By pretending to be tired, Jennie had effectively avoided Jisoo the night before. She knew they needed to sit down and have a conversation, but she hoped she could gather herself a little more before doing so; she didn’t want to let her emotions take over her.

Did she love Jisoo? Of course. 3 weeks apart weren’t going to change that. 3 years apart might not even do the job. Did she want to get back together with Jisoo? Yes and no. She wanted Jisoo but she wanted her completely. She didn’t want to go back to sneaking behind everyone’s backs, while the world believed that Jisoo was in a relationship with a man. Going through it once had been hard enough; Jennie desperately didn’t want to go through the heartbreak again, so she had to try and stay away from Jisoo, at least until the girl showed any signs of having changed.

It was not going to be an easy task. The way how Jisoo’s eyes looked wounded and sad that morning, when all the girls climbed into the car that would take them to YG headquarters, and Jennie had made a point to seat in the back of the car with Lisa, made her want to leap into Jisoo’s arms and kiss her pout away.

If Lisa and Rose noticed anything weird between them two, they did a good job at pretending otherwise; the retelling of their respective adventures in the past 3 weeks kept them entertained and distracted. Even if Jennie hadn’t been in an extreme dire mood, she didn’t have much to add to the conversation: she’d spent 3 weeks watching Netflix and occasionally going on walks.

But then, when Lisa decided to turn the conversation towards Jisoo, Jennie was forced to sit there, enraged, as the girl told them about how she’d been meeting Jon a lot, on her own accord.

Thankfully, before Jennie could snap and say something unpleasant, they pulled over in front of YG’s building, and they were ushered up the building into the meeting room, where they would be sitting down with their main music producer, Teddy Park, as well as the CEO.

When the men arrived, together, Jennie couldn’t help but notice that the CEO’s greeting to her was a colder than usual. She was still in the dog house. Not that she cared much. She had bigger problems than her revoked benefits; problems that YG’s greed and dictator-like tendencies had caused. YG was on top of her -list, followed by the girl sitting across the board table from her.

“This new song is more aggressive than any other ones we’ve given you,” Teddy was saying, with pride, as he hooked his phone up to the speakers of the room. “You girls are really going to have to tap into your inner bad-asses for this one.”

“Does it have a title?” Rose asked, professionally.

“It’s called Kill this love.” Teddy told them, before pressing play, and a bombastic, military-like trumpet tune blasted, surprising them all.

The more the song went on, the more Jennie wondered if this was all a sick joke on her. The song talked about a toxic relationship, and how it must end. It hit way too close to home for it to be a big coincidence – but then again, Teddy had been working on that song for weeks, even before Jennie and Jisoo had broken up. Someone up there was laughing at Jennie.

“He said "you look crazy". Thank you, baby, I owe it all to you” The song continued, “Got me all messed up, his love is my favorite. But you plus me, sadly can be dangerous.”

It was like the song had been written to be Jennie’s mantra that she had to keep repeating to herself in order to stay away from Jisoo.

The track was good too. From the incredibly powerful intro, to the tight rap lines, to the melodic, dramatic pre-chorus and then bombastic chorus. Jennie couldn’t wait to start working on it, and shaping it into their next hit. Maybe work was going to be Jennie’s distraction from her broken heart.

They’d been sent down to the studio immediately after their meeting, to start working on the track.

Teddy went over the song with them, a few times, to give them a general idea of the structure and general melodies of it. Jennie and Lisa were given the lines of their respective raps and were sent in to the next room and practice them. The rap always took the longest to develop, learn and then record, so they usually went ahead the melodies first. That morning, they got Rose on the sound booth and started playing around with her parts.

Jisoo came over to the room where Jennie and Lisa had been practicing in, and sat, cross legged, next to Lisa, sharing her headphones and helping her with her parts. Jennie couldn’t help but the feel the familiar pang of jealousy in her chest. She was annoyed at the attention Jisoo was giving to Lisa; the way how her knee was brushing against Lisa’s; how they burst out in giggles whenever Lisa messed up her parts. It was all very distracting, and enraging, and she knew she needed to get away from the scene.

“I’m going to go grab a coffee,” Jennie finally declared, standing up suddenly.

“I’ll come with you,” Jisoo quickly offered, jumping on the opportunity.

“I’ll get you one.” Jennie said, in a desperate attempt to avoid having Jisoo walk down with her.

“I’m not sure what I want,” Jisoo shrugged, innocently.

Once outside, it was clear that Jisoo’s had second motives to follow Jennie downstairs. They walked in awkward silence until the elevator, but as soon as the doors closed in front of them, Jisoo turned to Jennie. “So-“

“So.”

“How was your break?” Jisoo tried to break the ice.

Jennie almost rolled her eyes. “You can imagine.” She’d been heartbroken, and locked in her room. Not exactly the thing that dream holidays were made of.

“Mine too.” Jisoo admitted. It looked like Jisoo wanted to touch her, but stopped herself. They still needed to get used to being physically close to each other and not be affectionate. Not that Jennie’s urges had much to do with affection; her wanting to push Jisoo’s back against the elevator wall and kiss her was more out of desperation and pent-up frustration, rather than simple affection. Jennie’s eyes dropped to Jisoo’s right hand, and she noticed she wasn’t wearing her ring. She had expected it, and Jennie wasn’t wearing hers either, but it still it hurt seeing it.              

“I saw you out with Jon, plenty.” Jennie commented, passive-aggressively. She couldn’t stop her urge to pick a fight with Jisoo, just so she’d have a reason to release the anger she’d been feeling lately on the girl. Jennie had never been good at dealing with intense feelings.

“Well, let’s just say he was a good support system because- well, he was the only support system.” Jisoo told her, calmly, not biting Jennie’s bait. She knew Jennie too well to walk into that trap.

“I assume he’s not told anyone?” Jennie half-asked.

Jisoo nodded. “He wouldn’t. He’s a good friend.”

Jennie wasn’t sure why she felt so irritated by that declaration. Part of her wanted Jon to be a scumbag and expose their secret to everyone, just so Jennie had a valid reason to hate him. “Good for you.”

“For us.” Jisoo corrected.

Jennie just glared at her. She then looked over to the floor level indicator, wondering if they had embarked on the longest elevator ride ever.

“But, hm-“ Jisoo continued, once they’d been silent for a second, “You should know. I’ve told someone else.”

Jennie’s head snapped up, “Who?” She demanded.

“Jiyoon.”

Jennie was silent, and some of the tension in her shoulders washed away. “About you being gay?”

Jisoo nodded. “And about us.”

Jennie couldn’t quite believe it. “How did she take it?” All the bite in her tone had washed away. This was a huge step for Jisoo, and she couldn’t help but to be happy for her. Despite the fact she still resented her.

Jisoo smiled, slowly. “Well. She was supportive.”

“That’s good.” Without realising, Jennie had broken her icy façade and reached out to touch Jisoo’s arm. They were both surprised by it, and as soon as it happened, Jennie’s hand dropped. “I’m happy for you.” She looked away.

Jisoo nodded, her eyes observing Jennie’s face intently. “So- about us.”

Jennie felt her chest tighten. “Yea.” They had to have the conversation eventually.

“I- You know where I stand, I think.” Jisoo started, awkwardly.

Why don’t you tell me? Jennie thought. But it was obvious Jisoo wasn’t comfortably voicing it out loud, which was, in a way, the root of their entire problem: Jisoo not wanting to put herself out there.

“Should we talk later, when we get home?” Jennie asked. It was too big of a conversation to have on the elevator, and also, this would give her the day to prepare herself for it.

Lisa and Rose had both gone to sleep, when Jisoo looked at Jennie, who was sitting across the living room on one of the couches, expectantly. Without a word, Jennie stood up and walked over to her room, letting Jisoo follow her inside, before closing the door behind both of them.

“You can sit down if you want,” Jennie told Jisoo, and the girl did, on the end of Jennie’s bed. Jennie thought about sitting next to her, but the bed seemed dangerous territory for them, so, instead, she pulled over her vanity stool and sat on it.

“When I was at my parents,” Jennie finally started, shaking slightly. “I did a lot of thinking. And, the more I kept going over things, and thinking of possibilities, the more I felt like, if we kept going the way we were, we were just running into a dead end.” She saw Jisoo’s face grow pale. She breathed in deeply, trying to keep herself together. “It was hard to realize it. And it breaks my heart to have to accept it, but I feel the sooner we do, the sooner we get to move on, and the less we get hurt. To drag things on would just make it insanely more painful on the long-run-“ She was rambling.

In the back of Jennie’s head, she knew that a part of why she had made this decision was pure bitterness and a childish unspoken ultimatum; in reality, she didn’t want to end things with Jisoo, forever. She wanted to ignite a fire under Jisoo’s and make her see that she needed to fight for Jennie and their relationship, if she wanted to be with her. But, a bigger part of Jennie, who was someone who was confident in her feelings and knew what she wanted, found it hard to understand Jisoo’s point of view or actions, why she was so hesitant in living her truth, and couldn’t help but wonder if Jisoo’s feelings for her weren’t as strong as she had previously thought they were.

“Jennie, don’t-“ Jisoo seemed shocked that this was Jennie’s position. “Don’t say that. I don’t want us to break up.”

“We just don’t see eye-to-eye in what a relationship should be. And,- I think we are better off as friends.” For now, she would’ve added, if it wasn’t for the fact that she wanted to see how Jisoo would react to that statement.

Jisoo bent over her knees, and was quiet for a moment. Jennie realized she was crying; and in typic Jisoo fashion, trying to hide it. She felt herself tear up. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to spare us both even more pain.”

“How can it be more painful than this?” Jisoo asked, brokenly, not looking up.