"Competition's good, it brings out the vital parts
 The Abstract Poetic, majors in recital arts"
                        "Vibes and Stuff" A Tribe Called Quest
 

Bobby adjusted his snapback before stuffing his hands in his pockets, trying to fight off the nerves that were bubbling in the pit of his stomach. It felt different tonight, knowing that he wasn’t just here as a spectator. He was actually putting himself out there tonight, submitting himself to the whim of the crowd. Sure it wasn’t that big of a deal, it was just a basic open mic session where he wasn’t going to be only newbie. But it was the first time he’d be rapping for anyone other than Jiho or Hanbin, and he wanted to do well. He’d learned a lot from Jiho over the past few weeks, about composing and beat production. He was using one of Jiho’s beats tonight, because his own were nowhere near good enough yet. He didn’t want to feel like he’d been wasting Jiho’s time.

Mostly he wanted to do well tonight because he was really enjoying the music, and once he’d started jotting down lyrics he was surprised at how often they came to his head. He had a notebook half full already, and while they weren’t all great, he was writing. His lyrics would get better over time, he wouldn’t always need to re-write songs five times in order to make them good. But even with good lyrics, just being able to write them didn’t mean he’d be able to deliver them with ease, didn’t mean the crowd would be into them.

He went over the lines again in his head, stumbling over his wording. He knew it was just the nerves, that if he kept focusing on it he’d keep tripping himself up. Jiho had told him as much, had advised him to just mingle and engage in conversation with people, to not just stand in the corner and fret over his coming performance. It was hard advice to follow, though, especially without Hanbin here.

But while he was lacking his boyfriend he did have his best friend, and Jinhwan came back from the bar with two beers, passing him one.

“Are you friends here yet?” Jinhwan asked, curious to meet Bobby’s new rap friends.

Bobby scanned the club, eyes looking for people he recognized. He finally saw him emerge from the hallway, feeling slightly relieved to see him. He grabbed Jinhwan’s arm and guided him over to where Jiho had taken a seat at the opposite end of the bar. Jiho saw him coming and nodded to him before ordering his own beer, turning to face him as he got closer.

“Bobby! I was hoping you wouldn’t chicken out on me, it’s good to see you.” Jiho teased before taking a sip of his beer.

Bobby grinned back at him, feeling better. “Nah I’m good, feeling excited.”

“Nervous at all?” Jiho asked, and he smirked when Bobby shook his head and tried to act like he was fine. He could tell he was lying.

“Hyung, I want to introduce you to my best friend, Jinhwan,” Bobby pulled on Jinhwan’s arm until he came in a little closer, “Jinan, this is Jiho hyung, the guy who’s been giving me a crash course in music.”

Jiho greeted him with a friendly smile. “Nice to meet you, you’re the one who’s moving to LA soon, right?”

Jinhwan nodded. “Yeah, that’s me. Glad I’m here to see his embarrassing first attempt in person. I’d cry if I had to miss this.”

Jiho laughed. “Ah, so you’re that kind of best friend! No friendly faces here for Bobby tonight.”

Bobby shook his head and pushed Jinhwan away jokingly. “ both of you.”

“ both of them? That sounds like my kind of party!”

Bobby turned around to see Woosung, who’d just appeared behind him. He smiled in greeting, happy to see him. “Hey Woosung! How’s it going?”

Woosung smiled back at him. “Good, hyung. Hanbin told me you were coming out tonight. I’m excited to see what you’ve got ready.” He was a little nervous to hear Bobby’s rap, torn between sympathizing with a newcomer, and hoping Bobby wasn’t that good. Not yet, at any rate. Not on his first night.

“Yeah, I’ve been working with Jiho hyung, and he thinks I’m ready, so I figured I’d give it a shot.”

“Well, don’t think about it too much, over focusing might make you forget your lines.” Woosung said. He’d messed up his own first performance, nerves jumbling his brain while he was in the middle of his song.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to relax and not overthink it. I actually got Hanbin’s help with some of my lines, so I don’t want to screw it up.” Bobby said, trying to make small talk to cover up those nerves.

Woosung tried to contain the immediate little spark of jealousy. It was perfectly fine for Hanbin to help Bobby with his rap. “Oh yeah? That’s smart, he’s really clever with his rhymes, he’s got a real poetic vibe, using all those big words no one else really uses.” Woosung grinned at the memory. He missed writing with Hanbin.

Bobby looked a little surprised. “Did you two rap together?”

Woosung shook his head. “No, not really. Well sometimes we would, just jokingly, like before his boxing tournaments. But we used to write together. Our styles are really different so it was always interesting, seeing what we’d come up with.” He hoped Bobby wasn’t taking his foray down memory lane the wrong way, because he was trying to keep it as friendly as possible. He couldn’t afford to slip up and let himself sulk over missing Hanbin, especially not in front of his boyfriend. He didn’t want Bobby to think that he had some kind of negative effect on him. Just because he and Hanbin had started writing together first, just because it had been their thing, it didn’t mean they owned the activity. Hanbin could write with whoever he wanted to, and Woosung wasn’t going to be upset about it.

He just really hoped that Bobby wasn’t going to be that good yet, not on his first try. If he owned the stage tonight it just wouldn’t be fair. Then again, he had Jiho helping him. Woosung hadn’t had anyone when he’d first gone up. He’d made his friends after a few weeks of trying. He’d done it all himself.

“Hey losers, how’s it going?” Jaewon into the conversation, slinging an arm around Woosung’s shoulders. He’d just walked into the club and had spotted them, deciding to come over and see how Bobby was faring. “Bobby, nice to see you again, Jiho told me you were his new protege.”

While being around Jiho and Woosung had lifted Bobby’s spirits a little, seeing Jaewon’s smirking face had his nerves coming back, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. “Yeah, hyung’s been a huge help to me. Not really expecting much tonight, you know, just wanna make it through the first time out without a problem.”

Jaewon nodded, then looked around their group. “Where’s that cute little boyfriend of yours? Did he not come?”

Bobby shook his head, trying to keep his expression from getting annoyed at the way that Jaewon spoke so casually about Hanbin. “He’s got a boxing tournament that he had to train for, so he couldn’t make it.”

Jaewon looked surprised. “Hanbin boxes? With that pretty face of his? Risky business.” Jaewon said teasingly, before turning his attention to Woosung. “You’re not moping too much without Hanbin-ie here, are you?”

Woosung’s expression dropped into one of annoyance and he shoved Jaewon away. “ off, Jaewon.” He looked at Bobby then, hoping he looked casual and not at all like he was panicking. “Don’t pay him any attention, he’s just trying to be dramatic.”

Jaewon grinned, casting his eyes between the pair of them. “What did I tell you about talking to me?”

Woosung rolled his eyes and gave Jaewon an overly dramatic deep bow. “My apologies. Please  off, Jaewon.”

Jaewon grinned and put his arm back around Woosung’s shoulders. “Good enough, I guess. Anyway Bobby, who’s the cute guy next to you? Second boyfriend?” Jaewon gave Jinhwan a long once over, taking in his appearance and winking at him.

It grated on Bobby’s nerves. “This is my best friend, Jinhwan.”

Jinhwan winked back at Jaewon, unable to help but flirt back. Jaewon was gorgeous. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice indeed,” Jaewon answered, all smiles, “if Bobby flops on his performance make sure you stick around for mine. I’m worth the wait.” A disgusted huff next to Jaewon had him turning to side, grinning expression focused on Woosung.

“Hyung, just so you know, Jinhwan has a boyfriend.” Woosung stated, annoyed with his flirting. He shouldn’t be, since Jaewon flirted with everyone, but he had to express his bubbling irritation and this was a safe topic.

Jaewon frowned before looking back at Jinhwan. “Is your boyfriend here right now?” He asked Jinhwan, who grinned back at him and shook his head. Jaewon turned back to Woosung with a smug smile. “Well then, no harm in a little bout of innocent flirting, is there?”

Woosung shook his head. “You’re honestly disgusting.”

Jaewon patted his cheek. “Don’t be jealous, Woo, it makes you uglier than you already are. Jiho, I need you for a minute, come with me. I’ll see the rest of you in a bit.” Jaewon waved his goodbyes and winked at Jinhwan again before walking off with Jiho.

Woosung watched him go with a shake of the head before turning to Bobby and Jinhwan. “What a scumbag. I’ll talk to you guys in a bit, I have some people I have to go and say hi to.” Woosung excused himself and made his way over to the corner, where they saw him greet a few people.

“Interesting group dynamics,” Jinhwan finally said, grinning at Bobby.

“Yeah, that’s an understatement,” Bobby replied, still slightly annoyed by Jaewon, but knowing it would pass. It was simply Jaewon’s default persona, as Jiho had explained to him. Jaewon enjoyed instigating with people, did it all the time. Apparently he said it inspired him for lyrics.

“Okay, honest answer time,” Jinhwan said, turning to face Bobby, “do you think Woosung is still into Hanbin?” He wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea to bring the topic up, but he’d noticed Jaewon’s teasing and Woosung’s embarrassed reaction to it.

“Nah, they’re just friends,” Bobby answered quickly, “he’s not into him anymore like that.”

Jinhwan was a little surprised at the sudden, confident disagreement. “Really? You don’t think he was a little embarrassed at Jaewon asking about him?”

Bobby shook his head. “Well sure he was, but that doesn’t mean anything. He just doesn’t want to make things awkward between us, right? Doesn’t want me to think anything bad.”

Jinhwan nodded, but didn’t feel convinced. “Right. So why did Woosung even invite Hanbin out in the first place? Just to reconnect? Relive the good old times?” Jinhwan asked teasingly.

Bobby wasn’t bothered by it, though. “Probably. I mean, Hanbin said they were really good friends even before they dated. And if they used to write together before Woosung started rapping, then he probably just misses that connection. It makes sense, right? It’ll be like when you move. I’m sure you’ll make new friends, but that doesn’t mean you won’t want to share things with me still, right?” Bobby hadn’t sensed anything malicious from Woosung, but then again he wasn’t really looking for it either. He didn’t want to get jealous over Hanbin reconnecting with an old boyfriend. Jealousy came from insecurity, and Bobby didn’t feel insecure around Woosung.

Jinhwan still shook his head. “That’s different, we’ve never dated!”

Bobby shrugged. “Still, it’s the same idea.”

Jinhwan leaned against the bar, eyes on Woosung in the corner. “Well, regardless of his intentions, I still think he’s got a thing for Hanbin, so you should watch out.” He teasingly winked at Bobby, who couldn’t help but laugh about it.

“What, you think Woosung is going to try and steal him back? Please, Jinan. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m not intimidated by Woosung. He can’t stack up to me. Plus I know why they broke up, and it was awkward. There’s no going back to that. They’re lucky to be friends again.”

Jinhwan’s face took on a contemplative look. “I wonder if Woosung knows that you know his relationship details?”

“Don’t you go saying anything!” Bobby retorted, putting an arm around his shoulders. “I might never bring you out again.”

Jinhwan smirked back at him. “I’ll come by myself then. You can’t stop me. I’ll jeer you when it’s your turn, every time.”

“I’ll get you blacklisted,” Bobby replied with a grin, “Jaewon could probably do it for me, he seems to run this place.”

“Yeah, speaking of Jeawon,” Jinhwan whistled lowly, “he’s gorgeous. Idol-level pretty, don’t you think?” Jinhwan was still slightly shaken over that introduction. It wasn’t often you came face to face with people with such stunning good looks. Jaewon was easily the prettiest guy that Jinhwan had ever spoken to.

Bobby rolled his eyes. “You hoping to see him on Inkigayo one of these weeks?”

Jinhwan grinned back at him and took a sip of his beer. “I’d join his fan club in a heartbeat,” Jinhwan teased, “did you hear him flirting with me? What an ego boost.”

Bobby shook his head. “Don’t get me started. He’s gorgeous, I’ll give him that, but he’s got a bit of a trashy vibe, don’t you think? I asked Chanwoo about him, and he actually told me to be careful. Apparently his brother is used to getting what he wants, and he doesn’t always care whether or not what he wants is the right thing.”

Jinhwan laughed at his comment. “Oh calm down, you’re forgetting I already have a super hot boyfriend. I’d take Junhow over Jaewon any day of the week.”

“Why, because Junhoe does whatever you tell him to?” Bobby teased.

“Absolutely, he’s smitten with me, you can’t throw that away.” Jinhwan replied jokingly.

“I’m gonna tell him you said that,” Bobby threatened.

“Go for it,” Jinhwan said, “he’ll get cutely grumpy for a few minutes but that’ll be it. Besides, he knows how much I love him, he won’t get bothered if I say I appreciate the good looks of another man.”

“True, Hanbin and I had the same kind of conversation about Jaewon the other week, actually,” Bobby admitted, and Jinhwan laughed at him. Just then the saw Jaewon reappear at the bar, slipping in between two attractive women.

Jinhwan watched him chatting the girls up, shaking his head. “Ah there he is, flirting again.”

Bobby looked on in amusement. “Don’t be jealous, Jinan. I’m sure he’ll flirt with you again before the night is over.”

Jinhwan grinned back at him. “He can try, I don’t share though, so it’s a good thing I have Junhoe.”

“Would you ever have a ?” Bobby asked suddenly, the idea springing into his head as he watched Jaewon flirting with both girls.

Jinhwan nearly choked on his beer, not expecting the question. “Why, are you interested?” He replied teasingly.

Bobby grinned at him. “With you two? No ing way. I just mean in general, though. I don’t know if I could. I mean the idea’s kinda hot, but I don’t think I could handle seeing someone else touch Hanbin. Talking is one thing, but it would bother me.”

Jinhwan couldn’t help but grin, amused by the sudden question. “Yeah I can’t see a ever working out for you, don’t need you to tell me that, I know you well enough. I think Hanbin would be down for it, though. He’s more open than you are.”

Bobby glared at him, even though he was sure Jinhwan was right. “Don’t go getting any ideas.”

Jinhwan leaned into his side. “Would you be mad if I invited Hanbin to join me and Junhoe?”

Bobby shook his head. “Hanbin has better taste than that.”

“Not if he’s dating you, he doesn’t!” Jinhwan replied, throwing an arm around Bobby’s shoulders. “But if you don’t like that option, you could always invite Woosung to join the two of you. Make his whole year.”

Bobby couldn’t help but laugh, the idea absurd. “That would be so awkward, why would you even suggest that?”

“You’re the one who brought it up to begin with!” Jinhwan replied.

“I meant in general, we didn’t have to get into specifics. And you never answered my question about whether or not you would.”

Jinhwan took a sip of his beer, debating the question in his mind. Would he ever want a ? Some part of him wanted to say yes, wanted to experience having another person. But he knew he was really more in line with Bobby’s way of thinking. He wouldn’t mind himself being with two people at once, but the idea of someone else touching Junhoe would have him ready to throw fists. “No. At least not with Junhoe involved.”

Bobby tried to hide his grin, but it still came out. “You really love him, don’t you?” He knew the answer to the question, had seen the answer in Jinhwan’s behaviour ever since he’d started dating Junhoe. It was still weird sometimes, though, to think that both he and Jinhwan had managed to find their ideal partners at the same time.

Jinhwan didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. Bobby understood his feelings. Their conversation was interrupted by Jiho, who came over to whisk Bobby away, to tell him it was time to prepare for his performance. Jinhwan gave him a hug before he went off, told him to do well or he’d throw his boot at him. He’d worn the Doc Martens just for the occasion.
 

“So, what do you think? I know I kind of slurred some of my words together, I was so damn nervous.” Bobby rambled, nervous to hear Hanbin’s opinion. Jinhwan had recorded the performance for him and sent it to Hanbin, who’d just finished watching it. Jinhwan had said that he’d thought it was great, while Jiho had said it was good for his first time, and that they’d work on a few things the next time they got together. Woosung had told him he’d done good, teasing that he’d exceeded his expectations. Jaewon had said he was decent but needed practice. And the crowd had seemed like they enjoyed it well enough, a few guys had told him he’d done well for his first shot, that they hoped he’d be back out again.

So he was feeling half good about it, and half bad. He hadn’t expected to be perfect his first time up, but secretly he’d hoped he would be. And while he hadn’t forgotten any of his lyrics, he had screwed up his flow twice, getting lazy on the beat. So he could have done better, but he also could have done much worse.

“I think it was a solid first performance,” Hanbin replied over the phone, “you have some work to do, but you were nervous, so it’s no surprise.”

“Yeah, I know. Still, though, wish I hadn’t lost the beat like that. Feel kinda stupid, especially using Jiho’s beat. I don’t want to make him sound bad.”

“Don’t worry, the beat sounded great. You were the one that was off,” Hanbin teased, shooting him a smug grin.

Bobby laughed at him, and felt a little better for hearing his honest opinion. He didn’t want Hanbin to talk him up just because they were dating. He wanted honesty. “So supportive, thanks,” he replied, but it was tinged with laughter.

“Anytime. I can’t have you sounding like garbage, I need to be dating someone who’s got his together. Especially if I’m going to come out and watch next time.” Hanbin shot back, laughing when Bobby pouted at him.

“Thanks for putting the extra pressure on me,” Bobby sulkingly replied, “maybe you shouldn’t come.”

“You have one more week to practice, since I have that last boxing session this coming week,” Hanbin replied, “you better do a good job, don’t want to be responsible for me losing my concentration in the tournament, do you?”

Bobby shook his head. “Wow, really not cutting me any slack, are you?” He tried to keep the hurt look on his face but he couldn’t, and eventually they both succumbed to giggles.

“Hey, hyung?” Hanbin called a moment later, and waited for Bobby to quiet down and look at him, smiling softly at him through the screen, “I’m proud of you for doing it. I’m sad I wasn’t there to watch, but I’m happy you did it. And you did do well for your first time, so don’t feel bad about any of it.”

Bobby smiled back at him, actually feeling better to hear Hanbin say that he was proud. “Thanks, Bin.”

“I should go, need to sleep, but,” Hanbin paused, blowing him a kiss, “I love you. Get a good sleep.”

Bobby broke out in a huge smile, feeling stupidly giddy. Maybe it was just the compounded nerves finally escaping him after being cooped up all day. “I love you too, Bin. See you tomorrow?” Hanbin nodded and they both blew each other kisses again before hanging up.

It was weird, how much he’d changed just by being with Hanbin. A year ago he’d have felt uncomfortable with this kind of video call, he’d have blanched in terror if a guy had ever said that he loved him. Now he felt like he was missing something if he didn’t hear Hanbin say it, or if he didn’t say it himself.

So it made this whole thing okay, about trying his hand at rapping. Even if he face-planted and did horribly, Hanbin would still love him, and at the end of the day that was the most important thing. He could work on his rapping with Jiho, he’d take all his advice and learn all his tricks. But good or bad performance, Hanbin would be there for it. That was the important thing.
 

The rough draft of his history essay out of the way, Taeyong looked for his chemistry book next. He had a set of questions due on Monday that he’d left time to do today. But his book wasn’t in his bag. He searched around his room, even though he knew it was useless. He always kept his books in his bag for precisely this reason. He must have left it in his locker, since he didn’t have chemistry on Fridays. He’d grabbed his biology book instead of chemistry.

. What was he supposed to do now? If Woosung took chemistry with him, he’d call him. But the only person he really knew in chemistry class was the last person he wanted to ask for help. But he was also the only option. Taeyong wasn’t going to let his bad blood with Hanbin get in the way of good grades.

He picked up his phone and typed a hasty text message to Hanbin, feeling grateful about having his number due to basketball for the first time. He painfully wrote it and hit send, annoyed with himself for forgetting. Hanbin’s response was fast, at least.

H: yeah i got it, but im doing my hw too right now
H: you wanna come over and we can do it together?
T: when are you gonna be done
H: not for a while, i literally just started
H: just come over, its not a big deal
T: can we meet up somewhere instead
T: like library or something?
H: fine meet me at starfield, k?
T: k

Well, that hadn’t been as painful as he’d anticipated, and he’d given in pretty easily. Taeyong wasn’t going to Hanbin’s home, no ing way.

He packed his stuff up and left his room, meeting his grandmother in the kitchen.

“I have to go out, okay? I’m meeting my chemistry partner at the library to work on an assignment.” He hoped she wouldn’t object, but at least the excuse was legitimate.

She eyed him warily, like she was deciding whether or not to give him the benefit of the doubt. “When will you be back? I want to see your work when you return.”

“Of course, grandma, I’m not lying to you. I don’t know how long I’ll be though, maybe a few hours?” He waited with held breath for her response. He was going regardless of her answer, but he didn’t want her to be mad.

Finally she nodded. “Okay. Call me if you’ll be out past six. Be a good boy, Taeyong-ah.”

He grit his teeth and bowed to her before leaving, shouldering his bag and heading for the elevator. Ever since their talk with Father Choi concerning the topic of his being allowed to play basketball with a gay player, she’d adopted the exceptionally awkward habit of warning him to be a good boy any time he left her sight. He knew she was concerned for him, but it just reinforced the idea that there was something uncontrollably wrong about him.

He’d been relatively okay at first, dealing with the whole thing. But it was starting to wear on him, the constant verbal reminders that he was sick. He didn’t feel sick, didn’t feel like there was anything wrong with him. He was just attracted to the wrong gender, and it wasn’t anyone’s fault except his parents, because it was in their genetic code somewhere.

But that sort of talk was frowned upon with his grandmother, and with the church. He just had to pretend like he agreed with them, had to pretend like it was all working on him, curing him. In reality it wasn’t doing a damn thing except making him miserable.

But he couldn’t afford to be thinking about that now. Not when he was going out to meet the source of his newest problem. It was a quick walk to the library, which was newly opened and in a mall. He pulled his phone out to text Hanbin, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Hey, good timing, just got here too. Let’s go find somewhere to sit.” Hanbin smiled at him before leading the way, and Taeyong followed, annoyed that he had to resort to this, but grateful that Hanbin had agreed. This never would have been possible if Hanbin was still intent on continuing the rivalry.

They found a table and chairs quickly and sat down. Hanbin set the textbook on the table between them, and they both took out their notebooks, quietly getting to work.

It wasn’t nearly as awkward as Taeyong had worried it would be. They started together and seemed to be working mostly at the same pace, when one finished it wasn’t a long wait for the other to catch up. It made him think about his conversation with Daehee again. He absolutely hated to admit it, but he and Hanbin really were two well matched people. They even gelled when it came to homework.

Thankfully the work distracted him enough so he wasn’t thinking about it too much, but small moments still crept in here and there. It took them just under two hours to finish, and Taeyong was grateful as he packed up his things. They’d just sat and done the work, Hanbin hadn’t tried any bull attempts at talking. It was a quick in, and it would be a quick out.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me. Saved my .” Taeyong figured that a simple thank you was due, even though it still felt weird to be grateful to Hanbin for anything. This was someone he’d spent the last year obsessively being bitter over.

“No problem, glad I could help!” Hanbin replied, and he tried to keep it as casual as possible. He’d wanted to strike up a conversation multiple times, but he knew it would just bother Taeyong. But he felt like this was a gateway towards something, the fact that Taeyong had willingly come to him for help. He didn’t want the moment to end so quickly. “I’m starving, haven’t eaten in a while.”

Taeyong stared at him in silence for a moment before nodding. “Good luck with that.” He really hoped Hanbin wasn’t about to ask him to grab food, he really hoped that wasn’t what was about to happen. The homework had been one thing, but the last thing he wanted to do was spend time around Hanbin in a more casual setting where they’d have to talk to each other.

“I was actually going to ask if you wanted to grab a bite to eat.” Hanbin was starving, barely eating at lunch earlier because he’d been caught up in his history essay. He figured Taeyong would decline, but he wanted to ask anyway in case he’d be surprised.

Taeyong bristled at the invitation, surprised and annoyed Hanbin had asked. But just as he was about to turn it down his stomach had decided to speak for him, rumbling loudly. He just stood and locked eyes with Hanbin, betrayed by his own body. He could always say he had to go home and eat with his grandmother, but he wasn’t in the mood to go home, and he really didn’t want to eat her food anyway.

“Come on, you’re obviously hungry. I’ll pay.” Hanbin hadn’t meant to beg, but the fact that Taeyong hadn’t just run off right away was giving him hope. Was this the gateway to less hostility that he’d been hoping for?

Taeyong frowned and hated himself for considering it. But Daehee’s bizarre questions that day had really affected his brain in the worst way possible. What if he did just stop being Hanbin’s rival? He didn’t want to be his friend, for sure, but they could be casual acquaintances, right? That wouldn’t hurt? Of course he’d have to make sure his grandmother never found out, but at least he could always blame it on basketball.

“Whatever you want, come on, let’s eat together.” Hanbin thought he could see signs of Taeyong giving up in his eyes, they looked like they were holding none of their usual aggression.

“Only as long as you pay.” Fine. If he was actually going to follow through with this stupid plan, at least Hanbin was going to pay for it.

Hanbin couldn’t help but smile as soon as he agreed, though he tried to keep it dialed down. “Cool, where do you want to go? What do you want?”

Taeyong contemplated the idea, wondering if he should make Hanbin buy him something expensive just to see if he would. But then he didn’t want to let Hanbin hold that over his head. Besides, he was in the mood for soup. “Are you okay with ramen?”

Hanbin smiled back at his answer. “Yeah, I love ramen! Let’s go.” They left their table and walked into the mall, heading for the ramen restaurant. Taeyong couldn’t help but feel weird, going for dinner with Hanbin. It felt unnatural, but surprisingly it also felt kind of good at the same time. It was exhausting, after all, disliking someone with such fervour.

They were seated quickly and both ended up ordering the same thing: tonkotsu ramen.

“So, do you have any siblings?” Hanbin asked, because he was genuinely curious. He’d always pegged Taeyong as an only child, but he must have siblings if his parents were so quick to kick him out.

“I have a sister, she’s 7 years older than me.” He didn’t want to talk about his family with Hanbin, but he figured answering the question was safe enough.

“Do you see her often?”

“No, she moved out six years ago to go to university in France. She rarely ever comes home, so I don’t see her often.” He was still slightly bitter about his sister leaving, but he understood her reasons. It was to get away from their father, who’d never been kind to her either.  She’d gone to study fashion, and had remained there after graduating. They talked occasionally over SNS, and she always told him to come visit her.

“Oh, that ,” Hanbin replied in sympathy, “I have a younger sister, she’s only five.”

That surprised Taeyong. “That’s a huge .”

Hanbin smiled back at him. “Yeah, sometimes I feel like more of a dad than a brother. She’s adorable though, I love her more than anyone.” He took his phone out and pulled up a picture of her to show him. “That’s her, Hanbyul.”

Taeyong wasn’t sure how to feel, looking at a picture of Hanbin’s baby sister. It felt way too personal, like they were sharing way too much even though it was only a photo. “She looks like you.”

“Yeah, we both have our mom’s face.”

“Your eyes are identical.” It was weird, seeing so much of him in his sister. He looked between Hanbin and the phone, momentarily stuck on their eyes. He’d always thought his own eyes were his best feature, and when he looked at Hanbin, he couldn’t help but feel the same. It was eery, how many thing they seemed to have in common.

“Yeah, I feel like that when I look at her sometimes, it’s like a mirror. It was weird when she was born, since I was alone for thirteen years. But she makes me so happy, you know if I’m having a rough day I’ll go and play with her, and she just makes me smile right away. It’s like playing with a little puppy, actually. She just follows me around and always wants to do whatever I’m doing.”

Taeyong was surprised to hear him talk like that about her, it conflicted with the image he’d had of Hanbin for so long. Someone who doted so openly on their sibling couldn’t be that bad of a person.

“That sounds really nice, actually. You’re lucky your parents had her.”

“Yeah, people always ask why there was such a big gap. Truth is that I was actually the accidental baby, they were young when they had me and hadn’t meant to have a kid yet. They said they decided to have another one when I started getting too independent as a teenager. My mom wanted another baby to spoil, and my dad thought it would be good for me to have a younger sibling. They were right though. I always had a really good relationship with my parents, but everything just got better after she was born. I’m lucky to have my whole family.”

Taeyong couldn’t help but feel intense jealousy as he listened. He’d never felt good about his family, only misplaced adoration for a man who’d never treated him well. His mother had been marginally better, but not by much. But where before it had made him hate Hanbin even more, now it actually softened him a little, just to hear him talk. Many kids with good families never seemed to appreciate them, but Hanbin was so open in his affection for his sister and his parents that it made Taeyong desperate for the same.

Hanbin put his phone away and looked at Taeyong, wishing he could read his mind. It seemed like Taeyong wasn’t irritated or angry in the slightest, it seemed like he was calm and possibly even in somewhat of a good mood. He smiled to himself as he wound up some noodles on his chopsticks, happy he’d asked Taeyong to eat with him.

Slowly, but surely, he was winning him over.