D A N C E   ( P R A C T I C E   M A K E S   P E R F E C T )

A five hour dance practice session with only very short breaks was the norm to Starship Entertainment's baby boy group. Anything below three hours felt short, although it tended to happen if schedules were tight. Longer sessions were more common the closer they got to a comeback, especially before filming MVs and right before livestages. But those sessions, usually ending up seven or eight hours long, also meant a lot of waiting around for the members as the training was focused more on the small details in each individual member's dancing instead of group performance. They'd be called up to perform their group choreos alone or in pairs, doing certain sets over and over, drilling certain difficult movements and front position solos until they were absolutely perfect.

Hyungwon usually did pretty good on solo evaluations considering that he wasn't one of the main dancers of the group. The teacher commended his arm control and the power of his body during fast dances, commenting on things like his jumps being a little too high, making syncronisation with the other members difficult, but nothing more. That was usually the case. But today was not Hyungwon's day. Today he was exhausted from several nights of really bad sleep and a hectic schedule with little time for fun or rest. Add to that the past six hours of group choreo training and you had yourself one Chae Hyungwon on the brink of falling asleep where he stood. It showed on his dancing too—he knew that it did. s didn't say anything about it and he was thankful for that, but the teacher had a job to do and he wasn't there to go easy on them.

"Sharper movements, Hyungwon!" he called over the music. "You have eight beats to do four poses, each one must be perfectly still before you move to the next one. And keep your right foot planted! No rocking backwards on the left or you're gonna lose your balance."

Hyungwon tried, he really did, but his body would not cooperate. His arms did not stop where he intended them to and his legs weren't straight enough. The other members looked on with various degrees of worry as Hyungwon was drilled again and again, the same six bars of the chorus, each dance-through ending up worse than the one before it. Hyungwon tried not to look at his friends—their pity would not make him dance any better—but he still found himself glancing at Hoseok from time to time. His Hyung was sitting cross-legged by the wall along with the others, leaned forward and observing Hyungwon's solo practice with unbroken attention. His dark eyes were large with concern, lips straight and pressed together tightly. Although it gave Hoseok an aura of worry, it was also strangely enticing. Hyungwon could almost see the reflection of his own body moving in the older's shining eyes, the twist of his hips and swing of his hair. Whenever his eyes lingered, he could also see that Hoseok was biting lightly on his lower lip.

I wish you'd stop doing that, Hyungwon thought suddenly, missing a step of the dance in the process. You'll get dry lips and they'll crack and hurt you- wait...

He looked away immediately. He couldn't afford to be distracted by anything right now, especially not something like that, but it was already too late. His movements had become sloppier and the teacher had noticed. Without warning, the music stopped mid-beat and Hyungwon froze in place, frightened at the thought of what the teacher would say to him next.

"Sharper movements, not slower! You can't slow down to get it right, you have to add more power. Do you want to be halfway through the twist when the others are done?" He gave Hyungwon a second to reply, but the young vocalist remained silent apart from his heaving breath. "Do you want me to give the front position to someone else?"

"I don't want to be in the back," Hyungwon whispered then, with much less determination than he'd hoped for. His heart was pounding and his head spun viciously. It felt like he was still moving around although he was standing perfectly still. He had to fist his hands to not show that he was trembling as overexcertion got the better of him.

"Then do it again," the teacher said calmly. He wasn't a horrible person, hadn't meant the things he'd said in any other way than to give Hyungwon a push. "I know you can do it, but you have to try harder, okay? Wonho, come up here for a second."

No, not Hoseok... Hyungwon tried not to visibly wince. He knew what was coming next and he did not need this right now.

Hoseok seemed a little surprised at being called over, but he got up and joined Hyungwon on the floor anyway. Hyungwon resisted the urge to sigh—this was not going to be fun. If having Hoseok watching him from the corner was distracting enough to screw up his dancing, then what would it do to him to have Hoseok dance right next to him? It was one thing when it was the entire group or when Hyungwon was in peak-performing shape, but right now he could barely see straight, no less actually be straight. The last thing he wanted was for someone, namely the teacher, to notice that something was up.

Nothing’s up, Hyungwon told himself sternly. You’re going to dance with Hoseok and you’re going to do it good. There’s nothing going on here that needs to mess up this practice.

The teacher positioned Hoseok in front and a little to the left of Hyungwon and instructed the younger to watch Hoseok’s moves carefully. When the music began and the two of them started moving, that’s exactly what Hyungwon attempted to do. Arms up, then in, one step backwards, then roll on the heels 45 degrees right, semi-circle twirl, arms wrap around, then stop and gentle hip . Hoseok completed each stance in perfect rhythm and with just the kind of sharp movements that the teacher had asked for. His muscles played across his back and shoulders, powerful arms swinging gracefully even though they looked like they shouldn’t. Hyungwon realized that he couldn’t look at them because they made him think of other things that had nothing to do with dancing, so he focused on Hoseok’s legs and footwork. His legs were strong too, but the movements were still skillfully elegant. Even as Hyungwon was busy trying to get through the set at least once at a good enough level—his shaking limbs and spinning head making that all but impossible—his eyes were drawing outlines of Hoseok's body in front of him. He wasn't paying attention to how the older was dancing as much as he was to how Hoseok moved. In fact he wasn't paying attention at all. Everything he could think about was how hypnotizingly perfect Hoseok was.

No! Hyungwon refused to bested by his own emotions. He would let lack of sleep or anything else jeopardize his position in the group. I'm not feeling anything. Not for him, not for any man. Arms up, then in, one step backwards, then roll on the heels. I'm not gay. Semi-circle twirl... wrap around... around... round...

"Hyungwon?"

As if he had suddenly gotten on a really violent rollercoaster, the world around him spun out of focus.

"Hyungwonie!"

Darkness.

"...ook at me, Won. You okay?"

"Did he hit his head?"

"Should I call for an ambulance? He looks very pale."

Lights. Dancing. The lights were dancing in Hyungwon's field of vision as sight, sound and sense of touch all slowly returned to him.

"No, just give him some space." The dance teacher's voice stuck out from the rest because it was a lot rougher than any of 's voices were. "Can you hear me, Hyungwon? Tell me if you're okay."

"I'm..." Hyungwon tried to sit up—Am I on the floor?— but his arms and legs felt too heavy to move. Something else was keeping him from getting up as well, as if a hand was pressed to the center of his chest holding him down. His head was leaning against something as well, something round and soft.

"Don't try to get up just yet, okay, Hyungwonie?" This voice was Hoseok's and it was coming from right above his head. "Take it easy. You fainted."

The hand on his chest was Hoseok's. The warm softness that was pillowing his head was Hoseok's thigh. Hyungwon realised with confusion and surprise that he was in fact not lying entirely on the floor but rather with his head in Hoseok's lap. I... fainted? His head was still spinning and the room along with it, but Hoseok's face above his own became a touchstone of stability for his eyes to hold. The other members were around them as well, hovering over their ill friend with varying degrees of worry and panic on their faces.

"Are you feeling okay?" Minhyuk asked. He was the one who'd wanted to call an ambulance, Hyungwon realised, and his hand was still clutching his phone.

"He's not been getting much sleep," Hyunwoo explained to the teacher. "He came home at three last night and we got up at six."

"Damn it, Won, you should have said that you were not feeling well," Jooheon, who was crouching by Hyungwon's side, said regretfully.

Hyungwon wasn't really listening to the things his friends were saying. The only thought his sleep-deprived brain was able to form at the moment was about Hoseok, whose face was still hovering not too far above his own. Half-long, white-blond hair hung down and framed the older, catching the light from the lamps in the ceiling like a glowing, pale gloria around his head. His mouth were partially open and Hyungwon noted that Hoseok's lips were indeed looking a little dry. Hoseok's eyes were locked with his own under dark brows that were furrowed in concern. The deep blackness of his eyes was strangely reflective and Hyungwon imagined seeing his own face mirrored on Hoseok's retinas. They were beautiful.

Hyungwon hadn't noticed that he was smiling a little until Hoseok began to smile as well. "Hey," he said simply and clapped Hyungwon's chest once.

"Hey," Hyungwon replied, the first coherent thing he'd said since he fell down. "What happened?"

"You tell us," Hoseok chuckled, throwing their friends a glance. "One second we were dancing, the next you're on the floor staring at nothing. I think you out for a second. You really scared us."

"I'm sorry." Hyungwon closed his eyes for a bit—the spinning was starting to ease up, but he was beginning to feel nauseous instead. "I'm just... really tired."

"We figured," Kihyun commented. There was no smile on the self-declared mother-of-Monsta-X's face, just worry. "You should go back to the dorm, get some rest and see a doctor."

"Shouldn't we call the company, tell them what happened?" Changkyun offered carefully. He was sitting on his knees beside Hoseok, with his hand on Hyungwon's arm. "Maybe they can send a car to pick Hyung up."

Hyungwon wanted to shake his head, but even the tiniest movement turned the room into a rollersoaster. "No... don't call manager-nim."

"Of course we're calling the company, " Hyunwoo said. "Teacher-nim's already doing it anyway."

"I don't want them to think that I can't work," Hyungwon whined quietly, barely audible to his friends.

Hoseok heard him, though, and his warm expression became more dissaproving. "You shouldn't think like that, Hyungwonie. You should take better care of yourself and don't push yourself too hard. You don't have to be perfect all the time, you know."

"Okay..." was all Hyungwon could manage to say. He was feeling suddenly very sleepy, as if closing his eyes would allow him to slip into pleasant unconsciousness in seconds. "Tired..."

Their dance teacher came back and announced that he'd talked to Monsta X's managers and the company heads. A car was on the way to pick Hyungwon up and the entire group's schedules had been halted for the next few hours until the company could have a meeting to discuss what had happened. The members agreed that they would all go back to the dorm with Hyungwon and help take care of him if he needed it. All Hyungwon wanted was to sleep—right there on the floor with his head against Hoseok's lap and Hoseok's hand gently clapping against his chest. The simple gesture was extremely soothing, sending shivers of relaxation through Hyungwon.

The exhaustion had torn down every wall that Hyungwon had built up against his emotions during the practice. For the moment, at least, he allowed himself to think and feel exactly what his heart desired, unbound by the regulations of his idol lifestyle or the fear of being rejected and judged. He loved lying in Hoseok's lap. He loved the idea of a man willingly wrapping his strong arms around him to protect him from the world and care for him. He loved the weight of Hoseok's large hand over his heart, the knowledge that Hoseok could probably feel Hyungwon's heartbeat on his fingertips. If it wasn't for the fact that he was only lying there in his friend's embrace because he'd fainted, then Hyungwon would've wished that he could do this every day.

I wish I could be myself, he thought mindlessly, drifting further and further into sleep. I wish that I didn't have to hide myself.

Someplace above him, Hoseok's voice came in a soothing half-whisper. Hyungwon wasn't sure exactly what his Hyung had said, but whatever it was sent him over the edge and he fell asleep, right then and there in Hoseok's arms. The last thing that his mind registered before shutting off was the feel of fingers running through his hair and the sensation of being pressed a little closer to Hoseok's chest.

He loved it.