“Meeting you was like a drama that the universe created,

When I was endlessly wandering and lost.

 

You pulled me from that maze,

You’re my light, my salvation,

The rain has stopped, I don’t wanna let go of your hand.”

(BTS - Heartbeat)

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

“Saku chan!!”

Hearing that, 12 years old Sakura just laughs while hiding behind the closed door.

“Saku chan!! Turn on the lights!!”

“No I’m not saku chan. I am a ghost” with her deep voice she said that.

 

Chaeyeon can hear Sakura giggles outside the toilet door.

She was taking a bath when Sakura turned off the lights.

Chaeyeon is not a coward or scaredy cat, but demm she needs lights to wear clothes.

The bathroom was pitch black.

 

Lucky for Chaeyeon she had finished taking her bath.

She just need to wear her clothes and all.

She is not used to be going out the toilet with just towel.

But tonight she had to.

 

This is all Sakura’s plan.

That kid is a prankster, she always been.

Despite her shy and quite image, she is the cause of Chaeyeon’s headache.

Chaeyeon went out the bathroom with towel wrapped around her body, Sakura was cheering loud seeing “exposed” Chaeyeon.

She has been waiting so long to see that.

“ert!”

“Am not!”

“Pfftttt”

“Pfffttt”

The two kids continue bickering until Chaeyeon’s mum called them down for lunch.

 

They said, if a music video starts with children, then it must be a sad songs. (Check Avicii - Brother & Kodaline - Beloved music videos)

And it may be so with this fiction.

 

The two kids grew up together.

In a small city of Kagoshima. Sakura’s born place.

Chaeyeon moved there when she was 6.

And it has since becomes Chaeyeon’s home.

She is even more fluent in Japanese rather than Korean.

 

Chaeyeon met Sakura at the kindergarten.

They were both shy little girl, being put next to each other.

One did not know how to speak Japanese,

One did not know how to speak Korean.

 

But somehow, they becomes playmate.

Maybe they are soulmate, hence no words needed.

They knew it from the moment they saw each other,

‘This girl is my destiny’

 

Years passed,

They went to same schools together.

Being born with diamond spoon,

both of them attended private international school.

Where they met their group of friends.

The gluton, the duck, the hag and the fairy.

6 of them have become really close friends.

 

I am guessing by now you already know who they are.

If you don’t, let me break it down to you.

The gluton - Kang Hyewon

The duck - Obviously Choi Yena

The fairy(self proclaimed) - Kim Chaewon

The hag(the nickname that so called fairy gave) - Kwon Eunbi

 

It is weird how Sakura is a Japanese living in Japan but majority of her friends are Koreans.

But she still have few close Japanese friends.

Well, maybe she is half Korean who knows.

 

The 6 girls met each other during middle school, where they were put in same class excluding Kwon Eunbi. She is older by a year.

 

After finishing high school,

They went their own separated ways.

Hyewon went to Osaka attending university there.

Chaewon went back to Korea.

Chaeyeon and Yena stayed in Fukuoka while Sakura went to Tokyo along with Eunbi who was her roommate for few semesters before she graduated.

 

Life seems to be perfectly well,

Following their planning.

They finished high school, graduated university and land perfect jobs, some inherited their family’s business.

That are Chaewon and Eunbi.

 

Everything was good.

It were dreams comes true.

Until one day,

Sakura was diagnosed with lung infection.

 

She has always been getting sick easily but they never thought of it as severe pain.

Eunbi who was working at Tokyo that moment was the first to know.

 

For first few days it was not so bad.

But it got worsen as times passes.

It took a whole strength in her to not tell the truth to Sakura’s fiancée, Chaeyeon.

Sakura has warned her to not tell anyone.

Despite she was burdened by it, she held on to her words.

 

Sakura got into several seizures, causing her to being hospitalised.

But she then recovered and it felt like nothing happened.

 

Chaeyeon and Sakura got married.

They have a cute daughter named Nako.

To the day Chaeyeon gave birth to Nako, no one knows except Eunbi what had happened to Sakura.

 

Both of them were thinking that everything is now done.

Sakura is back to perfect health and soul.

 

Until her body relapsed.

She fainted in her car, near Eunbi’s office.

Someway, somehow if anything bad happens, it will always be in radius of Eunbi’s existence.

Maybe Eunbi is Sakura’s guardian angel.

 

Sakura was admitted to hospital.

She knew that moment, her life will never be the same.

She begged the doctors and nurses to not say anything to Chaeyeon.

Except she have some ‘normal’ lung infection.

Because of respect towards her, they agreed to that.

On one condition, Sakura have to be monitored very closely.

Regular checkups and such if she checked out.

 

On the morning of her 5th day of staying at the hospital, Eunbi came visiting her.

 

*knock on door

“Come in” Sakura said. Anticipating who. Could it be her wife? But Chaeyeon was supposed to have meeting today.

“Morning Kkura” Eunbi greeted her.

“Ahhh unnie” Eunbi sensed disappointment in Sakura’s tone.

“Should I go out and wear Chaeyeon’s mask? So you would greet me happier?” she joked.

“Unnieeeee no! Just stay here”

“Yeah of course I’m staying here. I come here for you” Eunbi chuckled.

 

Eunbi took out some snacks.

Sakura favourite snacks. Dried plum and salted popcorn.

“You know I should not be doing this. But because you are my favourite baby I did it anyway”

“Hehehe unnie you are jinjja hontoni yabai” Sakura grinned.

“Yeah whatever. How’s today? Is it hard to breathe?” Eunbi take a seat next to Sakura bed.

“Oh come on, don’t you have any better questions? Like who got eliminated in PD48 or whatever?” Sakura was seriously annoyed by the same lame questions Eunbi always asks her. Next she going to be asking if her back hurt or she vomited again.

“I’m just worried you know. Does your back hurts?”

“Bingo!”

“What Bingo?” Eunbi was questioned by Sakura weird remarks.

“I knew you were gonna ask that. Next you going to ask if I vomit or not”

Eunbi gave Sakura side eyes “Pfftt no you’re wrong. I know you do not vomit yet today. Your shirt still dry and clean”

“Okay no bingo then” Sakura laughs.

 

Fixing her posture, Eunbi scooted closer and took Sakura’s hand. Playing around with that pale slim porcelain fingers.

“Did you tell her?” she asked, fixing her gaze on Sakura.

“No” Sakura put her head down.

“Why? She deserved to know. She must know”

“I can’t. If she know this she gonna get hurt much more. And I don’t want that”

“You know one day she will know it. And she’s not gonna hear it from you. That will hurt her twice deeper than you think. Just tell her”

“I can’t. We’re too close. If I’m hurt she’s gonna hurt too. I ain’t allowing that”

“You are just being silly now. You are hurting her more than you think. Just tell her. Before it’s too late”

“I can’t. I’m afraid” Sakura swallows lump in .

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid she’s gonna cry her nights out. And she’s gonna treat me differently. Last thing I want is for her to treat me different. So tell me unnie, how do I not tell her while not hurting her?”

“You can’t choose. Just tell her. She’s your wife. She should know. It’s no good leaving Chaeyeon and Nako inside of the box”

 

Sakura let out a heavy sigh.

How do she tell Chaeyeon that her time is running out?

They just had a baby together. Just about to build a big family together.

Just about to start everything together.

And now the ending is nearer than the future.

 

“Help me unnie. I don’t know how to tell her”

“I cannot help you with this. You know her best”

“But unnie, telling her this will only make her more miserable. I only want her to focus on our baby. She jas been enduring so much. By me not telling her is my way of lessen the burden”

Eunbi can honestly not understand Sakura’s logic.

“Kkura, I don’t get your logic. But all I know it is a bad logic. You need to tell her,” “No, you MUST tell her!” Eunbi exclaimed.

“But i dont want to worry her. She can read me to easily i dont want her to worry. Let her think bout the baby only”

“Then, you really MUST tell her. Don’t get stuck with your bad logic Kkura ya. She deserves to know the truth. She must know it”

 

 

Sakura took the moment and swallowed Eunbi’s sharp words.

Eunbi saw Sakura on the verge of tears, so she took the girl into her embrace.

Truth is, she cannot stand seeing Sakura cries.

It always stabbed her heart whenever Sakura cried.

Sakura is like a cotton, so soft and fluffy. And some stain stuck to it. A fire ignited and Sakura is now a burnt cotton.

Maybe Eunbi cares too much for that girl.

Maybe she is loving her younger sister too much.

 

 

——————————————————————

 

 

“I know I’m selfish. But I just don’t want to hurt you”

“But you are hurting me more than you think you do”

That night, when Chaeyeon comes to visit her, Sakura told her the truth.

 

Technically, it was not Sakura.

But it was her doctor instead.

Sakura never have to courage to break Chaeyeon’s heart that way.

This is not what anyone want to tell their loved ones.

 

‘Hey, so I’m not having a fever. I’m dying. In few months. So yeah, I’m sick. Now you know, cool’

It is not that easy.

If it was she would just messaged her about it.

She knows how fragile Chaeyeon’s heart is.

And she can hear the pieces of her heart falling apart.

 

They had so many things being planned out.

Family vacations, birthday parties, anniversaries and bed ceremonies.

But Sakura got discounted on life.

Her perfect future that she planned to live until 109 years old crumbled apart.

 

Few months are all she had left.

 

 

——————————————————————

 

 

Sakura was discharged after weeks of staycation at the hospital.

Chaeyeon was clearly glad and happy her wife is going back home.

To her arms, to their daughter.

 

Weeks passed and nothing improves.

Sakura only got worsen.

At night she could not breathe.

There were twice times she had seizures.

 

Although Sakura not wanting to go to hospital, Chaeyeon took her anyway.

 

To which Sakura got to spend her nights in the hospital again.

 

 

The doctor came to her room, carrying her results

“I’m sorry but you shows no improvements. I hate to say this but.. your time might be shorter than we thought you have” the doctor’s words was like a sword stabbing through her fragile heart.

 

Sakura just endured the pain in silence and frustration.

‘Why? Out of all people, me. Why? Just why God?’

How would she tell Chaeyeon that nothing is going better?

She just going to die quicker. How?

 

Sakura just looked at the doctor who was still standing there.

Knowing exactly what Sakura was thinking.

 

“Listen carefully,” in a very serious tone he said while grabbing Sakura’s shoulder.

“This time, you should be the one telling her. Instead of me. No one but both of you will pay the damage if you do not speak anything”

Sakura nodded. But she decided, this time around, she will just live her life as it is.

 

If her time has come,

Take what may,

Take her life,

Take her whole life away.

 

Chaeyeon should not be more hurt than she already is.

Should she be in pain, only when she’s giving birth.

For now, Sakura will plaster fake smiles and work out to be happy with Chaeyeon by her side.

 

When Chaeyeon came to the hospital, asking Sakura how it goes, she just state half the truth.

“Well I don’t have any improvements. Maybe the drugs hasn’t taken effects yet” she tried to crack a joke. Failed. Landing on flat land.

“Tell me the truth and don’t tell lie”

Sakura said nothing in response and acted like she was saying it truthfully.

“It’s true I showed no improvements. I may need to stay in the hospital for lot longer”

Chaeyeon cannot help herself.

Her sorrow and frustration shows.

She just sat beside Sakura, enveloping her wife in a bear hug.

“Whatever happens, I promise I’m here”

Sakura patted Chaeyeon’s head “I know, I know”

 

 

———————————————————————

 

 

Afterwards,

It has become her routine,Chaeyeon.

To go back and forth the hospital.

She wanted to have home treatment but it would only be more dangerous for Sakura.

The 39 minutes journey felt like a 10 minutes as she was clearly too used going to hospital it felt like it hers and Sakura’s second house.

 

Passed her third staycation at hospital,

she was discharged.

Only to get back inside.

 

‘This time maybe it could be the last time’ Chaeyeon tries to convince herself despite she knows the hope is too little.

 

Over the period after being diagnosed,

Sakura had passed out too many times Chaeyeon have even lost count of it.

 

This time,

Chaeyeon was the one decided to bring her to the hospital.

 

They were having a peaceful evening.

Sakura was joking around poking Chaeyeon here and there.

“I want you to strip down”

“What?? You’re sick but still ”

“CHOTTO let me finish speaking first!”

“Oh okay.. continue.. ert!”

“Pftt.. I want you to Strip down to your feelings”

“Haven’t I showed you a lot?”

“No. I know you cried everytime I passed put. I know you are scared. I am too. I know. You don’t have to fake strong in front of me. We are both broken. Maybe we can fix our broken pieces with what we both have left. You know you are my soulmate right?”

 

Chaeyeon’s tears started to brims.

Everything Sakura said was the truth.

She cannot deny it.

Chaeyeon took a long deep breath before confessing.

“Yes I cried. I cried every night when you are not there beside me. I cried scared that I would not have another tomorrow with you. I am mad and scared. I am mad at God and I am scared of being alone without you. Tell me how can I go through life without you. We’ve been together since we were 6. I even know you deeper than I know myself. Sometimes I wonder why did God not take me instead? Why you? Why not someone else?” Chaeyeon fell down crying on the floor. Beside Sakura’s bed.

 

Sakura tried to reach for her, weakly.

“Honey. What happen is for reasons”

“And what are the reasons??? I don’t want to hear that anymore I just want you to stay! Is it so hard?”

Sakura knows when Chaeyeon raises her voice a bit she is not in good condition.

Chaeyeon is hurt, more than her.

“Chae.. come.. sit next to me”

Chaeyeon took few seconds before she sat beside Sakura on her bed.

 

Sakura pulls Chaeyeon’s face softly to face her.

Gently caressing that fluffy cheeks.

She fixate her gaze on the latter, with her thumb still caressing Chaeyeon’s face.

 

Wiping all the tears away.

She took a deep breath and said,

“Chaeyeon.. one day when I am gone, please don’t hurt yourself. It will hurt me seeing you doing so. One day when I am no longer here, I want you to smile and fake your happiness. Know at night you can meet me. In your dreams. We need to be strong. At our own side. For our baby Nako. Know I will carry my love for you to the end of my life. I love you”

 

She put her forehead on Chaeyeon’s.

Giving her soft kisses.

“I love you Chaeyeon. Even when I’m gone”

Chaeyeon only cried.

“I..I.. love you too” she said in crack through the tears.

 

Seeing Chaeyeon crying and broken voices, Sakura chuckles.

Then slowly breaking into laughter.

Chaeyeon was dumbfounded.

‘Nani tf? Is she possessed? I knew it this hospital is haunted!’

“Why are you laughing?” Chaeyeon asked, curious.

“You look ugly when you cry” Sakura holding her breath laughing at Chaeyeon.

“Tf 😑Fine Sakuchan fine”

“Don’t worry you’re still cute” Sakura still laughs.

Chaeyeon just let out bitter confused laugh.

‘Is that supposed to be a compliment or direct insult?’

 

A knock on the door stops her laughter.

Sakura already felt tired from laughing.

Juri came in carrying Nako, “look mama is awake now”

Nako only makes some baby noises

“Ayye Nako speak human your mama don’t understand Nako’s language”

Eyeing Juri, Chaeyeon took Nako from her.

“Yah Juri my baby still can’t speak yet😑”

 

Sakura still recovering from that tiring laughs, asked for Nako.

“She’s cute”

“Like you” Chaeyeon said, fixing Sakura’s hairs.

“Yeah I know I’m cute”

“Aaa pffttt” Yena who suddenly were there pretending vomiting.

“Hey duck who said you can come in?” Sakura glanced at her.

“Ohh look at that person can now chase me eh? Bad for you, you can’t chase me” Yena smirked.

“There there shut up peasant. Fairy Godmother is here” someone came in.

“Kangchan!” Sakura got so excited seeing the figure.

“Oh I see it now” Yena protested regarding Sakura differences in greeting her and Hyewon.

“Give way Duck” Hyewon shoved Yena away to stand beside Sakura. Kissing her forehead.

 

Chaeyeon smiles.

‘Ah! I think I brou