A/N: Typos ahead:)

 

**********

 

 

Looking at the city lights out the window, Yerin hugged her pillow tighter as she let her tears run down.

 

‘What's not clicking?’ She asked herself.

 

That night, it was her nth time sitting by the window reflecting about her relationship with her girlfriend. She had been sulking and crying, and it was because of their ever dead relationship.

 

Why can't Sinb let her hold her hands? Why can't they tell their friends that they're in a relationship? Why can't she hug and kiss her? Even in private?

 

Yerin sniffed for the last time and began walking to her bed to sleep her heavy heart. Staying up all night would just frustrate her more. It was better if she would spend it by sleeping. In that way, she gets to rest and at the same time, momentarily escape her reality.

 

 

---

 

 

"Yerin you look pale."

 

Yerin smiled weakly as she sat down on her seat beside her friend. "I'm okay."

 

Noticing the hoarse voice, Sowon looked at Yerin worriedly. "Are you sure?"

 

"Yep. Dont worry." Forcibly showing her eye smile, Yerin took out her Taxation book. "I'm a human vitamin unnie, remember?"

 

"But lately you seem not."

 

"Sowon unnie is worried about me? This is new. Haha!" Yerin forced herself to look jolly and started punching her friend's shoulder.

 

 

---

 

 

Yerin sighed as she walked toward the lockers. No one else was there, except her and a girl meters away from her who happened to be Sinb, her girlfriend.

 

Reaching her own locker beside the latter, Yerin composed herself. "Hey."

 

"Ow, Yerin." Sinb simply replied while closing her locker.

 

Yerin felt her heart getting squeezed, the way Sinb acknowledged her doesn't feel like she's someone special— doesn't feel like she's her girlfriend. Well, what's new anyway? It's not like Sinb ever called her affectionately before. She was not surprised, maybe just a bit hurt and disappointed.

 

"I have a pair study later, I might not see you off.." She stated.

 

She doesn't even know why she said that when they don't even see each other before going home.

 

"Great. I have a dance practice later as well."

 

"Take care."

 

"Yeah bye."

 

Yerin smiled bitterly as Sinb walked away. She wouldn't even care to ask who I am pair with? She wouldn't even try to tell me to take care as well?

 

Holding back her tears, Yerin grabbed a book inside her locker, closed it and left off to her next class.

 

 

---

 

 

Yerin hesitantly dragged her feet closer to the backstage while holding tightly the flowers she bought for her girlfriend.

 

Sinb's dance team showcase had just ended and she wanted to congratulate her for the success.

 

She just wasn't sure if the girl wants it.

 

Taking a deep breath, Yerin smiled at the other members of the dance team as she bumped into them, though she wasn't sure if they know her because Sinb didn't really introduce her, even just as a friend.

 

As she spotted Sinb in the corner, she began to walk faster to approach her. "Hey." She called and smiled proudly. "Congrats for the success of the showcase."

 

"You're here."

 

Holding the flowers tighter, Yerin lifted them slightly for Sinb to see. "How can I be absent?" She softly uttered and smiled again.

 

"Sinb!"

 

The dancer's focus was caught by a yell from a distance. Looking back at Yerin, she smiled apologetically. "Thanks for coming but uhm.. we gotta go celebrate."

 

"Oh... Yeah sure. Go on." Yerin forced a smile as she felt a familiar pain inside her chest. "Have fun." She added before Sinb ran back to her team.

 

Holding in her tears, Yerin started walking away, looking blankly at the set of flowers that was unappreciated. She had two hours of travel just to get those for Sinb not to mention she was still feverish, but then, it just ended up being nothing.

 

---

 

Sinb drank her fourth bottle as her team cheered for her. After emptying it, she excused herself to the ladies' room to pee.

 

After doing her business, she checked her phone for any notification she received. However, her brows furrowed seeing no message from her girlfriend.

 

It was already 10 pm and usually, Yerin messages her a goodnight message before 9. And Yerin had never missed a day ever since they started being girlfriends.

 

Shrugging it off, Sinb took a last glance at the mirror before heading out.

 

As she walked back to their table, something caught her attention outside the place.

 

Is that Yerin?

 

She asked herself as she tried to open her eyes wider. She stayed on her spot and observed how the girl was walking blankly by the place.

 

Yerin seemed lost. She was walking but her head was hung low and her eyes were not really focused. And she was walking like a lost puppy who doesn't know her way back to her real owner.

 

Then, Sinb saw something in Yerin's hands as the latter started walking toward a garbage can. The flowers she bought for her... "Oh ." She muttered to herself as she walked to the door, head slightly spinning as the effect of alcohol.

 

She quickly ran outside but Yerin already threw the flowers and was already walking away.

 

Sinb only sighed, walked to the garbage can and pulled out the flowers. "Damn it." She stared at it and back to the disappearing figure of Yerin and looked back at it again.

 

Then, she saw a card in it.

 

 

Congrats for today Sinb! I dont know what flowers to buy since I don’t really know what you like. But I tried my best finding these beautiful flowers. I hope you like them! I’m so proud of you♡

 

 

"Sinb! The game will start now! Let's get inside." Sinb looked back to her teammate as she was called. She smiled back and only nodded before pocketing the card and fixing the flowers.

 

 

---

 

 

"Yerin. Let's go to the clinic. You look sick." Sowon said as soon as her seatmate took the seat beside her. "Please? After this I won’t bother you anymore."

 

"What do you mean by bother?"

 

"Asking you to accompany me with random things I need to do."

 

Yerin looked at her friend and sighed in defeat. "Okay. Let's go." She said as she let Sowon guide her to be treated.

 

 

---

 

 

Another lonely night as Yerin sat by her window again and just kept on looking up to the stars. She was already feeling better after taking two days of rest. She turned out to have flu and the nurse strongly suggested for her to rest. And with Sowon's constant nagging, she decided to not attend school for two days.

 

And sadly, for those two days, Sinb didn't come to check on her. She understood that the latter might be busy with other things but at least a call? To ask if she's okay? If she's still breathing?

 

Yerin sighed, now, she has to do something. Their relationship has no direction, she knew it.

 

Hearing a knock on her dorm's door, Yerin's brows furrowed as she was not expecting someone that night.

 

"It's not locked, come in." She yelled, thinking it might be Sowon. But when she saw the visitor, her 'good evening greeting' got stuck in as she was suddenly out of words.

 

Sinb came.

 

"Hey, I came with medicine. I heard you're sick." Sinb said and lifted the paper bag she was holding.

 

Getting back to her senses, Yerin looked back out the window and internally sighed as she nodded to acknowledge the girl. "Thanks. I'm okay now though." She said and pointed to the table nearby. "Just put it there."

 

Putting the bag carefully, Sinb looked at Yerin whose eyes were focused out the window. "I'm sorry if I just came today. I just need to—"

 

Sighing with obvious disappointment, Yerin interrupted. "I understand."

 

"...and uhmm.. I haven't called becau—"

 

"I understand." Yerin interrupted again, her voice included sadness in it which Sinb surely noticed. But then she doesn't know what to do or what to say so she kept mum as she stared at her girlfriend whose face shouted pain. Slowly, her heart felt heavy. What have I done? She asked herself.

 

Minutes of silence happened before Yerin spoke again. "Sinb..." She took a deep breath. "Let's break up." She said, still not looking at Sinb.

 

Completely taken aback, Sinb got pulled out from her thoughts. "What?"

 

"Let's break up." Yerin repeated, a little more sincere. "This relationship isn't a relationship at all."

 

"Yerin..." Sinb wasn't expecting this and she couldn't understand, her heart seemed to slowly crush. She never felt that before. "Wh—"

 

"I want us to just break up." Yerin said, still not giving Sinb a glance.

 

Finally taking two steps closer, Sinb stood a meter away from the Yerin. "Say that while looking into my eyes." She said. "I know you don't mean it."

 

Holding back her tears, Yerin faced Sinb, pain and sadness evident in her eyes. "Let's break up." She muttered, looking deeply into her girlfriend's eyes.

 

"You don't mean that."

 

"Partly, yes... But I need this to end Sinb."

 

"Why?"

 

Looking back out the window, Yerin let out a sigh. "I want to let you go."

 

"Yerin—"

 

"Sinb… This needs to stop. You aren't happy with me anymore— No, you were never happy with me." Yerin looked back to Sinb as a tear escaped her eye.

 

"What made you say that?" Sinb took a step closer.

 

"Nothing. I just... feel it."

 

"Yerin..."

 

"I don’t even know why you agreed to be my girlfriend when you don’t feel—"

 

"Yerin I like you, okay? Stop saying that."

 

Sinb interrupted in which made Yerin stop. But seconds after, she only smiled bitterly and looked away. "No you don't."

 

"How can you say that?"

 

"I never felt that you like me, that I'm someone special. This is why this relationship needs to end. I want the pain to end. I want to let this one-sided love go." Yerin looked back and stared into her eyes. "Now, do you understand?" Yerin asked. Her voice showed disappointment and pain but the way she delivered it was still calm. She is not the type to shout.

 

"No. Yerin—"

 

"Sinb... please... just let us break up. What we have isn't a relationship at all."

 

Sinb gulped and walked closer to Yerin. She wanted to reach out but why can't she?

 

Maybe, because she never reached out in the first place. She never did.

 

"No Yerin please..."

 

"What's wrong Sinb?" Yerin asked. "I thought you would accept it just easily....Well… I think you should... Because it's easy for someone to let go of something they never valued of."

 

"Yerin please don't say that."

 

"Let's stop this."

 

"No. We won’t. We're not breaking up and that's final." Sinb is sure a stubborn person. Yerin just couldn't understand why she was so against of breaking up.

 

Stepping away and gulping hard, Sinb grabbed something. "I bought you a dinner as well. Please eat it." She said before walking out of Yerin's dorm.

 

While the latter could only sigh.

 

---

 

"Are you sure you're not sick anymore?" Sowon asked while organizing her things.

 

"Sowon unnie. You worry more than my mom and girlfriend. Haha I'm okay stop worrying alright?" Yerin chuckled as she hung her bag on her shoulder.

 

Looking up to Yerin, Sowon's brows furrowed. "Wait, you have a girlfriend?"

 

Yerin stopped and blinked continuosly. Oh , did it slip out of my mouth? "I have...?"

 

"What?"

 

"No I mean I don't have." Yerin scratched her nape. "I meant, you worry more than a girlfriend."

 

The latter wasn't able to respond and only looked away to hide her unexpected blushing face, hoping Yerin didn't notice.

 

"Is this your last class unnie?" Yerin asked as she checked the time. She intentionally changed the topic to prevent Sowon from asking more. Also, she wanted to go to the arcade with the older since going home directly would just depress her more. She would just think of Sinb again and again even though she tried hard not to.

 

On the other hand, Sowon thanked the heavens as Yerin changed the topic. "I still have one last. Why do you ask?"

 

"Ah nothing." Yerin smiled as she led the way out of the lecturing theater.

 

As Sowon closed the door, she turned around to bid her goodbye to her friend. However, she bumped into her as Yerin was only standing and unmoving beside her. She looked at where Yerin was focused and saw a familiar girl. Wait, is she the girl from the dance team? Sowon asked herself.

 

"Yerin..." Sinb said as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder.

 

Blinking, Yerin didn't respond.

 

"Do you know her, Yerin?" Sowon asked in which made Yerin look at her and Sinb alternatively. She doesn't really know what to say nor how she should introduce Sinb. Except for their complicated relationship, Sinb doesn't want to tell the others about them.

 

"Ah unnie..." She muttered. "She's Sinb from the dance team."

 

"Your friend?"

 

"Y-Yeah. My f-friend.." Yerin looked anywhere except Sinb.

 

"Ah I guess I should leave you then. Take care." She smiled at Yerin and then bowed to the two before leaving off to her next class.

 

After seeing Sowon turn to the right corridor, Yerin looked at Sinb. "What are you doing here? How did you know my schedule?" Yerin asked. Sinb had never gone to fetch her from any of her classes and she was surprised to see the girl.

 

"I wanted to see you." Sinb answered.

 

Smiling bitterly, Yerin started walking. "That's a first time."

 

"Look. Yerin—"

 

Yerin stopped and looked at her before smiling. "No need to explain." She said and checked the time again. "You should go. Don't you have a dance practice?"

 

"I have but—"

 

"You should go then."

 

"Yerin..."

 

"Sinb, you know how much I support you with your passion with dance right? You can go, don't mind me." Yerin forced a smile and began walking away again.

 

However, Sinb caught up and held Yerin's wrist. "Don't you want to spend time with me?"

 

Yerin looked at their hands and then to Sinb. She smiled bitterly once again. "I always wanted. I always wanted Sinb... Maybe, I'm already tired of thinking of the possibility of having at least an hour of your time." She said.

 

"Yerin I'm—"

 

"I told you already. You don't need to explain."

 

---

 

Yerin doesn't know how she ended up sitting across Sinb in an ice cream parlor shop. All she could remember was that, Sinb dragged her by the wrist and everything else was a blurry.

 

"What do you want?" Sinb asked as she looked at the menu. "Chocolate Ice cream?"

 

"Why are you doing this?"

 

Sinb looked at Yerin. "Can't I take my girlfriend out on a date?"

 

"This is a first time." Yerin replied and looked away. "Mango Ice Cream." She added, answering Sinb's first question.

 

Sighing, Sinb stood up and walked to the counter.

 

---

 

Yerin stopped walking as she reached her dorm's door. She took a deep breath and faced Sinb.

 

The latter then gave a small smile and nodded, signaling Yerin to go inside. "Goodnight. Thanks for today." She said and turned around.

 

"Sinb…" Yerin called. Questions inside her head were countless and she thought that maybe that night, some of those should be answered before they end the day.

 

Turning back to Yerin, Sinb looked at her girlfriend.

 

"Why are you doing all these? All of a sudden?" Yerin asked, looking calm yet hurt.

 

"Yerin..." Sinb muttered.

 

Yerin sighed, why can't Sinb just give her a concrete answer? She needs it to calm her mixed thoughts. "Why can’t you just let me go?" She asked, now her voice shouted pain in which Sinb didn't fail to notice.

 

"I can’t."

 

"Why?"

 

"I like you."

 

Yerin let out another sigh of disappointment and pain as she looked away. "You don't mean that."

 

Looking sincerely at Yerin, Sinb took a step closer. "Yerin please stop say—"

 

"Goodnight. Take care going home." Yerin interrupted and opened the door of her dorm, not giving Sinb a glance.

 

---

 

Yerin lifted her hand as she saw Sowon looking around the cafeteria. And as soon the latter looked to her direction, she smiled and pointed to the unoccupied seat in front of her.

 

Sowon placed her food down the table and sat down before greeting Yerin a good noon. "Have you been waiting for long?"

 

"No no. You're just in time unnie." Yerin smiled and started eating her own food.

 

As they ate, Sowon shared how her morning went epic after being caught sleeping by her prof. Yerin only laughed at her friend and even in between.

 

"Uhm Yerin..." Sowon suddenly muttered. "That dancer is looking at you again. And… she's been doing that for a week now. She's kinda creeping me off. For a friend, she seems weird."

 

Yerin forced a chuckle. "Yeah she's weird, just don't mind her unnie." Giving Sinb a quick glance, Yerin just didn't mind it and continued finishing her food.

 

---

 

Yerin grabbed her bag as she followed Sowon out of the lecture theater, laughing as the older almost tripped.

 

"Yah! Jung Yerin! Stop laughing! Else I won’t treat you ice cream today!" Sowon yelled, her face still red. She was hoping only Yerin saw that or maybe she was hoping anyone else saw that instead of Yerin since the latter wouldn't stop teasing and laughing at her.

 

"You promise you will treat me today unnie! You can't take that—"

 

"Yerin."

 

The two stopped bickering as they heard a voice nearby. Turning to her left, Yerin's grinning face became blank as she saw her girlfriend waiting for her.

 

She then smiled as she turned to face Sowon again. "Just wait for me over there unnie. I need to talk to her."

 

Hesitating, Sowon left the two alone.

 

Yerin looked at Sinb and walked closer. "You're here."

 

"I came to fetch you. Let's have dinner together?" Sinb smiled suggestively.

 

Yerin could feel her heart skip a beat seeing that smile. Damn. She couldn't deny, Sinb's effect on her never changed. She gulped and looked away. "I have plans for tonight."

 

"With who?"

 

"With Sowon unnie."

 

Sinb didn't say a thing as she kept on looking at Yerin. Seconds later, she gulped and sighed in defeat. "How about tomorrow?"

 

"I have a pair study."

 

"With her?" Sinb asked, hesitant.

 

Yerin looked anywhere except her. "Yeah…" She answered as her grip on her bag tightens.

 

Sinb looked down as a familiar sensation in her chest hit her again. "Okay then. I should go." She said and began walking away.

 

---

 

"Thanks again unnie, I really enjoyed even though we were dealing with numbers for hours." Yerin said as they reached her floor. "Have a good night. Take care."

 

"You too." Sowon smiled as she ruffled the younger's hair. She bid her goodbye and began climbing down the stairs to head to her own dorm room.

 

Smile was plastered in Yerin's face as she walked towards her dorm. The pair study with Sowon lifted up her mood that has been not so good the past days. It took her mind off from thinking about Sinb and somehow, she felt a little better.

 

Speaking of, her girlfriend has not been in contact since that day she fetched her to grab a dinner. Ever since Yerin tried to break up with her, Sinb was always the one to message her first but for the past two days, she received nothing.

 

Yerin could only sigh. What does she expect from her? But well, she could not deny, she was hoping that Sinb was finally giving their relationship a tad of value. But with all these mixed signals, Yerin doubted it again.

 

As she reached her dorm's door, it was only then that she noticed a figure sitting a meter away from it, head hanging low while fidgeting her fingers.

 

What was she doing here?

 

The dance team has a competition in a week. She should be practicing with her team by now.

 

"Sinb...?" Yerin called out.

 

The other girl was quick to react as she heard her name. She stood up and faced Yerin while trying to balance herself.

 

"You're here…" Sinb said and put her hand against the wall to steady while trying to show a smile to the older. "Wait... uhm, where did I put it?" Sinb asked herself as she turned around, almost stumbling. And as soon as she saw what she was looking for, she frowned.

 

"They're ruined..." She muttered to herself as she tried to balance herself while reaching for the thing she bought for Yerin.

 

"Are you drunk?" Yerin asked, observing how Sinb was struggling to not stumble. Her eyes then focused on what Sinb was carrying. Wait, are those flowers?...? Did Sinb really buy her flowers?

 

"I'll just buy her a new one..." Sinb again muttered to herself as if Yerin wasn't with her. Disappointment was evident in her face.

 

Then, she began walking away, wobbly.

 

Brows furrowing, Yerin looked at her confusedly. "Where are you going?"

 

"I'll buy new set of flowers for my girlfriend. She won't like these ruined ones." Sinb answered as she tried to balance herself against the wall.

 

What's with her? Can't she recognize me? She just did though? Moments ago?

 

Yerin was so confused. Is Sinb always like this when she's drunk? Like, having short term memory loss so sudden?

 

As Sinb stumbled, Yerin automatically rushed to help her but the former was quick to dodge her hands. "I need to buy flowers for her. I should go." Sinb said as she tried to stand up again.

 

"You're drunk— hey!" Yerin yelled seeing Sinb stumble once again. She was about to help her out but Sinb remained on the floor, leaning against the wall, looking blankly at the ruined flowers.

 

Yerin stared at her. She had never seen the girl looking so melancholic until that day.

 

Sinb then smiled bitterly. "Even with just buying and giving flowers as her girlfriend, I still ." She whispered to herself but audible enough for the other girl.

 

Yerin was unable to do anything but to just stare at her, out of words. Sinb's face and voice were still serious as they always are but the sadness was evident, especially in her eyes.

 

Yerin stayed still, staring at the girl. She didn't know what to do as her emotions were mixed up. Everything was confusing her. This isn't the Sinb she knew of.