“I’m going to kill myself before this semester is over,” Julia groaned, running a finger distractedly through her hair as she read over her class notes again and again. Honestly, her anxiety was giving you second hand anxiety and you weren’t even worried about the upcoming midterms.

“Oh, destination suicide,” Caitlin said, pretending to consider the activity. “Honestly, sounds better then what we have going right now.”

You smacked both of their arms.

“Shut up, you two are being dramatic, midterms here are no different than they are back home.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Julia grumbled. “The only reason that you aren’t at all worried is because you have a cute Korean boyfriend. All Caitlin and I have is each other.”

You wrinkled your nose as an attempt to hide your embarrassment at the mention of Jihoon.

Between class and work it had actually been a while since you last saw Jihoon or any member of Seventeen at all. You had worried briefly that they had left the country, but after a quick glance at their promotion schedule you decided it was just because they were busy with concerts.

The lack of sight of Jihoon gave you this unexplainable instinct that he was finally sleeping regularly at night. The thought that maybe he was following your advice made up for the fact that you hadn’t seen him in a while.

“A boyfriend and a girlfriend do more then just kiss twice. We haven’t even really been on a date.”

“Oh, so what was that night that you two ate dinner together until two in the morning? Stop living in denial, he’s an idol, you may not be average person dating but you are definitely idol dating.”

You paused. You hadn’t really considered it that way.

“I’m sure he kisses all kinds of fans,” you said stupidly.

“Normally I’d be inclined to agree,” Julia murmured. “Men are pigs… but Jihoon isn’t just any guy, trust me.”

You didn’t say anything but you knew she was right.

You were so incredibly lucky to have Jihoon in your life and he seemed to care about you, it all felt so unreal.

No one had ever expressed this much genuine interest in dating you, and you had met people in your life who you saw often in the most uncanny places but you never imagined that Jihoon would end up being one of them, and you especially never thought you would even get the chance to being confused about your relationship status with him.

“Hey are you okay?”

You looked up, startled by your friends question.

“Yeah of course, why wouldn’t I be?” You asked

“It’s just, you were smiling,” Caitlin explained. “I don’t know, I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while.”

“Really?”

You hadn’t noticed you were smiling.

You glanced at your phone screen wondering if something on it had triggered the physical reaction but all you could see was an image of Jihoon staring back at you.

You’re cheeks warmed a little.

“I was just thinking about something,” you added offhandedly. You raised a hand to rub the back of your neck.

You had never imagined that something as little as a guy would be able to change you so much like this. A glance at your hands confirmed that once again your hands weren’t shaking. That was good, you were staying stable now. You couldn’t really figure out why either.

It’s because of Jihoon.

You tried to ignore that thought and focus on your studies. You had exams to prepare for, homework to do, you couldn’t waste your time dreaming when you should be doing other more important things. You sat back down at your desk and tried to focus but…

It was pointless.

You groaned and slammed your head against your desk.

“What do you guys think? Subs for dinner or something? I’ll run into town and get us something to eat,” you stated.

“I don’t know, it’s getting a little late,” Caitlin murmured. “We can just get something out of the fridge.”

“I’m going out anyways so just tell me what I should pick up, I feel like if I don’t get out of here I’ll suffocate,” you mumbled back nonchalantly. You run into got to your feet and grabbed a coat and your keys before either friend could protest, only pausing to see if they decided they wanted something or not.

Neither of them did anything but watch you, nervous expressions spread across their faces so you slipped out the door.

You liked being outside alone at night. Nighttime was such a genuinely peaceful time to be out. There were less people, less cars, less commotion, less stress.

Albeit extremely dangerous taking a stroll at night to a local store for a snack could be just the thing you needed at night when you needed to get your mind off of things.

When you practically lived alone, there was nobody to tell you noy yo do something so reckless, and you had gotten somewhat used to making a late night venture every once in a while.

While if the situation came you knew you’d be unable to protect yourself you found it comforting to go out like this. It annoyed you to no end that your friends didn’t trust you to make the excursion on your own too. Their concern was nice and rightly placed but sometimes you really just needed someone to let you make these bad decisions for yourself.

You sighed and pulled your jacket tighter over your chest.

It didn’t matter anyways. You would never say anything about it to them. You would just internalize it and move on like you always did.

No… No, you weren’t going to let this stress you out and make you upset.

Not tonight. Tonight you were going to be happy, you had so many reasons to be happy, and that heavy ball of dread in your stomach didn’t need to be there, and you refused to let it bother you for once.

You plugged your ears with some earbuds and scrolled through until you found the playlist labeled “Feel Good- Slice of Life Music”. You hit the shuffle button.

하나! 둘! 셋! 넷! Mic check! 1! 2!

You could hardly contain your excitement as Dream Girls by ioi started to play in your ears. You could feel your mood immediately shift.

This was just the song you needed to hear right now. A song about achieving your dreams no matter how hard the journey, no matter who you lose on the way, no matter what you have to sacrifice.

Despite being in public, and already having arrived to the convenience store as the song started to hit the chorus, you couldn’t keep yourself from dancing a little bit to the music.

Let's go!

We here to rock the show

Get ready we'll let you know

아무도 못 말려 boy 지금부터 I got you boy

You made your way into the store, pausing to wave at a cash register. Your face was red, but you still rushed deep into one of the aisles where you couldn’t see anyone. You were fairly certain that no one would come down.

You struck a confident pose.

We are the dream girls (dream girls)

dream girls (dream girls)

There was something exhilirating you found about dancing in public when no one else could hear the music. Sure you knew that you just looked like an idiot (especially when you were back at home), but it always brightened your mood to dance on the polished floors of a grocery store, or in the hallway on your way to a class.

Even just walking around half doing the motions always made you feel just a bit better on bad days.

Psycho or not, you loved it.

You tapped your wrist with your index finger, and then pulled your hand down to your waist. Then you pulled your body around and popped your foot up before jumping right back into the point choreography of the song.

dream girls (dream girls)

You shifted into some quick hip shifts, and bounced your head side to side, shaking your hips to the beat.

Over and over, follow your fever like that, that, that

You turned, perfectly ready to walk into the rap of the song just as Yeonjung would have done, when you spotted someone at the end of the aisle, filming you. Your mouth went dry, your face beet red.

“H-hey!”

“Y/n, you really are something.”

The camera lowered revealing the person hiding behind it.

You were a little surprised, it was Joshua.

“What are you doing here?” You asked. He laughed.

“I could ask you the same! It’s late and you’re dancing to dream girls in the store? You didn’t even notice me standing right in front of you.”

“I was focused,” you protested. Joshua chuckled again, and waved his phone in the air.

“Don’t worry, I won’t share it with anyone other then Jihoon,” he assured. He pocketed the cursed device and then closed the distance between the two of you. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“I should be saying that to you,” you replied with a surprised laugh. “I mean, come on, you’re the idol here.”

“I may be an idol but you’re the girl who managed to attract the attention of Lee Jihoon,” Joshua said back with a whistle. “I mean really, sometimes I don’t know how we get him to do anything but stay in his studio.”

“But I didn’t-“

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course you did.”

You stared at him, unable to help feeling slightly annoyed by his words. You really hadn’t done anything. If Jihoon’s behavior recently was different then usual… Well, he couldn’t just make wild assumptions that it had something to do with you suddenly being in his life.

You sighed.

“Really Joshua, what are you doing at a place like this so late at night? You’re barely even concealing yourself.”

“There’s not much I need to conceal so late,” Joshua replied cooly. “Do you see any carats around here?”

You pointed bluntly to yourself, which only made Joshua frown.

“You don’t count.”

You decided for once not to comment on that and pointed to the nearest product your eye could spot.

“What should I buy? I’m in the mood for a snack, but I have no clue what to get.”

“Just get something you’re familiar with,” Joshua suggested. You waved it off.

“I’m in a whole new country. I want to try something I’ve never tried before.”

Your eyes trailed across the door as you read all of the hangul silently. Joshua wasn’t doing anything but watching you so you glanced at him.

“What did you come here for?” You asked him.

“Kiwi ice cream,” he replied with a smile. You wrinkled your eyebrows.

“Kiwi ice cream?” You repeated. A part of you sort of remembered reading that he liked that on his online profiles. You hummed. “Do you mind if I get some with you?”

“Of course not.”

The two of you pought some small containers of the ice cream and took a seat at the table. As you two ate the ice cream you chatted quietly about this and that… Nothing important. Just small talk to pass the time.

You settled back in your chair and stared over at Joshua, suddenly noticing something important.

“You’re parting your hair differently.”

“What?” Joshua asked. You pointed.

“You’re wearing makeup, you came here from a shoot. But your hair is parted differently then it was for the last comeback,” you elaborated. Joshua fell silent.

“That doesn’t…”

“You guys are preparing for a comeback,” you interrupted decisively. Joshua set down his ice cream.

“I couldn’t tell you if we were,” Joshua responded. He hesitated for a second, and then continued to speak. “But uhm, you should know… We are going to Japan soon.”

Japanese comeback.

A part of you was excited. How could you not be? One of your favorite groups was preparing for a comeback. That meant pictures, and new music, and…

Japan. They were going to Japan.

“That means-”

“We won’t be… Here for a while.”

And that meant…

Well, that meant you wouldn’t get to see Jihoon.

When other groups had gone to Japan they had spent months there, taking their time to promote, and attend events, and they were only there longer if they were promoting a new song, and judging by Joshua’s hair, they definitely would be.

“I’m judging by your silence, I’m guessing you understand what that means.”

You tried not to let your disappointment show.

Just because Jihoon would be gone for months, didn’t mean that you had any right to get upset. For crying out loud, it was just one promotion cycle, and you two were…

You struggled to find the word.

You weren’t acquaintances, you were closer then that. You would say friends, but friends didn’t kiss one another… Or hope to kiss one another more often… You weren’t dating, neither of you had asked the other out so there was no way that could be an option.

You briefly remembered Jihoon’s words.

A first… You were a first…

Geez, what does that even mean?

You shook your head and laughed as you took another bite of the ice cream.

“You know, I’ve never been a huge fan of kiwi, but this ice cream is splendid,” you stated pleasantly. “You guys are going to have so much fun in Japan! I’ve never been before but a friend of mine in college did an exchange there in high school and really liked it.”

Joshua rested his head on his hand and stared at you with an unfamiliar look on his face. You had seen lots of expressions on his, he was a very laid back person. His demeanour was so much calmly then the others. So… Why did he look so serious right now?

“Shouldn’t you be heading back home soon? Your friends will get worried,” he stated. He put a lid on his cartoon and tossed it into the trash. “I’ll walk you home.”

“Oh you don’t have to. I live close to here,” you assured with a brush of your hand.

“I’m not letting you walk home alone y/n, just accept my offer,” he said. You rolled your eyes but nodded once.

“Fine, fine,” you agreed. You put a lid on your own cartoon, but it still had ice cream in it so you didn’t throw it away. Joshua pointed at your earbuds which you had let hang around your neck.

“Mind if we share? I’d like to know what kind of music you listen to,” he stated. You squinted at him.

“What? Just so you can report back to Jihoon?”

You put your ice cream in your bag and swung it over your shoulder, sticking your hands in your pockets.

“You saw right through me,” Joshua said with a laugh. “Come on, not even half a second? I might not even know the song.”

A small smile broke out across your lips and you slipped Joshua an earbud.

“Fine, but we won’t listen to the same songs.”

“Oh, yeah, Jihoon hates ioi. He only wrote a song for them,” Joshua replied sarcastically. You scoffed.

“You know, just because you’re an idol doesn’t mean that I’m not afraid to hit you,” you warned.

“You won’t do it,” Joshua said certainly. “Cause I’ll just tell Jihoon.”

You hit him on the shoulder anyways just as the next song started to play.

Can you feel my heartbeat? Tired of feeling, never enough

Your heart skipped a beat, hoping he wouldn’t recognize-

“Oh my gosh! You’re a weaboo too!” Joshua blurted.

You were so busy trying to ensure he wouldn’t tell Jihoon that you had watched Yuri!!! On Ice that you momentarily forgot that you needed to think of something fast, because your last moments with Jihoon for a while during your time here were approaching fast.