DEPRESSION
UNTOUCHABLE (TIAOM)It was broad daylight.
"Huff... huff... huff..."
Sounds of footsteps on the grass were building -- running footsteps.
"Huff... huff... huff..."
Two pairs of feet were running hastily in a place that seemed like a forest. It was a downhill run and they were sliding down while trying to avoid the trees ahead of them.
A balding man, who's in his late 30's, is running with his daughter. He's holding her hand to make sure she keeps up with his pace.
"Huff... huff... huff..."
The man looked behind to see if their captor is already behind them. There was none. He felt relieved. He then turned to his daughter who looked so exhausted now.
"Daddy..."
"Just keep running, baby..." He took another glance over his shoulders to make sure they are still safe.
They reached a bridge and crossed it quickly. They were already halfway when they felt something caught up with them. They briefly stopped, took a glance from where the movement came from and saw a creature standing at the end of the bridge.
The creature resembles a spider crab that’s about a size of a horse. Its whole body is covered by an orange armored exoskeleton with white spots along the legs. It has 6 walking legs, about 4 feet each, and two 3-feet chelipeds in front. In the center is a small head that looks more like of an ant except for the missing eyes. The third part of this monster is the abdomen that resembles a spider.
"Creeeeeeeeee!!!" the creature let out a high-frequency screeching sound.
In a heartbeat, the father and daughter resumed running. After reaching the other end of the bridge, the father took out a knife and tried cutting the rope that's keeping the bridge still. This action stalled the monster a bit as the bridge is wiggly.
Seeing the opportunity, the father speeds up his efforts in cutting the rope.
1 snapped.
2 snapped.
The bridge finally gave out before the monster could even reach them. The monster fell into the deep water below the bridge.
It took few more seconds before the creature rose up from the water, struggling to swim. It didn’t take long before it stopped moving and floated freely on the water.
The father, amazed at what he witnessed, pulled out the small recording machine from his pocket and turned it on.
"This is Doctor Buranaphan entry number four-five-five. I just witnessed a monster drowning. Although they look like crabs, they can’t swim. These creatures need oxygen too to live. A body can be retrieved in Wushu River. I repeat, a body can be retrieved in Wushu River for study."
"Daddy..."
The father turned to his daughter and noticed her uneasy expression. He trailed her line of sight and saw another monster walking towards them.
"Don't move, Kim," whispered the dad to his daughter. "They can't see nor hear us but they can feel us. And if they felt a hard movement, they'll attack."
The young girl nodded and stayed still.
But the monster continued walking towards them slowly, as if figuring out if they are preys or not.
"Daddy, I think it knows we're here..." whispered the girl, trembling.
The father knew that the kid is right. Their trembling bodies and intense heartbeats from the run revealed them to the predator. He looked around. There's no place to go. At their back is the deep river. He looked back at the monster, then to his daughter.
"Kim..." he whispered. "Remember, daddy loves you so much..."
The girl looked up to her dad with questioning eyes. "I... love you too, daddy..."
The dad knelt in front of his daughter. He wrapped the recorder into the tiny hands of the kid. "Keep this and live a life for me, okay?"
Before the girl could respond, the dad stood up, exhaled, and started running to the other side of the cliff.
"! I'm here!" he shouted, jumping up waving his hands in the air.
The monster's attention was instantly diverted to the movement the father made. It followed his voice, walking faster this time.
The man took it as the perfect opportunity to run towards the cliff. Having studied the monster for years, he knew that it is about to attack now. After he’s sure, he jumped off the cliff.
The monster, whose only focus is to catch its prey, jumped up too and caught the man in the air with its mandibles.
Two bodies fell down the water.
The girl saw lots of bubbles emerging from the water. After about 30 seconds, the monster rose up, struggling to swim. The man’s body is nowhere to be seen.
It took about 5 more minutes before the monster stopped moving and just floated on the water. After that, the father's body floated as well, facing down.
The girl couldn't believe what she's seeing. Tears fell down her cheeks. She's breathing hard, holding tight on the recorder handed to her.
"Daddy... daddy... daddy..."
---
Kim forcibly opened her eyes. She felt relieved when she saw the ceiling above her -- which means that she’s in her room in the headquarters.
She glanced sideways to check the digital clock on the bedside table. It’s showing 03:07 am.
She went back to her previous position, facing the ceiling. She exhaled before closing her eyes, hoping that sleep would come to her again.
---
"How often are you having that dream, Kim?"
"Almost every night."
"Since when?"
"Umm. I believe it started since I came back here, Jane."
"Oh. Since you came back here..."
Kim noticed the sudden rise in the pitch of the person in front of her. Hoping to hear the answer to her question, she stopped playing with the aluminum name plate on the desk that has a "Jane Arisara, MD" label on it.
"Do you know the reason why I keep on having those dreams?"
"Well, I hope I can find out," said Jane, fixing her glasses and quickly running a hand through her long black hair. "But I believe it has something to do with you being an eidetiker."
"An eide what?"
"Eidetiker. You have an eidetic memory, right?"
"Uh... is that the same with the photographic memory that I kept on hearing from others...?"
"Yes. Yes. Although those two are not really the same, yes, I was pertaining to that." Jane nodded. "And this dream that you're having, is it really a dream or is it more of a memory?"
"Uh… it's… it's a memory when my dad died..."
"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that…" Jane's shoulders fell. She gave Kim an apologetic look. "And how old were you when that happened?"
"I was 9, turning 10 in two months."
"And you still remember it vividly even though it was 23 years ago?" asked Jane, getting a nod from Kim. "Must be your worst birthday ever."
"You have no idea."
Jane let out a loud exhale. She turned to her laptop and started reading data, "Couldn't sleep... no desire to be around people... constantly crying... cautious... scared of everything... always feeling exhausted... lost of interest to live...?" She looked up at her patient who is only wearing a white t-shirt and cargo pants. "Kim, this is serious child depression right here."
"I'm surprised you got all my results from before," said Kim, looking cool about it.
"It's centralized information and only us, AEF doctors, have access to it," said Jane, closing her laptop. "My point is, you've got some serious happening within you and you thought of visiting me just now? It's been more than a month now since your troop was assigned here, right?"
"I know. But we're busy with the operations --"
"Busy jumping in, risking your own life, to save people?"
Kim eyed Jane for a moment, trying to sense if the doctor was joking or not. "A-am I not supposed to do that?"
"I'm not saying that you should let people die. But you do have protocols, right? You can't just chase Evens without backup. That's insanely dangerous."
"Jane, you have to understand that the longer I wait for a backup to come, the slimmer the chances of that captured person to make it out alive. They are suffocating inside the web, and every second is important."
"Kim, you have to realize the importance of SAU to the world -- your importance to the people," said Jane, slumping forward onto the table. "It's not just about killing Evens. SAU gives everyone hope, a hope that in few days or months’ time we can finally live in a world that is Even-free. You, jumping in there is truly heroic and admirable. All those people you saved deserved to live. However, you need to know as well that if you die out there because you didn't follow the protocol, it would hurt everyone. And worse, the news of your death will bring back fear to the people."
Kim knew what the doctor is trying to point out. She eyed the name plate instead out of guilt.
"Do you want to take away that comfort from people because of your recklessness?" asked Jane, concerned. "The world has been living in a nightmare for a while now. For the first time in forty years, since those monsters came, we finally found a way to eradicate them from our planet. In case you're unaware, each time you get out alive from an operation, getting interviewed by the media, it raises the hope in the world. And believe me or not, that is something that everyone needs right now, especially the kids. The young ones look up to SAU like superheroes. You guys even have action figures."
That somehow made Kim smile. "Look, Jane, I totally understand your point. Thanks for letting me know about how SAUs affect the people. However, I came here for a consultation, not to get reprimanded again. I've too much of that already."
Jane raised her palms up in surrender. "Okay. I am sorry for reprimanding you, Captain Kim. So, going back to my question, why did you come to me just now, why not sooner?"
"I told you, we were busy."
"Kim, if you're going to keep on making excuses, you better think of a better one than that. We've known each other since college days and we're pretty much close friends. And we haven't seen each other for like... more than five years now..."
"Seven years to be exact."
"See? We haven't seen each other for seven years and you haven't thought of visiting me just to say hi? Not to mention that you know you're experiencing something already in your head for quite a while now. At least Conan has some decency to come here for a quick chat once in a while."
"Jane, if you're trying to make a point, just tell it straight to my face."
The doctor eyed her patient. "Yes, I am making a point. Now, tell me, are you avoiding me, Kim?"
Kim raised an eyebrow. "And why would I avoid you?"
"Because you know that if you come here, we'll definitely talk about her."
There was a split-second shock in Kim's face that she immediately shifted into a hearty chuckle. "Wow. That's..."
"That's something to make Captain Kim speechless, right?"
"Jane, whatever I'm doing now, it has nothing to do with her anymore, okay?"
"Okay. Let's say I believe you," said Jane, reclining back on her chair. "Didn't it occur to you that maybe the reason you're having those dreams is because you came back here? Maybe being in this place again triggered something inside you?"
"I’ve kind of entertained that thought," said Kim, looking up the ceiling. "But I do have lots of memories here. Why am I just dreaming about the death of my dad?"
"Maybe because that's the only thing you're willing to face right now?"
Kim opened and closed several times, trying to take that in. "What exactly are you trying to point out?"
"Oh, Kim. You know exactly what I’m trying to point out."
"Are you implying that everything that’s happening to me now is because of her? Jane, I haven't seen her in seven years."
"I’m not saying that it’s because of her. What I'm trying to point out is the fact that you and my best friend dated for years in this very town. And based on your actions, I think you're trying to escape her memory by avoiding me."
Kim just sat there in silence, unable to respond to the allegations thrown at her.
"I studied your behavior from your records," said Jane, opening her laptop again. "You have no other social activities outside military. You start work really early and leave really late. On your day-offs, you go to training. You don't even take your vacation leaves." She looked at Kim with a displeased expression. "When was the last time you even dated someone?"
"I'm too busy to have flings. But I did take a vacation leave with Conan before."
"That vacation was two years ago, Kim. And based on what I've read, Conan had to force you to come with her."
Kim looked away and sighed. "And your point?"
"Kim, you need to face whatever it is that you're trying to avoid now."
"What do you mean trying to avoid? As I've said, it's been years now since I've last seen her. I took it the hard way, yes. But believe me or not I'm way past over that now."
"If what you're saying is true, then look straight into my eyes and tell me that you don't care about her anymore."
Kim didn’t even bother to look at the doctor. She let out a loud exhale and shook her head. "Let's say you're right, any advice on how I should deal with this?"
"Live a life, Kim. You're too focused on saving other people's lives that you're taking your own for granted. You're a human too. You have needs. Go out, have fun. Flirt. Date. Whatever."
Kim smiled at Jane. "Wow. Some kind of prescription, Doc, huh?"
"I'm asking you this not as a doctor, but as your friend," said Jane, smiling warmly. "I would be happy to see you alive again like how you were before. And the only way you can do that is for you to open yourself to the world. Before you save other people, save yourself first."
"You're talking like I'm the only one who's busy here. I've heard that Doc Jane Arisara is busy as much as I am."
"Like you, being part of AEF, this is my calling, Kim."
"Anyone special?"
"Nah. I'm already married to my work."
"But you do have plans of getting married, right? Having kids and starting a family..."
"Kids?" asked Jane, high-pitched. "I'm not planning to bring a kid into a world like this!"
Kim laughed. "Someone told me before that kids bring hope to the world. Don't you agree?"
"It depends. Also, my situation is totally different from you. I'm not having those dreams as you do so stop comparing."
"Speaking of that, can I ask for some sleeping pills? Those dreams keep me awake."
"I won't prescribe any medicines for now, Kim. I've told you what you need to do. Do it. I'm gonna issue a memo to the top, telling them to force you to take your vacation leave." Jane started typing on her laptop.
"What? I-I've nowhere to go, Jane. You know that," said Kim, panicking a bit.
"Then come with Conan again like last time."
"Ugh. This is torture! And I thought you were my friend?"
"I am. But I'm doing this now as your doctor, not as your friend," said Jane, her eyes focused on the screen while typing.
Kim covered her face with her palms. "Oh, my gosh. I really shouldn't have come here."
Jane chuckled. She stopped typing, giving Kim her full attention. "Trust me, Kim, you need this. And thanks for the visit today. It's been a long time now since we last saw each other. I missed you."
Kim shook her head, smiling at the doctor. "Yeah. I missed you too."
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