“Ok, so basically all of your suggestions revolve around buying her something pretty? That seems a little lacking, doesn’t it? In terms of like creativity or sincerity…”, Jungkook complained as he sat next to Hoseok, mindlessly flipping through that same Winnie-the-Pooh book, ignoring Hoseok’s judgmental stares.  

“Why are you even asking me when you aren’t going to accept any suggestions from me?”, Hoseok was increasingly annoyed at the relentless questioning.  

“Because you are the only person I know who barely had a serious-ish relationsh -”, Jungkook managed to cut himself off before he went any further.  

Hoseok looks up briefly, his mouth turning into an inverted triangle, evident of his downturned mood.  

“Sorry man, I didn’t mean to bring it up again… it’s just that I have no one else to ask…”, Jungkook stammers. Hoseok looks back down at the pen he was twirling in his hand to occupy himself.  

“Just do what your heart wants to, she’ll like anything you get for her anyway”, Hoseok muttered without looking up again at Jungkook.  

Seeing his best friend now, Jungkook wonders, will there be someone who could share his pain too?

“Hoseok, it’s been so long, don’t you think you should -”, before he could finish speaking, his phone rings. He glances at the screen, reluctant to pick up but knowing that rejecting this call was not an option.  

“I gotta go, catch you later”, Jungkook waves to Hoseok as he leaves the room. Hoseok saunters over to where Jungkook had left the book lying on the table, the words on the pages sending a pinch to his heart:  

“Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.”

—

Jungkook walks into his grandfather’s office. He always disliked the place. He would never visit unless he was called up here.  

“Are you seeing someone?”, his grandfather asks pointedly, without even looking away from the document that he was reading.

“I see a lot of people…”, despite the distaste he has for his grandfather, this was the only person who could truly struck some fear within Jungkook.  

“If you see a lot of people it is not of concern, but if you get serious about one person then it becomes a concern”, his grandfather always displayed the utmost disdain for feelings of any nature.  

“She’s -”, Jungkook opened his mouth to retort but the door bursts open, startling him.  

Her heels clicked with a determination that was new.  

“Father, let them be”, she walks past Jungkook and threw down a number of photographs on the table. Jungkook was not surprised, he always knew his grandfather kept a watch on everyone. Just seeing the silhouette of you in those photographs reminded him of how much he wanted to protect you even though he felt entirely powerless.  

“What are you doing here?”, his grandfather snorted.  

“To stop you from making the same mistake twice.”  

The stern elder scoffs, “What mistake?”  

She stares at him stoically.

“Am I not enough evidence that you made a mistake?”, there could have been a tear or two twirling in her eyes but she would never have admitted it. She steels herself to table a deal instead, “Are you really prepared to hand your company over to that man? He’s not your blood. But Jungkook is. I still hold ten percent of the shares and I can -”  

“Jungkook’s far from ready. And if he’s going to let his emotions for one girl get in the way, then he’ll never be ready”, his grandfather stops his mother’s pitch before tilting his head to look straight at Jungkook. His mother stood between him and the aged chairman, it somehow looked like Jungkook was being sheltered by her in this moment.  

“That was what you said to me too, twenty-three years ago. And look where we are today. The empire which you spent your entire life building… on the verge of being overtaken by your hand-picked son-in-law. Do you really trust him that much?”, she knew she was provoking a beast but there was hardly any other way.  

“And do you really think I don’t know all of that? Two years ago, I set up a trust for all the shares I own in the group. Who do you think the beneficiary is?”, he taunted the mother and son pair. “It will keep my shares away from him, in case something happens to me. But… there’s a condition to obtaining these shares, Jungkook has to prove that he is capable of holding them, he has to become the CEO first”, his grandfather declares.  

The poised lady felt a wave of relief mixed with disgust as she realises the ruthlessness of her own father. Even if she hated her husband, time has so passed, and she has watched him sacrifice everything for this company, yet at the end of the day, what did he gain?  

“As my only grandson, do you know how powerful your marriage is, Jungkook? Do you understand the amount of benefits it can bring if you choose to marry the right person? The question isn’t whether you are prepared to lose all of this… it is what you are prepared to do to protect it”, Jungkook’s grandfather challenged him.  

“I never had anything even when everyone told me I had everything. Maybe we are just different. Maybe you don’t feel it. But I do. And she does”, referring to his own mother. He took a few seconds to look at his family wistfully, understanding that he should also bear the burden of being born into such a position.  

“Let me be with her, she is all I have. And I promise to do my best to become what you want me to be. I will do anything to protect her… please… otherwise I really don’t know if I might -”, Jungkook’s voice was shaking discreetly.  

“Otherwise he might end up like me… then you will truly have no one left, Father. What are you prepared to do to protect all of this?”, his mother backed Jungkook up as she senses his need.

The two of them emerged silently from the dreaded office. For the first time since she could remember, he called out to her first.  

“Mum…”, she turns around at his word, stunned, the term so endearing yet so estranged, “… thanks”, Jungkook mumbles, finding it difficult to meet her eyes.  

And for the first time in his recollection, she smiled at him soberly and earnestly. “I just wanted to make up for all the wrongs I made in the past, to you. Don’t make the same mistakes I did”, she lamented.  

—

“I’ll be starting to work in the company in summer, Dad”, Jungkook stood in front of his father’s wide mahogany office table. The desk plaque bore his father’s name and the designation of CEO.  

“I heard”, his father replied coldly, typing away on his laptop.  

“You must really hate me now, right? You must think that Grandfather wants me to replace you?”, Jungkook carefully probed.  

The older man’s hands stopped abruptly on the keyboard, lifting his eyes up threateningly to look at his “son”.  

“It still turned out this way in the end, didn’t it? No matter how hard water tries, it can never become thicker than blood…”, he looks down again, away from Jungkook. “You are his grandson and you are not my son…”, he spoke sternly, “… even if you were the one person I thought was mine...”, he thought internally.

“… now we will become enemies”, his father concluded.  

Jungkook felt that awfulness budding in his chest upon hearing those words. He flashes back to his elementary school days. His grandfather often came to fetch him from school, but the old man never once left the backseat of that posh-looking car. Jungkook would always walk out through the school gates himself, towards the chauffeur who held the car door open for him. Everyone would marvel at the lavish sedan but all Jungkook could see was how the other parents walked their kids home while holding their hands, talking, laughing.  

That was why he always looked forward to the days his father would come and pick him up. His father would wait for him inside the gates, greeting him with the warmest voice, and then lead him by his hand to their favourite ice cream hangout. Even if that all stopped when he was eight, those memories had kept him going.

Now, he stood here, hearing the same man declaring them as adversaries. Jungkook lets the nasty feeling settle in the pit of his stomach, bracing himself before responding, “I used to think that everyone were my enemies too. But then I only ended up hating myself more than anyone.  

     Maybe you don’t think of me as your son, maybe you hated me all these years, maybe you used me to bargain for what you have now… but you were the only person who held my hand back then. You are not my enemy.  

     You can choose to fight everyone now. But if ever you feel like you can’t do it anymore, if ever you feel like you have drifted too far away… I hope you know that I’ll always be here holding out my hand. You can take it anytime, Dad.”  

He doesn’t know if his father will think it preposterous of him to be saying all this, but Jungkook is finally starting to understand…

We are all mirrors to some extent; the more resentment he had for everyone else, the more resentment he had for himself.  

—

“So I guess you aren’t coming to the movie with us after your class?”, Mirae asked, Namjoon also turned to look at you.  

“Uhh… Jungkook said there’s something important today so I gotta meet him after class…”, you smiled awkwardly.

Namjoon slow-nods while tossing a rhetorical question at you, “And you have no idea what is so important about today, right?”

“Mmm…”, you were just generally very bad with remembering dates.  

“For ditching us on movie night again, tell us… how’s the progress with Jungkook? I’m surprised you guys even lasted this long”, Namjoon spoke sarcastically.  

At his question, you felt a pang of guilt. To say that there was limited progress would be an understatement, and the reason is probably your stupid condition. There must have been a thousand times where Jungkook’s hands would brush your fingers but he never seemed to have enough courage to even hold your hand, let alone do anything else.  

During the weekend that just passed, you had gone home to spend time with your family. That was when your grandfather had once again sensed something was bothering you. You were always certain he had superpowers in this aspect. After some probing you finally let on that you didn’t want to think of your hereditary condition as something negative but you also couldn’t help feeling bad towards Jungkook for all of this.  

“Don’t just feel with your body, Y/N, feel with your heart”, that was all he advised you, his wrinkled eyes calming and smile reassuring as always.  

“Kim Namjoon”, Mirae chided and gently hits him on his back, “can you be any less encouraging?” You were also jolted back to the present from your thoughts.

“Woman, this is known as reverse psychology”, Namjoon quips.  

“Just ignore him Y/N, run on your own timeline, don’t rush it if you aren’t comfortable”, Mirae was in fact the one who had been more concerned when you first told the two of them that you were going out with Jungkook. But once she accepted that you were sure of your decision, she is and always will be your strongest supporter.  

“But Namjoon’s not wrong Mirae… I’m surprised too, that Jungkook is still sticking around, despite… despite our lack of physical contact… you know what I mean”, you cringe in embarrassment having to say it yourself. Leaning back into the chair, you stared into space thoughtfully as the professor entered the room to start the lesson.  

—

You hopped down a huge step that overlooked the school’s running tracks, towards the back-view that was now more than familiar to you.  

“Jungkook-ah!”, you called out.  

He stood up from the step he was sitting on, immediately turning around to beam at you. It still fascinates him that just hearing your voice was enough to lift his mood.  

“Sorry for making you wait, some smart in class just wouldn’t give up on arguing with the prof about a totally inconsequential point”, you explained yourself.  

“It’s not the first time anyway, I think I’m getting used to waiting for you…”, he jokingly griped.  

It’s been a little more than three months. He would wait for you to finish your classes, he would wait for you to finish work, and he is still waiting for that nasty feeling within him to go away completely. But it was getting increasingly tormenting. Patience is a virtue, however, he was never a particularly virtuous person to begin with.  

“Sorry, how should I make it up to you?”, you apologised again while sticking your tongue out a little at him, knowing that he is not truly angry.  

Jungkook didn’t answer you and instead he took out a dainty box from his pocket, revealing a silver necklace bearing a tiny hedgehog pendant with a heart shape engraved on it.  

“It’s for me? What’s the occasion?”, you gasped in delight.  

“I knew you wouldn’t remember”, he was pouting slightly now, “we’ve been together for 100 days.”  

You grow wide-eyed, partly surprised that he actually bothers about such milestones and partly because you felt even more guilty for not even remembering.  

“Jungkook, I… I’m so sorry. I’m seriously bad with dates. That’s not an excuse, I know, I’ll definitely make it up to you…”, your words stumbled around as you tried your best to make him feel better.  

His pout turns into a comforted smile and he removes the necklace from the velvet casing. He cuts short your awkward apology by leaning in to put the jewellery around your neck. You stopped breathing for a moment. You must have been blushing intensely given how your cheeks felt like they were on fire, your nose was almost touching his neck and you could feel his breath at the tip of your ears.  

“That’s a lot that you have to make up to me…”, he whispers as he finishes fastening the necklace, cocking up an eyebrow while admiring it resting between your collar bones.

The distance between the both of you was probably measurable only in millimetres. His eyes fleetingly glancing between your eyes and your lips. You could hear his heart beating, or was it yours?  

Jungkook thought he must be losing his mind. He has been wanting to do this since he started dating you. No, he must have wanted to do it even before that. There was but one thread of sanity holding him back from closing the gap between the two of you – he cannot hurt you again. He honestly had no idea whether that dreadful pain is gone or not, since he has grown so accustomed to it that he barely notices it sometimes.  

He huffed the tiniest sigh as he looked away, and he started to yank himself backwards. In that split second when you notice that he was giving up, you tip-toed so that you could reach his lips, grazing it with a gentle peck. It startles the boy so much that every movement in him stopped, even his breathing.  

No thanks to your sudden action, that one thread holding him back completely snaps. He puts one arm around your waist and pulled you towards him, his mouth pressing adamantly against yours. You couldn’t help but close your eyes, amplifying the fuzzy feelings. It was a strange mix of everything, a tinge of pain where he was supporting you, a tenderness where your lips met, and a fervor in the cavity where your heart pounded.  

Through all of it, you reached out to hold onto his other hand which wasn’t snaking around your waist. As you grasped his hand, you felt it again, the feeling that started it all. It wasn’t as strong as you remembered it to be, but it was still strong enough to cause a reaction in you.  

Jungkook felt you wince into the kiss and he immediately let go of your waist to back away, breaking the kiss. But this time, you used your free hand to pull him back to you by his jacket.  

“No, Y/N… stop. I don’t want to hurt you again”, he murmurs, reprimanding himself for getting this far, the rim of his eyes turning a hue of red.  

“No, you stop. Stop thinking about it. I will learn to feel you with my heart, so you do it too, feel it with your heart”, you encouraged him soothingly.  

You strained your neck to place your lips gingerly on his again, and you could sense his will to separate from you slowly withering as he eventually returned your kiss. You focused on the exhilarating sensation, gradually drowning out your awareness of all other feelings.  

Your hand that still held onto his moved to intertwine his fingers with your own. You felt him draw you in closer, his other hand moving to caress your face as his soft lips continued to moved slightly, eliciting an urge within you. You shifted your other hand which held onto the collar of his jacket to circle around his torso, bringing your bodies close together.  

For the first time since you have known him, there were no thoughts and there was no pain. Maybe your own feelings overrode it, or maybe he just felt none in this moment.  

And for the first time, there was no place for lust within him, for it never truly killed those detestable feelings anyway. With you it was all different, there were no feelings to kill, there was only a feeling to grow, a feeling which could probably only be described as… euphoria.

He didn’t even deepen the kiss any further. He was the one who was afraid, that it might be too fast, that he might not be able to handle all of the emotions. This much was enough for now, he will learn all of it anew, step by step, with you.  

As he parted from you, you gave him the biggest smile ever, showing no signs of discomfort, much to his relief. He is always concerned about every feeling you had, more than his own. That is how much he cares about you; some people call it love. And thus, he learns…  

People in love will become mirrors to each other; the more he loved you, the more he was able to love himself.

He squeezes your hand tightly and tugs you into a hug determinedly, “I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go now, there’s nothing you can do about it. Since you have so much to compensate me for, just let me keep holding your hand”, his voice was a mesh of querulousness and sweetness. It was the cutest threat you have ever heard.  

“I’m not planning to do anything about it. I’ll be here, whenever you need it, take my hands.”  

—

♫ Across the dream, over the horizon

I’m going to the place that’s getting clearer

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria ♫

--- The End --- 

A/N: I am doing an epilogue series and will post it here too ^^