“Since when were you friends with Jeon Jungkook”, Namjoon questioned you.  

“Since never? If you guys hadn’t abandoned me by myself during the party, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“What happened?”, a very confused Mirae was asking with a mouth full of udon.  

“Nothing…”, you wanted the conversation to stop.  

“Yeah right. Jeon Jungkook, famous for not giving a about any girl in school, walked up to you in lecture today to talk to you that way. I am sure nothing happened alright”, Namjoon was needlessly sarcastic about it.  

“How would I know what is wrong with him? I just spoke to him for like two minutes at the party!”, your voice was crescendo-ing louder.

“Ooh, someone has a crush on Y/N~”. Mirae was so not helping. Both Namjoon and you turned to look at her with bewilderment, Namjoon still having udon hanging from his mouth.  

This was Jeon Jungkook she was talking about, he who would not bat an eyelid at womanising the most sought-after girls in school and then dumping them on the roadside like used toys.  

“The only thing he is crushing is someone’s heart, that’s for sure”, Namjoon spat at Mirae.  

“Ok ok! I’m sorry. You look like you are about to spit all that udon into my face.  

But what if he just wanted to be friends? Heard he’s super rich too. Maybe he just needed a friend in that lecture?” shrugged Mirae. Trust her to always give everyone the benefit of the doubt, how would you have become friends with her otherwise?  

“Just stay away from him, Y/N. Guys like this are never just out to ‘make friends’. Anyway, aren’t you going to be late for your part time job?” Thank goodness Namjoon changed the topic.  

—  

You counted yourself very lucky because you managed to get a part time job at the bookstore in the nearby mall. It’s one of the jobs that really had minimal physical contact with anybody.  

The store was quiet as usual, with only a few patrons. You liked to people-watch while working. By looking at the type of books they picked up or the genre of music they were choosing from, you imagined to yourself what kind of life each person led. Today, there was just a girl who looked like she was also a university student, another lady who was pregnant and an elementary school boy.

But your thoughts were elsewhere. As you were arranging the books on the shelves, your mind drifted back to the queer “confrontation” in the lecture theatre.  

“I’m not ok. What are you going to do about it?”  

Why was he telling you that? Oh right, because you asked. But still, why was he telling you that now?  

You were glad the lecturer came in right on cue to save you from answering the pointed question, but it definitely looked like Jungkook was intent on getting an answer from you. How you regret now what you had asked him previously.  

Breaking your moment of regret was the school boy who came up to ask if you could help him look for a book – “The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh”. It didn’t take you too long to locate it for him in the children’s section. The cover of the book intrigued you and so you picked up another one, randomly flipping to a passage:  

“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet" said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”

Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself.”  

As you grew up you have always wondered that as well. Everyone looked like they were ok, but are they really?  

—

Back in high school, Namjoon was the class president. He was the smartest kid in school and his family was sufficiently well off. He was like the model high schooler, like he had everything.  

Namjoon had come over to your desk one day to ask if you were going for the school camp and you meekly said you would rather not.  

You still remember vividly how he squatted down to meet your eye level before saying, “I know it may be hard for you, but I think you can try to make friends with the rest. If it helps, I will be there with you”, he smiled and gently rested his hands on your shoulder. That contact quickly sent hundreds of tiny pricks through your arms. You winced and pushed away his hand. Namjoon looked at you with an unreadable expression but you knew he was definitely not pleased by your reaction.  

He didn’t talk to you for the next few days and you thought to yourself, “This was how it would turn out to be every time anyway.” You never tried to explain it to anyone, because it never felt like anyone was interested in listening. Until that afternoon.  

Mirae was in another class and they had an activity going on so you were sitting alone on one of the benches waiting for her to be done. Namjoon came over to you and sat down resolutely.  

“I’m sorry if I offended you that day by insisting you go for the camp. If I made you uncomfortable in any way, you can just go ahead and let me know. I won’t take offence. Just want to make sure that you are alright”, he said.  

There was no doubt your class picked the right guy as the president.    

“I wasn’t offended. I know this is going to sound very strange…”, you said hesitantly and after taking a deep breathe, you continued, “I can feel your pain when you touched me, it’s a condition I have since I was a child and…”, you were carefully studying Namjoon’s expressions.  

You never knew if people would judge you for who you were but you felt like if it were to be anyone, you’d like to try and see if Namjoon would be accepting.  

Namjoon looked puzzled and started to frown a little. You were mentally prepared, after all, this would not be the first time someone labelled you “weird”, “socially awkward” or an “attention seeker”.  

“Wait… how do you… so you feel… so you mean when I touched your shoulder that day, you felt pain?”

And that was the story of how you grew closer to Namjoon, because you were the only one who saw him beyond the polished exterior and he was the one patient and understanding enough to figure out what was wrong with you. 

His mother was a serious case of a perfectionist and somewhat of a control freak. She had his life all planned out for him, which as he grew to have his own dreams and ambitions, he started to detract from. Essentially, he was under immense pressure to live a life he didn’t enjoy, a life made up of her standards and wants. 

That was also the story of how you found out that maybe your condition wasn’t always a curse. Others can only see what someone may be willing to show them, but you, you could feel the things that most people wanted to hide.  

—  

“Aren’t you a little too old for that book?”

You turned around to find Jungkook’s dark eyes staring down at you, it’s the third time but it never fails to send shivers down your spine.  

“What are you doing here?”, you asked while looking around wondering if this was possibly a hallucination.  

“Came to look for my dad. And so, you work here? Part timer?”

“You came to look for your dad here? In the book shop?”  

“I came to look for him here, in the mall. My family owns this mall, you already knew that right? So technically, I’m your landlord”, and he took one step closer with you backing up against the bookshelf. “But do you notice that you have never once answered any of my questions?”  

Your senses were on red alert with the proximity he tried to put the both of you in and you absolutely had no idea his family owned this freaking mall. Before he could trap you further between himself and the bookshelf, a commotion broke out at the music section. The pregnant lady was now sitting on the floor and calling out for help.  

You dashed past Jungkook; the store manager and you converged to check on her. Horror dawned on you both when it was clear that she was going into labour. The store manager immediately rushed to call an ambulance and to alert the mall staff while instructing you to stay and help her. But, help her, how?!  

Yes, you had watched lots of medical dramas but no, this is not something you knew how to deal with. You knelt down next to her as she let out loud wails, one of her hands clenching onto the shelf so hard that her knuckles were fully white. Her face starting to be immersed in her sweat, hair sticking to her cheeks. You tried to help her pace her breathing, the only thing you learnt from the dramas, and kept reassuring her that everything was going to be fine, the ambulance will be here in no time.  

Another bout of contractions led her to scream out again in pain and she instinctively grabbed the only living thing closest to her – you. The moment her hand clutched yours, you immediately understood why giving birth was scientifically rated the most painful thing in the world, and without the maternal hormones boosting pain tolerance, you passed out from the shock.  

—

When you came to, you were lying on one of the beds in the A&E section of the hospital. Jungkook and your store manager were both next to you.  

“Oh good, you are up. They did a check on you and said they couldn’t find anything wrong. If you are ok, I will go check on the lady now”, your store manager rattled off and it took your blurry mind half a minute to process that before you replied, “yeah sure, go ahead.”  

You sat up on the bed trying to grasp the situation and Jungkook’s staring was making you very uncomfortable.

“Part-timer, do you know how much trouble I went through because of you?”, he was leaning back into the chair he sat on and his arms was folded as usual in front of his chest.  

You were absolutely not interested to know at that moment.  

“As a token of appreciation, you really should answer at least one of my questions. Why does it seem like whenever someone touches you something will happen to you? Do you feel something when they touch you? What is it?”

He looked at you in anticipation of an answer.

“Y/N”, you muttered your name to him.  

“What?”, said Jungkook.  

“That’s my name. You told me to answer one of your questions and you asked me for my name the other night. So stop calling me ‘part-timer’ or ‘new face’ or whatever it was”, you replied defiantly. He was the last person you wanted to share your condition with and you were still having a hard time pulling yourself together.  

Jungkook’s expression turned colder.  

“If this is how you would like to play it then I guess I will just try to figure this out myself”, he spoke with determination as he grabbed both of your hands.  

You struggled to free your hands from him but his grip was strong and there it was, the dull pulsating feeling through your chest. It could have been slightly different from the last time, you couldn’t really pin point it, but it still made you feel nauseous, as if every wall was closing on you and every light was going out. You started to tear up.  

“Stop it… let go!”, you yelled at him.  

He released your hands after a long while and you were staring down at the bed sheets, tear drops staining the untarnished whiteness. You looked up at him, feeling angry and violated.  

With some despicability, a hint of excitement and mostly realisation, Jungkook said with a raised eyebrow, “Y/N, are you ok? Or should I say, is either one of us really ok?”