Lisa POV

Love is complicated. It makes you happy, but it also makes you sad. It gives you energy, but most of the time, it drains you. It drains you to the point that you can no longer feel the amount of blood that is circulating inside your veins, or hear the beating of your heart that signifies you are alive. In simple terms, love makes us numb.

Just like what I am feeling right now. Or better yet, there’s no feeling at all. I am lost. I have no any idea of what is going on inside my heart. I used to be so sure of what I feel. I was so certain of what I feel for her, my Jennie. But right now, as I am lying here in my bed, all I can think about is how her touch doesn’t excites me anymore. How her warmth is not the thing that I am craving for. I am confused as hell, of why I want to isolate myself from anyone, and that includes her. My logic used to be, US against the world, not ME, against the world, and HER. But what can I do? I fell out of love. Or so, I think.

*Vibrate*

My thought was distracted when I looked at my phone and saw that there’s a message from Jennie. My girlfriend. I let out a sigh and lazily open her message.

“Iloveyou lili”

That is the only statement that she sent to me. The words that used to bring joy in my heart. It used to comfort me, and complete my day. But now, it doesn’t have the same effect anymore. It doesn’t give me heat that I used to feel in the past, the only thing that it gave to me right after I read it, is confusion. It added to my confusion on how she can still love me even though it is already apparent that I’ve changed. The we’ve changed, and we are not the same anymore. Tears started to fell from my eyes as I started typing a reply to her.

“Iloveyou too”

And with that, I cried hard. I was lying to the one I used to love, but still the most important person in my life. I love her, but not the way that I used to love her before. And that is the thing that makes me crazy. I still want her in my life, I am still afraid of letting her go, I don’t wanna live without her by my side, but, I don’t wanna be her lover anymore. I’m just hurting her. And I hate that. But, I can’t tell her the truth. I don’t wanna lose her. My best friend, my soul mate.

What should I do?