“So, why aren’t we staying at the Hostel with the rest of your friends?” Eunha asks as they cuddle in bed, her chin propped up in Sana’s elbow, her lips pursed in the most adorable little frown. “Wasn’t that supposed to start today?”

“Well, since the Hostel is less than an hour’s drive away, I thought it would be more comfortable to stay here.” Sana tries to sound as neutral and reasonable as possible. Lying was never really her forté. “We can still go to our classes like we usually do and we’ll swing by the Hostel at night for dinner and stuff like that.”

“Since when do you care so much about missing class?”

“I don’t, I just…” She scrambles for a good excuse. “I thought you liked having me all to yourself.”

“Well, of course, I do.” Eunha smiles coyly, her hand sliding down Sana’s side and resting near her waist.  “But I was actually looking forward to getting to know your friends a little better. How did Mina take it when you told her you aren’t coming? She must have been pissed.”

“Nope, she totally got it, actually.” Sana nearly chokes on her words.

Mina did not, by any means, totally get it. Still, Sana played the Jihyo card and they were able to reach an agreement: Sana is going to hang back initially and test the waters, and if things with her ex-girlfriend aren’t completely unbearable she’ll relocate to the hostel midweek.

What Mina doesn’t know is that there is another factor that will definitely contribute to the already overwhelming awkwardness: Eunha doesn’t know about Jihyo yet and it’s not just that she doesn’t know Jihyo is coming, she doesn’t even know who Jihyo is. Sana has been trying to gather up the courage to tell her for the past three weeks with no success.

It wasn’t a conscious decision, not telling Eunha about Jihyo. It’s not like Sana was trying to hide anything, she just didn’t know how to bring it up and frankly, she didn’t want to. She and Sakura talked extensively about Jihyo and it took a huge toll on their relationship. It was kind of cathartic for Sana at first, especially back then when things were still so fresh, but it must have been no fun for Sakura, listening to their girlfriend go on and on about how she spent her entire life loving a girl who broke her heart. So when Sana started dating Eunha, she decided she’d done enough wallowing in the past and that she would only talk about Jihyo if it ever came up.

Except for one day, it did come up, and Sana had gotten so used to not talking about Jihyo she chickened out completely. When Eunha asked her about her past relationships, she told her all about Sakura, how they met when she was spending a year abroad in Europe and decided it was best to break up when Sana came home. She never explicitly said Sakura was her first relationship, but she let Eunha assume, which is just as bad.

In Sana’s defence, she genuinely thought it would never be an issue. Her friends never talked about Jihyo, at least not while Sana or Tzutu were in the room. She was their group’s version of Voldemort, always up in the air but never directly mentioned. They even replaced whatever framed pictures she was in with newer versions without her. She was erased, and it hurt, but not nearly as much as being reminded of her did. Sana had made peace with the fact that she would never see Jihyo again, so what was so wrong about wanting to keep that particularly painful part of her past to herself? It had never even occurred to her that Mina and Jeongyeon would invite Jihyo to the wedding, much less that Jihyo would agree to come.

“Babe? Are you there?” Eunha almost has to physically shake Sana’s head in order to get her attention. “You kind of spaced out on me.”

Sana blinks. “Uh, sorry, I… didn’t get much sleep last night.”

(She hasn’t gotten much sleep since Mina asked her to meet for breakfast three weeks ago).

“Poor thing.” Eunha caresses her cheek affectionately, looking at Sana with eyes so attentive and trusting it makes her stomach fill with guilt. “I was just asking you if we’re going over there tonight.”

“No, not tonight. Everyone’s probably jet lagged, I don’t think there are any plans for today. We’ll swing by tomorrow, though.”

“Okay.” Eunha nods, clearly a little disappointed.

Sana decides it’s now or never. She has to tell her. “Hey, Eunha?”

“Yes, love?” Her girlfriend smiles at her expectantly, looking particularly angel-like with her hair falling carelessly around her face. God, she’s so beautiful. And loving, and kind, and hopeful. And she knows it’s the wrong thing to do but she can’t bring herself to let her, down not right now.

“How about we go out tonight, just the two of us?”

Eunha grins contently. “I’d love that.”

If it’s their last night of normalcy before hurricane Jihyo arrives, they might as well enjoy it.

By the time they finally get to the Hostel, they’re both sweaty and exhausted. Their Lyft driver dropped them off about a quarter of a mile away from the actual entrance, and the rest of the path had to be done on foot. Jihyo realizes she had completely forgotten how hot the Seoul sun could actually get, especially when you’re wearing all-black.

They let themselves in through the open entrance and Jihyo is pleased to find that Mina and Jeongyeon have completely redecorated the place, making it look a lot more modern and a lot less like the Hostel from their youth. It makes it a little be easier to bear, not having all of those memories flushing back at once.

“Well, if it isn’t the prodigal daughter!”

Jihyo barely recognizes Mina and she comes over to greet her. Still, the fiery spirit in Mina’s eyes thankfully hasn’t changed a bit, and Jihyo can tell her old friend is still every bit of the unstoppable girl she knew.

Jeongyeon looks just about the same as always, she wraps her up in a bear hug as soon as she sees her, and she’s not nearly as bothered by the contact as she thought she would be.

“You’re still just as tiny as remember, maybe even tinier.” she looks to Mina. “Does she look tinier to you?”

Jihyo shrugs. “Maybe you got bigger.”

Jeongyeon is annoyingly pleased with this, opening up her signature goofball grin as she stretched out her arms. “You know what? Maybe I did.”

She turns around to make introductions, but Jackson is already shaking Mina’s hand.

“Hello there, I’m Jackson. I’m Jihyo’s plus one.”

Jihyo can’t help but roll her eyes at his smug face and suggestive tone. That boy can’t even introduce himself without seeming flirty. She doesn’t even have to look at Jeongyeon to know she’s giving Jackson the death stare right now.  

Mina and Jeongyeon introduce themselves politely, and Jackson’s eyes light up instantly. “Oh, Jihyo told me about you guys! Mina, you’re the social justice warrior, right?”

She seems a little proud to know Jihyo has talked about her. “Well yeah, that’s me.”

“Great! We seriously need to talk about your wedding venue accessibility problems.” He rolls up his cargo pants’ left leg to show off his prosthetic, a rather flashy piece of black and silver titanium he made himself using their university’s medical-grade 3D printer. “The Lyft driver can’t get anywhere near this place, we’re on a literal mountain and this bad boy here wasn’t really designed for hiking.”

“Damn, he’s right!” Mina stares at him in what could only be described as awe. Did he just call her out? Did Mina just enjoy it? “I’ll ask my parents to bring their jeep up here, that way we can get everyone all the way to the entrance with no trouble.”

“Hey, Jackson?” Jihyo tugs at his jacket, trying to get his attention. “Can you drop our stuff at our room while the rest of us catch up?”

“It’s the second door to the right,” Mina adds, still smiling at her new best friend Jackson.

“Sure thing darling.” He grabs Jihyo’s wheel bag from her hand and disappears into the corridor.

“I love him!” Mina exclaims as soon as he’s out of earshot. “Can we keep him?”

Jeongyeon looks considerably less pleased. “ Darling, huh?”

Jihyo rolls her eyes once again. Jackson seriously needs to be stopped. “He only calls me that because he knows I hate it.”

“So, are you two, you know…” Mina makes smooch-like noises while Jeongyeon uses her hands to mimic two people kissing. Jihyo feels as if she’s been thrown straight back into 8th grade. Half of her is amazed that these dorks really are old enough to get married and the other half is annoyed at how perfect they are for each other.

“No, we’re not. He’s just my roommate. And my best friend, I guess.”

“Well, you do have a bit of a history with best friends…” Mina starts.

Jihyo doesn’t even know how to react to that. Thankfully, Jeongyeon looks at her fiancée disapprovingly. “Too soon, Mina. Too soon.”

The three of them stare at each other in silence for a second before Mina speaks, her tone quiet and serious. “Just so you know… she’s not staying here with us. She says she’ll come over tomorrow for dinner, though.”

Mina doesn’t need to specify who she is, they all know exactly who she’s talking about. Jihyo thought she would be relieved to find out she still has some time to prepare for what will probably be the most intense moment of her trip, but it turns out all she feels is concern. She knows Sana would never pass up an opportunity to spend a week hanging out with her friends, and for a moment Jihyo feels that familiar feeling creeping in again, that dark mix of guilt and self-hatred that silently whispers to her that this is all her fault. She’s been back for all of five seconds and she’s ruined Sana’s week once again. Hasn’t she hurt her enough? Can’t she just stay the hell away and just let Sana be happy?

Jihyo shakes her head to stop the thoughts from continuing, taking deep breaths and counting down from 10 just like Steve told her to. She reminds herself that this is Mina and Jeongyeon’s wedding, and they really want her to be there. She wants to be there. And Sana has the right to stay away if that’s what makes her most comfortable, and Jihyo should respect that. She can’t change what she’s done, but she sure as hell can make sure she will do better from now on.

Mina and Jeongyeon definitely realize something is going on with her, both eyeing her sympathetically, but they give her time to gather herself instead of asking if she’s okay and she’s grateful for that.

“So, there’s something else I should probably give you a heads up about…”

“Let me guess…She’s bringing over some over-achieving, supermodel-looking girlfriend with her?”

Jeongyeon holds back a chuckle. “Yep, pretty much, yeah.”

“Of course she is. I’m happy for her.” Jihyo is surprised at just how much she means what she says. God knows she could be an annoyingly possessive of Sana back when they were young, it was hard not to be when everyone within a 10-mile radius instantly fell in love with her girlfriend, but now she’s made peace with it. She’s just glad to know that Sana is happy and that she loves somebody who loves her just the way she deserves.

(Maybe deep down Jihyo is just glad to know she didn’t wipe out Sana’s light entirely).

“You seem different, Jihyo.” Mina dips her head a little bit to look at Jihyo, scratching her chin and squinting as if she were staring at an unsolved puzzle.

Jihyo smirks. “I like to think I’ve matured.”