Looking back to her high school days, Wendy thought it wasn’t so bad.

There were always fun things to learn and study that she always forgot that everyone else didn’t feel the same as she did. She got picked a lot for getting good grades and studying even when she didn’t have to, and school only because of this. Being friends for so long with Seulgi had its perks, like Seulgi defending her when she got picked on. The other kids wouldn’t mess with her because Seulgi was the cliché school sweetheart: funny, beautiful, polite. The only thing that was missing were grades high as Wendy’s, but she got through just fine.

Seulgi was a good friend, Wendy thought. She even saved her from that guy that stole her notes and blackmailed her to do his homework so he wouldn’t trash her notes. Wendy was alone, her locker wasn’t near Seulgi’s, and that guy took advantage of it. But Seulgi had wanted to borrow Wendy’s science book and had went to her locker to ask for it when she saw the guy bullying Wendy.

“Hey man, that’s not nice. Do your own homework.” Seulgi started with a calm but annoyed tone.

“Who are you to talk to me like that? Her girlfriend? You’re always protecting her; how does she repay you? I bet it’s—” The guy inquired, sounding smug, but got cut off by Seulgi.

“Yes, I am. Now stop bothering my girlfriend,” She said, making sure to emphasize the word “girlfriend”. Then she approached him and took the Wendy’s notes from the guy that was clearly confused. “…And get lost.”

He was confused for a second but decided not to challenge Wendy’s “girlfriend” and leave it be. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I’ll get that from someone else.” He said and left, looking back once and scoffed at the sight of Seulgi side hugging Wendy, glaring at him.

“Thanks, Seulgi, I owe you one,” Wendy spoke after the guy disappeared in the hallways.

“Nah, that’s ok,” She said turning to face Wendy and giving her a big smile. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

Wendy smiled back. “Yeah, that’s what friends are for.” She said while ignoring the strange feeling in her chest.

Wendy had a habit of slipping away from reality sometimes, traveling across her memories and reminiscing about them. This morning it wasn’t different, as she found herself being called out by her co-worker.

“Seungwan! Earth to Seungwan! Hello~~~” Her co-worker called her to drag Wendy from her haze.

“Oh, sorry Sooyoung, I was just thinking about— you know what? Nevermind, it’s not relevant anyways… And please, don’t call me Seungwan,” Wendy just shrugged off and patted non existent dust on her pants.

Sooyoung, or Joy, has been her co-worker at the campus café for about a year and since then they have become inseparable.

“I’ll won’t call you Seungwan if you don’t call me Sooyoung. We talked about this a thousand times,” Jesus, she can be annoying sometimes, Wendy thought to herself.

“Did you just call me annoying? Wendy, you know sometimes you think out loud, right?” Dammit.

“You know I didn’t mean that… I’m just… very tired… college is just… very tiring,” Wendy apologized and slumped down in a chair nearby.

“I know, I go to college too,” Joy said matter-of-factly. “Have you been talking to Seulgi? Maybe you’re grumpy because your best friend dumped you because of a guy.”

Oh. Yeah, that happened. She didn’t want to think about it too much. She faked being uninterested and just scoffed at Joy’s question. “Yeah sure, like that could bring me down…” It could. And it kind of did. But she didn’t want to let Sooyoung know she was right.

“Wendy, I don’t know you for a very long time, but I know a lot about you. You can’t try to hide it from me. And besides, you can’t hide your feelings very well,” Joy stated and back patted Wendy, trying to comfort her.

Wendy lifted her head to look at Joy. “Is it that obvious?” For her, she was the best at hiding things. Specially feelings, since she had a lot of them.

“Yeah, you’re just lucky Seulgi is completely oblivious. I thought she would notice, since you were being so obvious, but… man, you two sure are something. You really do complement each other.” Wendy slumped back down with a groan. “But hey! Think on the bright side! She still doesn’t know, and I don’t think she’ll ever figure it out by herself, really.”

“What do I do… it’s been like this since high school,” Wendy started rambling. “I don’t think she’ll ever look at me like that, I mean, we’re best friends since we were five! Our parents get along well—”

“Wendy—”

“—we get along just fine, and we help each other like best friend do, I can’t put that all at risk because of some stupid crush—”

“Seungwan—”

“—you know? We’re fine the way we are and I won’t change that, because if I change that, everything will change and I don’t know If I’m ready for all of this and—”

“WENDY!”

At that, Wendy looked at Joy, surprised by her urgent tone.

“We can talk about that later, we have a costumer.”

“Oh, sorry.” Wendy assented and got to work. Maybe like that she could clear her mind a little of these confusing feelings. Maybe she was overreacting, maybe not. It was too much of a gamble to confess, and to be honest, Wendy didn’t want to confess her feelings for Seulgi because she wasn’t sure. Or she just didn’t want to accept it. Maybe.

Wendy carried out her academic and (not so) romantic life normally after a few weeks of that conversation with Joy, which made her think of her feelings even harder than she was already. She continued talking to Seulgi every now and then, asking about her relationship and talking about nothing, really. But even though they were talking, it didn’t feel like the old times. Wendy knew something changed.

But it was finally Friday and Wendy could do nothing for the rest of the weekend. She got to her dorm and plopped on her bed. She closed her eyes and daydreamed about the marvelous weekend she would have. Maybe she would start by taking a well-deserved nap that would last about twelve hours. Or maybe she would try to cook that recipe she’s been craving since Monday and then bake some dessert, because why not? And then—

A knock on the dorm door brought her out of her daydream and she just sighed. Maybe her nap wouldn’t start so soon. When she opened the door, she was greeted by a smiling Seulgi, holding what appeared to be takeouts.

“Hey! I missed you and I got us some chinese to eat while we watch that anime you talked about!” She spoke in a rushed tone, offering a big smile to the girl looking at her.

“Oh, hey! Sure, come in!” Wendy offered and let her friend in while she locked the door. Why didn’t she call? She always called beforehand.

“So… how are you doing? We haven’t spoken properly for the past few days…” Seulgi started the conversation from the living room, where she put the takeout in the coffee table and sat on the couch, opening the bags and prepping the utensils.

Oh no. Wendy knew this conversation would end badly. She really didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now.

“Oh… I was… busy with school, and the café is always packed, so I don’t get much time to do anything that isn’t studying or working,” Wendy said while looking down, feeling guilty.

“Wendy. Come on. We’ve been best friends for years.” She fidgeted a little with the utensils then continued. “The truth is, I didn’t come here just because I missed you. I knew something was wrong. Is wrong. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t feel the need to come here and talk to you.”

“Nothing’s wrong Seul, I’m fine, we’re fine.” Wendy tried to remain calm while Seulgi burned her with her eyes.

“Okay. I’m gonna trust you. I shouldn’t, but I’m going to.” She said and motioned for Wendy to sit beside her. Well, that was easy.

“So… we’re dropping that?” Wendy asked sounding unconvinced.

“Yeah, you said we’re fine.” Seulgi spoke while serving Wendy some of the takeout. “But…” Oh here we go. Wendy felt her heart pound in her chest, waiting for Seulgi to continue.

“I want you to promise me that if anything changes between us, you’re gonna tell me. So we can figure it out together. I know I haven’t been a good best friend since I started dating, but I’ll promise to do my best and not let you down. I want you to know that I love you. You’re my best friend, I could never love someone more than I love you.”

Seulgi finished and stared at Wendy. They stayed like that for a moment, which was enough for Seungwan to turn beet red. If Seulgi noticed, she didn’t say anything and proceeded to grab Wendy’s hand. At that Wendy looked down to see their intertwined hands and thought for a second.

“Seulgi, there’s actually something bothering me. It’s that…. I….” She started sounding unsure, but when Seulgi gripped her hand tighter, she looked up to see her best friend’s face reassuring that it was okay to take her time.

Wendy took a big breath in. She prepared to what was coming next. “Okay. It’s that I—”

She got cut off by Seulgi’s ringtone, making her relax visibly while Seulgi tended to her caller.

“Hey babe! Yeah, I’m at Wendy’s. Uh-hum. Okay. No, it’s fine, we can reschedule. I’m sure! It’s nothing. Okay then. Bye! Stay safe! Love you!” Seulgi ended her call with an ear-to-ear smile.

“Sorry, that was Jeongin, he called to say that he had to do something in the same day as our date. Anyways, what were you about to tell me?” She looked at Wendy expectantly.

“Ah… that… was nothing. Nothing important.” Wendy shrugged off and started eating their forgotten food. “Let’s eat. It’s getting cold. I’m gonna put that anime on.”

Seulgi didn’t pry and agreed with Wendy, their food was getting cold. They ate while watching the show while chatting idly. Throughout their dinner Wendy thought back about how she chickened out last minute. She said the first word of the infamous three-word-sentence. She felt like a fool but tried to reason with herself like “it wasn’t the right time”. She looked at Seulgi while the other girl slurped her noodles happily while watching that super gory anime.

She couldn’t bring herself to lie to her best friend, but for now, that was for the best. That is, until she’s certain on how to convey those feelings.