“So you see, although it’s so tiny, it’s actually really good and the colours turn out really nice and saturated. You can even use it on a GoPro mount, a drone or a normal tripod. Oh wait, I have one aerial photo I took not long ago, let me show it to you…”, Haejoong digs out his phone to exhibit an aerial shot of a sunset, which he took using the tiny camera he was introducing to you.  

“Wow, that is beautiful! Guess I need to save up money to buy one of these little things. How can they be so small yet so expensive”, you pouted.  

As the two of you browsed the camera shop filled with a myriad of photographing equipment, someone called you on your phone. You always hesitated picking up unknown numbers but Haejoong was looking at you peculiarly so you decided to just pick it up.  

“Is this Y/N?”, the caller enquired in a stiff tone.  

“Yes, speaking”, at least you were able to conclude it was not a spam call.  

“I’m Helen from the Student Office, we need to speak to you about something urgently, is it convenient to drop by before close of business?”

You were puzzled as to why you were required to attend, and to be honest, a little scared. It must have been apparent on your face.  

“Who was that? Are you alright?”, Haejoong was concerned from seeing your expression.  

“It was the Student Office, they told me to go over before end of the day. I’m not sure what it’s about either, but she sounded really serious”, you said as you realised he was looking at you quizzically.  

“If you are worried I can go with you…”

“It’s ok, I…”, the worry on your face was growing proportionately to the number of worst case scenarios that you were imagining.  

“Y/N, remember what I said… you don’t have to do this alone, I’m on your side now”, he said as his voice radiated a sense of reassurance.  

—

You sat across from the lady known as Helen. Her forehead was all wrinkled up and her face was as stiff and angular as her voice.  

“Ms. Y/N, are you sure you want your friend to stay here instead of have him wait outside?”, Helen warned, “It’s going to be a difficult conversation to sit through.”  

Haejoong looks at you, waiting for your cue, as to whether he should stay or leave. You had no idea what got into you, whether it was trust you had in him or just your fear of facing the unknown alone. You just knew that you would rather he stayed. While there was a foreboding feeling, you haven’t done anything you had to hide, at least not after you entered this university.

“Yes, I’m sure, Ms. Helen, he can stay.”  

“Ok, if you say so, take a seat then, both of you…”. She takes a slow deep breath as though she was preparing herself for what was to come. The randomness of this intense situation that befell you is increasingly generating waves of anxiety within you.  

“It has come to our attention that someone has been circulating salacious photos of one of our students in a university-related forum. Some of these photos were taken from within the girls’ hostel and based on our preliminary investigations there appears to be some speculations… and I stress that, at this moment they are just pure speculations… that the person who took and uploaded the photographs is you, Ms. Y/N.”  

You had absolutely no idea what she was talking about and stared at her in confusion and horror, mainly confusion, from trying to understand what she just explained. She turns her computer screen to face you so that Haejoong and you could see what was reflected on it.  

The face of the victim was blurred out in the photographs, but from the clothing, the posture, the likeness, it was not difficult to identify her. It was Jihyun.  

Your hands snatched up the computer mouse, scrolling through the “evidence” to confirm your own speculation. There was no doubt it was her.  

The photos were voyeuristic to say the least. One showed her walking up a flight of stairs in a skirt, taken from below and was angled just enough to not fall into the category of indecent exposure but with ample room for suggestiveness. Who would do such a thing?Another series was zoomed closely into various parts of her body. Why were all of the photos of Jihyun? And then the most disturbing collection were taken of her in her room, through her window. There was even a video; although the curtains were drawn, her silhouette was cast on the curtains, and anyone would be able to tell that it was a video of her changing. What… why… how… And the speculations were that you did this?  

“This is really absurd. Why would Y/N do this? She’s not someone who would do something like this. There must be a misunderstanding”, Haejoong jumps in impatiently as he watches your speechless form frowning and gaping at the screen.  

“I know it now all sounds absurd, but as the issue has been reported by a few students and the victim is also aware of the matter, we have to conduct investigations. We just have to speak to anyone who may be involved in any way…”, Helen reaffirms that this was just part of the due process.  

You hastily scrolled down the forum page and the comments were as ludicrous as you thought the whole situation to be:  

“Isn’t that Kim Jih**n from the arts faculty? Woah she has a good body~”  

“Kekeke heard she stole someone’s boyfriend not long ago, is this how love rivals take revenge nowadays?”  

“Must have been taken by someone who has access to the girls’ dormitory, and wow look at that video!”

“Karmaaaa’s a for her! Didn’t she steal Y*/N’s boyfriend recently? Heard Y*/N joined the photography club, lol. Didn’t you guys see her carrying around a huge camera with those paparazzi-like lenses?”

Yes, your dorm room was located in the block opposite from Jihyun’s and you stayed just one floor above her but…  

It feels all too familiar again, where do you even begin to defend yourself? And then you saw another comment that had received a tonne of upvotes:  

“Y*/N was a bully in high school too. People are just so consistent, look at how she’s bullying her ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend now…”  

Your chest clenches tightly and so did your hands, your breathing was visibly heavier and the bridge of your nose seared, before tears welled up in your eyes. 

Haejoong darts across the room to where the tissue box was, bringing it back for you in a split second, and then fussing over you, “Y/N, stop reading those things.” He proceeds to snatch the mouse away from you to close the browser.  

Helen couldn’t help but sigh, “I’m sorry I had to call you here, but you know how such things are. It’s always very sensitive and if we didn’t even call you in for a talk like this, it will be difficult to explain ourselves. What more when there is no other lead, and your name keeps popping up in-”

“So you are just going to use her as a scapegoat?! All these are just speculations, rumours!”, Haejoong was starting to raise his voice and through your sniffling, you grabbed onto his arm, indicating for him to calm down.  

—

The ordeal was eventually over and you were only told to lie low, until they finish the investigations. You walked out of the Student Office in a daze, Haejoong following close beside you.  

“Y/N was a bully in high school too…” The words devoured you in every way possible.  

“Y/N”, a suppressed voice rang in your ears. “Y/N!”, a sharp tug, you were spun around and your face came an inch away from a vast whiteness. You snapped out of your daze and realise your nose was almost buried in Haejoong’s shirt-covered chest. You turn to look behind you and sees that you were just a hair’s breadth away from the edge of a flight of stairs.  

“You could have hurt yourself, walking like that”, your reliable companion chided. 

“You don’t seem to think it is possible that I was the one who did it. Why?”, you asked abruptly, your face tilting up to look at him, and your eyes peering into his. 

“What do you mean why? You wouldn’t do something like that.”  

“Something like what? How long do you even know me? How do you know what I’m capable of doing or not? I could have been a bully in high school like they said, and I could have done those things! How would you know that I didn’t!”, you felt like you were taking out your frustrations on him.  

“Fair enough, I don’t know you for very long. But I know that you are not a bully, and you definitely did not do those things to Jihyun”, he sounded like he was preaching your infallibility.  

“Why? Why are you taking my side so unconditionally? What if my side is the wrong side?”, you rebuked.  

“Then, I’ll stand with you on the wrong side, and we can make it the right one”, the speed of his words fast, the timbre of his voice strong.  

That is… not what you would want.  

“Why would you do that for me?”, you glowered.  

“Because I like you…”, he utters a weirdly-timed confession.  

That is… not right.

“… even if it really were you, you must have a reason for doing it. It takes two hands to clap, knowing Jihyun, she must have-”, he sounded more determined than ever.  

That is… a reasoning that will kill the victim twice.  

“Stop!”, you voice shook with outrage. “This is wrong. You are wrong… I must have made a mistake…”, you scoffed, more so to yourself.  

“About what?”, his forehead tightens to a frown of befuddlement.  

“About us.”

You spun around to run down the stairs without another word. He shouted after you but you ran away. From him. From yourself. From everything.  

—

The remaining days of the week saw you cooped up in your dorm room. Hiding from everyone. Hiding from yourself. Hiding from everything.  

It was eerily silent, even though on hindsight, there must have been various distantly annoying noises – knocking of the door, voices calling out to you or the ringing of your phone. Even if there were, you probably couldn’t hear it. Even if you had shed tears, you probably wouldn’t remember. The only capacity you had in those few days was overly occupied, by the past, and by your guilt for ever wanting to have anybody on your side.  

It is natural to think that your are always on the right side. It is natural to want people to take your side. It is natural to think that someone you like cannot be on the wrong side. But natural does not mean it is right.  

Yes, you have always wanted someone to choose your side. But no, if you are wrong then you don’t deserve anyone on your side. People who make mistakes do not deserve anyone on their side.  

Finally on one of the nights, the loud banging and shouting noises outside your door reached a decibel that was able to travel to your ears.  

Your unfocused eyes gazed toward the door, seeing it shake a little from whatever was banging on it. You strained your ears to try to hear what was going on, but all your senses were still a bit dulled. 

“Y/N! Y/N!”, a low male voice constantly booming through.  

“You can’t just come into the girls’ dorm like that! Do you hear me?”, a girl’s voice shrilly cuts through the sound barrier.  

“Y/N! Are you inside? If you are inside, will you just reply me?”, you finally recognises that it is Taehyung’s voice.  

You dragged your soulless body out of the bed and lugged it towards the door, not entirely in the state to bother about the whole fiasco happening outside.  

“Stop it now and get out, otherwise I have to call the security!”, the female counterpart threatened.  

“Y/N!”, he was still banging on the door constantly and right as he is about to land his fist on it again, you pull the door open, his fist almost landing on your face.  

—

“Are you okay? You are scaring me so much… Why do you look like this? Let’s go see a doctor…”, he rattles off, both of you now standing on the ground level outside the entrance to the dorm. But for the freezing wind blowing past you feeling slightly colder than your own body, you might have thought you were still asleep. 

“You must know why, has it not spread across the entire school yet? Why did you come looking for me?”

“I’m worried… you didn’t come to class and I asked around and nobody seems to have seen you for days. And all I thought about is what if something happened to you?”, his deep voice resonated with worry. 

“Does it matter? I did those bad things and you still care if something bad happens to me?”, you spat.  

“I don’t see how you would have done such a thing…”

Here we go again.  

“Kim Taehyung, stop it, you know nothing. How can you say that? Do you know how Jihyun would feel if she heard what you just said?”, you weakly glared at him through your fatigue.  

“If you really did it, why will you be here looking like you are on the verge of dying?”  

A scoff escapes your lips. “Are you going to just take my side now too? I have always wanted you to… only… not this time. Just go away, leave me alone. For all you know, it could all be true… what they say about me…”, your words stumbling.   

“I want to hear it from you. Is it true?”, he asks, the words echoing within his chest.  

“What if it is? Can you still stand on my side, even if it is wrong?”, you challenged. 

“I don’t want to stand on your side, Y/N, I want to stand by your side. I’m not here trying to pick the side that is wrong or right. Everyone makes mistakes. I just… don’t want you to be alone.

     If you really did those things… I guess then we will need to right the wrong, so let’s do it together. And… and if it can’t be fixed, then let’s suffer the consequences together. If you have to apologise, I’ll apologise with you. If the world throws stones at you, I’ll get hit together.”  

He takes one step closer to you but you back away with three. So he stops where he is.

He watches as you struggle to come to terms with what exactly you wanted from anyone now. You didn’t feel like you were deserving of any support but if you really ended up with none… how long more can you survive?  

From amidst the concentration that he expended to observe you, Taehyung catches some ruffling noises coming from the second floor. He glances up towards the empty corridor and sees someone peeping out from behind the railings, the figure disappearing instantly. The next thing he knew, a pail is being tipped over right above you.  

“Y/N!”, he bellows. With two big strides, he dashes toward you, enveloping you into his slightly larger form.  

You heard a loud thud, the pail dropping onto the ground next to both of you. The icy cold water splashes onto your pants, biting slowly into your legs.  

Taehyung looks up sharply, attempting to catch a glimpse of whoever it was and yelling for someone to catch the rascal. Water was dripping down his completely drenched hair and coat onto your face.  

“Are you okay?”, he asks and you wonder what luxury he had to be worrying about you.  

“You are the one that’s all drenched! Did the pail hit you?” The days of reclusion have led to a very much delayed reaction from you but when you finally grasped the situation, you were horrified to see Taehyung’s current state.  

“I’m ok, it didn’t hit me anywhere”, he was still busy trying to wipe off all the water that had fallen onto your hair and face.  

In your head you heard your own voice saying:  

I have made mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. People who make mistakes don’t deserve anyone to stand with them. We must all be lonely people.  

And then you hear his mellow voice say to you:  

No. Everyone makes mistakes. And the world is allowed to punish us. But whatever the world throws at you… let’s get drenched in it together. I pick your side, not because it is right, not because my love for you makes it right… but because I don’t want to let you face your mistakes alone.  

—

The sun was shining again in the morning. At the bottom of the staircase landing, you notice the not very large metal letterbox that was marked with your room number was stuffed to the brim. You took out your keys and unlocked it, sweeping all the mail and spam into your arms.  

As you sorted through them to see if anything required urgent attention, a piece of paper slips from somewhere within the pile and floats to the ground. You bent down to pick it up, flipping it over, and scribbled in the scrawly handwriting were the following words:  

“Please don’t say anything 
Reach my hand out to cover the mouth 
But in the end, spring will come someday 
The ice will melt and flow away”