eight letters: we don't we

When Felix walks past Seungmin without much of a glance, he can tell it’s not going to be a good day. Every morning since they have been a couple, it’s always been filled with good morning kisses and soft glances. Only when the voices in Felix's head get to be too loud, is there no sleepy glances and lips pressed into skin.

It's instinctual to run to Chan's room, but when he does, all he sees are large eye bags under the elder's tired eyes. His second boyfriend looks like he was killed and brought back to life with how pale his skin is. He remembers, then, getting up in the wee hours of the morning where the sounds of Jeongin’s loud snores should have been the only he could hear. Faintly, though, he could listen to the weak beats of bass coming from the home studio.

"Is everything alright, Seungminnie?" Chan asks, his voice gruff.

Seungmin shakes his head. "Yes, hyung. Get some sleep."

The smile on Chan's face is loud enough for Seungmin to hear how tired he is but the words coming out of his mouth are the opposite. "I have to finish something. Besides, I'm not tired. I'll sleep then."

Seungmin wants to push the other into his room and tuck him into bed, but instead, he nods and moves out of the way for Chan to leave his room.

Seungmin sighs and turns on his heel only to slam into Woojin. The eldest doesn't look tired or sleepy, but the way he's gripping his phone in his hand is enough for Seungmin to see that Woojin is upset. The smile he gives Seungmin has the latter's heart finally breaking into tiny pieces.

"Hyung are yo-?"

"It's nothing, Seungminnie," Woojin says hurriedly. "Just the parents and the usual."

"Wooj-"

"I'm okay. I promise."

But Seungmin knows his boyfriend, he knows all of his boyfriends enough to know when they're not alright, and the white knuckles and the quiet cracking of Woojin's phone screen are enough to prove Seungmin's fears. He blinks at Woojin whose smile begins to turn awkward. He opens his mouth to say something when Felix returns upstairs with a heavy look in his eyes.

Seungmin looks to Woojin, whose eyes follow Felix into his room.

The whiteness of Woojin's knuckles begins to turn into their usual colour as he furrows his brows. He turns to Seungmin who smiles sadly.

"Go cuddle Felix, Wooj hyung. I'm sure it'll make the two of you feel better."

Woojin opens his mouth, most likely to tell Seungmin that's he's alright, but he shuts it just as fast. With a small smile and a quiet nod, Woojin heads into Felix's room with a "hey Lixie.".

There's a soft smile on Seungmin's face, but the feeling of a creeping panic attack sits at the base of his skull. The sense of not being able to help three out of his eight boyfriends isn't a good one, but he swallows it down and continues on.

In their household, the mornings are usually too loud for his liking but this quiet morning doesn't sit well with him. Jisung isn't complaining about the boring the white walls are or how there are not enough pictures on the wall of the nine of them. Jisung's complaining would then be followed by a loud screech of "Minho hyung get off me. I want to cuddle Innie Nini!". Hyunjin would be laughing loud enough for Changbin to stomping passed Seungmin yelling for the three of them to shut up.

But there's none of that.

He's almost scared to walk down the stairs and passed their family pictures, but he does. He counts each step, wondering when he was going to be hearing the usual noises, and with each level, he's greeted with nothing.

The TV in the living room is off, and there's no one draped across the back of the couch. A noise comes from the kitchen which prompts Seungmin to make his way there. He sees Chan staring blankly at the wall, his mind most likely moving a mile per minute, Jeongin's back in the pantry, and Jisung and Minho sitting at the table.

Everything is wrong though.

In front of Jisung sits a plate of eggs and toast, all of it untouched. Jisung stares at the plate with tears running down his face. He shakes his head a few seconds before covering his face with his hands. Keeping his cries quiet, he pulls his knees to his chest. Minho sits next to him, drawing the younger into his lap and tracing fingers up and down Jisung's spine. The typical bright boy curls himself into Minho's embrace as if asking the question why he couldn't pick up his chopsticks to shove food into his mouth.

Minho catches Seungmin's eyes and shakes his head before continuing to press soft kisses into Jisung's hair and whisper things Seungmin can't hear.

He shifts his gaze to the pantry when Jeongin still stands with a ridged back. The sight is enough for him to stride across the room quickly and turn their youngest around.

Jeongin has his own tears rolling down his cheeks, but his eyes aren't with them. Instead, they see things Seungmin can't see. Jeongin's hands are clenched and shaking, and his mouth is open like he's trying to say something only for his breath to come out in rapid puffs.

Seungmin acts before his mind can tell him otherwise. He grabs Jeongin's hands and smooths them open. He links their fingers together before he looks into the dark pools of the younger. Jeongin's breathing slows.

“Jeonginnie,” he says sweetly. “Innie, you’re okay. Nothing is going to happen.”

Jeongin doesn’t respond to Seungmin’s words for another few minutes, but by then, Seungmin has told Jeongin and the entire story of how a coffee prince was needed to save the Tea Kingdom. The little smile on Jeongin's face when he finally listens to Seungmin's words are worth it, and the squeezing of their fingers is enough for Seungmin to stop worrying for a few minutes.

"You need to sit down," Seungmin says. "Come on."

"Seungminnie hyung," Jeongin says instead of moving. "You're not leaving right?"

The question surprises Seungmin for a brief moment before it clicks that the younger must have had another nightmare. Its a couple of moments before Seungmin answers, startled at the fact that Jeongin's dreams seem to more vivid than usual.

"I'm not leaving, Innie," he says as he pushes out the thought of Jeongin's nightmares out of his mind. "I promise that I won't leave you."

The look of relief is enough for Seungmin to wrap his arms around the taller male who sags in his embrace.

"They lied," Jeongin whispers.

"And they'll always lie. Remember that your nightmares will never come to life, Innie. They never will."

"I know."

Seungmin wonders if Jeongin really does know that they wouldn't leave him for anyone else. Jeongin is their youngest lover and their baby. Who would they want instead of him?

Seungmin leads Jeongin out of the pantry and into Chan's waiting arms. He must have heard everything that was happening, but it's not like they weren't in a spot hidden by anything.

Chan pulls Jeongin to the couch, leaving Seungmin in the kitchen by himself. When he was trying to calm Jeongin down, Jisung and Minho had left the table with Jisung's eggs on top of it.

There's a faint growl of his stomach, but that feeling is overtaken by the want to stay home and help his boyfriends feel somewhat normal. He moves to sit at the table, his mind running in the possibles of what he can do when he remembers the messages from last night. Both Hyunjin and Changbin stayed at school perfecting what didn't need to be improved. A little flutter of anger makes itself known in Seungmin’s mind, mentally scolding the two older boys for not taking care of themselves as they promised. He hasn't personally seen both boys in a couple of days, and he knows they other haven't unless they're Chan and Minho.

He remembers sometime last week when Hyunjin came to his room while Changbin and Felix were knocked out a few feet away. He remembers the tear tracks against Hyunjin's cheeks as he confessed that his teachers hated him and were always talking down to him. While Seungmin was angry, he had a boyfriend to console with praises on how he was one of the best dancers in his department. They stayed like that until Hyunjin's breath evened out against Seungmin's neck. It was the next day when Hyunjin had no dance classes did Seungmin travel to the dance studio and shared his concerns about Hyunjin's teachers with the dean. The man promised to look into his teachers but, Seungmin's not sure if the other kept his promise or not.

Changbin was the opposite of his emotions when it came to sharing them with his boyfriends. Instead, it's them that figure out when something happened to the other when he holes himself in one of the University music rooms.

He had joined a large music company when he was fourteen, taking on the role of being one of youngest music producers in the industry. While everyone is extremely proud of him, Seungmin can't help but wonder if Changbin's company is tearing the young producer apart. Changbin should be working, yes, but he should also be spending time with his boyfriends and wrapped in someone's arms while he snores loudly to compete with Jeongin's.

Seungmin drums his fingers on the table in thought. If seeing his boyfriends are they are wasn't a harsh slap in the face that today was going to be a horrible day, then he doesn't know what would have been.

If everything wasn’t a loud cry that today was going to be a hard day for the all of them, then Seungmin isn’t sure what would have been.

He tries to think of what he could do to make everyone have a small piece of happiness and falls short when anything decent appears. He groans, placing his head on the table and stares at his phone which he propped on one of Woojin's empty vases.

He stares hard at the vase when he swears he hears a loud DING in the back of his head.

He can do that and that. Definitely that.

He jumps from his seat, the chair wobbingly on all four legs before staying still, and rushes to the stairs. He stops his rush for a moment to watch Chan smoothing out Jeongin's hair on the couch. The glassy look on Jeongin is slowly leaving, but Chan's isn't. His mind wants to coo, but he shoves it away for a few seconds before running up the stairs.

The noise he's making is loud, but he doesn't care. Slamming open his door, he can feel the whole house jump and hear small complaints of no slamming doors Kim Seungmin! He looks to Changbin's cold bed and stares at it when Changbin's idea comes into play. He'll have to hunt for one, but he's positive he'll find it.

Throwing on clothes and picking up his wallet, he looks at his backpack wondering if he should take it with him and go to classes but the thought quickly leaves his mind.

Classes be damnned. Seungmin needs supplies so he can begin his plan.

He's out the door before Chan can say anything.