Years of dating Yong Guk told me that he wouldn’t be home. It was his day to go over to his sister’s and spend time with her and their brother. It would just be me and Himchan, which is what I was counting on.

“Who is it?” Himchan called when I knocked.

“It’s me,” I said. I heard him pause in unlocking the door. “You may as well open it. If not, I’ll just pick it.”

He opened the door, giving me a hostile look in the process. “You already stabbed Bang and threatened me. You want to add breaking and entering to the list?”

“I was wrong to threaten you,” I said. “Besides, he can still use the arm.”

“Why are you here Lita?” He moved aside to let me in despite the mistrustful look he gave me as I passed.  

I sat down on the couch. “I just wanted to talk to you Himchan,” I said sweetly.

“So now you want to talk?” Himchan asked, showing a bit of bravado. He sat down in a chair on the other side of the couch. Not too close, but also not as far away as I would have expected. “Last night you didn’t want to talk about anything. And where did you learn how to use a knife like that?” he added. “You and Bang have been dating for three years and that didn’t seem like you. None of that seemed like you.”

“I’ve had some time to cool down and think about things and I want to apologize for my actions last night,” I said. “You and I have no beef. Yong Guk and Kaci ed up. You got your hustle where you could and I can respect that…in a sense.”

Himchan regarded me warily. “Are you just saying that?”

“Nah. I mean it. You’re not the enemy here. You and I are the same boat really.”

“How?”

“We were both betrayed by our best friends. You can’t tell me you don’t feel even a bit of resentment for Bang?”

Himchan didn’t answer verbally but he didn’t have to. The look in his eye said everything I needed to know, so I continued.

“You have to feel some kind of way about Kaci as well. I mean, you did like her and she never paid attention to you. Between the two of them, I’m not sure who I have the most animosity towards. Her for initiating this , or him for going along with it for so long. Then again, maybe I should be a little mad at you for helping them.”

“I didn’t help them!” Himchan protested. “You just said we were cool and now you’re –”

“Chill, Himchan. It’s fine. I’m just thinking out loud.”

“Don’t do that . What is with you? You’ve always been Yong Guk’s nerd girlfriend. No offense,” he added quickly, “but besides a little bit of a sarcasm problem, you were always kinda quiet and…I don’t know. You were a like a girl version of him. But now…”

“Yes?”

“Now it’s like you’re someone else entirely,” Himchan finished. “You’re different now. Harder. Girls do weird when they get broken up with. Next thing I know you’re gonna have a ring through your eyebrow and be carrying a razor under your tongue or something.”

I laughed. “You’re funny, Himchan. Though for the record, I don’t really like facial piercings on myself.” I stood up to go. “I did everything for Yong Guk to love me,” I say softly. “Everything. Hid parts of me that I almost forgot. But there’s no point in hiding it now, is there?”

The door opened before I could leave and Yong Guk walked into the living room. He froze when he saw me, his hand automatically going to his shoulder. There was a hint of bandages sticking out from the neck of his t-shirt.

“What are you doing here?”

“Himchan and I were having a little chat,” I said airily, “but I was just on my way out.”

Yong Guk opened his mouth to say something but I walked out the door before he could.

When I got back to my car I almost had a heart attack. Park Kyung was sitting in the passenger seat, picking his nails with a switch blade. He raised an eyebrow at me like I was overreacting.

“What the hell are you doing?” I screeched at him.

“Calm down Lita. It’s just me.”

“I know it’s you, but why the hell are you in my car? How did you get here?”

“Taeil dropped me off. Zico wants someone on you just in case lover boy tries something crazy.”

“Seriously?”

“He’s convinced lover boy is going to try something,” Kyung said nonchalantly. “He doesn’t get that regular people don’t carry a clip in their back pockets at all times, or, you know, take the wrong look as an act of aggression or anything like that. He’s been in the game too long.”

“Zico has lost his damn mind.”

“You know how he gets against about you.”

“Oh shut up, Kyung.” Now that my nerves were slightly better, I pulled away from the curb and headed back home. “Exactly what does this security detail entail?”

“Surveillance, interference, reporting your every move to the boss.” He shrugged. “Just don’t be surprised if me or one of the others pops up and walks you to class.”

We pulled up to a stop sign and I turned to stare at Kyung. “Are you being serious right now?”

He nodded. “Yep. It’s me and YuKwon you and Taeil and Minhyuk on lover boy and his friend.”

“His name is Yong Guk,” I defended. “And you don’t have to worry about Himchan.”

“What makes you say that?”

As I drove I told Kyung the whole story, starting from Kaci’s confession to me stabbing Yong Guk to my talk with Himchan. It had always been easier to tell Kyung things, ever since we were little. Jiho was too volatile at times.

“Wow.” He sounded impressed. “You’ve had a crazy few days, huh? No wonder you ran straight to Zico.”

“I did not run straight to Jiho,” I said with a huff. “Since you obviously weren’t listening, I took care of myself. And you can tell him I can handle myself and don’t need you babysitting me.”

Kyung scoffed. “You really think throwing a fit like that proves anything? You were always trying to prove yourself and completely missing the point. Zico isn’t going to take that as proof of anything.”

I rolled my eyes but I knew he was right. We continued in silence until I reached my dorm. When I turned my car off, I looked at Kyung again. “So, what are you going to do, Warden?’

“Very funny,” he deadpanned. “I’m meeting YuKwon.” He pointed a few cars down where sure enough, YuKwon was sitting there with a book. If he hadn’t been shown to me, I wouldn’t have given him a second glance.

“If something happens, what are you going to do?”

“Depends on the situation.” He got out the car and started toward his surveillance vehicle. “Don’t worry about us. Just go about your life like you don’t know anything.”

I nodded and turned to go up the stairs. I saw her car in its usual spot and braced myself for a confrontation. No. I shouldn’t blame her. It’s my fault for leaving the two of them together. Besides, if she stresses out too hard and loses this kid then it’ll be my fault and I already ed up its father. Take a deep breath. Save that anger for when you need it.

When I opened the door, I saw her at the counter, stirring something up in a bowl. She let out a little squeak of a noise when she saw me. She started to scurry out of the kitchen but I caught her first.

“We need to talk.”

“Oh.”

“I hate this. I hate every ing part of this. You lied to me, for months. You ed my boyfriend. You—” I stopped to take a breath and she cut in.

“I didn’t want you to hate me for liking your boyfriend.”

But you didn’t stop yourself from ing him?! “That’s not an excuse. Actually, that’s probably the worst ing thing you could say to me right now. You knew…Kaci, you knew everything about how I felt about him. I don’t know how you could ever see that as ok. How did you sleep at night knowing what you did?”

“It was just better if you never knew,” she said. “You were happy. That’s all that mattered.”

“Bull.”

“Not bull. You’re my best friend, Lita. Your happiness is the most important thing to me. I honestly never wanted this. I know you don’t believe me and I don’t expect you to.” Tears start welling up in Kaci’s eyes. “I was helping him with his history paper and it was too hot and we were off topic and one thing led to another and Lita…I knew it would break your heart.”

Her sobs made my stomach turn but instead of feeling sympathy I just watched her cry.

“He wanted to tell you, if it makes you feel better.” It took a few minutes for Kaci to continue but she eventually did. “He even…he even called me you…it was like, as soon as it was over he came to his senses and he was ready to run over here and tell you without even taking the time to shower the smell of off of him.”

“Thanks,” I replied drily. “Just what I needed. All the details of your sordid affair.”

“No, no. I just…I want you to understand. This is all my fault,” Kaci said. “Don’t hate Yong Guk.”

“I have enough hate for the both of you.”

Kaci took a step back. “You…Lita? Really? I’m sorry. I know I can’t undo this but—”

“There are no buts, Kaci. You two ruined the best thing I ever had and now I have to figure out what to do from here while watching you grow your spawn.” The fury is back. My fingers start to shake and my vision has begun to go black around the edges. “If you cared about my happiness you would have never put any of us in this situation,” I spat, walking towards my room. “The three of you will get what you deserve.”