“Don’t stop.” the singer uttered. Mina felt hot all over when she heard these words. But she couldn’t react the moment she saw Momo’s eyes.

Momo took the initiative as she pulled down the younger girl, trailing her fingers on her neck, crashing her lips against hers’. It was deep, wet kisses. It feels like she’s missing this for a long time, Mina’s lips. It is intoxicating, and Mina’s mind already stopped functioning at how the singer slipped her tongue inside her. I miss you so bad. I love you so much. These words were enveloped in her kisses, sending her secret message through her actions. Momo couldn’t stop herself either. Why does it feel like she missed those kisses, like she’s been dying to kiss her so much.

Momo kisses her once, twice, and realizes that she’ll never have enough. She’s kissing her harder, deeper with a fervent urgent need she’s never known before.

Breathing deeply, they were looking at each other’s face, like they were finding the gaps. When Mina looked into Momo’s eyes, she suddenly felt guilt-stricken. She shouldn't have let her feelings take over. In an instant, she turned her back, calming her heart down. She’s clutching her robe, trying to breathe normally.

“Mina…” Momo called her name, like begging her.

“I’m sorry, I’m just drunk. Please forget about this.” She lied. She still couldn’t look into Momo’s eyes. She felt that if she didn’t control her urges, she may do something she’ll regret soon. Her back is still facing the singer.

“I see” Momo dejectedly said, feeling disappointed at the statement. She’s sure that the younger girl is trying her best to push her away and to not lift her hopes up, yet she couldn’t ignore what she felt during their kiss. It does feel like their first kiss but at the same time, it tasted familiar. It feels like their lips were yearning for each other.

The rest of the night was silent, they were lying on the bed with their backs facing each other.

When Momo woke up, Mina had already left.

++

“There will be a launching party with OKT Entertainment this weekend. They want you to attend” Jin-young said. They are now inside Mina’s office while the girl is busy with her laptop.

“Is that important? Can I decline?” She asked, she doesn't want her precious time to be wasted in such an event if it isn’t that important.

“As a daughter of Myoui, I think you should come, you know, for business representation. And it would also be a good time to interact with our new artists, they’re the ones who bring the sales up in that segment.” He added.

Mina falls silent. She’s really not feeling well enough to attend company events or parties but maybe that’s really part of her job.

“Okay, I will.” she agreed.

++

Momo tried so hard to not feel out of place in this launching party which she was invited into. The venue is at the huge function hall of a hotel where the pool is accessible with just a frosted door away from where the party is. As Taecyeon mentioned before, it was just an informal party where the artists will be introduced to other artists and to the top management. She was a bit nervous but she had to keep up, she wanted to be a singer so shouldn’t be chickened out with this kind of crowd.

It was full of beautiful and famous people. She’s still overwhelmed by the fact that she’ll be working in this company. It was her dream to be accepted in an entertainment company and be able to offer her music to the world.

With the mic’s feedback, everyone’s attention was caught, including hers’. It was Ok Taecyeon. He started the event with warm greetings and opening remarks. He is a very cool person with a cool personality. He’s young and very open. It will be nice working with him. She thought, feeling blessed that she had chosen to submit her music to him. Glad that someone submitted her song without her knowledge, like a blessing in disguise. Then a thought popped up in her head. Who submitted my song to him before?

Her thoughts were interrupted when Taecyeon mentioned the names of their bosses.

“I am pleased to acknowledge the presence of Myoui Group’s General Manager, Ms. Myoui Mina.”

Momo’s mouth was agape at the announcement. Her eyes followed where the mentioned girl was. Mina waved her hand and bowed slightly at the crowd who gave her an applause.

Is this what they called dejavu? Momo feels she’s been holding her breath at the sight. It feels like she’s been to a party before and that she’s seen Mina before in the same setting. Again, fragments of the past came back to her. Why does fate always lead them to meet at most random places? And what’s more bizarre is that she’s unaware that Mina is the General manager of the company’s headquarters where she’ll be working.

“I would like to take this opportunity to personally introduce to you our newly signed artists. They’ll be working with us from now on so please take care of them” Taecyeon announced.

“One of our solo artists that we just signed recently is Hirai Momo” he gestured for Momo to come up in front to show her face.

Mina was dumbfounded at the announcement. Momo? One of the solo artists? When she looked at the front, it was indeed, the one whom she’s trying to avoid, Hirai Momo. And she can sense that the singer is intently looking at her, she averted her gaze, trying hard not to meet her eyes.

What an odd coincidence? The moment she’s determined to keep her distance from her, then this happens.

Good thing, there were people approaching her as she couldn’t stand to be alone while being stared at by the person she’s trying hard not to glance at. It was suffocating, being with Momo in the same venue.

When she thought she’s able to dodge any opportunities for Momo to go near her, a warm hand touched her arms. She felt shivers when a familiar voice spoke behind.

“Can we talk?” Momo was dead serious. Mina felt cornered and she just let the singer have her way.

Momo took her to the pool side, so they could talk privately. She was just standing still on her feet while Momo was in front of her with puzzling eyes.

“Please tell me the truth, who are you really Mina!? What are we?” Momo is desperate for the answers.

“We’re nothing” she lied. But her hands are trembling on this sudden interrogation. She’s been miserable but she feels she deserves it.

“Nothing? What about the kiss? It doesn’t taste like nothing!”

“I was drunk, that’s all! It was a spur of the moment thing” she spilled, and Momo felt her heart breaking at the statement. Her mind’s been occupied by Mina. She feels like Mina is the one who used to fill the void in her heart. But her words are like daggers. Are you really that kind of person? Spur of the moment thing? Really?

“So, you really don’t care about me, huh?” Momo’s tears unconsciously fell. She wanted to confirm if that’s really the case.

Mina couldn’t answer in an instant. But she averted her gaze and said “Y-yes, I don’t”

“Do you know how to swim?” Momo suddenly asked and she paused. “Because I don’t” then in a heartbeat, Momo jumped into the deep pool, wanting to drown and disappear. Everything is very confusing. Like she doesn’t know who and what to believe. Her heart tells her there’s something but everyone tells otherwise. Maybe it’s better when I’m gone.

Like an impulse, Mina dived into the water. Don’t ever disappear from my sight again Momo! She desperately grabbed the singer’s arms, pulling her away from the depths.

Panting hard, they are now at the poolside, both of them are soaking wet.

“Are you crazy!?” Mina jolted, angry at the singer’s choices. Did you know how hard it was for me to keep you alive and safe? She couldn’t suppress the stream of tears that started to fall. The least she wanted is to see Momo suffer, to see her hurt, and most of all, if she’s the cause. “You don’t know what I’m going through so stop this nonsense! Please… don’t make this harder for me Momo, I beg you” she pleaded. When Momo saw her eyes, she felt her heart sink. For the first time, it sounded sincere.

Momo couldn’t move a muscle, she knew Mina was mad serious, but her mind is all over the place. Mina stood up, leaving her alone. She’s still glued to her position, her clothes are dripping. Why is she begging me to leave her alone? But why does it sound the opposite? Do you really want me to?

++

Maybe it is for the best, if Momo will keep everything as it is. Being with Nayeon and doing her best in achieving her dream, she should be content, right. She wanted to convince herself because it pained her to see Mina struggle to keep her away. Please don’t make this harder for me Momo. Those words keep echoing inside her head, like a broken record. With a defeated sigh, she took her guitar and went to the studio.

It’s becoming colder these days, so she made sure she’s wearing enough protection against the cold weather. Good thing, she didn’t catch a cold during the pool encounter. But the memories are still vivid in her mind.

It shouldn’t be a surprise when she saw Mina at the conference room of the OKT Entertainment building, they are under their management of course, and today they have a meeting with the top management and some producers, regarding their plans about debut and live performances.

Momo was able to find a seat at a safe distance from Mina. She should be professional and should not bring personal matters into the office.

Mina took a glance at Momo when she entered the conference room. But her eyes couldn’t ignore the red scarf the singer was wearing. She felt her heart sink knowing that the girl is still using them. It was her gift. And it comes with a lot of memories. I guess she doesn’t even remember it was from me. With a heave of her chest, she composed herself again trying to ignore the pain in her heart. I miss being incapable of love. She thought but she’s doing her best to fake a smile and act like she liked it like this. Good job, Mina. She commended herself for not breaking down and for the successful facade of composing herself.

++

“I saw that you’re living in a small apartment with Momo.” Hyunbin stated, which earned Nayeon’s displeased gesture. They are now at this restaurant where she and Momo used to eat when they celebrated her acceptance into the OKT entertainment company.

Nayeon agreed to meet him when he blackmailed her that she will tell Momo about their past. Hyunbin was able to find out that the singer has retrograde amnesia and this girl in front of her is taking advantage of that fact.

“Please cut to the chase, what are we doing here?” Nayeon irritably asked.

“Oh, calm down, my damsel. I just want to spend some time with you, you know I missed you” he grinned, amused by the girl’s annoyed look.

“You know what, we’re just the same Nayeon. Don’t you think? We both are doing dirty just to have the person we want.” He added, trying to get into her nerves.

Nayeon clenched her fist, not wanting to hear anymore from the filthy mouth of the man.

“I want to leave.” she said, more like begged.

“I’m sorry, but I won’t let you. Or else…”

She knew it, Hyunbin got a card on her, and he wanted her to be in the palm of his hands again.

“I missed doing it with you” he maliciously said and Nayeon felt her insides churning. She doesn’t want to be in that same position again where she sold her soul to the devil. But does she have a choice? She doesn’t want Momo to know about the past, she doesn’t want to ruin what they have now. She felt dispirited. The next thing she knew, she was being held by Hyunbin, pulling her towards his car. She felt defenseless. She doesn’t know if what she’s going to do is right or wrong but she’s sure she doesn’t want to risk if Hyunbin will really tell Momo the truth, he has all the receipts.

Suddenly the girl she’s thinking about appeared in front of her, grabbing her arms away from the man.

“Nayeon, where are you going, who is he?” She happened to see her on her way home while riding her motorbike.

“Momo…” she was surprised to see her but she felt nervous as she was caught red handed with Hyunbin.

Hyunbin pulled Nayeon closer to him and the singer got aggravated by the act.

“She’s coming with me, so leave” he grimly said and it doesn’t sit well with Momo.

“Are you serious? Nayeon, let’s go” Momo clutched her arms but Nayeon didn’t move a muscle. Momo felt something was wrong.

The man harshly grabbed Nayeon and pushed her towards the passenger seat. Momo didn’t like what she saw and her anger suddenly welled up in her chest and the next thing she knew she already threw a heavy blow on his face. It became a mess, Hyunbin didn’t let it slip as he punched her and grabbed Momo’s collar with his two hands, pushing her against the floor.

“You know what? I have slept with Nayeon many times before. And she chose me over you and left you all alone in that slum. She abandoned you! You think I’m lying? I have all the proof you want!” He dropped the bomb and Momo was stupefied with all the information she’s hearing. Then it struck her, what Hyunbin said does make sense.

With an irritated sigh, the man left, leaving the two alone. Nayeon knew she was done for the moment Hyunbin revealed the truth. Momo was still speechless, her back still against the ground and her mind was still absorbing all the truth that was served to her. The memories are creeping up in her mind and little by little, she’s remembering the moment where she and Nayeon broke up.

“I don’t want to be stuck here like you Momo, I want to fulfill my dreams, and I’m willing to do anything for that… even sleeping with the producer”

Those words came back to her mind, reminding her of the miserable moments when the girl left her. She feels her head becoming heavy. Like every piece of puzzle falling down on its rightful place. She looked at the girl beside her, Nayeon’s tears couldn’t stop from falling.

“I recalled everything that happened” Momo disclosed and Nayeon felt her world falling apart.

“I-I’m sorry Momo, I didn’t mean to hide those things to you, I wanted to go back to you so I ended everything with Hyunbin even before you lost your memories, but—”

“You don’t have to explain.. I mean, I feel there was something wrong with me as well. I just didn’t know when and how I became indifferent. I’m sorry, I don’t love you anymore Nayeon. Even if you cry, my heart doesn’t hurt. Your place has been taken away by someone who doesn’t want to be with me. And me staying with you just doesn’t feel right, it would only cause you more pain” Momo said, feeling her heart loosen, finally she was able to be honest with her feelings, like the weight was finally drawn out in her chest.

Nayeon couldn’t reply, she’s crying so hard, she’s being casted off by the person whom she tries to steal away from Mina. She knew she was wrong to lie about their past, but hearing Momo this honest, the singer deserves to be happy too. Even if it hurts her, with the last tear, she sets Momo free.

++

Momo left Nayeon’s apartment. It was her big step to free herself from the lies. She wanted to follow what her heart desires. She used to believe that it’s okay to be lost in the middle, but everyday, the significant void in her heart always reminds her to seek for what she’s missing.

She came back to her old apartment. Stepping inside feels nostalgic. She remembers going home everyday in this rundown apartment but she loves it here even though there were bad memories, good memories are also made here. She looked around, it became a bit dusty since no one was home for a long time. Upon entering her bedroom, she laid on the bed and she closed her eyes, enjoying the familiar warmth of her mattress. It feels good. But the things around the house were a bit different. Nayeon really is not living with me for a long time. She can confirm as the room feels like being dwelled by a single person, but it doesn’t look gloomy like she expected.

At a leisurely phase, she opened her bedside cabinet. She saw pieces of papers, like drafts of her own composition. Flipping through the pages, a specific draft caught her attention, it was entitled “Only” and it was the song that Taecyeon was referring to. The one who was sent anonymously to him. She saw the scribbles at the back of the page and saw Mina’s name written on it. It was like confirming that the girl whom she dedicated the song to is no other than Mina. So it’s really you. Memories of that event became more vivid in her mind and she can now clearly see Mina’s face and she looked tearfully happy with her song. Re-reading the lyrics, Momo felt her heart tightens, the words are like written evidence of her love for the girl, their struggles, and her feelings are conveyed through this song. It was like reminding her how precious Mina is to her. And everything comes back. In a moment, her memories of Mina are coming back like flooding her consciousness with the girl’s presence in her life. Mina was everywhere, she’s everywhere. Recollection of their encounter up to the last bit of their struggles, everything just unfolds.

“You’re Sana’s friend right?”

“People like you don’t belong to this kind of place… you’re just putting yourself in danger”

“Do you love me?”

“I do… I love you”

“Can you go to my ballet recital?”

“I believe in you Momo, I know you got what it takes to get through this”

“You will never understand me because you are a Myoui”

“I love you Mina, I’m sorry for loving you, and for depending on you. I just couldn’t help myself”

“I wish it will last forever”

“It will”

“I will always come to you on the first snow I promise”

Momo felt her heart break at the memories. Why did I forget something this important? Mina was her world. She is her world. She couldn’t help but to let the stream of tears fall. Realizing how hard it was for Mina all this time. But the girl doesn’t want her around, she’s pushing her away so hard that she had to beg for her. Why are you doing this Mina?

++

“Mr. Myoui, I think it would be better if we finalize the date of the marriage” Jin-young suggested and the president’s attention was immediately caught.

“I bet you’re right, actually I already have plans for your marriage, I’ll announce the dates with the media through a press conference.”

Jin-young wanted to expedite the marriage, it came to his awareness that Momo’s the new artist of OKT and it stressed him out that this person might again ruin his plans, now that the two have a reason to see each other more often. He has to take his move. I won’t let you ruin this Momo.

++

Mina felt heavy with the throbbing of her head when she woke up tired early in the morning. Everynight, she still finds herself unable to sleep and her tears become her best friend, it’s the only thing that can lull her to sleep. She couldn’t deny that she still grieves for someone who isn’t dead. Momo. Her heart always calls for her name despite her resolve to distance herself from her. It wasn’t easy, doing things that are against your will. But she has to endure, she was used to being incapable of love before, but meeting Momo has gotten her softer and now, it’s complicated, love is complicated.

She went to the head office as usual, with her stern image and unapproachable aura. No one can come close to her except for the man who is now walking beside her. Jin-young.

“Good morning, Mina” he said as he scooted closer to her inside the elevator.

“Likewise” she greets back.

There was a momentary silence and he is used to this kind of atmosphere when he’s around Mina. The girl used to have this cold aura ever since he met her when he was just starting as a trainee in her father’s company. He can still clearly remember their first encounter.

“Hi Mina, I’m Jin-young, pleased to meet you”

“Likewise”

That moment, he felt that this girl was really special. She may seem cold from the outside but there is some softness inside of her. He’s been observing Mina ever since and he tried his best to be the ‘good friend’ for her. He knows he isn’t as innocent as Mina thought he is, but he’s been trying his best to make Mina depend on him. He wanted Mina to realize that he’s the one for her. That he’s the best option. That he can also make her happy like Momo did.

His train of thoughts were stopped when the elevator bell rang. They arrived at their floor. Mina proceeds towards her office but Jin young follows her tracks.

“Mina” he called, earning her attention.

“Do you need something?” She asked as she glanced at him with curious eyes.

“Let’s talk, I will grab us some coffee” he suggested. Mina just hums at the sudden offer.

Jin-young entered Mina’s office with two cups of store-bought coffee.

“Here, your favorite Americano.” he said while putting the cup beside her laptop.

“Thanks!” She gestured as she took the cup, melting onto the calming scent of the caffeine.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” she asked after sipping the hot drink.

Jin-young took his seat in front of Mina’s desk. He cleared his throat.

“Your father, he will soon announce the date of our marriage, and I believe it will be soon” he revealed, sounding concerned.

Mina fell silent. She knew that day would come, and she prepared herself for that. But it was sooner than she thought.

“I see” that’s the only thing she could say.

Jin-young suddenly holds her hand earning her attention.

“Mina, I know it is still hard for you with everything that happened. I know that you’re still not over Momo. But I want to tell you that you always have me, I always care for you and I want to bring back your smile. I want to see you smile again Mina. I know you can only see me as a family friend, but as time goes by, I want you to see me as a man Mina. I can make you happy too” he confessed. It took him courage to say those things to her, to make her notice him as a potential partner.

Mina was shocked by his confession. All this time, she thought that Jin-young was seeing her only as a family. Like a little sister. But with the things he said, it came to light where he is coming. It was overwhelming. She doesn’t know how to respond to that but she knows she couldn’t promise to reciprocate his feelings, not now, that she feels she’s incapable of bringing herself to feel the same way she felt with Momo to another person. It’s impossible.

“I won’t break your heart Mina” he added, reminding her that he wouldn’t be like Momo who suddenly forgets her and leaves her hanging and fighting alone.

“No one can break my heart if I keep it broken anyway” she adamantly said. She knows that the only one who can fix her is the one who she’s been grieving for.

Jin-young felt disheartened with her answer. He knows that Mina is still not over Momo and it breaks him apart. He won’t give up on Mina though. He won’t let this chance slip again. I am the one for you. Mina. I’ll do anything to have you.

++

“I’m officially announcing that in one month’s time, on 28th of December, Mina and Jin-young will be getting married.” Mr. Myoui announced during the press con. He gathered the media to spread the news and to let everyone know his plans. He believed this will bring him more investors and many opportunities for expansion. And he also believed that he’s doing this for Mina. For her future.

Momo was inside a diner when the news suddenly broke out on the television inside the cheap bistro. She felt her heart constricts at the press release. She wanted to believe that Mina would object to this but the next thing she heard was Mina’s voice, at the same press con.

“We will send the invitations at once, we hope to see everyone there” Mina said, and she almost falls on her knees when she sees the two at the presscon, like confirming the news.

Why Mina? Why are you okay with this?

++

Mina is doing her usual job of checking important dates of one of their company’s affiliate OKT Entertainment. It’s been a few days since the announcement and she feels that the days are becoming shorter for her. She swallowed hard at the realization that sooner, she’ll be forever a prisoner by her own fate. I need to move on from you, Momo. Her thoughts were cut off when her eyes saw Momo’s name at today’s important event for OKT Entertainment. It said, ‘Momo’s debut at five in the afternoon’. She immediately checked her wrist watch and it was almost time for her live performance. Her hands automatically took her mobile phone to watch the stream.

Just in time, she saw Momo’s first appearance on international television. She looked good with a guitar strapped on her shoulders, sitting on a stool in front of a stage. With a strum of her fingers, the song began.

Be my only one.

The name I want to call you by.

Let's hold hands and walk along.

On rainy nights,

Or on lonely daytimes,

Please color me with your shiny lights

I’ll do better when

You promise me we'll stay together…

She feels her heart skip a beat when Momo sings the words. It’s like she is singing it for her. Like the way she sang it before in the bar the first time she heard this song. Momo’s eyes say it all. Like begging her to notice her. She held her breath, swallowing the inexistent lump on , trying to suppress the tears. But she couldn’t help but tear up. She doesn’t want to assume but it feels like Momo remembers everything about them, like she is no longer lost from the gaps of their memories.

Do you remember me now, Momo?

She wished that the singer could remember her even one bit. But she couldn’t keep her hopes up, she’s not the one to disappoint herself believing that the girl remembers her just to find out that she’s not. It would crash her spirit and she’s been hurt many times. She instantly closed her eyes, reminiscing the moment where the singer sang it to her personally. Her emotions are at peak, triggered by the song she’s been yearning to hear that a tear escaped her eyes.

Looking at the girl in this kind of setting makes her very happy. She’s always rooting for the girl. She’s proud that Momo now had every opportunity to fulfill her dream, but it is all thanks to her when she anonymously sent a copy of her song to random producers and it just happened that the one who Momo came into contact with is Taecyeon, maybe they are really meant to bump into each other and work at the same environment.

I’m happy for you.

She genuinely wished as she again teared up at the thought.

When the song ended, the live audiences applauded. Then the emcee asked her lots of questions about her debut and of course about the song.

“Do you compose the song yourself?”

“Y-yes I did” Momo shyly confirmed.

“Wow, that was really good, I had goosebumps hearing the lyrics. I didn’t know you can also compose your own song, how long did it take you to finish?”

“As far as i remember, it took me a week to finish the song, actually it was a gift, for someone so special to me” she didn’t hesitate to confess which earned everyone’s squeals at the thought that it was a song dedicated for a special someone.

“Really? What a backstory! I bet this girl is really special. Whoever you are, if you’re watching the live stream now, you're one lucky girl!.” The emcee teased. Momo giggled at the remarks. Momo hoped that Mina’s watching her, so she could relay this message to her. That she’s still the one and will always be the one whom she will dedicate her song for.

I’m here Mina. I am still the same Momo you know.

++

Her feet led her again to their favorite spot, at the top of the hill where you can see the perfect and breath-taking city view. It was a very cold afternoon and the sky was painted in a pinkish hue. Mina suddenly feels like going back here. In a few days, she will be marrying Jin-young and she feels this is her last chance to visit this place.

She thought she could get used to it. To be the same old Mina without Momo. But the impact Momo left in her soul is extraordinary. She’s tattooed on her heart and mind and everyday, she feels broken inside. She thought she could also forget, like Momo, how happy they were, how in love she was. Her first love might also be her last. She could no longer see herself to be in love with someone else like she was with Momo. Momo has brought the side of her that is so capable to love deeply and so sacrificial that she could even set Momo free just to make her safe and happy. That’s how much she loves her.

With her thoughts wandering while looking at the sky, a snowflake suddenly fell on her cheeks. The first snow began. She couldn’t help but to be reminded of Momo’s promise that is meant to be broken. I still wish you were here.

“Mina... I am here like I promised.”