27 May

To my dear sweet love

You sent me a text today.

It said you missed me. You wanted to hang out.

I couldn't resist. I went to the coffee shop as you requested. She's not there. I can breathe.

As you push my favourite sweet latté into my hands you smile and I want to tear my heart right out of my chest. That smile. Your smile.

We walk through the park and we talk and you laugh and it's almost like it used to be.

But I'm thinking about how it would feel to lay you down in the grass and wind my fingers through your hair and kiss you until you can't breathe. I can't breathe.

You're probably thinking about her.

I must seem vacant because you smile again and ask me what I'm thinking about. I lie and say something I'm working on for dance class.

It's always lies when we're together.

Always yours

Minghao x

31 May

Dear Jun

Mingyu comes home and I know he has news.

It's a party. Your birthday party. She's planning it.

It's in a bar that's new and cool and probably pretentious. You'll love it. It's just the sort of party you deserve.

He tells me that she's asked him to invite me to the party because I don't like her. She's scared to talk to me. Good. I'm becoming someone I don't like but I don't even care anymore.

I say I'm not going. Mingyu thinks this is smart. He nods and says staying away is a good idea. He knows if I go I'll just get hurt. Or hurt someone else. Or both.

I'm a ticking time bomb and you hold the detonator.

Always yours

Minghao x

10 June

To the birthday boy...

I knew I never should have went. But it's your birthday. I tell myself I'm not a selfish person but that's a lie as well. I couldn't stay away.

I turn up and you're happy to see me. So happy that it tears me apart inside.

She stares at me. She's been told I'm not coming. Well here I am.

I drink too fast too quick. I shouldn't drink. I narrow my eyes at her. . A part of me knows this isn't her fault but I tell that part of me to shut up.

She brings out a cake. I sulk. Everyone sings. I sulk. She kisses you. A part of me dies. Why did I come? I don't eat the cake. I have another drink.

Every time I see her kiss you another part of me dies. I'm running on empty. You confront me. You ask me why I don't like her. I say I do. You know it's a lie.

Liar.

It hurts. It stings. You're mad. I cry. I tell you I hate you. You tell me I'm drunk. I laugh and say I do hate her. You tell me to leave.

Mingyu tries to help me. I yell. I yell at you, my words flying, stinging like barbs. I tell you i want you out of my life. It's such a lie.

The only person I truly hate is myself.

I cry all the way home.

Always yours

Minghao x

11 June

To my precious Jun

I'm too gutless to say goodbye.

I call home. "I want to come home." I sob. The money appears. I buy the plane ticket. I run.

I run home. Home to China. Home to somewhere were I'm not reminded of you everywhere I go. Home where I can't see her and you together. Where I don't have to see her in my place.

Before I run I hug Mingyu and thank him. I take everything but the box.

The box of lies.

I hope this answers your questions.

Always yours

Minghao x