A waiter came up to Wendy and Amber’s table with a bottle of a fifteen year old wine. Amber breathed in the scent and took a little sip. There was a pleasant after taste which she liked. Amber turned to Wendy for an opinion. Wendy’s glass was empty. She just downed the whole thing in one shot.

“Hey,” Amber said. “This is wine tasting, not an open bar.”

Wendy blushed and smiled. “I’m sorry.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just that I’m going through something.”

“What?”

Wendy shook her head.

“You can tell me.”

Wendy thought for a while before answering, “Oh, what the heck. I think you out of all people will understand.”

“Aaah. I think I know what it is.”

Wendy let out a smile.

“It’s something every single one of us go through, Wendy. It’s just how our life is.”

“Everyone?”

“Everyone. We spend every waking minute of our day with girls. What’s left there to do besides falling for one, right? But most of us get over it so quickly. Maybe yours is a phase, too.”

“Maybe. How do you know if it’s not a phase?”

“I’ve started young, and it didn’t go away long after I’m not with the group anymore.”

“So you’ve fallen for somebody in the group and then outside it?”

“Just in the group, actually.”

“Until now?”

“Enough about me. We’re talking about you. Listen, just wait it out and hope that it’s only a phase, and then it will all go away.”

Wendy nodded. “Yeah. I hope so.”

A twelve year old pinot noir came to the table. Amber and Wendy tasted the wine properly this time.

“Unnie. Can we go? I think I need an open bar.”

**

Joy heard the heavy footsteps from outside of the dorm. There was the sound of keys rattling and missing the keyhole. Then, the door swung open so roughly and a drunken Wendy stumbled in.

“Bae Joohyun!” Wendy shouted so loud, her voice shook Joy’s inside.

“Unnie…,” Joy walked up to Wendy but the latter girl put her hand up to stop her.

“Sush! I’m talking! Where the hell is that girl? Where’s Bae Joohyun?!” Wendy said.

“She’s… she’s not home. She’s…,” Joy stuttered.

“Get out here, Bae Joohyun! I have something to tell you!” Joy froze in the kitchen. Wendy looked so scary.

“Bae Joohyun you have ruined me! I was a good girl. A really good girl! But then you came along and messed with my head! You made me think of funny stuff! You made me think I like you! You made me think I like you! I love you. I don’t know how you did it, I don’t know what happened, but I love you. And, hey, it has been killing me slowly for the past two years because you will never like me back!” Wendy shouted until her voice crack.

“And you said that I drink too much lately and I come home too late lately. Well, guess what?! It’s all your goddamn fault! It’s all your fault. Because I need to get you out of my head! I have been trying hard to not like you, Bae Joohyun, I really did. No one knows how I tried to not see you too often, to not talk to you if I can help it. But then we have to be in the same group! And you became ten times prettier than before! And you! You! There is absolutely nothing I can’t hate about you! So stop touching me! Stop being clingy to me! Stop talking to me! Just stop existing!”

Joy had to take a step back because Wendy’s voice was so loud.

“But it is just a phase,” Wendy said. She was half panting now. “It’s just a phase. I’ll get over you. No. I am over you! I. Am. Over. You! I am over you, Bae Joohyun! I have no feelings for you anymore! Ha! Eat that! I am over you!”

Wendy dropped on the floor, sitting, and ran out of breath. For the first time, Joy had courage to walk closer. “Unnie….”

“I’m sorry,” said Wendy. “I’m okay now. I’m over Bae Joohyun.”

Wendy stood up and went into her room. Joy was left standing in the kitchen. Her heart was thumping out of control it was the first time she saw Wendy lose it like that. Wendy was supposed to be calmest one in the group. To hear her screaming out the one thing she kept hidden was too unexpected and so very much not Wendy-like. But what scared Joy the most was, when Wendy was confessing all her love to Irene in the dorm, Joy was not the only there. Joy turned her head to the living room. Seulgi stood there just as frozen as Joy.

**

Wendy woke up in the dark by the sound of her room door opening. Her head felt so heavy she could barely lift it up to see who it was. Seulgi closed the door behind her with her as she walked to the Wendy’s night stand. She put a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin.

“Hey,” said Seulgi, making herself comfortable on a chair.

“What time is it?” Wendy pressed both of her eyes with her palm to suppress the pain in her head.

“Ten.”

“What time did I get back?”

“Around five.”

“I swear, Seulgi, I will not have a single drop of alcohol ever again. My head is killing me,” Wendy sat up and took one aspirin pill.

“It was awful.”

“What was?”

“The whole I’m over Irene thing.”

Wendy spewed the aspirin out and coughed so badly when the water went up her nose. “What?!”

“Keep your voice down. She’s out there.”

Wendy’s eyes widened in panic. “She knows?”

“No. Joy and I were the only one when you went crazy.”

“Oh, thank God. Don’t let her know.”

“But Joy knew all along?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

Wendy shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m scared… I guess.”

“Scared of me? We’re the same age.”

“That’s exactly why. You can be judgmental sometimes. At least to me when we’re alone. I just don’t want you to know that I’m…. You know.”

“But you said it’s just a phase and you have gotten over Irene-unnie.”

Wendy nodded. “Yeah. Yeah… I guess. I’m trying to, anyway. And it’s working.”

“You know, for a while now I always thought that Irene-unnie likes you.”

Wendy snorted. “Pfft. Yeah, right.”

“No, really. Because, you see, she always puts you first before everybody. She always saves you a seat next to her. She takes care of you the most.”

“Noo. She never put me first. It’s just simply coincidence if I sit next to her. And we both know she takes care of Yeri the most.”

Seulgi said nothing.

“Anyway,” Wendy said. “Thank you for the aspirin. And for understanding me.”

Seulgi smiled. “You should say something to Joy though. She was terrified.”

“Okay. Oh, don’t tell Yeri.”

“I won’t,” Seulgi stood up and left the room.

Seulgi didn’t turn on the light when she entered or when she left. Wendy was glad she didn’t because she needed the darkness. Darkness allowed her to think and she wanted to think about her options, about what she had to do. She stayed there for a very long time and when she looked at the clock, she had been sitting on the bed for three hours.

Wendy went out of the room. The dorm was dark and no one was around. Wendy walked to the kitchen and found a leftover kimbap on the dining table. She sat down and ate the kimbap.

Someone moved in the living room, right in front of the TV. Irene’s head popped up from the sofa and she yawned. Irene walked groggily toward her room. She took a glance to Wendy and nodded her head. “You’re awake?”

“Yes,” said Wendy.

“I’m going in to my room.”

“Okay.”

Wendy watched Irene opened the door to her room and in that moment, Wendy saw everything in slow motion. It was either that or her brain was working ten times faster. In that short moment, Wendy knew exactly what she had to do.

“Unnie,” she called Irene.

Irene stopped midway to her room. “Yes?”

Wendy stood up, walked to Irene, and said, “Can I hug you?”

Irene stared at Wendy for so long without a response. Wendy was not sure if she heard it so she took a deep breath and about to say it again when Irene blinked, moved and nodded her head. “Sure.”

Wendy pulled Irene to her embrace. She buried her face on Irene’s neck, smelling the scent of her hair. She stayed that way for a long time.

“Are you okay?” asked Irene.

“I’m great,” Wendy said. She broke the hug and smiled. “Good night, Unnie.”

“Good night,” Irene was baffled.

When Wendy walked back to the dining table, Irene watched her like there was something wrong with her. Because Irene felt like something had changed. Wendy was a different person. In what way? Irene couldn’t tell.

Irene held the door open for a second longer before pushing it close until it clicked. Then, Irene realized that she knew the sensation she felt when Wendy hugged her. She felt it before a long time ago. It was winter and she was only a little child. Her family was spending some time at her auntie’s house in the village. One night, her auntie was sitting near a fireplace on her own. Irene came up to her to ask what was wrong and her auntie just smiled. They hugged then and the next day, her auntie was gone. Years later, her mom told Irene that that was the day her auntie decided to left her husband and left the big family. Irene never knew the reason but the hug her auntie gave her back then was a last hug of goodbye.

Irene touched the closed door with her fingers. She looked at it as if her eyes could penetrate the door and look at Wendy on the other side. The hug Wendy just gave her felt exactly like her auntie’s last hug.

--