrified and angered by Wheein’s actions. She had never seen her best friend like that before but their strained relationship had taken a toll on her own feelings.

“I’m calling the police. You need to be arrested!”

-

Wheein spent two days in the jail. She was charged with assault. It was a bad one; and Moonbyul was still in the hospital recovering from her injuries. And to make things worse, Moonbyul’s parents got a restraining order on Wheein because of Moonbyul. So, Wheein had lost Moonbyul; she couldn’t get near to Moonbyul. Because if she does, she would get arrested and thrown to jail.

Now, being all alone in the tiny jail, Wheein sat on the cold concrete floor. Nobody was going to help her anymore. Nobody was going to bail her out. Her guardian appeared and bailed her out, but she forbidden Wheein from returning to her place.

Wheein was left alone; in the streets. She had no where to go. She never felt so alone; but Wheein grew resistant. She became even depressed and then started to behave erratically. Never once, she came to visit Moonbyul; she wanted to, but she knew she couldn’t appear in front of her girlfriend anymore. Or rather, her ex-girlfriend.

Jung Wheein was alone; terrified; shaken and not in the right state of mind.

-

Moonbyul cried when she recalled her ill-fated relationship with Wheein. But as Moonbyul started re-thinking about her actions and what her family had done to Wheein; it irked her so much that Moonbyul didn’t attempt to locate Wheein right after she was discharged. She was terrified; who could blame her but now that she thought about it; she should have reached out for Wheein then.

Wheein must have gone through something which she had never told anyone. She must have been broken so badly before that triggered many bad memories; hence her violent streak. And to make things worse, Moonbyul went with Hwasa on a relationship.

Did she regret it? Yes, she regretted for not considering Wheein’s feelings, but she couldn’t regret it either because Hwasa took good care of her and protected her against Wheein. It was a two-way answer which made Moonbyu loathed herself.

Both were best friends and they fell apart because of her. And because of that, all three were hurting so badly right now. And Wheein was still missing. For the first time, Moonbyul wished she had the chance to turn things around.

-

Wheein and Yongsun grew together; being in love and learning to live together as a couple. Wheein learnt how to cook; took up the responsibility of the house chores. Yongsun was the only one working.

“Wheein ah, do you want to go back to university to complete your degree in Fine Arts?”

Yongsun found out more about Wheein’s past. The younger woman shared everything to her. Even Moonbyul and Hwasa came up as well.

“No, I think I’m fine now.”

“Then is there something you would like to do besides staying at home?”

“Maybe learn some skills?”

“You learnt how to cook. Is there something you feel like doing besides being my wifey?”

Wheein’s cheeks blushed; she has been enjoying her status as Yongsun’s partner. Yongsun took good care of her; provided for her and gave her everything she needed.

“I thought if I can work somewhere. I want to earn some money; you know to support you?”

“Aww, you’re so sweet. But what can you do?”

“I can paint.”

“Painting?”

“Yeah, painting makes me feel comfortable and secure.”

“I’ll see what I can do for you. Maybe I can ask around.”

“I can find on my own too. Don’t worry about me, baby.”

Yongsun nodded and then settled down on the bed; Wheein crawled towards her and placed herself next to Yongsun. She then put her arm around Yongsun; hugging her.

“Thank you so much, Yongsun unnie.”

“I love you, Wheein-ah.”

“I love you too.”

-

Yongsun was at her college reunion dinner. She met up with her old college mates; everybody has their own career and one of them works as a curator.

“Eric Oppa!”

“Hey, Yongsunniee~”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Still gay?”

“Very much. I’m seeing someone.”

“Ooh, lucky girl. Is she here?”

“No, she’s at home. She’s shy and doesn’t fancy such events.”

“Wow, Yongsun married her a homebody just like herself!”

“Shut up!”

Eric is close with Yongsun. They were basically college partners; and although both graduated with PHD in Psychology; Eric went on to do other things. He never wanted to be a doctor. His parents made him.

Eric is a fan of Arts. He loves painting. He loves collecting weird paintings; sculptures and ended up being a curator for a museum. His speciality is to collect paintings from Victorian times. They were talking about their work and somehow Eric brought up an opportunity which Yongsun thought would benefit Wheein.

“Besides having to look after museum, you know I’m into paintings, right”

“Yes, you and your weird philosophies of your paintings.”

“I just set up an Art gallery in Seoul. I’m selling some famous paintings and having exhibitions for local painters to show off their work. But I’m travelling very often so I need someone who has good knowledge of art to assist me with the gallery.”

Yongsun was elated to hear this news. Wheein was the perfect choice.

“Oppa! My girlfriend majors in Art in university and looking for a job now.”

“Oh? Really?!”

“Yeah, do you think you can offer this job to her?”

“Okay, hook me up with her!”

Yongsun frowned.

“What kind of hook?”

“Oh goodness, Yongsun! I’m straight! And I’m married to Ailee and have 4 children. What do you think?!”

“Ailee unnie has a tough life since she’s married to you.”

“Shut up, she’s really happy being a housewife. And having 4 kids were not my idea. It was hers.”

“So, you blame her for destroying your life?”

“I DID NOT SAY THAT! DON’T YOU EVER MENTION THAT TO HER!”

Well, Yongsun got her girlfriend a job. Eric likes Wheein. She has a vast knowledge about Art and Eric saw some of her artwork and paintings. He was fascinated at how creative Wheein could get. So, Wheein ended up working as a manager at the gallery.

-

Wheein enjoyed her new job. She was able to paint and even shared knowledge and information during exhibitions. Wheein loved to entertain the local artists and painters; they shared pointers and Yongsun could see a big change in Wheein.

She was more confident; she was able to talk to people without feeling uncomfortable. Wheein’s monster had disappeared; and Wheein was no longer having nightmares at night. Things got better and Wheein was internally grateful to her girlfriend who believed in her.

Eric employed few more people to assist Wheein. The gallery was gaining popularity with the Fine Arts community. And Wheein was given an English name so that she could be more appealling to the foreigners who visited the gallery.

Gabrielle Jung.

She was introduced as Gabrielle Jung and Eric sent her to English courses so that she could brush up her second language. And Wheein was more willing to learn; she wanted to be better so that she could provide for Yongsun too one day.

One afternoon, the gallery was rented for an event; a finance company wanted to use the gallery for an auction event. All the proceeds would be donated to the orphanage. Wheein was busy arranging the Art pieces that they would use for the auction.

These pieces cost more than $100,000 and some fetched as far as $1million. The General Manager of the finance company loves Art and he was thrilled when someone introduced him to Gabrielle Jung.

“Gabrielle!”

“Oh, Mr Park, you’re here.”

“Wow, you did well here. I didn’t realize you could turn this place into an auction event.”

“We can do anything just as long as it is related to Art. But those art pieces that you have brought in; those are impressive.”

“I grew up in an orphanage. I just wanted to give back to them.”

“Oh? You did?”

“Why, you did too?!”

“I did. I grew up in an orphanage until someone adopted me.”

“Same here! My new parents took care of me and then left me with this fortune. So, I thought I should repay them and give back to the orphanage as well.”

Gabrielle smiled and nodded. Mr Park was a lucky child. Gabrielle didn’t have the luxury; not even a doll to play with. But she was not going back to her past. She has forgotten about them.

“Oh, my finance manager will come by and pass you the cheque. It’s for the rental and the caterer that you had got for us. You’re efficient, Gabrielle. Eric is really lucky to have you as his manager to run this place.”

“My pleasure, Mr Park. You can tell her to call me once she’s here.”

“You won’t be joining us?”

“Unfortunately, I have another event going in two days’ time. I need to prepare for that.”

Gabrielle excused herself before giving instructions to her employees. Then she took out her phone and made her way to her office. As she walked past the stairs; another lady then entered the gallery. They missed on each other as one concentrated on the phone while the other was searching for someone.

“Mr Park?”

“Oh, over here!”

The woman finally located her GM and quickly made her way to him. She looked around; awed by the art pieces on display. She was impressed.

“Wow, you really found a good place.”

“This is actually a gallery, but the manager managed to turn it into an auction event. She’s so good. I’m really impressed by her.”

“So, we are able to bring in caterer?”

“She did it for us. That invoice I passed to you this morning was inclusive of everything.”

“And we didn’t have to do anything?”

“She has arranged for everything and even the paintings and art pieces for the auctions are neatly lining up at the front table.”

“Wow, she’s good.”

“Oh, did you bring the cheque?”

“I did.”

“Great, I want to pay them on time. I had a hard time negotiating with Eric, but Gabrielle is kind enough to help us with this event. I need to buy her a gift.”

“So, where can I find her?”

Mr Park took out a card from his wallet. He gave it to his finance manager.

“Moonbyul, call her. She should be in her office.”

“Sure, I will do that.”

-

Wheein was chatting on the phone; laughing happily. She was on the phone with the love of her life, Kim Yongsun.

“Are you coming over?”

“I’m already on the way with dinner and all.”

“Dinner? I told you we have food here.”

“I got home earlier today.”

“Why!? Are you sick?!”

“No, darling. Today is a special day for us.”

Wheein grabbed the calendar and then she smiled widely. Of course, it is a special day for them. It was the first day Wheein checked into the hospital. And it was the first time she met Yongsun.

“It was our first day that we met.”

“Yeah, and you were giving me the biggest headache. I never had such patient like you.”

“I was your terrorist patient.”

“Indeed, you were.”

Yongsun chuckled softly on the other end of the line. And Wheein smiled to herself. Those memories she had of Yongsun were always warm. Even though she was a crazy then, Yongsun had never blew her temper or lash out at her. Yongsun was simply a patient person.

“What would I do without you, baby?”

Wheein suddenly confessed. The thought of losing Yongsun was frightening but Yongsun made it easy for her.

“I should be asking you that question. What would I have become if you didn’t enter into my life?”

Yongsun was single for her whole lifetime. She was a closeted lesbian; nobody really knew about her uality except for Eric. But she never dated another woman; fearing of stigma. However, after meeting Wheein, all that changed.

Yongsun got braver and found the love of her life.

“Thank you for coming to me, Wheein ah.”

Wheein teared up; Yongsun is such a warm person; a loving girlfriend and someone who believes in her from the first time they met till now. She had never met anyone who gives so much and not expecting anything in return.

But of course, Wheein was grateful. She opened her heart and let Yongsun in. And she never regretted that; she’s with the woman she loves dearly.

“Wheein ah, I’ll be reaching soon. I have cooked your favourite. We will eat in your office later.”

“Okay, sweetie. Miss you.”

“Love you and miss you like crazy.”

-

The guests have finally settled in; the auction event was about to start. Moonbyul could finally breathe a little. Entertaining clients can be taxing. So, when the event started, Moonbyul decided to look for this certain Gabrielle Jung. She needed to pass the cheque to the manager.

“I’m going to look for the manager of this gallery. You take over from me for a little while.”

“Sure, Miss Moon”

Moonbyul left the venue after leaving the instruction to her assistant and went to the other end of the gallery. As she walked past the halls, she saw some art pieces proudly hanging up on walls. All these paintings reminded her of Wheein.  She was upset that she couldn’t locate Wheein.

And her relationship with Hwasa was over. Moonbyul couldn’t move on from her memories of Wheein. She hurt Wheein and until she found her again, Moonbyul couldn’t be with someone else. So, Hwasa suggested to break up and move on with their lives.

They are still good friends but Moonbyul was determined to find Wheein. She loves Wheein; she realized that after all these months since Wheein left. She still loves Jung Wheein so much. And she hoped that Wheein would still love her too. She spotted one of the gallery staffs.

“Hi, I’m the finance manager of the company who organized the event today. My name is Moon Byulyi. I’m looking for Miss Gabrielle Jung. Is she here?”

“Oh, Miss Jung. Yeah, she is. I’ll bring you to her.”

“Sure, thanks.”

The staff took Moonbyul to the main office. He led Moonbyul to a room. There was a placard outside of the room.

General Manager, Gabrielle Jung W. I.

“This is her room. And she’s inside.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.”

The staff left and Moonbyul stood outside the door. She was staring at the name.

JUNG W.I.

That name strikes a chord in Moonbyul’s heart.

-

Wheein was busy looking through the files, unaware that someone was outside her door. But she could see shadow underneath her doorway; she smiled widely. She assumed it was Yongsun.

“Baby, what are you doing outside the door?”

She finally got up to the door and opened widely. But instead of Yongsun, she came face to face with someone she had forgotten a long time ago.

“Wheein?!”

Wheein was speechless. Her old monster was awakened once again.

-

Yongsun finally reached her destination. She pulled out the food basket which she had prepared for Wheein. And she had a special agenda tonight. She was preparing for it for the longest time.

She then dipped her hand into her pocket and grabbed something. She pulled it out and there was a tiny red box. Inside it was the most beautiful diamond ring.

She was going to propose to Jung Wheein tonight.