For the first time in a while, you were on your own. A few days had passed since the Instagram incident. Your account went viral for the attention and a ton of fans had followed you on the social media platform. There were rumors that you were dating Vernon, rumors that you and your friends had hacked their Instagram accounts to leave the comments, rumors that it hadn’t actually been the boys.

But you weren’t, and you hadn’t, and it had been.

You had gotten a lot of comments on your posts. Even your old posts from middle school weren’t safe. You were getting called a lot of things by a lot of people.

None of it really affected you. The nice comments, the mean ones, neither mattered. You didn’t care what they had to say. They didn’t know you. So how could they have any control over your feelings?

Yeah, wasn’t that a mature way to approach the situation?

You sat down in the grass at a park you had stumbled upon while walking around. It was really pretty there. The sun was boring down on you, and it was relatively warm out. The upper eighties if you were measuring the temperature in Fahrenheit.

You should be sweating even when dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, especially since you had been sitting directly in the sun for the upper end of an hour. Even so, you weren’t sweating. You weren’t hot. You weren’t even warm. You were cold.

You shivered.

While inside you had just assumed that you were under an air vent, or maybe the apartment you and your friends were sharing was just cold. You had moved outside hoping it would change how you felt, but no matter where you went, you felt cold.

You had looked like an idiot asking for hot chocolate in this blazing heat, and even that had done nothing for you.

“Maybe I’m sick,” you murmured to yourself. Even as you said it you knew it wasn’t true. While you felt cold like when you were sick, you could tell that you weren’t. Your throat was fine, and while your eyes were heavy, it was probably just from getting used to sleeping at different times here in Korea. You got like this sometimes. When you had made some sort of mistake that you couldn’t really keep up with. When your mental health was getting so low that you needed to just sit back and stop stressing.

How could you stop stressing though? How could you relax? How could you feel anything when everything felt like it was closing in on you? When everything felt so hopeless?

“You seem contemplative.”

You didn’t even jump. You slowly turned your head towards the voice. It was Jihoon again. At first you thought you were seeing things, but after you stared up at him for about a minute without saying a word you realized it really was him.

He was dressed in jeans, and a loose shirt that was a little big on him. He had a face mask over his mouth and a black ball cap on hiding his hair. You forced yourself to say something intelligent.

“Why are you doing this?” You asked. Jihoon sat down next to you. He didn’t ask if he could, or if you wanted company. He just did.

“Doing what?”

“Talking to me.”

Jihoon stared at you in a way that was scary. Not because he himself was scary, but because you weren’t used to being looked at like that. He was committing you to his memory. You could tell by how intent his gaze was. Anything you did in this moment would be imprinted into his memory forever.

“Let’s take a picture together,” Jihoon said instead. “I’m your bias in Seventeen right? You should have a picture on your phone of you with your bias.”

You stared at him, skeptical of his intentions.

“Is this for a reality show or something?” You asked him. “I don’t understand why you would waste your time with a fan like this.”

Jihoon started to respond, but as he did he removed his facemask, an action that distracted you to the point that whatever he said went right over your head. His cheeks were riddled red. It wasn’t from the sun, it couldn’t be because his face had been hidden from the sun before. And the tinge was just over his cheekbones, almost like…

Jihoon seemed to notice where your eyes were and he shifted his gaze away from you after only a moment. You frowned a little and opened your mouth to comment on the red of his cheeks when he held up his phone in the prime position for a selfie.

“Come closer, I only bite when people want me to.”

His laugh was so… So much more precious then you had ever realized. You had always cherished it. You found comfort in his laughter in the past, but to be right there next to it. You never wanted him to stop laughing. The way his whole body moved when he laughed. Even though it was a pretty small laugh considering what he had proven he could do on some interviews. You looked at him, your lips slowly curving up into a smile. He noticed the look, and his laugh quieted down so that he could smile back at you.

Click.

You blinked and looked at the phone screen in surprise. You couldn’t see the picture that Jihoon had just taken you could only see what was currently being reflected in the camera. Your surprised expression, and Jihoon’s pleasant one. He lowered his hand and set his phone down in the grass.

“Your turn,” he stated.

You wordlessly handed over your phone and murmured off your passcode. He smiled at the screen before even opening the phone.

“I’m your background?” He asked. Your face reddened in embarrassment. You had forgotten about that. You couldn’t figure out how to intelligently respond to the comment either. Anything you said would just sound dumb and fangirl-y or super tsundere-y and you didn’t want to come off either way so you just didn’t say anything at all.

Jihoon didn’t seem to mind this and began to open your phone camera.

“You’re pretty quiet,” he commented as he held up your phone for the picture. He smiled at the phone screen and so did you.

Click.

He lowered the phone and went into your photos to look at the picture you had just taken. You could tell there was more that he wanted to say to you, but you could also tell that he wasn’t going to say it.

“I’ve been in a mood the last few days. It doesn’t seem to want to pass,” you admitted rawly. You cursed yourself inwardly for being so open with him. Just because he was one of your top favorite idols didn’t mean you should feel comfortable talking to him like this. You always knew that you shouldn’t act like it was okay behavior to feel comfortable with idols that you didn’t know. You told yourself not to treat them like they were familiar when they posted on instagram and when you wrote them in letters, but something in you had never been able to hold yourself back and prevent yourself from emotionally befriending your idols. In the long run, it shouldn’t have mattered anyways. You were never supposed to get the opportunity to meet any of them.

This, well, it had never been part of the plan.

“A mood?” Jihoon questioned. He looked at you for a moment too long, so you looked down at your hands. He took this as an opportunity to look back down at your phone and start to browse through your photos.

“Hey!” You protested reaching forward. He scoffed, pulling away from you.

“What? You have something to hide?” He teased lightly.

And you definitely did have something to hide. Hundreds and hundreds of pictures of him were on your phone. How mortifying would it be if he found those? Or even found a picture of you on your phone you didn’t want him to see? None of your pictures were inappropriate but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t still be embarrassing if he saw the selfies you confidently took when you were all on your own.

“Just give me my phone back!” You exclaimed. Jihoon got to his feet and began to scroll through your photos out of your reach. That made you scoff.

“What do you think that’s going to do?! I’m taller than you!”

Jihoon stopped scrolling through your pictures in order to look slightly offended at you.

“Barely,” he responded. You just sat and stared up at him from the grass. He didn’t say anything as his finger slid across your screen. After a moment he stopped and glanced down at you.

“Am I even one of your favorite idols? I have yet to see a single picture of me.”

His tone of voice was a little gruff, lower then you were used to, and the playful expression that had been on his face was gone.

That’s when you remembered- to your own immense relief- that you had gone through a binge of other idols the other night so any pictures of him, or you even would be pretty far in.

He swiped his finger a few more times and then sighed. He visibly exited the app and entered the camera app again. He raised the camera and started to take his own picture. You scrunched your eyebrows together.

“Wha… what are you doing?” You asked him. He shrugged.

“You need more pictures of me,” he replied. The way he said it was cute, reallycute. He sounded like a little kid. You didn’t say that though. Instead, you grumbled.

“I really don’t need more pictures,” you mumbled. “I have too many already.”

Honestly, you had always assumed Jihoon would find that sort of thing a bit creepy. You had always been a little skeptical over the sanity of the concept. So many pictures in your phone of someone you hadn’t ever met, and likely would never meet… It was just a weird concept if you thought about it too much. Which you did. Often.

It didn’t stop you from collecting an album of pictures of Jihoon on your phone, however, and printing some of them out to adorn the borders of your Seventeen posters. Creepy or not, having pictures of the idols you adored on your walls and in your phone gave you hope. It kept you inspired. Sometimes, it even made you happy.

That was only sometimes, however. Nowadays when you were unhappy, well, nothing could keep you from being unhappy. Except for a few certain people at small, random instances.

You gestured for Jihoon to come back down to the ground, which he died after snapping a few more pictures of himself. You didn’t take your phone back from him, you just tapped what you needed to while he held your phone securely in his hand.

You had always liked it when other people used your phone. You didn’t know why. It should feel like an invasion of privacy. You shouldn’t like letting people go through your texts and read your notes and look at your pictures. But you did.

You didn’t have anything to hide.

Maybe that was part of it. The only things that were on your phone that people didn’t already know about were things that you wanted to say but found yourself unable to because of your own insecurities. You wanted people to know you. You wanted people to understand you, and this… This was one of the only ways that would happen.

You directed Jihoon back to your photos and went back to show him the albums. You didn’t have many of them to show, but the ones in there that you did, would help prove your point.

“Just Namjoon?” Jihoon asked. At first, you were confused, and then you remembered.

“Oh, yeah. The only other idol album I have.”

“To Moon, To Moon, To Moon?” Jihoon said in response. You pressed your lips together.

“Second, only other idol album I have,” you corrected. Jihoon didn’t look amused, even as you clicked on the album of photos that was only of him. If you didn’t know any better, you would think that Jihoon was experiencing something akin to jealousy.

His tone of voice got deeper when he saw that you had pictures of other idols, his body stiffer at any evidence that you might like another idol more than him. The wish to put more pictures of himself on your phone because he didn’t think you had enough…

But you did know better. You knew he wasn’t jealous because he was Lee Jihoon from Seventeen and it was ridiculous to imagine for even a moment that he was even possibly jealous and wanted more of your attention.

“See?” You said softly. Jihoon took back complete control of your phone and began to look through the pictures. He went back after a moment and seemed to compare his album with the other ones on your phone. After only a moment he seemed satisfied. He handed you back your phone.

“You could still use more pictures. There’s no such thing as too many pictures.”

There was such things as too many pictures.

You knew better than anyone just how dangerous photos could be. They invoked powerful emotions that could stay with a person for the rest of their lives. Photos used to be one of your favorite things. Back when you were always happy they were a good thing. You were reminded of pleasant memories. Reminded of a good past that made you want to see your friends.

At some point, your pictures just reminded you of how unhappy you were. Looking at them just brought on a heavy sense of dread.

“Why did you leave a comment on my instagram?” You finally asked. You had been thinking about it since it happened. You wanted to ask as soon as you saw him, but then again, you wanted to ask him a lot as soon as you saw him. What was he doing out here anyways?

But you couldn’t really seem to find the words or even formulate a coherent enough thought to really grip the situation.

It was so weird that Jihoon was just… Here with you. He acted like you two were old friends like he knew you. Sure you acted the same way but to be completely real it was weird that either of you acted like that.

“Cause you posted a picture of me. It’s only fair,” he responded. “Besides, don’t you comment on all of my photos?”

You narrowed your eyes at him. The acquisition itself was suspicious. You knew that there were a lot of people that commented under Jihoon’s posts. Many that commented under every post, and many that commented a lot under every post.

You commented very minimally under every post he made just about as soon as he made it. The idea that he ever actually saw those comments felt unreal to you.

“I do that with a lot of idols, not just you,” you responded stubbornly looking away from Jihoon. You weren’t sure if he was teasing you or not. You were pretty sure he was, but the words were spoken rather plainly, not jokingly.

“I’ve noticed.”

Jihoon’s eyes bore into your side, but you refused to give him the satisfaction of looking at him. Instead, you brushed grass off of your lap and stood up.

“Look I should be going…”

“Oh, how the tables have turned,” Jihoon replied dryly. “Now I’m the one who has to clamor for your attention.”

You gave him a confused look.

“I… I don’t understand.”

Jihoon shrugged, a small smile crossing his lips.

“Have you noticed yet?” He asked you. Now you were even more confused.

“Noticed what?”

“Noticed that you aren’t shaking,” he replied. “And you’re sweating.”

You stared at Jihoon wordlessly for a moment.

How… How did he know about that? How did he know about the shaking?

And, why was he right?

You had spent all day trying to warm up, trying to calm down but when you raised your hand to check the status of your shaking body you found that he was right.

Oh my god, he was right.

You weren’t shaking at all.

“Goodbye,” you replied. He nodded once.

“Oh, you’ll see me again.”

You turned around and walked away. You kept playing that scene around in your head.

When had you stopped shaking? When had you stopped feeling cold?

You were so confused, so completely and utterly confused.

Later that night, when you were trying to feel the urge to do something… Anything. You got a notification on your phone.

Woozi had posted another picture on Instagram.

You didn’t really want to look. Everything about him now was just so confusing, and you couldn’t stand that confusion.

But you couldn’t help wondering what he had posted either way.

You lifted your phone and slide it unlocked.

The picture was one taken at the park. It wouldn’t be obvious to anyone who looked at the photo, and at first, the photo didn’t seem significant until you noticed your figure walking away in the distance.

Your eyes drifted to the caption. One word.

“웃어”