MOMO

After the MBC incident, things got a little awkward between them, sure. But she assured Jeongyeon that they're ok, that it was cool. After all, she's Jeongyeonie. It's not really the first time that they showed deep affection for each other before—they were sickeningly sweet as their members said before—so the incident was not a cause of alarm for her. Aside from that one phone call from her dad asking how she is and if everything's ok—really okay, nothing is out of the ordinary.

Or so she thought.

They said that it's the little things that meant a lot, and for her, the absence of those little things is making her feel something is wrong.

No morning cuddles.

No arms around her shoulders.

No holding of her hands when there is a crowd.

No smile across the room.

No backhugs.

No goodnight kisses.

When she wakes up, she's already gone. Jeongyeon will come back to the room when she's already asleep.

They sit across the room from each other.

No backward glances when they were walking as a group.

So when they met accidentally in the JYP pantry, she didn't hesitate to ask.

"Are you avoiding me?"

My question was answered by a laugh that didn't reach my roommate's eyes. "What made you say that?"

I shrugged. Maybe there's really nothing, but my intuition is telling me otherwise.

"Just answer me."

"Of course not, why would I do that?"

My roommate is a terrible liar. Maybe for everybody I am a pabo, but I am not dense. And we've been living together for three years now, for god's sake.

I tilted my head side wards and looked at her.

'Okay, if you say so."

"Momo..."

"Hmmm..?"

"Sorry... but can you trust me that this is for the best?"

I looked at her long and hard, but seeing her pleading eyes broke my resolve. I look away and walked away.

If it was for the best, why does my heart hurts?

--------------------------------------------------------

The members might not understand fully why Momo had to sit by herself during lunch nor find herself at the end of the line for the interview because heck, they were used to see Momo- unnie and Jeongyeon-unnie together, laughing their heads off with each other's joke or simply whispering with each other. They know that Momo's place is always beside or infront of Jeongyeon. But the past days, Momo looked like a lost puppy, just trying to go with the flow, smiling even looking blank, while Jeongyeon is hanging out more with them, even hugging and tickling Sana or DaHyun or Chaeyoung. Not that the gestures are unwarranted, but nonetheless, surprising coming from Jeongyeon.

No, the other members may not understand the reason behind the change in dynamics but the sight of Momo-unnie being alone awaken the protective instincts from the others. Momo may seem to be an outgoing person on screen but without JY on her side, she becomes an introvert. So,Nayeon-unnie goes live in Vlive with her more often, going to IU concert with her, and basically drags her anywhere. Mina silently takes care of her too, Tzu Yu and Chaeyoung gives her extra hugs and stays beside her when she doesn't know where to sit. Confused, but felt that it was not their position to ask, they just look at the two roommates pretending that each of them do not exist.

All these efforts did not go unnoticed by Momo who always give her members a grateful smile, but unbeknownst to them, Jeongyeon noticed it too.

_______________________________________

Jeongyeon

Pretending is very hard to do. She wanted nothing but hold Momo's hand, give her a back hug and ---especially now that their schedules are getting tighter and all of them are feeling tired. Momo always soothes her exhaustion away, when she smiles at her corny jokes, when she hugs her tight, when she holds her hand. But now, since she had to keep her word to JYP, she had to endure not to be beside her. And it was the hardest thing she had to do from the three years that she had been in Twice.

She watch as Momo struggled being by herself. In interviews, she kept quiet whether she's in Korea or Japan. She realized that Nayeon was right, that Jeongyeon did almost everything for Momo and now that she left her alone, she was slowly learning how to do things on her own.

However, she noticed when she stopped paying attention to Momo, the other members jumped out to be beside her, especially the maknaes. Quiet Mina gave her a beautiful red scarf, the most beautiful from all the things she knitted and it looked so lovely with Momo. Tzu Yu accompanies Momo and holds her hand in their airport departures and arrivals. Chaeyoung looked a bit more clingier than before, reliving the fans request for more Mochaeng TV. Nayeon-unnie even stopped bothering her, but gave Momo her 101% attention. Though very thankful, she will admit that she is feeling very jealous of the attention Momo is getting. It was supposedly her, there, beside her. Her way of life for three years-- 24/7 / 365 days a year with Momo has suddenly turn a 360° change, but she doesn't have a say ob this matter.

She started to divert herself to be with the other members. She realized that by giving Momo most of her attention, she robbed Momo and herself a greater opportunity to be closer with the other members. She started to hang out more with DaHyun and Sana and she doesn't recoil anymore when the latter initiate to hug and kiss her. She also got closer to Tzu Yu and Chaeyoung when they are not beside Momo. All in all, all is well. And she should be proud of herself.

But why does she feel like sh*t?

***

“Have a minute?”

I look up from what I was doing to see Ji HYo by the door. I was expecting the “talk” since last week but surprisingly it took Ji Hyo 10 days to talk to her. I gestured that she sit on the bed while I got a soda from the mini-fridge.

“So what’s up?” I ask Ji Hyo.

She raised an eyebrow. “You tell me Yoo Jeongyeon what’s up and you are acting like this?”

“Like what?”

“Don’t act dumb. I know you Jeong like the back of my hand. So spill.”

I sighed. But I don’t know how where to start.

“Where’s Momo?”

“Momo? I don’t know.”

“See, that’s the problem. You don’t know. When did you NOT know?”

“I am not Momo’s keeper, she can go where she wants to go, with WHOM she wants to go with—"

“And this still boils down why are you two not together in anything?”

“Maybe because it’s for the best?”

“Is it really? If it’s for the best why do both of you look miserable?”

“I am not!”

“Ok so not you, but Momo does that’s why I am here. So spill. As the leader of Twice you need to tell me why you are avoiding Momo?”

“ I am not avoiding her. I just--

“Ignoring her?”

“It’s just that, I don’t trust myself when I am near her Ji Hyo. I can’t stop myself from wanting to get close--too close."

Ji Hyo sighed. “I noticed. I mean that’s not new. You have been like toward her for 3 years now so what’s the problem?”

“JYP talked to me, Ji. He ordered me not to lay low, but to stop all show of affections towards Momo on all events and even on airports.”

“He did? Why??!”

“Well, he said he don’t want to destroy my or Momo’s career with a scandal.”

I heard Ji HYo swore under her breath.

“Well, he has a point! And I don’t even know if by protecting Momo too much had did her good or I held her back…preventing her to grow. By always being there beside her, she depended on me too much. That’s why I decided to distance myself…”

“But have you talked to Momo about this?”

“No, JYP forbid me to tell anyone. I cannot even tell Momo.”

“well, since she’s the affected party, she has the right to know.”

“But you know her Ji Hyo, she tends to be stubborn…instead of laying low, she would do something out of the box.” Ji Hyo has no answer to that so she sighed.

“Did you know she had offers outside of Twice?” Ji Hyo's eyed widened. I nodded. “PD-nim told me. That is why I don’t want to ruin Momo. I.. don’t know what I will do if ever I ruin her career if ever in the long run Twice will disband. That’s why I am doing this…Am I wrong?”

"But maybe we can do this without both of you hurting each other?"

I shook my head.

Ji Hyo looked at her childhood friend. Jeongyeon was happy with them, 3mix, but when Momo came to their lives, it made JY happier, livelier, more fun. That's why she supported JY from the very start... It's all she can do for JY who always takes care of all of them. It's hearbreaking to see her miserable like this. I’ll think of a way, god Ji Hyo vowed.

~~~~~

After that talk with Ji Hyo, I became hyper aware of Momo, expecting that Ji Hyo have told her to talk to me. But all day during rehearsals for the upcoming Asian Artist Award, Momo didn’t even look at me. She and Mina were practicing in front of the mirrors and I can’t help  but notice how sync they are. Mina might be quiet and soft-spoken, but when it comes to dancing, she can actually dance alongside Momo and complement Momo’s powerful dance with her elegance and gracefulness. After the dance break, both laughed and Momo hugged the younger girl and Mina hugged her back. My chest constricts a little on how they stayed on that position and Mina smiling while Momo was whispering something to her.

“MiMo looks cute, aren’t they?”
Sana.

I cleared my throat. “They’ve always danced very well together, even in Hit the Stage.”

Sana smiled. “Jealous?”

“Of course not! They’re your sisters. You go way back.” But I can feel my cheeks getting red.

“Aaaagh, Jeongyeonie looks cute when she blush!” Sana teased me more. “I do not!” and went to chase Sana to tickle her. I caught her on the couch and continued to tickle her until she begged me to stop.  When I look up, I met Momo’s eyes glaring at me in the mirror. I shivered. She rolled her eyes then looked away and went out the dance studio. I decided to let it go but my body didn’t cooperate. I ran after her.

“Momo!”

Momo didn’t stop and continued walking to the pantry. She was getting something to drink when I reached her.

“It’s not what you think..”

Momo looked at me, eyebrows raised. “And what do you think I am thinking?”

She looks cute even when she’s pissed. I can’t help it. I stepped closer to her and put my arms around her waist. Momo looked incredulously at me. “I don’t know, you tell me.”

Momo tried to free herself from the hug, but I held her tighter. God, I miss her so much. “Why are you talking to me all of the sudden? I don’t know what games you are playing, Yoo Jeong---"

I silenced her with a kiss that shattered my whole being. Damn JYP. I deepened the kiss when I felt no resistance from Momo. Her kisses always make me feel like I’m home. That I could do this forever. I didn’t know that I was able to deprive myself of this for 11 days and now, with Momo in my arms, I don’t think I can do it again. I was like a man in the desert, thirsty for water as if my life depended on it. Momo raised her arms, and when I thought she’s going to push me away, she put her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. . We are in the pantry, where any member can actually enter and walk upon us, and we were making out like crazy.

After what I felt like an eternity, I slowly pulled away, and smiled at Momo’s flushed face and uneven breathing. I put my forehead to hers and kissed her nose.

“No more. I would not do it again.”

“Do what?”

“Staying away. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Because I have to do it. For your sake.”

She stepped back, but her arms around my neck.

“Jeong…”

Just then Ji Hyo entered the pantry, catching the two on each other’s arms. “Oh! Don’t mind me, continue what you are doing! But mind you, practice starts at ten minutes so if you could wrap that up..” then she was out the door, locking the door behind her.

I frustratedly uttered an oath to Ji Hyo’s bad timing.  Momo looked at me with her big brown eyes. “I guess that brought us back to reality.” She loosened her arms around me, but I hugged her again.

“I’m sorry, Momo. I have to stay away because if I don’t, I would be caught making love at you in front of live broadcast and  of the whole world to see.”

‘That bad huh?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Momo smiled a little.

“Well JYP caught me and…. He kinda told me off.”

“He did?"

“Yes. So not to ruin the best dancer in Korea, he ordered me no public appearance beside you, no kissing, holding hands, and grabbing. Those were his words.”

Momo pulled the front of my shirt, her lips very close to mine. Her brown eyes wide looking in my lips and then she whispered, “What if I wanted to be ruined by the best singer of Twice?”

I groaned. That is what I am very afraid of.

“No, Momo. I can’t risk your career for this. And you never told me of those offers  to you outside Twice! I thought no secrets?”

“I didn’t tell you because there’s nothing to tell! I declined so what else need to be told?”

  “Why did you decline? The opportunities…”

“What will I do if you would not be there? I only want to be in Twice. Where I can be beside you. But if you don’t want me to be beside you, if you are already tired of me….” Momo pouted. Argh. This girl is really killing me.

I hugged her tighter.

“Just trust me ok?”

Momo nodded and pulled me for another kiss. For 5 minutes, I’ll forget about JYP. All that matters is this moment. Just Momo and me.