I posted a MyDaySelcaDay for Sungjin and -girl- on twitter! ♡(∩o∩)♡

That motivated me to finish this chapter even if it's not evening. My brain don't usually work on mornings. Lol.

ANYWAY!!! I LOVE THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH. I HOPE YOU'D LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO. aaaand, I think it's official? Im now attached to this story more than Once/Twice Series??

Sungbear 6:24pm
Please see me.

Sungbear 6:24pm
Im sorry.

Sungbear 7:12pm
Im going back to Seoul tomorrow.

Sungbear 7:15pm
I'll wait for you outside

Sungbear 7:39pm
I won't leave unless you come see me.

Reading his last text, you heave a surrendering sigh and get up from your bed. You lazily drag your feet to take a peek from your window. You see Sungjin outside, rubbing his palms against each other, blowing on them before sliding them in his jacket. He's obviously freezing.

You shake your head. He should've just came inside the house.

You grab your jacket and wear it. Before you take another step, you see his cap--the one he gave you this morning--lying on your table. You glance at your beanie and back at the cap. You fold your lips together before putting it on and walk out of your room.

His eyes are hopeful when they meet yours.

“Speak,” you utter firmly as you put your hands in the pocket of your jacket, too.

He tilts his head for a moment. “Shall we go to our place?”

Your countenance softens subtly when he called it ‘our place'. You never considered it as your own. Although it has been your safe and healing place, you always think of it as Sungjin's secret place.

There is a few moment of silence when you arrive there. The breeze and the familiar sound of the sea fill the quietness between the two of you.

He is crouching on the ground and you are standing behind him, both facing at the sea.

“I'm sorry,” he finally utters but silence follows afterwards.

He stands up and speaks again.

“There used to be a girl who'd always protect me,” you glance at him with a frown. “She was really bright and strong. Then one day, she made me want to be a man, to stand tall and be the one to protect her. We were very young then, but I knew at the very young age, that what I felt for her was special.”

You huff and roll your eyes. You bite your lower lip as you try to ease the pricking on your chest. Did he want to see you to talk about some other girl? Did he apologize because he's going to hurt you--tell you there's someone else?

“Then one day, I was so surprised. She yelled out that she likes me,” he glances at you and your mouth fall agape.

You blink twice to process what he's saying and your heartbeat doubles when you remember shouting your feelings for him at the top of your lungs. It was the time when he took his blue flannel shirt off while playing basketball.

“It was so overwhelming,” his lips stretch into a grin. “No, that's an understatement. But you know, my heart felt like it was going to burst because I couldn't handle the emotion. It feels surreal. I never expected she would like me back.”

“You never showed your affection to her.” You clench your jaw.

He looks down and exhale a sharp breath. His eyes show a hint of sadness. “It was scary,” his voice shakes and you furrow your forehead. “How vocal you were of what you feel towards me scared the hell out of me,” you feel a thump when he changes the pronoun to ‘you'. “Hear me out first, okay?” He takes a look at you and you nod him to continue.

He moistens his lips for a second before looking straight at the dark sea.

“We were so young then; and you were a bit aggressive,” he chuckles. “Remember what I said before moving to Seoul three years ago? That you might meet other guys, realize you didn't really like me that way; that you might just be confused because I've always been beside you. I wasn't underestimating your feelings. Like I said, it was overwhelming. Maybe, I just didn't have confidence in myself?”

“Isn't it just the same? You're underestimating my ability to like you despite your flaws and whatever insecurity you have--” he shots you a warning glance, reminding you to hear him out first. So you shrug and nudge him to continue.

“I was afraid. Afraid that what you feel towards me would fade as time passes. Especially that I'd be away. I needed to be sure,” you want to huff but you bite your inside cheeks instead. “How much you liked me, and how much you showed it, it's really scary,” his voice becomes unsteady again. You can feel his uneasiness. “You know, when you get things fast and easily, it's also easy to lose them? I was terrified that if I were to take ahold of what you feel, I'd lose you; that if I were to show you I liked you… a lot… you'd grow out of affection towards me.”

Silence visits once again. You don't know if it's okay to speak now or he still has some things to tell you. You can only hear his deep breathing. You don't utter a word, too. You remember your parents. They were so in love. They were head over heels for each other. They married at an early age... but it didn't last long.

“Most people say to the person they like that they complete them,” he pauses. “But that's not the case for me. I believe that it takes two complete people to love each other fully. Well, I acknowledge those people who help build each other, okay? But what if that person leaves? You were broken, the person made you feel complete and stand on your feet, if the person leaves, you'd be broken again--more broken because he'd be taking a big part of your heart. And your world would crumble once again. We have our separate battles, the ones that only ourselves could fight against. We need to build our individual selves first. If we can't fix one's self, how can we take care of others? If we can't handle one, how can we carry two? The thing about completing each other is that, most of the time, instead of being a help, they destroy each other instead. Two incomplete persons: one may start to heal, one may self-destruct--destroying both of them. It's gonna be toxic.”

You bite your lip. Your chest feels tight. You don't realize you are already shedding tears. Your lips are trembling despite how you try to curb it from doing so. The feeling is irrepressible. You never knew he was thinking of all these things. You never knew what was going on in his head. He seemed cold but he's actually overflowing with love.

“I don't want us to end up like other people. Yeah, we're not them. But I needed to be careful--still need to. I've always wanted to hold you, too. But I was afraid that if I let myself, even once, I may not be able to let you go; that I may break my principles and we'd end up destroying each other in the long run,” he breathes out sharply. “Short-lived happiness, long-lasting distress. Short-lived distress, long-lasting happiness. When people make decisions to attain that temporary satisfaction, the consequence is usually long-lasting. But if people endure for something, the sacrifices, pain or suffering are just temporary. And when they finally reach their goal, they can say it's worth the patience.”

You wipe the wet trails on your face before he turns to look at you. He looks at the cap you're wearing before tapping the brim softly twice. You feel your cheeks heat up as you remember what's on it again: THAT ‘GROW TOGETHER' TYPE LOVE.

His gaze shift to your eyes before his hand reaches for yours. He takes out his other hand from his jacket, too, and slides a yarn made to form a circle on your wrist. Your eyes widen up a bit. You raise your hand to take a better look at it. It's the same bracelet with the one that you gave him.

“It's not as tidy as the one you did, but I tried making it as tidy as possible,” he scratches his head. He folds his sleeves, revealing his bracelet. “My wish,” he looks straight to your eyes, “It's to be with the one I love until my last breath. So I guess I'm wearing this ‘till my very last moment here on earth. Or I won't be able to take this off at all.”

Your heartbeat seems to get louder. He used the word love. What a big word. You're hearing all of these things he's been thinking now, and he even said ‘love’ .

“Grow together type of love,” he nods at the cap. “Do you know why I gave that to you?” You're having a hunch about what he's gonna say but you shake your head still. “That's the kind of love that I want. Feelings are not enough. If I just went with my feelings, I might have lost you already. That's why I endured it. I endured every urge to hold you close, wrap you in my arms, because I need to be patient. I need to if I want to be with you until the end.”

“You--”

“I love you.”

Your breathing hitches. Your mouth falls agape. Your eyes widen. Your throat goes dry.

“You,” you finally breathe out, “you love me that much? I've always thought of being with you ‘till we grow old but I never thought you were thinking all about these. Knowing all of these, it's too much for me to take.”

“I haven't even started yet.”

“I--”

“Say it to me when we're both ready,” you raise an eyebrow, not sure of what he means. “Say it to me when we've already built ourselves; when the day comes that we can really say ‘ It's time.’ ”

“But I--” you really want to say it. You really want to tell him you love him. You feel like your chest is about to burst.

He takes your hand and intertwines your fingers. He looks at you fondly and beams softly. “Let's take this slow, okay? It's just few years compare to all of the years we're gonna spend together after this little endurance.”

You smile in defeat and nod. “I'm gonna fix myself first, Mr. Engineer.” His eyebrow arches and you chuckle. “It's no doubt you'd be a great engineer. I'm pretty sure you're gonna build strong structures because you make strong relationships, too.” 

 

You wake up late the next morning. You couldn't sleep trying to process everything. You get up instantly the moment you realize that Sungjin is going back to Seoul. You dash outside, not even bothering to look yourself at the mirror nor grabbing your jacket.

“Sungjin!” You call out, panting.

His friends are putting their bags at the back of his father's car. Dowoon is also there.

His eyes light up as he turns to look at you. “I thought you're not going to see me.” He shots a glare. “Why are you only wearing one layer?”

You frown. “When will I see you again?”

He shrugs. “It's gonna be hectic for us when we come back. We're graduating soon. Then there are also field works.”

“I'm gonna be patient.”

“I know,” he nods.

“Can I finally get a hug?” You stare at him wiith hopeful eyes.

He arches a brow. “No.”

You fold your lips to form a line and nod. “I under--” the next syllable is trapped between your lips and his.

You hear gasps at the side. Your brother's jaw drop and he instantly go red. Wonpil covers his eyes but so does Younghyun to Wonpil. Only Jae and Younghyun are the ones looking at you and Sungjin now. Their lips are stretched into a sweet grin and their eyes are filled with fondness.

Your eyes are wide and your heart seems to stop beating. You never thought of him doing it. So much for taking it slow, you want to chortle.

You are frozen to your feet but you want to hide right after he pulls away. Thankfully, he pulls you into a hug. You burry your face deeper as you drape your arms around him to reciprocate his embrace.

Jae clears his throat loudly and Younghyun whistles but neither of you pays attention to them.

“Let's ready ourselves for our future,” he whispers and you feel your heart swell, in a positive note. “No Jaebeom.”

You suddenly chuckle and hit his back playfully. The two young men starts intoning the wedding march song.

“Let's meet in the middle,” his last words before he plants a kiss on your head and leave for Seoul.

One chaptet left!!! Idk when I'd post it but I have a jaehyungparkian one-shot that I only posted on twitter

AAAAND PLEASE LEAVE SOME THOUGHTS? THANKS LOVEYOU!!!