Recap:

Winwin closed his eyes, steadying his breath as the door closed behind Hansol leaving just Yuta and Winwin in the room now.

“Why did you tell him to leave?” he said with gritted teeth, staring straight at Yuta, anger evident in his expression.

So, tonight was going to be it, a small voice whispered in his head. Everything had been building up to this. The night where they finally fought it out, the night that would destroy the fine balance they had both achieved by leaving everything unsaid, the night where they stopped pretending. He knew they would never be the same after this because this was where it ended, without ever having really begun. He wanted to take all of the hurt inside his heart and turn it into fuel for this night.

Chapter 7

Winwin closed his eyes, steading his breath as the door closed leaving just Yuta and him in the room now.

“Why did you tell him leave?” he said with gritted teeth, anger evident in his expression.

“It’s your room too. You’re tired from practice and would want to rest obviously. Besides, he had to leave anyway,” Yuta said, with a small shrug. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, you expect me to believe that,” Winwin scoffed. “There’s no one else here. You needn’t pretend in front of me. There are no fans here, no managers, no reason for any fanservice.”

“What do you mean?” Yuta stared at him in shock.

“What do I mean?” Winwin scoffed. “I mean,” he stressed, angrily, every word punctuated by a step in Yuta’s direction. “I don’t want your YuWin bull. I don’t want to be a cute little cog in your fanservice. I don’t want you pretence. I don’t want your acting. So, stop. Just stop it.”

Yuta had never seen Winwin like this. He didn’t know how to react to every word that was hurled his way, every word that fell onto him like burning coals. He blinked, faltering back, his back against the wall. “Sicheng-ah,” he began.

“I don’t want to hear it. Whatever it is.”

Yuta let out a breath. “So, you get to say all that and I don’t even get to say a word?”

“With you, I can’t differentiate between fiction and reality. Every word out of your mouth sounds like a lie to me.”

“H-How can you say that?” Yuta looked as if he had been slapped. “You of all people…Wow, Winwin, you really…You could have just said no or even ignored. I wasn’t ever going to say a word, not after what happened last time. You really didn’t need to be this hurtful.”

Winwin looked at him, eyes dull with an ebbing rage. “Every day of your charade, you have hurt me. I don’t think you have the right to pin me as hurtful.”

They stood so close to each other that Yuta could feel Winwin’s breath on his face but he had never felt so far away from him. With a few words, Yuta’s world had turned upside down and all he could grasp at was a deafening silence. He tried to hide his shaking hands and broke Winwin’s gaze, looking down with a rueful smile. “Wow, you really hate me. I didn’t—” He sidestepped him, walking out of the room. It was with a broken heart that he said at the door, “It wasn’t a charade for me.”

He walked on auto-pilot to Taeyong’s room. His tongue felt like lead as he tried to keep his voice calm. “Can I sleep in your room tonight?”

Taeyong and Johnny had been playing ludo by the looks of it but they immediately put it aside.

“Don’t ask,” Yuta managed to mumble before lying down on the closest bed and turning towards the wall. There was a sob and then, more to himself than to them, “He thinks of me and him as a fanservice. A lie. A sham. I was so wrong to think he could like m—”

“Yuta,” Taeyong began.

“You can’t make it right today, Taeyong. Nothing can. Just…let me be. I want to sleep.”

There was silence and then, someone pulling a blanket over him. He screwed his eyes shut but Johnny’s voice was comforting. “It’s okay, I’ll exchange with you.” He kissed his head and suddenly Yuta missed his home more than ever. “We all love you. Good night for now.”

He heard the door close and he was grateful for that. He couldn’t explain anything right now, not when things didn’t make sense to him either. All he knew was that it hurt and he wanted to just lie under the covers until it didn’t.

He felt the bed dip behind him and someone was his hair softly. It reminded him of home and being small and his mother and he began to cry.

“I’m here, I’m here,” Taeyong said, patting him softly. It hurt to see his friend suffer like this and he wished he could have done something more but all he could do at the moment was sit on the edge of the bed and comfort him as he cried.

When Johnny had walked out of his room, he had decided that it was time that he finally interfered in Yuta and Winwin’s relationship. He couldn’t see his friend hurt himsel