‘’Again!” My back slams against the cement, my bones aching out in misery. I pushed myself to stand, wiping a string of blood from my busted lip. I raise my eyes, trying to focus on the blurry figure in front of me: Junmyeon. It had been three weeks since the attack, and every moment since then was spent training. It seemed like all those around me were improving while I was still stuck at base one. I could hardly throw a punch let alone dodge one. But I wasn’t giving up, I didn’t want to fall behind—to die when the next attack came. Even Minseok was training again, Jongdae stayed beside him. Even without Chanyeol here he kept his guard up. And our next attack was tonight, meaning Junmyeon had woken me up at four this morning. 

''Come on puppy, you giving up already?" He teased, clearly this was all a fun game to him. I knew he enjoyed watching me break under him.

''Get off," I reach out grabbing onto his foot, shoving it off my chest as best as I could. I wasn’t made for a world like this, I wasn’t meant to hold a gun—to kill a man. I didn’t want to become a monster. 

‘’There is no way you’ll be able to survive on your own.” He leans down, grabbing a fistful of my hair ripping my neck back to stare down into my tear filled eyes. ‘’Tonight, when we launch our attack you will be on your own. It’ll be up to you whether you make it or not. And I guarantee you, Chanyeol won’t give a if you are able to make it or not.” That was a low blow, I knew it. Deep down, I didn’t mind that Chanyeol despised me, I felt the same towards him. But just thinking about my new friends—I wondered if they would care?

''The Swan was seen at your masters safe house, meaning it’ll be a long night for all of us. You will be there to stop his attack. Whether you are ready or not. " I push him away, running a hand along my sweaty forehead—wiping it off. 

''And you truly believe I can do this?" I question, I knew he didn’t think such things. I’m sure he was throwing me to the front line in hopes of getting rid of me for good. 

''Go get cleaned up, we will be leaving soon." I didn’t feel any better from him avoiding my question. But, I do as he says without another word. 

I take a cold shower, I needed the rigid water to help soothe my anxiety, force myself out of my loud thoughts. I tried my best to drown out the thoughts, yet every time I closed my eyes I only saw death. I press my forehead against the tile wall, a silent sobbed echoing in the empty bathroom. I was terrified, I wouldn’t hide it—even after all the hours of training, and the many guns I used. I was scared, I didn’t want to see so much blood again.

''Come on..pull yourself together Baekhyun..you have to live..for dad." I told myself, stepping out from the cold water wrapping myself in a thin towel. I couldn’t refrain from dropping tears, opening the door my eyes widening— Minseok was waiting for me, sitting at the edge of my bed with his arms open. I rush forward without a second thought, hiding my face in the crook of his neck allowing myself to crumble in his embrace.

''I’m sorry..I wish you weren’t brought into a world like this.” I didn’t know what to say to that, it wasn’t his fault—he shouldn’t apologize. I was sure even he didn’t want to be in a world like this either. To myself, I felt pity for the both of us.

‘’I-I don’t want to die..” I croak, clinging to him like a child. 

We sat in silence for the rest of the night. Neither of us knew if we’d make it after tonight, and deep down a part of me wished for my death—I would finally be free from the Monster, from his world. 

I just wanted to be free.