School? The Tempest? How was supposed to focus on that when all I could think about was Zico and the other night? Was he messing with me? He had to be messing with me. He was doing one of his weird loyalty tests to see if I was still his friend or secretly harboring feelings for Yong Guk still.

But that honestly made no sense at all. Zico didn’t roll like that. We’d never rolled like that. Even the day after we’d given up our ities to each other, and I came to school with enough hickies and bite marks to look like I’d been in fight with a jaguar, he’d been cool. He didn’t talk with any of the guys and didn’t let them talk either. Well, not much. There was no reason for him to suddenly to be so possessive and weird, especially since Yong Guk and I were 100% done. Maybe it was because we were both single for the first time in our adult lives?

Overreacting. I was just overreacting and over thinking. I’d been doing that a lot recently.

Still, I hadn’t heard from Zico in a few days and even though Kyung had told me that Zico had been training the new kid on the territory lines first hand, I couldn’t help but feel worried. I missed the little . And I just…I didn’t know what I wanted. Which was always the problem with us. Too bad I didn’t know who to talk to about all this. I scrolled through my phone, trying to find someone I could get advice from. Yong Guk and Kaci – my usual go to people – were out for obvious reasons. Kyung was too close to everything about this situation and Taeil and YuKwon weren’t close enough. Plus those two would tell Zico in a heartbeat and I wasn’t ready to confront him just yet. As I scrolled through my contacts only one of them stood out.

“Hello?”

“Hi Himchan.”

“Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise? I thought you were just using me before but since you’re calling me now I assume that means you had a good time.”

“I couldn’t have had a good time while using you?” I teased. “Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something important. I know we haven’t really been close but I don’t know who else would listen to me.”

“No problem. Do you want to meet somewhere?”

Himchan gave me the directions to where to meet him and about ten minutes later I was pulling into a school parking lot. I saw YuKwon’s headlights disappear down the street but reappear at the store across the street from us. I was going to have to talk to Zico. If Yong Guk were going to do something he would have done it by now. This security thing was gonna have to stop.

I got out my car and into the passenger side of Himchan’s. He smiled at me in greeting but waited for me to make the first move. Now that we were face to face, I didn’t want to talk. I felt better just being around him. He felt like a kindred spirit in a sense. He’d been hurt in all this too.

“Himchan, why am I still so angry?” I finally asked. That wasn’t exactly what I’d come here to talk about but that’s what came out. “If Yong Guk were paralyzed right now I’d roll him into a bathtub and let him drown. With Kaci though…it just hurts. I want to hurt her but then I feel bad for thinking that and then I get angry for feeling bad for feeling bad.” I sigh.

“I can’t help you with that,” Himchan said. “It hurts me too. I really liked Kaci. Like, I wanted with her what you and Yong Guk had. I haven’t seen her and I’m glad I haven’t. Given the situation, I’m not sure I’d be able to stop myself from wringing her damn neck.”

All I could do is nod. “It feels wrong to say I want to hurt a pregnant woman,” I admitted. “If we’re being completely honest, every time I see her stupid stomach I want to smash it. I want to cut her open.” A flash of fear crossed Himchan’s face at my words but only for a moment. “I don’t want anything to happen to their k-kid,” I say, “I just want her to understand how much this ing hurts.” I reached across the console and grabbed Himchan’s hand as the tears started pouring down my face. He threaded his fingers through mine and squeezed.

“This kind of pain is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s funny but I don’t hate Kaci or Yong Guk. I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m disappointed, but I can’t honestly say I hate either one of them.”

“Why not?”

“Because I truly did love them at one point. I guess I still do if I feel this strongly towards them, but if I hated them now, then I never loved them before and I know those first feelings were real.”

“Aww Himchan, you’re kind of deep, you know that?”

“I may be pretty, but I’m smart too.”

The levity shifted the mood in the car but I still had a heavy heart.

“You know, you can still have your happiness,” Himchan said.

“What are you talking about?”

“Yong Guk…I’m not sure if you want to hear this, but Yong Guk does want to be with you. He’s been so depressed lately. He knows he’s messed up but the fact that he hurt you is hurting him a lot. I’m not saying you should forgive him, but maybe you should take it easy on the guy.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m just the messenger here, but…Yong Guk still loves you. He’s only loved you this entire time.” Himchan shrugged. “You know his can’t help it with the whole Boy Scout thing. Him and Kaci aren’t a thing. They’re in a ed up situation. He’s just trying to do right by her by at home he’s been buggin about how to make it right with you if you’ll let him.”

“It’s not that easy,” I said quietly, but Himchan still heard me.

“Why not?”

I turned to look at him instead of out of the window as I had been before. For a moment I was distracted by the way he was running his thumb over the back of my hand but I quickly got my thoughts together. How do I say this without telling too much about Jiho?

“Himchan, do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?”

“So you admit you still love Yong Guk?”

I shrugged, not really wanting to say yes or no.

“Of course it’s possible to love more than one person at a time. Just think about how you feel towards your family or your friends. Now, do I think it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time? No. Not possible. You may have strong feelings for both, but one will always trump the other.”

“What if you can’t tell the difference?”

“Then you make sure you never have to choose.”

Himchan made a good point, though I wasn’t quite sure it was the one he was trying to make. Zico and Yong Guk. Zico dropped a bombshell on me and then went MIA like an . Yong Guk…well, I’d been dealing with this situation for far too long. I wasn’t going to waste another minute on either one of them or their antics. I was not going to let either one of them dictate what went on in my life, and I damn sure wasn’t going to be pining away while they decided to either clean up their acts or get gone for good.

I threw myself into my school work. I went to my room, my classes, and the library. I didn’t speak to anyone outside of my classes and I was fine with that. I had a one-track mind and considering the circumstances, that was pretty good with me. YuKwon stayed out of my way though I noticed him hovering every now and then. Kyung asked once or twice what I was up to but I simply told him I was back to being a good girl like everyone wanted.

All that changed after about two weeks.

I came home from an exam to get something to eat when I noticed Kaci on the couch. I’d become so used to avoiding her that seeing her in our common area was almost like seeing a stranger. For a moment I considered ignoring her when I noticed that she was groaning. Feeling like I was going to regret it later, I approached her. She looked really bad. She was sweating, her hair stuck in clumps to her forehead, and she was groaning while holding her stomach. Oh . This was bad.

“Kaci…Kaci, what’s wrong?”

“It hurts,” she moaned.

“What hurts? What is it?” I had to stop myself for a moment. How stupid did I sound right now? Of course it was her damn stomach that was hurting. “Never mind. Can you sit up?”

She nodded a little and sat up. At least she could move that much but I could tell that something was seriously wrong. Without even thinking about it, I grabbed my phone and dialed 911.

“I’ve got a pregnant roommate in a lot of stomach pain. She’s sweaty and feverish and I’m trying not to panic,” I told the dispatcher.

“How far along is she?”

“Like five months. I’m not exactly sure.”

“Is she able to move? Can you take her to the hospital?”

I looked over at Kaci. She was pale now…well, paler than usual. “No. I don’t think she can go anywhere.”

“Give me your address. I’ll send an ambulance.”

The dispatcher assured me that the ambulance would be there soon. I hung up the phone and tried my best not to pull at my hair. After a wait that wasn’t too long but felt like eternity to me, the EMTs knocked on the door. They took Kaci and I followed after them in my car. At least the school wasn’t too far from the hospital.

Sitting in the waiting room was the worst part. All those sick people made me more nervous than I already was. Since I wasn’t getting any information I went outside to clear my head. As soon as I sat down near one of the no smoking signs Zico appeared out of nowhere. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.

“What are you doing here? Don’t tell me one of the boys got hurt.” My heart skipped a beat, imagining Taeil with a gunshot would

“Nah, nothing like that,” he told me. “Kyung called and said it was an ambulance at your place. You think I wasn’t gonna come check on you?”

“Thanks Z, but it’s Kaci.” So that’s what it takes for you to show up?

Zico raised an eyebrow. “You use her name now?”

“She’s really sick,” I said, ignoring his tone. “I’m worried about her.”

“You goin’ soft on me girl? I thought you hated her. Wouldn’t it be easier on you if she lost that thing she’s carrying now?”

I knew Zico was a bit hard sometimes, but hearing him say it like that made him sound heartless. “No. I don’t want that…I-nevermind. It’s a girl thing. You wouldn’t understand it.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” He shrugged and got ready to walk off. “Don’t go worrying me like that again. I thought something had happened to you.”

“Yes sir,” I joked. “Oh, and I guess I should call Yong Guk.”

“The you calling him for?” Zico asked angrily. He came back and got in my face.

“You haven’t answered my calls or texts in days so I don’t know what’s with your attitude but you need to back up,” I said, not backing down. “And secondly, that’s his kid, whether I like it or not. He should know.”

“Fine.” He prepared to leave. “And I may love you, but talk to me like that again and we’re going to have some problems. I can’t have you getting away with being that disrespectful all the time.” He smirked at me, that stupid, overconfident half-smirk that made me want to slap him and kiss him at the same time. “Call you later.”

I watched Zico walk off, feeling conflicted. No word from him in damn near two weeks and he shows up when I’m the most vulnerable acting all concerned about me. He actually had the nerve to act jealous when I brought up Yong Guk! Zico was trying his hardest to mind me, I was sure of it, and as I dialed Yong Guk’s number I made a mental note to tell Zico to stop his games when I talked to him that night.

“Lita? Are you sure you meant to call me?” Yong Guk asked when he picked up.

“Yes, I meant to call you.”

“I’m glad. We really need to talk-”

“Yong Guk, shut up and listen.”

He instantly complied. I think he was stunned. In all our years of dating, I’d never been so dominant.

“Kaci’s in the emergency room,” I said calmly.

“Excuse me?”

“I came home and she was really sick. I just came out the waiting area to call you and let you know. I’m going to go back inside and see if I can get any information about how she’s doing right now. I just…it felt like the right thing to do to call you.”

“Well, yeah….um, I’ll be there in a few. Call me if anything changes.”

“Yeah.”

I hung up the phone and just stared at it for a minute. Before I could let my thoughts go to deep I shook my head, stood up, and returned to the waiting area where I was just in time to hear them call for Kaci’s family. It felt weird claiming to be her sister when we’d barely talked after I blew up at her the last time, but it got me where I wanted to be. Kaci was in a room near the back of the ER, sitting up in a hospital bed and looking very annoyed. Her color was back which I took as a good sign.

“You look a little better,” I said.

Kaci rolled her eyes. “Thanks,” she said dryly. “Do you know what’s wrong with me?”

“I’m not a doctor, how am I supposed to know?” I snapped. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes you did. You used to say stuff like that to me all the time.”

I shrugged, not really sure what to say. Seriously, the last time we’d talked I’d threatened to fight her. What was I supposed to say right now? We just looked at each other for a moment before I gave up and sat in the chair in the corner of the room. It was covered in green, plastic-like material that needed to be reupholstered.

“I called Bang, just so you know.”

Kaci looked at me. “What did you do that for?”

“Is it so wrong that I called Daddy since Mommy is in the freaking hospital? Well, excuse me for being considerate!”

The doctor came in so I didn’t get to hear whatever retort Kaci had. The guy looked way too young to be an M.D, but as long as we found out what was wrong, I didn’t really care.

“Hello, I’m Youngjae. I’m here to check out…Kaci, is it?”

“Aren’t you a little young to be a doctor?” Kaci asked.

Youngjae laughed. “I’m actually a physician’s assistant. I hope that isn’t a problem.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“I like to think so.”

“Fine. Do what you have to but hurry up and get me out this damn place.”

I snickered. Kaci hated hospitals so much I knew she was already dreading having to deliver.

“And you are?” Youngjae asked me.

“I’m…I’m her roommate.”

“Ah…and where’s our father to be?” Kaci and I shared a look that seemed to make Youngjae nervous. “There is a father to be, isn’t there? Or are you two more than just roommates? I’m not judging I’m just-”

“He’s on his way,” I said to shut the guy up. Kaci and I shared another look. I could almost read the thoughts she had because I was having the same ones. Did this guy really just imply that we were a couple? He definitely needs to stick to medicine.

“From your vitals in the ambulance and from what the monitor is showing me, you’re suffering from preeclampsia.”

“Is that serious?” Kaci asked.

“It can be. Preeclampsia causes high blood pressure and could damage your kidneys, liver, brain, and the placenta. Right now we’re working on getting your blood pressure down to normal range.”

“And then what?” I asked. “It was really scary seeing her earlier. Is there a way to prevent this?”

Youngjae shook his head. “No, the only way to get rid of preeclampsia is to deliver, but at 22 weeks, as we’ve estimated Kaci to be, that’s way too early.”

“The headache, the horrible stomachache, my vision being messed up more than usual-that’s part of this too?” Kaci asked.

“I’m afraid so.”

Kaci sank back in the pillows. “Why God? Are you punishing me for being an unwed mother? What did I do to deserve this?”

Even though she was being slightly melodramatic, I couldn’t help but smirk. I really, really wanted to give her a smart remark but Youngjae’s presence was enough to make me bite my tongue.

“I hate to be the bearer of more bad news but you’re going to have stay ‘in this damn place’ until we can get your blood pressure stabilized. In the mean time, I’m ordering an ultrasound to make sure nothing else is going on.”

Youngjae left me and Kaci to stew in our awkwardness. Was this really how it was going to be? We’d been best friends and now we couldn’t even be in the same room?

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

For the third time, Kaci and I looked at each other. I nodded towards her, signaling that she should speak first.

“Thank you for getting help for me. I was hurting so bad I couldn’t even think. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come home when you did.”

“I’m not that much of a ,” I pointed out.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I have been a lately,” I said. “You were right. I was hurt and lashing out but that’s all people talk about. No one ever asked why, they just assumed it was because of Yong Guk but part of it was about you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. We were friends, Kaci, best friends. Of all people in the world, I never would have expected this kind of betrayal from you, especially when you know how hard it is for me to trust people. If it had been any other boyfriend I’ve had, I probably wouldn’t have reacted the same way but…You never had any trouble talking to me about anything else. Why couldn’t you have come to me about this? Why didn’t you come to me sooner?”

This wasn’t the conversation I’d meant to be having but it seemed like it was the one that was going to take place.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re sorry.”

“I guess, I’m apologizing because I can’t believe I let a guy come between us, which is what this all really boils down to. It hurts, it will probably never stop hurting, but I want…I want to try our friendship over. For real this time.”

“You mean it?”

I nodded. “I mean it.”